There was something wrong with Penny.
I mean, she was overworked, exhausted, and addicted to both caffeine and cigarettes. But besides those things, there was something even more wrong with her, since she’d agreed to this little idea of mine with hardly any pushback.
I personally found my plan to be sound, but from anyone else’s perspective, I knew it was sort of a lot to ask. I don’t think many people would’ve agreed to make me a new boyfriend out of an ex-boyfriend. But if I didn’t use Clyde, someone else at the Institute would, and likely for something worse than what I wanted: to be partners and care for one another.
“I did promise, huh,” was Penny’s reply. She snapped her lime green bubblegum, shrugged her skinny shoulders. She surveyed me, almost pityingly. “Okay. I’ll help, Helga.”
I found her readiness more than a little suspect.
There was a whole list of things I didn’t even get a chance to go off about. I didn’t get to reiterate how unfair my life was, how it would’ve been hypocritical of her not to help, since she’d helped Father make me. I didn’t get to tell her that I’d take care of her rent to make things even. She’d agreed all too quickly for that.
I was in the Cog Lab, wearing Marietta’s clothes. Crisp button-down, plain slacks. Shiny, shiny shoes. I even wore a white lab coat. Stiff and starched. I was almost living out the exact future that Father had planned for me. Here I was at the lab. Working on something new, something that had never been done before.
First, Penny wheeled in a mini freezer full of plasma. She did another round for equipment—long silver instruments with sharp ends. Sutures, scissors, a gnarly-looking saw. Then another round for herself—dried fish snacks, congee from the canteen, a handful of energy drinks. She’d already chugged one of them in about five seconds flat.
“It would be bad form to fall asleep,” she said with a wry smile. “Especially during such an important procedure.”
All the time she was gone, running rounds through the Institute, I’d stayed put in the lab. I looked at preserved organs and skimmed through anatomy textbooks.
When she’d been gone for a while, I opened the steel lockers, one by one. I braced for black flies and decomposing flesh—that unforgettable smell of decay. For a pile of dead, rotten girls to fall on top of me. I thought that if I saw the bodies, it’d give me fuel for what we were going to do.
I thought that the decay might bolster my nerve. Help me see this little project of mine in a more positive light. But no one was inside any of the lockers—all of the former Mariettas had disappeared except me. I was the last trace of her.
“Cleaning staff comes here on a regular basis,” Penny said, making me jump. I was so distracted that I hadn’t even heard her coming back.
I stared into the empty lockers. They’d been cleaned down thoroughly. No blood, no weird marks, no black flies. There was nothing left except the slight citrusy scent of disinfectant.
“Should we get started?” Penny asked.
“Why did you agree to do this?” I asked her. My voice came out shriller than I intended. “What do you have to gain from helping me?”
When I whirled around, I saw her at one of the steel tables. There was a large object on top of it, covered by a white sheet.
Clyde.
Stars crinkled behind my eyes. I caught myself on the edge of the coat rack. The Marietta uniforms shifted. Cotton rustled. A metal wheel squeaked. I wanted to sit down, but Penny was watching me.
“Do you still want to go ahead with it?” she asked, arching an eyebrow. “We don’t have to, you know.”
“Yes.” Heat flushed my cheeks. “Of course I do!”
Penny seemed a bit taken aback by my quick response. “Okay, okay.”
Between us was the unmoving subject, wrapped in a white sheet.
I couldn’t articulate my buzzing thoughts. I had too many questions for Penny. I didn’t understand her motivation for wanting to help. Did she think that somehow I’d put in a good word with Father? Help her keep her job? If so, she needed a new plan. I had even less leverage than she did with him.
“Tell me why you’d even agree to this. I know … I know it’s kind of a lot to ask,” I mumbled.
Penny looked me square in the eye. “Because I don’t know if I’ll always be around, Helga. And I want someone to be there for you.”
The implication was clear, even when she didn’t say it: that someone wasn’t Father. Penny wasn’t sure if she would always be there for me. I looked down, suddenly fighting back tears.
“It was easy getting the body,” Penny went on, in an uncharacteristically soft voice. “The lab gets first pick of anything at the Institute. But it’s going to start to go soon unless we make a decision. Decomposition starts mere minutes after death, and Clyde’s been dead for two days.”
In response, I walked over to a cabinet and grabbed a pair of lab goggles.
I wondered if Penny could hear my furiously thumping heart. The back of my lab coat was already damp with sweat. I fumbled to adjust the goggle’s rubber straps against the back of my head. When I smoothed my hair down, my fingers grazed against the bump at the base of my neck.
My Cog whispered a warning. Don’t.
Whatever.
“Shouldn’t you put your goggles on too?” I asked Penny in an even voice, a calm voice.
“We should talk about how this will work, and if you really want to proceed. It’s okay not to, Helga. There’s no turning back once we get started.”
Rain pattered down against the side of the building. Computers hummed at their stations, and Cogs gurgled. Penny and I continued our stare-off.
“Take the sheet off,” I countered after a long beat of silence.
She did, in a sweeping, practiced motion, and there he was. Clyde.
The ends of his hair were frosted from cold. His whole body was slightly blue. Most unnervingly, his eyes were wide open. They stared up at me, unseeing.
Even though he was dead, I thought he might want a few words with me. I half expected his mouth to unstiffen, to curl up into a familiar smirk. I expected him to speak. To accuse me. To flatter me. I’ve never met anyone like you.
But Clyde remained silent.
Penny explained how things would work. We’d keep his body in a freezer to make sure the organic parts stayed viable. We would need organ transplants, though, along with new bones to replace the broken ones. Then there was the whole Cog situation to consider.
“Really think about this, Helga,” Penny said.
“Aren’t you scared of Father—I mean, the doctor? Wouldn’t he be furious about this?”
“Here’s what I’d tell your father: His daughter is doing amazing. She’s even interested in lab work. We worked together on a science project. It’s the truth—and in some ways—this is what he’s always wanted, you know?”
“What he’s always wanted,” I echoed. If he didn’t know the specifics of this project, he might even be approving of it. “Amazing.”
Father could be proud of me. Only this project wouldn’t have been an accolade for him; it was something for me.
“Well?” Penny asked. “What now?”
She was asking me to decide. Clyde lay there, cold and stiff on the long table, waiting for my answer. What would become of him? What was the best thing to do?
Return his body, my Cog was screaming. I swear I could feel it pulsing fervently against the back of my head. It’s not too late!
But then what would become of my future if I let him go?
I’d have to rove Amaris City, searching for love for who knows how long. Didn’t I deserve a companion too? What if I never found him on my own?
Another part of me wondered if maybe this might actually be a good thing. The Institute’s plans for him were probably worse.
I took a deep breath, and then I told Penny, “Let’s get started.”