What Is Emotional Health and How Do You Preserve It?
I have chosen to be happy because it is good for my health.
Voltaire
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Galatians 5:22–23
A friend of mine (Jennifer) who was struggling with being overweight and dealing with some physical health issues confided in me that as she became unhealthier physically, she also started having some emotional difficulties. (Don’t worry, I am not breaching confidence. I asked her if I could share her story anonymously, and she agreed.) She wasn’t clinically depressed. Her emotional challenges weren’t debilitating. Still, she knew the way she was beginning to feel about herself was interfering with her day-to-day activities.
She was having a harder time bouncing back when things went wrong. She was plagued with a sense that she wasn’t good enough and people didn’t really like her. She began to distance herself emotionally from her husband, her kids, and her closest friends—not because she wanted to, necessarily; she just didn’t feel she had what it took to engage with them well. Have you ever been there? I have.
Physical and emotional health are inextricably linked, with spiritual health being the foundation for both. It is not surprising that as obesity rates and related health problems have skyrocketed, so have rates of depression and anxiety. The two areas play on and feed into each other, so much so that the cause and effect are not clear. In fact, as depression rates rise, so do obesity rates.
As was true with my friend, when someone sees their physical health slipping away, they are at a much higher risk of becoming anxious, depressed, and isolated from those they love. As that happens, they have even less drive to take the necessary steps to regain physical health, so the problem builds on itself. They may even overeat as a coping mechanism, which leads to even greater weight gain and even more depression or anxiety. And the cycle continues. Whether poor physical health or poor emotional health is the catalyst, the two are intertwined.
Getting a Grip on Emotional Health
Emotional health isn’t quite as easy to pin down as physical health. There are no numbers to measure just how emotionally fit you are. Psychologists define emotional health as an overall psychological well-being. It is a combination of the way you feel about yourself, the quality of your relationships, and your ability to manage your feelings and deal with difficulty. People who are emotionally healthy have a sense of contentment and a zest for life. They are able to laugh and have fun with those around them. They rebound from adversity quickly and deal with stress well. The relationships in their lives are good, and their sense of self-esteem is strong.1
Even though it is more subjective than quantifiable, emotional health is a key component of your ability to be the new you that you are working toward becoming. When you aren’t emotionally healthy, your body suffers as a result. The negative thoughts and feelings you experience create chemical reactions in your physiology that can lead to weakened immunity, chest pains, shortness of breath, fatigue, back pain, high blood pressure, digestion issues, and more.2 Poor emotional health makes you less likely to dive into the healthy lifestyle changes you need to make to get your body where you want it to be. It may also keep you from wanting to engage in the disciplines that are important to your spiritual health, both corporately and privately. This isn’t an issue to be taken lightly. Poor emotional health can completely derail your wellness in every other area.
While the majority of us won’t deal with emotional problems that cross the line into diagnosable distress, we are all likely to experience some level of difficulty as a result of poor emotional health. Being aware of some of the most common emotional stressors and having a plan for dealing with them can help you sidestep emotional pitfalls.
Keys for Maintaining Emotional Strength
Personal, relational, and occupational issues are the stuff that emotional triggers are made of. The varieties of problems that can threaten your well-being are too numerous to list. Here are just a few of the things you may deal with at different points in your life that can cause emotional strain:
Any of these, given the right combination of circumstances, has the potential to send you spiraling if you aren’t careful. But you can protect yourself and your emotional health by doing these things consistently:
Let’s look at each one in more detail.
Sidestep Surprise
The situations that have the most potential to shake you are the ones that come out of nowhere: an unexpected diagnosis, a surprising layoff, an unforeseeable accident. When a problem you weren’t expecting sideswipes you, it is easy to find yourself panicked and vulnerable to a host of reactions. One of the biggest keys to maintaining your emotional equilibrium is choosing not to be surprised when problems show up.
We live in a fallen world full of tough circumstances and deep disappointments. Jesus said to expect this: “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
When you accept the reality that problems and pain are an inevitable part of life, you won’t be surprised when they come along. And you can take a great deal of comfort in Jesus’s promise that he has already overcome everything you will face. You have the promise of peace. Jesus never promised that life on this side of heaven would be easy, even for those who are grounded in him; he simply promised to be with us every step of the way, no matter what comes along.
Focus on the Positive
When bad circumstances threaten to steal your joy, shift your attention to the good in your life. Celebrate what God is doing around you. Focus on what is positive rather than what is negative. There is proven power in choosing to be optimistic. The story you tell yourself about the events in your life goes a long way toward creating your experience. So when you think about the hard things you are experiencing, be intentional about finding the positive as well. Doing so is the key not only to emotional health but also to physical health, mental health, and spiritual maturity.
Positive psychology expert Dr. Martin Seligman has much to say on this issue. In his book Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, he says:
People tend to spend more time thinking about what is bad in life than is helpful. Worse, this focus on negative events sets us up for anxiety and depression. One way to keep this from happening is to get better at thinking about and savoring what went well. . . . To overcome our brains’ natural catastrophic bent, we need to work on and practice this skill of thinking about what went well.3
Seligman goes on to suggest an exercise called the What-Went-Well exercise (also known as Three Blessings), which has been scientifically proven to increase emotional well-being. We describe a version of it here, with credit to him.
Every night for one week, write down three positive events from your day—three things that went well. These can be simple things such as “My husband picked up my favorite flowers on the way home” or more important things such as “My friend just gave birth to a healthy baby boy.”
Next to each positive event, write down your answer to the question Why did this event happen? For example, you might write, “My husband picked up flowers because I mentioned we needed some” or “My friend had a healthy baby because God is so good and because she took such good care of herself during her pregnancy.” As Seligman notes, this exercise may seem awkward at first, but keep with it and it will get easier. Hopefully looking at the positive will become a habit. Countless studies prove that as you do this exercise regularly, you will be less anxious, less depressed, and quantifiably healthier.4
A sense of gratitude is an important precursor to an ability to focus on the positive. Learn to say thank you for the good in your life. If you simply start looking, you will find so many things to be thankful for. Think about these things. Talk about these things. Refuse to complain. Let your subconscious hear your grateful words so it can, in turn, pull up more opportunities for gratefulness in your life. (For more on developing an attitude of gratefulness, see our book Tongue Pierced: How the Words You Speak Transform the Life You Live.)
Strengthen Your Foundation
There are two main categories to consider when strengthening your foundation: public activities and private disciplines. When you are feeling emotionally drained, anxious, or depressed, lean even harder on both. Make sure to be intentional about the following:
As you do these things on an ongoing basis, you will naturally be more prepared to deal with the difficult emotions you face day to day. When particularly emotional circumstances come up, press even harder into the One who gives you everything you need to face them with strength.
Seek Counseling
Never be ashamed to seek Christian counseling. Talking to a professional about the things going on in your life can help you process and deal with your emotions in a healthy way. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so. In fact, there are many benefits.
Several years ago, before my son was born, Kelley and I (Nelson) went through a rough patch in our marriage. We had been married for a while and thought we weren’t able to have children. Dealing with that reality wore on us. We began to pull away from each other emotionally. Knowing we needed some outside help, we decided to find a good marriage counselor.
At first, I was hesitant. The idea of walking into an office and talking to a stranger about the details of my marriage made me want to run in the opposite direction. Thankfully, I pushed through my doubts and chose to engage. Even though some of the sessions were difficult, I can honestly say the entire process was extremely healthy. To this day, our marriage is benefiting from what we learned.
Our experience with the marriage counselor made me appreciate the value of Christian counseling, so much so that I made a personal decision to see a counselor regularly whether I thought I needed to or not. I have discovered great benefit in the process. I expect you will too, if you decide to give it a try. As I have found, talking to a trained counselor will help you deal with emotions you didn’t even realize you were having. Over time, the process will raise your emotional health quotient higher and higher and serve as a safety net to make sure nothing sends you spiraling in the other direction.
On Guard
Keeping yourself emotionally healthy is an important step in improving your overall health and well-being. Be on the lookout for the things that can take you down the path to anxiety, panic, or depression. When you see these things threatening your well-being, take intentional action to counter them. Do everything in your power to guard against the attacks being levied at your heart and mind from every angle, even as you trust God to do his part to protect you. As you recognize and take responsibility for the state of your emotional health, your physical, mental, and spiritual health will also benefit—and you will be well on your way to becoming the new you.