I was starting to see why Father had been so stressed when I first woke up. The further along Hugo came, the more worried I got about what I’d done.
There were only a couple of days left before Father came home from his trip. Hugo was nearly finished. Even his Mandarin module was nearing completion. Now I just had to wait for his body to catch up.
All morning, Penny had been making trips back and forth in the Institute—from transplant room to the lab—gathering the organ donations we needed.
She was wearing her fuzzy slippers in public again. Beneath her white lab coat, Penny was wearing a strappy black tank top and low-slung pants, Uphill uniform be damned.
Encouraged by this, I’d also forgone the Uphill uniform for something a little more Helga. I paired some men’s overalls I’d rescued from the trash with a crop top and oversized sunglasses I’d thrifted in the Night Market.
We walked to the Institute quickly. No one stopped us or questioned us. No one demanded to know what we were up to. Everyone was engrossed by their phones, their long coffee lines, their ritual small talk.
There had been a lot of chatter about the weather. It was an unusually nice day for Amaris. There was no rain, no clouds in sight. Nothing but orange sky. No hint of ground tremors, save for a few remaining cracks in the pavement from the last scare.
Everything was going well, but anxiety still squirmed in my stomach. Hugo was becoming so real so fast.
“This was what I wanted,” I mumbled to myself. I watched the progress on the computer screen. By the rate things were going, his Cog would be ready for insertion in less than a day.
At least the Cog was less active today. The speakers were quiet, which was a huge relief to me. When I’d woken up screaming this morning, Penny had rushed over to see if there was something wrong. She checked the flap of my neck and my tattoo for issues both aesthetic and deeper than surface level. But there was no issue to be found. No blisters, no bruises.
“Just a weird dream,” I said to her.
The dread would simply not go away, no matter what I told myself. I was always bracing for something to go wrong. My stomach still squirmed on a regular basis; I could never tell if the problem was actually in my body or just in my head.
In the lab, wet wire hummed as more information transmitted from computer to Cog. The Cog gurgled but at least it did not recite poetry. It did not rasp that I was going to pay for what I’d done. Everything was going well until we heard the steps coming down the hall.
“Fuck,” Penny said. “No one should be here. It’s probably Boss Lady.”
I swore under my breath. Boss Lady promised to visit when Father was back on the island. She was too early, and all these surprise visits were doing a number on my heart rate. My palms were already sweaty just thinking about her on the other side of the door.
We scrambled to get the body back into the freezer. There wasn’t a lot of time for this project overall, never mind the time we’d lose bracing for interruptions. I couldn’t turn off the computer either—the downloading was still in progress. We would have to ad-lib.
I had to get back in the freezer with Hugo. But what were we going to do about the organs?
“Hello?” came the muffled voice outside the door. “Is this a bad time to check in?”
“You’re my lab assistant,” Penny said, her voice cresting a bit hysterically. “Keep the organs in the coolers—they have to stay at the right temp.”
I placed the organs on the table back in their coolers. I hoisted Hugo vertically and dragged him into the freezer. My heart was going to pop out of my chest. I wanted to throw up my intestines.
I just had to look away. Make myself busy with menial tasks while Penny kept Boss Lady occupied. But when Penny opened the door, it wasn’t the Boss Lady who stepped through.
It was Anna.
I wanted to dematerialize right there on the floor.
“I think I left my notebook here—” Anna let out an audible gasp. “Helga, is that you?”
The tension in the air was palpable. Penny sputtered wordlessly. Anna’s eyes went from the actively buzzing computer station back to me. She clutched her bag to her chest, surprise etched in her face.
“Why are you here?” she asked me.
It was a fair question. The lab required security clearance, and to Anna, I was just some random menace. I had no idea how to respond. Anna was an intern, so she probably knew all the other Institute interns. If I lied about it, my appearance in the lab would seem even more suspicious.
Hugo’s Cog started churning again. It was straining against the glass as if trying to escape from its container.
“That’s Marietta, huh?” Anna asked. A crease formed between her eyebrows. “Should she be that volatile?”
“It’s normal,” Penny babbled. “He’s—I mean she’s almost done downloading.”
“I guess you haven’t seen my notebook lying around, then.” Anna said. She was not moving. She did not look like she was in a hurry to leave whatsoever. She kept staring at Hugo’s Cog, which had picked the worst time to start thrashing around.
Thank god Anna had not seen Hugo’s body. If she had, she would have either fainted or called the authorities immediately. Penny and I would’ve been in deep, deep trouble. Even still, we had to play things carefully.
Anna’s eyes were glued to the computer screen. There was no hiding the Mandarin module now. But there was nothing overtly suspicious about that, at least.
Not until the speakers crackled into life.
Jǔtóu wàng míngyuè dītóu sī gùxiāng, it rasped and then fell silent.
“Shit,” Penny said.
Anna’s confusion was only growing. She cast a suspicious look at Penny, then me. “Why is Marietta reciting Li Bai poetry if she’s just going to be an automated service worker? And why is her voice so freaking low?” she asked.
“It’s a prototype,” I said, finding my voice. “It’s just … an extra feature. Things can always change.”
“How do you know? You don’t work here, do you?”
Penny looked like she needed another one of her quick breaks outside. Her jaw was clenched. I knew I couldn’t lie to Anna about being an intern.
I said the only thing I could think of, which was, unfortunately, the truth. “My father’s the doctor,” I told her. “So I hang out here sometimes. I help Penny and learn more about the Cog Lab.”
Anna’s eyes widened. “I knew you looked familiar.”
She was still not leaving. I could see questions turning over in her face. She wasn’t fully satisfied with my answer.
“There’s a lot of work left, as you can see,” Penny said hurriedly. “I should probably get back to doing it.”
Anna hesitated. “It’s just that Marietta’s voice doesn’t sound the same at all from before. I’ve heard it during the doctor’s presentations. Did something go wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Penny and I said at the same exact moment.
“Huh” was all Anna said in response.
I had to give her some credit. Anna was sharp. Maybe too sharp. I could see her filing everything away. And if something seemed amiss, she would definitely report back to Boss Lady about it.
“Just wait,” Penny said, forcing cheer into her voice. “Once the doctor gets back, everything about the Marietta Project is going to make sense. She’s going to blow everyone away.”
“Yeah, I hope so. The Institute has spent so much money on the lab. I really hope she comes together in time.” Anna’s voice was decidedly doubtful.
I found myself bristling. “She’s pretty amazing, if I do say so myself.”
“Helga,” Penny hissed.
“What?” I hissed back.
Anna toyed with the end of her neatly plaited braid. Everything about her was organized and methodical. She was probably wondering how the two of us managed in the lab with the doctor gone. Her eyes lingered on our secondhand outfits, and I wished for the first time ever that I was actually wearing an Uphill uniform.
“I’m glad I got a chance to talk to you both. I’ve learned a lot,” she said slowly. “And I get why you lied to me, Helga.”
“Lied?” I squeaked.
“When we met at Sunset Diner, you were super evasive about your parents. But obviously I know your father—I literally work with him. He’s like, one of the most important people at the Institute. That’s probably hard for you.”
“Hard for me?” I couldn’t stop parroting her. Sweat pooled under the neckline of my shirt.
“It’s a lot to live up to. He probably has super high expectations for you. And it explains why you were so weird the first time we met. I bet he makes you study for hours.” Anna sighed. “Sorry I’ve given you such a rough time. I was probably a little jealous, honestly. I’ve never met a girl like you before …” Her cheeks flushed pink.
Relief flooded my system. Anna was actually apologizing to me. I would’ve never seen that one coming, not even with my complex Cog.
“Here’s the thing, though. The doctor has never mentioned having a daughter. Not once,” Anna said.
She stared at me. Hard. Looked me up and down. Head to toe.
Shit.
“I’ve worked on a lot of PR presentations for the Marietta Project. I know what her build is. What characteristics she has,” Anna continued. “I think anyone involved with the project would recognize those things, despite the updates you’ve made. Nice overalls, by the way.”
My throat went dry. “What are you saying?”
Penny stood wide-eyed and palpably afraid. Her hand was clapped over her mouth, probably suppressing a scream similar to the one I was holding back.
“I think you know,” Anna said quietly.
My world was imploding. Anna was just looking at me with this mix of pity and resolution. She knew. Oh, she knew.
“Are you Marietta?” she asked.
“I’m Helga,” I stammered.
“Sorry, Helga. But were you Marietta?”
I wanted to scream, to hide, to throw up, to run away.
“No system intent,” Anna muttered. “Of course—that’s why you’re different each time I see you. The prototype hadn’t been programmed for commands yet. Which means you change on your own. You take your own initiative.”
“What are you going to do?” Penny asked. Her voice was shaky.
Anna hesitated. She seemed conflicted.
A sneaky thought entered my Cog. I could kill Anna and make it look like an accident. I could even pin it on someone else. Set up the scene just right and have Boss Lady herself take the blame. Remove my problems and all obstacles from my happily ever after.
I certainly had the skill to do it. I had the built-in determination, intellect, and strength necessary.
But I didn’t have it in my heart to hurt anyone. And I certainly wouldn’t hurt Anna—she had good taste in clothes and makeup and was probably fun to hang out with if she wasn’t ruining your life.
“This is so messed up,” Anna said, staring at me, mouth agape. Like I was a miracle. Or maybe a disaster. “You’re a person. I can’t believe it.”
“Tell me about it,” Penny said, with a feeble laugh. “Screw the whole damn Institute.”
“It would be beyond wrong to make you an automated service worker,” Anna mumbled. “But … I can’t just like, walk away from this. Can I?”
She looked torn. I knew Anna was invested in the Institute and its rules, but my very existence challenged those things.
“You could,” I told her. “Please.”
Anna shook her head. An anguished look crossed her face. “I have to go; I’m sorry.”
She rushed out of the room before we could stop her.
I mean, I technically could have stopped her. I could have physically restrained her, locked her up forever, or dumped her body in the Pacific Ocean for the shoals of red fish to feast on. I could’ve threatened or blackmailed her into swearing an oath to never reveal my secret.
But then I would’ve had to live like that. Under the stress and guilt of hurting someone else. Someone who didn’t deserve that kind of suffering.
Following through on that impulse would’ve hurt both of us. Perhaps someone like me should’ve never been born at all. There wasn’t a place for me in this world. Especially not the way it worked now.
But I was here, and I had to figure out what the hell I was going to do next. Regardless of whether there was a place for me or not.
I couldn’t be roommates with Penny. That already seemed like a quickly fading dream. My best-case scenario for survival was to see Hugo to the end. We could run away together. Otherwise, I would have to go forward alone.
“I’m so sorry, Helga,” Penny said, trembling. “I really don’t know what to do.”
I didn’t want her apology. I was sick of everyone’s apologies. I wanted her to come with me. God, it was all so much and so hard.
I rocked back and forth on my heels, repressing the scream that had been threatening to erupt ever since the cursed day I was born. I sobbed for what felt like forever. Snot ran down my face. It was not a cute time at all.
Penny held me. Her arms were wrapped around my waist. She was so short and fragile. I couldn’t rely on her. I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself to get through this.
“It’ll be okay,” Penny said, which was honestly such a lie.
And now Hugo’s Cog was quiet. It gurgled contently in its vat. Everything always went to crap at the worst possible moment for me. So of course now that Anna was gone, things were fine with his Cog.
“You know, there is something we can do about her,” Penny said.
“We can’t murder Anna,” I cried.
“Helga, what? I wasn’t thinking anything like that.”
“Oh,” I said, wiping away my tears. “I knew that.”
Penny handed me a tissue. I rubbed it all over my face and it came away full of weird purple streaks which were alarming until I remembered that I had been wearing makeup. I squared my shoulders and stood up straight. I really had to pull it together.
“What should we do?” I asked her.
Penny grimaced. “I think it’s the only thing we can do. We have to tell the doctor that Anna knows the truth about you.”
“No,” I said. I would’ve almost rather died.
“It’s the only way,” Penny sighed. “He’ll know how to get out of this situation.”
Why was I always going from one horrible scenario to another? Father would be furious. His career would suffer because of me. I couldn’t seem to ever get anything right. What kinds of repercussions would I face because of this?
“I don’t want to,” I said stubbornly.
“I’m going to call him. There’s not much time. When he gets back, he’ll need to have already made a plan. He’ll need to talk to the Institute and explain everything.”
I took a deep breath. Counted to three. Exhaled.
“Put me on the screen,” I said. “I’ll tell him myself.”