Return of the Dark Lord

As they descended, they could make out more detail below—a small army had surrounded the Tower. Colorful banners and flags fluttered amid the neatly arranged rows of tents and improvised buildings where the soldiers were camped.

“Hasdruban’s army of paladins and spearmen,” said Sooz in the Dark Lord’s ear as the wind whistled past them.

The Dark Lord nodded. “Yes, I see them. Elves too, by the look of it. Not many though. We shall drive them off.”

Sooz frowned. “How?” she said.

“Abrakulax can slay many with his fiery breath, and I shall use the ravening power of the Ring to kill many more. They’ll be running for their lives in seconds!!” said the Dark One with obvious relish.

“No!” said Sooz.

The Dark Lord Dirk turned and stared at her. “No? What do you mean, no?”

“We don’t have to kill them,” said Sooz desperately. “You could blast the ground near them, burn their tents with Dragon breath, they’ll get the message and flee anyway. After all, you’re so tough and strong that they’re scared of you already!”

“Ha, true, but where’s the fun in that? What’s the point?” said the Dark Lord.

“Please, Dirk. I mean the Great Dirk, my Lord, my Dark Lord, please, just for me? Will you spare them, please?” said Sooz imploringly.

The Dark Lord Dirk frowned. “Spare them? Well …” He looked down, rubbing his chin. Then he turned to look at Sooz. For a moment his face took on a look of feral bloodlust, but then the insanity in his eyes faded.

“Oh, all right, just for you, my little Vampire,” he said. With that, he turned and whispered into Abrakulax’s ear. The Dragon banked, swooping down over the besieging army’s camp. Out of his mouth came a great roaring blast of flame, setting fire to tents, wooden towers and carts, and storage pens.

Hundreds of figures boiled out of the tents like little ants, running and screaming in terror. The Dark Lord unleashed powerful bolts of energy from his Ring, blowing holes in the earth, and knocking people to the ground. The Dragon and its dark rider flew back and forth, dealing out destruction, plunging the encampment into chaos.

The Dark Lord began to laugh maniacally—he was having fun. Christopher and Sooz clung on behind, trying not to fall off as the Dragon banked and wheeled. The army below began to break and run, streaming away westward in a chaotic riot of terrified men. Sooz grinned happily—they’d been driven off and with hardly anyone getting hurt, as far as she could see—just like the last time she had liberated the Tower.

The Dark One whispered again in the Dragon’s ear, and it swooped down toward the Iron Tower. As they drew near, the gargoyle heads above the Gates of Doom looked up.

“Is that the Dark Lord himself?” said one of the heads.

“Yeah! On the back of the Dragon King,” rasped another.

“Now there’s something you don’t see every day,” said the first.

Abrakulax thudded into the ground in front of the gates, almost throwing Chris and Sooz off in the process. Gingerly they slid off its back, sore from their roller-coaster ride through the sky.

“Thank you, beautiful Dragon,” whispered Sooz. The Dragon bowed its regal head to her.

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“The Dark Lord has returned from exile! All hail the Dark Lord!” shrieked the gargoyle heads.

Lord Dirk stepped down from the back of the dragon. “Hmm, I see you took care of the paint job, Sooz. Well done,” he said. He leaned down to chuck her under the chin again, but she turned away, scowling.

The Dark Lord put his hands on his hips. “Don’t you get all huffy with me, little girl,” he said. But then the Dragon King gave a great roar. Dirk turned to the dragon. “My thanks, Abrakulax, you have served me well. You are free!” he said regally. The Dragon King gave another roar and took to the skies.

And then the Gates of Doom opened.

“All hail the Dark Lord,” screamed the gargoyles.

“Oh, be quiet,” said the Dark Lord Dirk as he strode toward the Gates.

“Yes, my Lord,” said one of the heads.

“We’ll be quiet,” said another. “I promise.”

The Dark One stopped and put his horned head in his hands. “By the Nether Gods, I’d forgotten how irritating you were!”

Then some figures emerged from the Tower.

“Gargon!” said the Dark Lord, smiling. Dirk the Dark Lord frowned, thinking to himself. Smiling? What’s the matter with me? I’m smiling. At Gargon, of all people!

Gargon stepped forward. Behind him were Agrash and Skabber. Agrash was half cowering behind Gargon’s thick legs. Behind them stood Rufino the Paladin. He looked over at Sooz and waved. Sooz nodded and waved back. Then he looked up at the Dark Lord, concern written all over his face.

Gargon too looked at Sooz. He nodded, and smiled his sulfurous smile. Then he looked up at the Dark Lord, somewhat fearfully, and dropped to one knee. Sooz had never seen Gargon scared before. Ever. That worried her.

“Welcome, Master, to your realm! We have guarded it as best we could during your exile!”

The Dark Lord nodded. “And who is this?” he said, pointing at Rufino.

Gargon looked around shiftily for a moment. “Ah …that is Rufino. An ally.”

“A friend,” said Skabber Stormfart.

“An ally? A friend? Orcs don’t have friends, you deluded simpleton!”

Skabber blinked, totally tongue-tied in the face of the Dark Lord’s anger.

Then the Dark Lord spoke silkily, like the calm before a storm. “And we ally with paladins now, do we?”

Gargon could read these signs. Trouble was coming.

“It was your betrothed, Master!” said Gargon, quickly. “Queen Sooz, she make peace, Lord! We only do what the Dark Mistress tell us, my Lord!”

“She spoke with your voice, had your Ring, your Imperial Darkness,” piped up Agrash from behind Gargon’s legs. “She made us ally with the paladin!”

Sooz frowned. Talk about ratting her out—right away too, without even thinking about it! Some friends.

“It was the right thing to do,” said Sooz. “We needed time to regroup.”

“That is correct, your Mightiness,” said Agrash, finding some backbone at last. “In fact, the Dark Lady took the Tower with only a handful of Goblins! We were terribly weak. We had to buy time. She did well!”

That made Sooz feel a little better. But then Rufino stepped forward. “They are right, Dark One! I am the Paladin Rufino of the Order of the Unicorn. I have sworn to serve Queen Sooz, for she has taught us a new way to live, a way of peace and harmony. You should continue with this policy, for …”

“Silence!” said the Dark Lord, raising a taloned hand. “Take him to the Dungeons of Doom. I will interrogate him later.”

Rufino blinked in shock. Gargon shuffled his feet. Skabber Stormfart looked around uncomfortably.

“TAKE HIM TO THE DUNGEONS, NOW!!!” shrieked the Dark Lord at the top of his voice. “OR BY THE NINE NETHERWORLDS I WILL EVISCERATE HIM WITH THE CLAW OF RIPPING DEATH! AND ANYONE ELSE WHO DOESN’T JUMP TO IT RIGHT NOW!”

Gargon blinked. He gestured with a hand. “Take him to the Dungeons, Skabber.”

Rufino frowned and reached for his sword.

The Dark Lord Dirk smiled at that. “Go on,” he said. “Try it, you puny human! I’d love to peel the flesh from your bones, I really would!” he said.

“Noo!” said Sooz. “Just go, Rufino. Go, or he’ll kill you!”

Rufino’s eyes flicked over to look at Sooz, and then back to the Dark Lord. His hand fell away from his weapon. Skabber took him by the arm. “Sorry about this, man,” he said.

Rufino looked around angrily. Then he sighed resignedly. “So be it. For your sake, my Queen,” he said, nodding at Sooz. Skabber led him away to the Dungeons.

“Ooooh, my Queeeen,” said the Dark Lord, putting on a mocking, Dirk-the-kid-like voice. “Bah! I am the ruler here!”

With Rufino gone, the Dark Lord relaxed a little. “Good, that’s out of the way,” he said. “And now, one more thing. This ridiculous girl-child is not my betrothed or any such nonsense, okay? Got that through your bonehead skulls? I mean really, when was the last time I even had a girlfriend? It’s absurd! If I did, it wouldn’t be some sappy human anyway, it’d be … ah … I don’t know … Well, anyway, just forget it, guys, okay?”

Gargon and Agrash stared up at the Dark Lord. Guys? Did he just say “guys”?

Sooz, though, looked crestfallen. Ridiculous girl-child? she thought to herself. Is that what he really thought of her? That hurt, it really did, even though the whole marriage thing was obviously absurd—especially now.

Then she frowned, and a determined look came over her face. “Promise me you won’t mistreat him or torture him!” said Sooz.

Agrash put his hand over his mouth in shock. Nobody spoke to the Dark Lord like that! Gargon stared at Sooz, making a face to attract her attention. She glanced over at him.

“No,” he mouthed, shaking his head from side to side theatrically and gesturing with his arms.

“What? What did you say?” said the Dark Lord with rising anger.

“Don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt Rufino. He’s my friend. If you do, I won’t speak to you ever again!” said Sooz.

The Dark One gaped at her for a moment, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. But then, instead of blasting her with some kind of spell like he would have in the old days, he crossed his powerful arms, and looked her up and down. “You won’t talk to me! Is that it? Ha! Do I look concerned, little girl, do I?” he said.

“I mean it! You won’t be my friend anymore and I won’t talk to you ever again, not EVER!” said Sooz, stamping her foot.

Chris watched this exchange with fascination. Sure, Dirk was twelve feet tall and a Dark Lord, but it could just as easily have been in the school yard back home on earth, and that gave them some hope.

The Dark Lord blinked his sideways blink. He was thinking about what life would be like if Sooz never spoke to him again. “Well … Well … Okay then, since it’s you, my little Vampire. I promise not to hurt him. There—are you satisfied?”

Sooz nodded. “Yeah, okay, that’s cool.”

“I’m not letting him out though! He stays locked up! Got it?” said the Dark Lord Dirk.

Sooz shrugged a “whatever” shrug.

Agrash and Gargon exchanged looks that said “What’s going on?” The Dark Lord was back, that was for sure, and he was mostly behaving like himself—i.e., like a terrifying dictatorial bullying monster—but something was different. He had changed somehow. He may not be betrothed to the Moon Queen, but there was clearly some bond between them. It was all very odd.

Gargon stood up. “Your Imperial Darkness?” he said.

“Yes, Gargon,” said the Dark Lord Dirk.

“We have several hundred Orcs, Goblins, and humans … Er, several hundred of our people inside who have not eaten much for days. Can you open the Storeroom for them?”

“Oh, yes, of course!” said the Dark Lord. “In we go! I can’t wait to sit once more on the Throne of Skulls anyway!”