Dirk was woken by a cry of “Ha!” It was Miss Deary. She’d just swept open the curtains, bathing the room in bright autumn sunlight that was shining directly onto his face.
Then her pale brow furrowed in confusion. Dirk looked at her.
“You fool, Frumpsy!” he said. “Did you really think that bright sunlight would burn my flesh?” Dirk shook his head contemptuously.
Miss Deary just glared at him and stormed out of the room.
“What a nitwit,” Dirk muttered under his breath. “Surely she can see I no longer inhabit my old body!”
With that he rose and headed for the door. Time to do the tedious things one had to do when you were stuck in the body of a puny human child—brush your teeth, go to the bathroom, take a shower, clean the blood off your talons—no, wait, he didn’t have talons anymore.
He opened the door and stepped out—to be met by a deluge of water full in his face! As he stood there spluttering, he began to make out Miss Deary standing in front of him, grinning madly, a look of gleeful anticipation on her features, an empty bottle in one hand. Dirk coughed, puzzled and confused. Why had she thrown water at him? Behind her, Christopher was staring at them both, openmouthed. It was moments like this that Dirk really missed his old powers and spells, like the Spell of Utter Annihilation or the Claw of Ripping Death. Then he recognized the bottle Miss Deary was holding.
“Ah, I get it,” said Dirk. “Holy water from Reverend Purejoie’s church! Cunning—not!”
Miss Deary’s face fell. Dirk began to laugh. “You fool, Chumpsy! Holy water no longer affects me here on earth as it would have done in the Darklands!” he said.
Chris interjected, “What are you doing, Miss Deary? You can’t do that! You can’t treat him like that!” he said to her in shocked tones.
Miss Deary simply shrugged as if she didn’t care. Just then, Mrs. Purejoie appeared on the landing.
“Ah, there you are, Miss Deary. I wondered where you’d gone to!” she said.
“Mom, did you see that? Miss Deary just threw water in Dirk’s face!” said Chris.
“Yes, dear, well, I’m sure she didn’t throw it. I’m sure she was just washing his face for him, you know, helping to look after him. That’s what nannies do,” said Mrs. Purejoie. With that, Miss Deary headed down the stairs. Mrs. Purejoie followed her sedately, as if in a dream, leaving Dirk and Chris on the landing together.
“Can’t you see your mother has been ensorcelled in some way?” said Dirk.
“What? En— En— What?” said Chris.
“Ensorcelled. You know, enchanted. With a spell. Or hypnosis if you prefer, if that makes it easier for you, though it is obviously sorcery of some kind. Miss Deary has … bamboozled her. And your father.”
Chris’s eyes narrowed. Maybe Dirk was right. Mom was behaving oddly and the nanny was definitely weird! And Dirk usually was right when it came to this sort of thing, no matter how outlandish it sounded. But still, there’s outlandish and there’s outlandish. I mean, Mom and Dad had been enchanted by an assassin nanny from another world? Really?
September Rip-out-their-Hearts 1
It will be Christopher’s birthday in a few days. I suppose I should get him some sort of gift. Must make sure he doesn’t get the wrong idea and think it is some form of tribute though.
The DarkPhone is still charging. I do hope Sooz will be alive to receive my call! It is maddening that she is there and I am here! By the Nine Netherworlds, if only there was some way I could swap places with her.