Dirk the Dark Lord sat on his Throne of Skulls, arms resting on either side, hooves firmly planted on the platform. Dark light shone up at him, haloing him in majestic shadows. Where Sooz had looked beautiful, mysterious, and queenly, Dirk looked terrifying, powerful, and dangerous.
The skulls on the Throne were constantly moaning—a low, barely audible moan, as if the weight of the Dark Lord itself somehow pained them.
At his feet, sitting on the Throne’s dais, were Sooz and Chris. Before them, stood Gargon, Skabber, and Agrash.
Chris was dressed in the uniform of an elite Goblin Guard, black leather armor with the Seal of the Dark Lord emblazoned on his chest and a Goblin chopper at his side—basically a kind of long-bladed meat cleaver. The weapon and the armor didn’t look right on him, but he had been given the titles The Mouth of the Great Dirk and Commander of the Goblin Guard, and that was his uniform.
Sooz, though, had been given a whole new outfit from the magic wardrobe, and she was wearing a new dress with lots of lovely black lace, inlaid with threads of Moonsilver. Dirk had “officially” confirmed her title as the Moon Queen, and Our Lady of the Dark. Her own Seal was wrought in Moonsilver on her dress, and she had a long white scarf patterned with little versions of her Seal too. She looked majestic. She still had her Goth boots on though, and her AngelBile bag. Dirk’s human arm had been taken out of the bag, and pickled. Then they’d hung it in a glass cabinet on the wall in the Dark Lord’s trophy room as a reminder of the time he had been cursed to wear the body of a human boy-child. It all added to the mythology and legend of his never-ending struggle with the White Wizard.
Dirk the Dark Lord gestured at Agrash. The Goblin stepped forward and spoke loudly. “All hail the Great Dirk, the Dark Lord, Master of the Legions of Dread, the World Burner, the Dark One, Master of the Nine Netherworlds, and—”
“Yes, yes, just get on with it, Agrash,” said the Dark Lord. Normally he liked to listen to his titles but today he was eager to get on with things.
Agrash continued. “His Imperial Darkness will issue an edict! Listen, all you gathered here, and obey or be forever consigned to the Dungeons of Doom!” he said portentously.
The Dark Lord Dirk leaned forward. “Here it is,” he said. “I’m going to create a unit of Goblin Battle Balloons, just like we discussed at that ridiculous church fair, Christopher. You remember, don’t you?”
“Right …,” said Chris, unsure as to where this was going.
Agrash raised a snotty eyebrow. “Balloons? What are balloons?” he muttered under his breath.
“To this end,” continued the Dark Lord, “I have drawn up some blueprints for a Dirigible Battle Balloon, to be crewed by a team of ten Goblin Bombardiers, powered by magically enhanced gas! Agrash, I’m putting you in charge of construction.”
He handed to Chris, Agrash, and Sooz several sheets of paper upon which were carefully drawn various cutaways and plans for the building of a Goblin Battle Balloon.
“Wow, cool!” said Chris.
“I know!” said the Dark Lord. “Agrash, I want fifty of them ready in two weeks’ time for an assault on Gam, the City of Men. We’ll be using exploding rock grenades—or Candies of Doom, as I call them. Ha, ha, ha! Get it, Christopher?”
Christopher smiled up at the Dark Lord, trying to laugh, but inside he found the whole idea kind of disturbing. He glanced over at Sooz. She looked just as worried. After all, Dirk was basically talking about bombing a city. And that meant people—humans—getting killed. And all because of his neighbor’s rock candy and a hot-air balloon.
Agrash frowned too, though his concerns were different. “Two weeks? It’s not possible, Sire, we don’t have the workers … I mean, it would take …,” he said.
“I know, I know. That’s why we’re going to reopen the Slave Pits. All those annoying humans wandering about having fun in that absurdly named town you built—Soozville, was it? Well, it’s over. Round ’em up and put ’em in the Pits. They’ll be working around the clock on my Balloons, and don’t spare the lash!” said the Dark One.
“What?” said Sooz. “You can’t do that! I promised them there would be no more slaves, no more overseers and whips. It’s cruel! It’s wrong! No, worse than that, it’s … it’s evil!”
The Dark Lord raised his eyes. “Duhhh! Hello! Am I not the Lord of Darkness? Anyway, what do you think we should do, send Hasdruban some flowers?”
“Well, yes, in a way. We should be making peace! Living together in harmony and …,” said Sooz, but the Dark Lord Dirk wasn’t listening. He was looking away, distracted.
“Hmm, sending him some flowers might not be
such a bad idea,” he said, thinking out loud. “Exploding flowers, of course …”
“Don’t do this, Dirk, please don’t!” said Sooz, raising her voice.
The Dark Lord frowned and glared at Sooz. “I’ve told you, you can’t call me Dirk. Either the Great Dirk or one of my other titles. The boy Dirk is gone.”
Sooz put her hands on her hips. “I don’t care! You shouldn’t have slaves, it’s wrong, and that’s that!”
“Oh, that’s enough, Sooz,” said the Dark Lord, waving a taloned hand dismissively. “I’ve issued the edict, and that’s that.”
He turned to Agrash. ‘“What are you doing, standing there, you sniveling greenie! Get on with it! And take Skabber with you; you’ll need his Orcs to round up the humans.”
“Yes, your Imperial Darkness, right away!” a frightened Agrash said. He glanced at Sooz, as if to say “Sorry, there’s nothing I can do” before he and Skabber left to carry out the Dark Lord’s orders.
Sooz folded her arms and screwed her face up. “I’m not going to let you get away with this,” she said, stamping her foot.
“Oh, really, and what are you going to do, little girl, put me in detention?” said the Dark Lord. Then he leaned back in his Throne and laughed out loud at the thought of it. “Detention! Ha, ha!”
Sooz shook her head in disgust. “Come on, Chris, I’ve had enough of this,” she said, and began walking away. Chris turned to follow her.
The Dark Lord made a face. “Eeeuuuw, grumpy Sooz!” he said, just as if he were back in the school yard on earth. Sooz ignored him, nose in the air, stomping her way out of the Hall of Gloom.
The Dark Lord shrugged. “Bah, go! I don’t care!” he said. “As for you Christopher …”
The Dark Lord Dirk signaled and several Goblin Guards stepped forward to block Christopher’s exit. He turned to the Dark Lord. “What? What is it?” said a worried Chris. Behind him, a determined-looking Sooz hurried on, throwing a resentful glance behind her.
The Dark Lord grinned at Chris. “I want to show you something, something fun!”
“Fun? What do you mean, fun?” said Chris.
“Come with me! You’re going to love it, my old friend, you really are!” said the Dark Lord, as he got down from his Throne. He walked over to Chris, laid a massive hand on his shoulder, and led him away, like two friends leaving school to go home and hang out together. Except that one of them was tall, dark—really dark—and very, very dangerous.