8

A GUIDE TO THE RESPONSIBLE RECREATIONAL USE OF MDMA

I do not advocate or recommend experimentation with MDMA or any illegal substance. Doing so is risky and can be dangerous to your mental and physical well-being.

At the same time, I don’t assume to have control over your behavior, any more than you have over mine. If you do choose to experiment with MDMA, then I believe you are best served to seriously consider what follows. These suggestions are not scientifically based. They are simply what have worked for me, my wife, and people we have known. Your experience may differ.

Please review as well all the risks and potentially dangerous drug interactions with MDMA in chapter 4’s “The Risks”.

MDMA is mostly used in two wildly disparate ways. On the one hand, it’s being studied in clinical trials that are investigating its potential for healing PTSD in returning war vets and victims of sexual violence, social anxiety in autistic adults, and anxiety related to life-threatening illnesses. On the other hand, its popularity as a drug of hedonistic abandon is well known.

But between these opposites of deep, profound medicinal healing and pure fun lies a fertile middle ground that Shelley and I and others in our community employ: mature, responsible enjoyment that fosters self-actualization, interpersonal bonding, and play.

This middle way is what I call responsible recreational use.

At first, the very notion of responsible recreational drug use for serious exploration or fun may seem a bit weird. But my journey has taught me that using drugs such as MDMA responsibly (including for fun) is usually possible and often desirable.

Shelley and I like to get high and have fun. But we also respect the power of a medicine like MDMA to help us explore and enhance our connection to ourselves and each other. To say nothing of strengthening the bonds of community with others who share our values.

And then there’s dancing!

But MDMA isn’t for everyone.

It’s first of all not for one who is spooked by the idea of doing something illegal.

It’s also certainly not for people who are emotionally fragile, unless they are in the care of a trained and experienced sitter (someone who will sit with and gently guide them through the experience). And note: unless you’re both partaking in a clinical trial, this activity would be as illegal for the sitter as it is for the actual user.

Also, someone with an addictive personality would be playing with fire to touch any potent psychoactive chemical. I have such a personality, and I’ve had to build in various checks and balances lest I fall headfirst into a downward spiral. (See the section on “Keeping Your Head,”.) It’s worth noting, however, that this admonition comes with a caveat: people have used MDMA to heal their addictions, and this application is currently being studied.

So this potent compound should never be used by people who don’t know what they are doing, especially those seeking to escape their problems or to just party, without regard for the purity or amount of MDMA they are using, along with the concerns noted above. Indeed, if you see that someone you care about is intending to experiment with a powerful medicine like MDMA, and you can tell that he or she is not very particular about dosage or purity, treat him or her the way you’d treat a friend reaching for the car keys after having a few drinks. It’s irresponsible use that sometimes gives MDMA a bad name and can understandably lead a person to regard it with wariness and alarm.

The difference between abuse and responsible use can be like breaking in a new car: you can push it to the limit until you burn it out or wreck it, or you can use it sensibly to get around, so it can take you all kinds of places for years to come. It is to that end that Shelley and I and countless others, through hard-earned experience, have come up with guidelines to maximize the potential benefits and minimize the risks of MDMA. We have learned that MDMA tends to reward the prepared journeyer.

FOR ONE OR TWO PEOPLE

Please read this entire section through before embarking on your first experience! It will save you from common pitfalls and help you get the most out of the medicine. These guidelines represent what works for us and others we’ve known, and they may or may not work for you. Over time you can adjust them according to your own experience.

Preparation

The mantra in our community is “set and setting.” As mentioned earlier, the set is one’s mindset or internal landscape going into the experience, including mood, feeling state, expectations, intentions, and general state of mind. The setting is one’s immediate environment, meaning both the physical surroundings and the social milieu within which the experience occurs. We pay sharp attention to both.

As far as the set goes, if you’re in the midst of a crisis, it is advisable to delay your first roll for another time. Ditto if you’ve had a difficult life experience that day or very recently. MDMA, like other such compounds, is an amplifier and enhancer and could intensify your state of mind. However, if you feel ready and willing to work with difficult emotional material and have someone there with you who is trained in helping someone through an MDMA experience, this could be an opportunity for growth.

You should allow a full day for the experience, although the actual high will probably not last more than four to six hours unless you boost. (See here.) Also, you should have no other plans looming that day or the next. Shelley and I have established a ritual (before, during, and after the experience) of anticipation, participation and exaltation, and then relaxed recuperation. We are not the first to notice that the older we get, the longer the recovery time.

Though physical health is not technically part of one’s mindset, it needs to be taken into consideration. This especially goes for those over fifty! More than once I have chosen to roll while fighting off a cold, or just a post-nasal drip, or at the onset of a sore or scratchy throat. The roll tipped the scales and not in my favor.

A good setting, especially one’s first time, means being in control of your environment. You may wish to go out and explore, especially if you live in or near a natural setting, but you should still begin in your own home or the home of a friend you feel comfortable with. Either indoors or out, you will want control over your body temperature (bring a sweater or blanket) and should have a bathroom nearby at all times, especially for the onset (some have found the need to move their bowels at that time).

Being with a person (or people) you feel emotionally and physically safe with is also crucial to setting. Consider that someone you might normally feel safe with, like a parent or a friendly coworker, may not be appropriate if they are going to criticize or judge you for your experimentation. Further, a friend who doesn’t respect boundaries (an incessant talker, for example, or someone who may demand too much attention) will not help to provide a good setting. On the other hand, you might not want to be alone the first time either, as MDMA is famous for facilitating a desire for a free-flowing connection with others.

A major part of your setting are the settings on your phone. Unless it’s your timepiece, shut it off. This holds especially true if this is your first roll or first intentional experience with MDMA. Otherwise you leave yourself vulnerable to outside intrusions and trivialities, along with an impulse to take or make a call or send or answer a text that can pull you away from the experience. If your phone is your timepiece, switch to airplane mode, as well as Do Not Disturb.

To help secure a good set and setting, I write out on a single 3 × 5 card the day’s “menu.” This includes all the ingredients I gather for the journey beforehand: the medicine itself, water, and anything that may be needed should I go outside (see the additional items in the list on page 192). Also, I list on the same card all the day’s options, including internal work or external activities, such as envisioning your future, dancing, places to go, music to play, and the like. I may refer to this menu from time to time throughout the roll. This helps to ground me and reminds me of things I might have forgotten. It should be noted, however, that the items on the card are only suggestions. One can overplan. What you think you may wish to do beforehand may change completely once you’re high. It is always best to let the medicine steer your experience. You may also wish to keep notes during the journey and then refer back to them prior to the next one.

No matter whether it is your first experience or your hundredth, always test your stash! We use pure MDMA and pure MDMA only! And the only way to know if it’s pure is to test it, which we do every time we obtain some, even if it’s from the same person. We invested sixty-five dollars in a legal and very thorough testing kit through a reliable not-for-profit called DanceSafe.^*6 If it doesn’t test 100 percent pure, we won’t use it, as any adulterant can be problematic. (Note: A powdered substance sold as “molly” or “Ecstasy” can appear at first glance to be more reliable or pure than a tablet, but bear in mind that any powder can be “stepped on” all the way down the line from lab to major and minor dealers. Whenever you’re considering swallowing a potent drug that will alter your physical and mental state for several hours—test it first!)

I can’t overemphasize how important it is to weigh out your dose! You need a good scale to measure one out accurately, which is very important! A scale should be accurate to .001 g (1 mg). A good one is the GEMINI-20 Portable Milligram Scale by American Weigh Scales. It’s inexpensive and easy (and legal) to obtain online. Also, have empty, unused capsules at the ready. Measure out full doses (120 mg) and boosts (60 mg) beforehand. (Although if one is over seventy years of age, I’d recommend a full dose of 90 mgs the first time.) Place each dose in a separate empty capsule. Set them aside, clearly labeled (we use baggies, with full doses in one baggie and boosts in another.) You will want a maximum of one dose and one boost per person.

Set out all ingredients beforehand. MDMA depletes the body of serotonin and water, among other things. Therefore, the first three ingredients that follow are essential. The rest are meant as helpful suggestions.

• Pure MDMA.
• A liter of water per person, although it’s best to use water or other liquid containing electrolytes (like Gatorade). If you’ll be dancing or otherwise exerting yourself and it’s hot, you’ll need two cups an hour, but no more than that, especially if you’re female, because women retain more fluid. And know that you will need to stay hydrated in spite of the fact you may not feel thirsty at all. Some recommend having a sitter to remind you to drink.
• 5-HTP (100 mg), a cheap, over-the-counter health and vitamin store supplement that replenishes serotonin, to be used at bedtime the same day.
• Food. Eat a light breakfast or snack at least two hours beforehand. Prepare some fruit and other light snacks (only to be eaten after the climb). Avoid heavy food. (You won’t be hungry anyway until you come down, and then I’d recommend fruit, a hearty soup, and other wholesome foods to replenish your system.)
• Massage oil. Don’t get excited. Remember: this is a sensual more than a sexual drug! The difference is crucial, and each person’s personal and sexual space must be honored. I recommend sex not take place during the experience, except between two people who are already a couple, and even then, only if both people are already experienced at rolling. Otherwise, sex can be emotionally confusing for those involved and can also be used to avoid or dilute the experience. Nonsexual intimacy, however, may be a good choice.
• Gum (as some experience tightness in the jaw).
• Calcium-magnesium pills (for replenishing your body later that day).
• Pad and pen, or electronic device, for note taking.
• Music and a good sound system. Music should really be chosen ahead of time. Two types are recommended. The first is soothing, sensual, or meditative music on a playlist or an app like the Buddha Lounge or Buddha Bar series, or anything by Enya. Shelley and I especially like a song called “The Seeress Prophecy” by Achillea and “Serpentine” by the Essence. The other is a dance music playlist, especially EDM, which is made for the experience. For the older folks (say, anyone over thirty) one might try Fatboy Slim’s Greatest Hits (Why Try Harder). If someone is new to this kind of hard-driving beat, and if they happen to like old swing and big band music, a cool way to introduce them to EDM is via a subgenre called electro swing. I recommend almost anything off Caravan Palace’s Panic album or Parov Stelar’s “Catgroove.” But certainly, any kind of music you normally like to dance to could be great as well.
• If going outdoors, bring warm layers as your body temperature may fluctuate. Also, consider a destination like a park or beach, and bring stuff you’d take on a picnic: blankets, chairs, sunscreen, and bug spray.
• Tylenol (just in case it’s needed).
• Consider items to stimulate other senses. There are reasons why sensual-feeling clothing and mint Vicks inhalers were so popular with the original ravers. And check out “flavor tripping” beans. These little tablets can make sour food taste sweet, and I recommend a brand called mberry that can be purchased on Amazon.

I know, this takes a lot of prep work, but you’ll thank yourself for it. People have followed these guidelines and have reported experiencing some of the best days of their lives.

During the Experience

The onset of the experience can feel uncomfortable at first, especially for those unaccustomed to it. Keep in mind that this discomfort will pass, usually within five to twenty minutes. This will be followed for most people by a plateau that can last (depending on dosage and purity) between two-and-a-half and five hours. Consider some soothing music during the climb. Also, some have found movement (walking, stretching, yoga, massage) to be helpful at this point.

Don’t make the classic mistake of being fooled by a delayed onset! This occurs when the medicine takes more time to hit than you expected, so you, assuming that your dose was too weak, decide to do more. Far too often has a person taken a second dose five or ten minutes before the first one kicks in! The result can be unpleasant at best and dangerous at worst. Be patient. If nothing happens after two-and-a-half hours, perhaps your stash is weak.

Consider using your music during the plateau. Something stirring or inspirational, or something to dance to. Experiment with different beats to feel what your body is telling you it likes to move to in this state.

Resist the temptation to think that more MDMA will feel better! If you’re enjoying the roll, and want it to last longer, wait until at least three hours into the high (beginning with the onset) to boost with approximately half your original dose. (I suggest boosting once or not at all.) We and so many others have learned this lesson the hard way! This is not like cocaine, where more can feel like it’s better. Starting with more than 120 mg and boosting too soon or with more than 60 mg can bring on symptoms of neurotoxicity. For example, when you begin to hyperventilate or experience nystagmus (eyeball fluttering) or feel yourself clenching your jaw it means you’ve had plenty and should do no more during that particular roll. But unless you experience more severe symptoms or have done two or more times the recommended dose, there’s no need to panic. Just stay hydrated (a little more if you’re sweating) and these symptoms will pass without doing lasting harm, though this may take some hours. If the experience becomes overwhelming, try some soothing music. And of course, you can always call 911 if you think you’re in danger.

Remember, you can always do more than you did; you can’t do less.

To get the most out of the roll and deepen the experience of this rare and unique state, consider alternately connecting internally (with yourself) and externally (with another person).

Connecting with Yourself

Sit quietly and focus on emotions and bodily sensations. Feel compassion for yourself or others in your life. Allow feelings to come up, and sit with them. Listen to music with a blindfold on. Explore your senses with scents, aromas, fabrics, and furs. You may enjoy anything with mint or eucalyptus scents or flavors as well as hot and cold showers, and unique sensations such as peegasms (oh yes!). On their first roll, some people prefer to simply “cocoon,” lying down with a sheet or blanket and focusing inward.

Connecting with Another Person

Engaging in meaningful conversation, massage, walking, dancing, or other physical activities together can be quite satisfying when rolling. (But stay safe!) In addition, some like to be collaboratively creative in this state (e.g., paint, write, sing, play an instrument).

Advice for Couples

Note that sharing MDMA with a romantic partner, especially the first few times, can be a very special bonding experience. Some couples have approached this sacramentally (at first sharing expectations, using candles and incense, etc.). Physical contact, especially during onset the first time, can help quell any anxiety. One way some couples have done this is with both sitting on the floor, and one partner hugging the other from behind, placing their hand over the other’s heart, and speaking in a soothing, reassuring way.

Spooning as soothing.

Keep in mind that sex can be difficult but nevertheless pleasurable. (Guys, don’t feel bad if you can’t get or keep an erection, or come. That’s par for the course. Smoking cannabis while rolling can increase sexual arousal but can also hobble your ability to converse.)

Caution: MDMA opens your heart. The old California bumper sticker said, “Don’t get married within 2 weeks of rolling together!” It is wise to not make big decisions or commit to big plans while rolling or during the week to follow. And remember: the experience can make a new partner seem like a better person than they really are and can make you feel more romantic toward them than you really do! So be careful about making a sudden proclamation of love under the influence or a confession you may slap your forehead about the next morning.

That said, the medicine can provide a useful opportunity to envision the kind of life the two of you might wish to create together (like what you want your home to look like or where you’d like to travel together or even move to).

Anchoring

As Shelley did with Enya’s “Flora’s Secret,” you can “anchor” the sensation in your body. This is kind of like filing the experience away for future reference. For example, you can note the feeling in your chest (for some this is a warm, expansive, glowing sensation) by spending a moment focusing your attention there and perhaps placing your hand over your heart. (I call this “embodying your bliss.”) Then another day, maybe when you’re having a particularly stressful time, you can tune into the experience again by placing your hand on your heart to recall that warm feeling and the sense of well-being that can still be available to you.

Outdoor Tips

If you’re ever concerned about being in public, and that people might know what you’re up to (which is highly unlikely), here’s what a friend of ours says: “I carry one of those little one-ounce sample bottles of vodka or scotch with me. If I’m way high and paranoid that it’s all too obvious, I just splash a little around my mouth so I smell of it. If they think I’m just a bit tipsy, that’s fine with me!”

A Warning about Personal Belongings

I learned this one the hard way. It’s easy to lose stuff outside when I’m in this state! I’ve had to rigorously follow a ritual (Got my keys? Money? Phone? MDMA boost?) when I leave one place for another. This includes leaving a subway, train, restaurant, or taxi cab. (More than once, Shelley has pointed to the car seat as I’m exiting and said, “Isn’t that your phone?”) I also make sure my pockets are secure when I’m lying on the ground. Therefore, carry your valuables in a way that’s attached to you. (One person I know safety pins her keys to the inside of her pocket.) Tie shirts around your waist. You don’t want to worry about your property when you’re rolling.

An Exotic Experience

If you’ve done MDMA before and are thoroughly familiar with its effects, and you’re near a health spa with a floatation tank, I would strongly recommend experiencing one while rolling. On its own, this sensory deprivation environment is a unique experience.^*7 In tandem with MDMA it has repeatedly provided me with an experience I could only describe as floating to heaven in the loving arms of God. Or, more plainly, pure physical euphoria. (Bring a small bottle of water in there with you.)

Combinations with Other Drugs

It is inadvisable to do any other drug along with MDMA, especially the first time. Don’t experiment with alcohol, ketamine, LSD, or magic mushrooms. You are greatly increasing your chances for health and/or emotional difficulties when you do. Mixing MDMA and alcohol can be especially dangerous to your health!

A word about marijuana with MDMA: It’s a double-edged sword. I’ve seen both sides of this combination. Some people appreciate grass’s ability to soften the sometimes hard edges of a roll. When they’ve done a bit too much, it can calm them and alter the experience to make it a bit gentler. Or it can enhance the effects and bounce a person back up there when they’re coming down from the roll. (Remember, your experience may vary.)

On the other hand, Shelley says, “It makes us stupid!” Meaning that when one of us smokes when we’re rolling and then attempts to carry on a lucid conversation, often that person will be talking and in the middle of the . . . um . . . right in the middle of . . . I’m sorry, what was I just saying? It’s like that.

In addition, smoking takes some people to an entirely different and much less happy place, blunting the physical euphoria they experience during the roll. So I’d recommend moderating your dosage of MDMA (at all times) and, especially that first time, letting it take its course without smoking. But after that, you may want to have it around as an option should you wish to experiment and alter things, especially toward the end of the experience. But even then, start with just a toke or two.

Stay Mindful of What You Reveal about Yourself

Respect that you’re in a rare and precious state and that you may feel very open to people. Just as you’d advise a friend in a bar, don’t share feelings or divulge information about yourself that you might regret and feel embarrassed about the next day. (And no tattoos under the influence!)

After the Experience

Integration—meaning, thinking and talking about, working through, and absorbing the experience afterward—is actually more important than the experience itself. Otherwise a roll can become an isolated episode in your life instead of one that can enhance and inform the rest of it. And the hours and days just after the experience are very important for integration, as one is still open.

Talk with someone about it, but choose that person wisely as it should be someone who’s a good listener and is nonjudgmental. Consider a fellow traveler, your mate, or a good friend. And keep your schedule free the following day . . . except maybe for a therapy session!

Some claim that taking 100 mg of 5-HTP the same night as well as the following night to replenish the serotonin helps them avoid what is known in the subculture as the “Tuesday Blues,” that would occur after the all-night Saturday rave (see here). This however has not been researched, and I hear contradictory reports, although using 5-HTP this way won’t hurt you.

Besides the possible low mood for a few days afterward, the only other debt that needs to be paid (and especially for those over forty) is a good, long night’s sleep, followed by a day of rest! At my age, I will sometimes sleep for ten, eleven, or even twelve hours and then wake up feeling a sweet afterglow. I also make sure to take the time the day after to integrate and evaluate the experience.

The concept of “anchoring,” explained previously in this book, can be useful after the experience.

BUILDING COMMUNITY WITH MDMA: GROUP EXPERIENCES (THREE OR MORE PEOPLE)

The annual MDMA group experiences that Shelley and I convened up until a few years ago were clearly the highlight of our year. We acted as hosts—as opposed to therapist and nurse—for these events (these days we let others do the honors). They were magical days that would transform the two of us into walking connectivity devices, because many of those we gathered would form new and lasting friendships. It’s bonding through bliss (or, as one participant put it, “kinship nirvana”), and watching this occur has been deeply gratifying.

Through trial and error we ascertained how to maximize the chances for an idyllic experience for everyone involved. This section describes what we learned.

No money was, or should ever be, exchanged for this kind of gathering. These were not ceremonies that a participant expects to pay for in exchange for the medicine and professional guidance. There are such ceremonies and guides, but this is more about a mutual, peer-to-peer experience. Our basic intention, or set, was to bond, build a community of fellow travelers, and enjoy each other’s company while in the embrace of this heart-opening compound.

During the years we hosted in the spring, we grew to almost thirty people, but I would recommend no more than fifteen your first time out. Weather permitting, we would have the option of proceeding outdoors to a prechosen spot, preferably in nature. (Always have a Plan B in case it rains.) One should choose this spot wisely. It needs to be completely safe (from wild beasts or wild humans). We’ve traditionally gone to a semi-secluded spot in Prospect Park here in Brooklyn, where we “hide in plain sight” looking to passers-by like good friends enjoying a picnic. It’s a very casual day, but one structured by the guidelines outlined in this chapter.

When we hosted in winter, it was a smaller, indoor affair. Such a roll is more suited to first-timers, as it’s a quieter day and, like winter itself, encourages introspection. This is best held at a home that has several possible “chill spaces” for people who’d prefer to be left alone a while to “cocoon,” something that’s common for those new to the experience. (Often people want to explore internally and work with what comes up for them. Some even wish to wrap themselves in a jacket or blanket.) I would suggest a maximum of twelve people for such an occasion.

Preparation

First, if you’ve never done MDMA, I suggest you do not host a group experience. It’s too much responsibility for a person who isn’t well acquainted with the terrain. Save your first time for someone who can either do it with you and/or guide you through it if they’re experienced.

If you are hosting and choose to invite more than one neophyte, don’t be the only experienced person there, as you may be stretched too thin if several need your support at once.

Also, please understand that the integration of any such experience is really what matters most in the long run. So schedule this event for a day when most participants will have the following day off (and will certainly not be working that same night!). In other words, for those with a normal work schedule, a Saturday is far preferable to a Sunday.

If there are to be more than two of you, you must first choose the right people! This is a crucial, fundamental part of your setting. Only choose individuals you trust and feel completely comfortable with, and who you strongly believe will get along. I recommend rigorously excluding those with big egos, negative personalities, or big mouths, as they may tend to dominate the proceedings by talking too much or demanding or attracting too much attention, while the rest of you are all feeling too loving and soft-hearted to tell them to pipe down! One wrong person can sour the day for everybody.

Also, be sure to screen everyone for medical or psychological conditions. For examples of red flags, refer to the following list of conditions. As noted in an earlier chapter, no one should be doing MDMA if they are either pregnant or suffer from:

• Heart disease
• Epilepsy
• Immune system issues like chronic fatigue syndrome
• HIV being treated with Ritonavir or other protease inhibitors
• Depression that’s currently being treated with an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor), an SNRI (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor), or an MAOI (monoamine oxidase inhibitors)
• Bipolar Disorder (or those at risk of having it). Check your family history. If you do MDMA and it results in a manic episode, chances are it was not caused but rather revealed by the use of MDMA.
• ADD or ADHD being treated with amphetamine, unless they forego use that day
• Persistent suicidal or homicidal ideas
• Schizophrenia
• Paranoia

I also suggest trying to arrive at a gender balance. If this is a gay, trans, or nonbinary gathering, seek a yin/yang balance (i.e., balancing people who are more the assertive, extroverted, take-charge type with people who are more receptive and introverted and go with the flow). At least this is what I’ve found works best. Of course there doesn’t have to be a perfect balance for the day to work—the medicine itself tends to sort things out. One year Shelley and I hosted parallel women’s and men’s events in separate locations and then came together at the end. That was an enriching day for all.

Feel free to use the invitation on the next page as a template, adapting it as you see fit. If you’re using email, send it out BCC. No one should know who’s invited or who’s coming until they arrive! This helps ensure privacy.

Notice how this invite helps set the stage for the kind of event Shelley and I wanted to have, and how its language kept things fairly discreet. Also notice how some basic guidelines are embedded right in it.

 

Subject: Save the Date—Our Annual Brooklyn Group Experience

Hi there!

It’s time to gather together with good friends (and friends to be) for our Annual Brooklyn Spring Roll!!

Once again, Shelley and I are delighted to invite you, along with a very select group of wonderful people, for this most rare experience! A moment to stop time, come together, and bear witness to another way of being.

It will be a day to connect heart-to-heart and find some peace, friendship, and perhaps healing as well.

This year we gather here in Brooklyn on Saturday, May 23. We’ll begin at our house at noon, and we usually head off to our semi-secluded spot in Prospect Park thereafter.

Important stuff to keep in mind:

• If you’re interested, you must RSVP!
• Due to the sensitive nature of this event, Shelley and I have chosen the recipients of the email you are now reading very carefully. PLEASE DO NOT INVITE OR FORWARD this invitation to anyone (or mention it on any social media) without first discussing it with us!
• If you decide to join us, you are expected to fully participate in the day’s festivities. No bystanders! We’ve found this to be the way the day works best for everyone.
• FYI: Deference is given to people’s need for personal space during the event. This means personal boundaries are respected. You are free to spend time alone or to hang out with others, or both. Based on prior gatherings, you can expect anywhere between nine and twenty-five participants. Further, if you decide to join us, you agree to keep the identities of all participants confidential.

Feel free to call us with any questions!

 

Notice that we freely use the term roll, as it conveys to those already in the know what the day is about. But you will still need to make sure everyone knows that they will be participating in an MDMA experience! (More than once we’ve had people show up expecting something else, like a different drug.) This may require individual conversations, preferably face-to-face or through an encrypted app like Signal.

When you finally have your list of RSVPs, you can send the following orientation letter out a few days beforehand. Again, adapt it as you see fit, and only use BCC! (People appreciate this.) And again, note how this letter further sets the tone (or set) for the day.

 

Subject: Final Details for This Saturday’s Group Experience

Dear Friend,

Well, here we are, a few short days before Saturday’s adventure!

Shelley and I are happy and excited to be hosting once again; this event is one of the highlights of our year!

And what a special group of people—you’re one of them!—we have gathered for this day, including friends old and new. About two dozen of our little tribe, all told.

Below you’ll find all the information you’ll need to best ensure a smooth journey. These are guidelines and suggestions we’ve gleaned from years of experience about what works best to optimize the time for everyone. Please read this email through in its entirety!

Here’s the day’s schedule:

• Please arrive at our home by noon sharp! It’s important you arrive promptly, so that we can spend sufficient time congealing as a group and establishing a good set for the day right here! For this reason, we kindly request that you arrive sober. (The day will work best if we all arrive in the same “place” at the same time.)

Please come to:

[insert your address]

Be sure to bring my number with you if you don’t already have it:

[insert your cell].

• 1:00 p.m.: The journey begins with a brief opening ritual, and we head off to our special spot in Prospect Park. Expect to spend the afternoon there, as we set up picnic-style. [Give the weather forecast here] We suggest you bring an extra layer to adjust for any fluctuations in outdoor or body temperature.
• About 7:00 p.m.: We have a brief ritual to bring the structured part of the day to a close (although while in the park, the “structure” is pretty loose). Please be prepared to spend the day with us until this time. If you cannot, call me ASAP!
• Afterward, you’re invited back to our home for an after party, where your friends and significant others are welcome.

Please bring:

• Your own MDMA
• A water bottle, full or empty (we can fill it here).
• Anything suitable to set up a picnic-like space in the park, like light, healthy snacks to share, a blanket, a lawn chair, cushions or pillows, etc.
• To take advantage of the rare space we’ll be co-creating, feel free to bring something to share from your heart. This can be a special song or quote, photo, poem, piece of art, etc. (If you bring music on your phone, we have a small portable speaker). This can be something that you’ve created yourself or something you’ve come upon that helps, inspires, or amuses you.

In addition, please note:

• To create a safe and sacred space, this will be a closed and completely confidential event. That’s why everyone was bcc’d on this email. After the event, you can opt to share your contact information.
• Do not invite or bring anyone that you have not previously spoken to us about! No surprises! If you wish to bring a plus-one I haven’t met, I will need to meet them beforehand and as soon as possible.
• As previously discussed, when you join us, you are expected to fully participate in the day’s journey (i.e., no bystanders). This and the other guidelines are set in place to ensure a safe container for everyone’s journey.
• There will be a “community bowl” into which nonfood shareable items can be placed (paper towels, baby wipes, yo-yos, feather dusters, etc.). This way, we’ll all know where to find things and where to return them.
• Finally please understand that, while I and everyone else here will be supportive of you in your journey, I am not available as a therapist this day (I know you know that, but I just needed to say it).
   

Any additional questions or suggestions? Feel free to write or call Shelley or me!

We are so looking forward to seeing you on Saturday!!

 

I know this may seem like a lot to mention, but people tend to appreciate the attention to detail. Knowing someone has cared to think this through in such detail helps people feel secure.

Also, gather beforehand all materials that may come in handy for the day: 5-HTP (should be found in any vitamin or health store), toys, candles, gum, etc.

The Day Of

If someone shows up having decided they do not wish to do MDMA, or intending to partake of a different substance, thank them for speaking up and taking care of themselves and gently and respectfully ask them to leave. Yes, that is a tough thing to do, but it’s essential. As the event organizer, you are the one most responsible for the setting, for protecting the integrity of the space and keeping it safe, and this means only participants partaking of pure MDMA get to stay. This is so everyone can feel in sync. Excluding such a person may feel cruel, but actually it’s for their benefit as well. They might otherwise—no matter how experienced they are—feel like the “odd man out” as the day unfolds.

What do you do when people want to participate and lack a supply of the medicine? Good question! As of this writing, MDMA remains illegal. If you’re hosting a group experience, understand that just by doing so, your legal exposure is greater than that of the other participants. In addition, supplying them with the medicine, even for free, further increases that exposure. Also, supplying people beforehand with information about who might be a good source can further put you in jeopardy. So please use great caution here!

When everyone has gathered, have them sit in a circle and then lay down the ground rules for the day. If you’ve used the email templates I provided, you’ve already done this. But be sure to repeat these basics to the group, as follows:

“After these ground rules are discussed, we will go around the circle to introduce ourselves and then have a little ceremony around taking the medicine. These ground rules will remain in effect until we close the circle at ____________ [state a time around six hours from now]. At that time, your friends and others are welcome to join us.

“Please maintain strict confidentiality. This means that any information about who is here today, and anything anyone either says, does, or ingests does not leave the circle.¹ You can feel free to share any lessons learned or any experience you have, as long as it respects the privacy of everyone here. Is everyone here okay with this? Does anyone have a problem with this, or need any clarification? [This helps to ensure that everyone is in agreement and imbues the space, or container, with a feeling of safety and trust.]

“Remember to respect boundaries.

“If a person is sitting alone, ask for permission to speak with them.

“Request attention if you need it, and allow that the person may not be receptive at that moment.

“Understand that some people may be cocooning, or spending alone time exploring their internal experience.

“Even if someone is going through an intense emotional experience, do not assume they need to be helped or even comforted. Just being close by and a quiet presence for them may be sufficient.²

“And can we all agree to refrain from sexual behavior during the experience? Even couples should not express their love in this way today, as doing so will exclude everyone else and tend to sap the energy of the group.³

“In the same respect, any touching should only occur if permission is both requested and granted.

“Further, if someone does, or even says something that makes you uncomfortable, speak up! Either work it out with the person (if you feel safe doing so, maybe with another person there for support) or come speak with me or one of the helpers.”

After you’ve laid out the above ground rules, say the following:

“So please now raise your hand if you are experienced with the medicine and would like to be available as a helper today. [Pause to note volunteers, which can include you of course.] Anyone here who is new to the medicine, or coming back to it after a long hiatus, or anyone in need of assistance or support can ask one of these people.

“Some first-timers expect MDMA to be like LSD or mushrooms or strong marijuana, with heightened visuals, colors, or hallucinations. It’s not like that. MDMA is a stimulant that’s closer to amphetamine in its effects.”

Also marijuana can affect communication, so explain this to them as follows:

“I respectfully request that people refrain from using marijuana for the duration. This is because combining it with MDMA may interfere with person-to-person communication. Some people have found that if they smoke during a roll, they’ll be talking with someone and then in the middle of a sentence will forget what they’re saying. So please wait until we close the circle at the end of the day. I’m not here to be a cop or enforcer, but I make this request because this is what has been found to work best. The same goes for wine or beer. After we close the circle later on, you can feel free to partake.

“Respect will be given to anyone who wishes to be left alone for a time. This is especially true for first-timers, who may wish to ‘cocoon’ or simply be with themselves as they work with the medicine.”

If your event is held indoors, say, “Entering a ‘chill space’ room here signals to others you want to be quiet and undisturbed.” If outdoors, a small tent can be set up for this purpose. Mention that entering it will signal to the rest of the group that the person wants some privacy.

Refer to the items you’ve gathered, like 5-HTP, toys, candles, gum. Explain what each item is for and how they can be found in the “community bowl.” Invite everyone to avail themselves of two capsules of 5-HTP (100 mg) for them to take over the next two nights at bedtime to help replace their serotonin. The gum is for anyone who might experience jaw tightness during the roll.

You’re now ready to begin. Start with having the attendees introduce themselves one by one:

“Now I’d like to go around the circle and have each person briefly state their name, what brings you here today, and any intention or any particular pain or hurt you wish to focus on that you are willing to let us know about. Please keep this to a minute or two, tops!” You can go first to break the ice and demonstrate the brevity you just requested.

After the go ’round say the following:

“For an opening ceremony, we can make up our own way of purifying the space. For instance, we can offer a prayer^*8 or an inspiring quote, have one of us smudge each person with burnt sage, and so on.” (Obviously you might want to have some sage available for such a purpose.)

“Let’s have each person take the medicine in their hand, and then let’s all take it together.”

If the group has the intention of heading somewhere else (such as a park), leave immediately after ingestion! The medicine can take a varying amount of time to take effect—from ten or twenty minutes to ninety, depending on a person’s metabolism and when and how much they last ate, so it’s best to settle in wherever you’re going before it does.

Options for the Day

In our experience, people just want to use the time simply to connect with each other in an organic way. This is not a day to take charge of the experience and make things happen. It’s a day to enjoy each other’s company and let things happen.

The options that follow mostly apply to the “winter roll” I described earlier. Once the experience is in full swing and you’ve gotten a sense of where the group is at, you can gently suggest one of the following “for anyone who wants to.” But be prepared to let go of any and all suggestions, because people may just prefer to talk with each other.

• If you suggested in your orientation email (as I have in the sample given) that people bring something creative to share (a poem they like, a song they wish to sing or play, perhaps with everyone singing along, etc.) you can gently suggest at some point over the course of the roll that the time has come for anyone who wishes to do so. Allow that some may not wish to interrupt their journey to be a part of this, so be clear that participation—as a presenter or listener—is optional.
• Sitting in a circle, have people pair up with the person to their right, preferably with someone they don’t know well. Each pair chooses an “A” and a “B.” The A’s go first. One person is to speak, and the other is to listen in silence. Start them with this statement: “My greatest hope in life is . . .” Only when the first person is done, do they switch. After everyone has shared with their partner, bring their attention back to you, and have them take it down to a deeper level by sharing a second time but with this statement: “My greatest fear in life is . . .” Remember, the nonspeaking person is not to respond, only listen to and “receive” the speaker. At the close of the circle at the end of the day, you can ask people to share their experience with this exercise.
• Cuddle puddles sometimes emerge organically. (No one should take this as permission to grope, kiss, or sexually come on to another.)
• If you’re indoors, dancing is always an option! Understand that music people might ordinarily like to dance to when sober or on other substances (alcohol, cannabis) may or may not inspire dancing on MDMA. EDM, however, is made for a roll. You want music with a strong and fast beat. Also keep in mind dancing may be best done at the end, or right after the closing of the circle.
• A way to take dancing to another, deeper, and more intimate (and fun!) level is to suggest people break into pairs and have each person “mirror” the other. You can switch between dyads of the same, and other, genders.

Here are some other suggestions I’ve never needed to use during a roll but have had at the ready:

• Consider the Native American ritual of sitting in a circle and using a talking stick. One speaks only when one has the stick, while all others listen respectfully. A person motions for the stick only when they feel moved to speak from the heart. Allow for periods of silence between speakers, a time when feelings may emerge. A person can even request the stick and ask for a period of silence.⁴

Face cradling. Illustration by David G. Klein.

Partners sit or stand hand to heart and eye to eye. Illustration by David G. Klein.

• Face cradling. After breaking into pairs, this very intimate exercise entails using one’s hands to hold the other’s face in a gentle way. Both should allow for any feelings that may emerge.
• Break into pairs, sit or stand hand to heart and eye to eye, and say, “I see the light in you” one at a time. Start with same gender duos, then switch.

Closing Ceremony

It’s always best to have a brief closing circle to complete the structured part of the day. You can sit or stand and invite anyone who wishes to, to speak “for closure.” You can also remind people of any intention they expressed at the opening ceremony and encourage them to keep that in mind over the next several days or give them the option of staying connected over the coming days and weeks (see “Integration” below). And if you like, you can invite folks to stay and hang out.

Evaluation

Later that night or the next day, note for yourself what transpired and your impressions of the event. Pay particular attention to any aspects of the day that worked well, and those that didn’t, including this particular mix of people. Review these notes before your next experience. In this way, you will learn how to continuously improve these gatherings.

Integration

If you think about it, the true lasting value of this day will reside in participants integrating it into their lives. And the simplest way to accommodate this is to offer to keep the feeling of togetherness going. We’ve found the best and safest way to do this is to use an encrypted app like Signal for ongoing group chats. Participants find these chats quite useful in staying connected, helping each other with reentry back into their normal lives, and combating what one person poignantly referred to as being “homesick.”

People can flesh out and process with each other what happened and share what they learned, and some may also wish to share their email address. But mostly, they use the connection simply to keep up with those they’ve spent this intimate day with.

Understand that in the days that follow, you may be called upon to help individuals work through any interpersonal snags that occurred that day. For example, boundary issues between two people can be tricky when working with such a heart-opening medicine as MDMA, and feelings can arise after the roll. In such a case, after listening to the person, you might suggest (if appropriate) that they speak directly to the one they had the problem with. But mostly, be a good listener, and remember you always have the option, if you sense it’s something you can’t really help them with, of recommending they bring it to a psychotherapist.

KEEPING YOUR HEAD: RULES FOR A SUCCESSFUL LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH MDMA

I’ve found that the best thing a substance can do is flip on a switch I never even knew was there, much less that it had been set in the “off” position. It can open a door of perception to show me a new way of looking at or doing something. The substance has then done me some permanent good, has fulfilled its purpose, and I don’t need it anymore. (Although I may choose to continue using it.)

For example, pot helped this gangly, awkward, uncoordinated Jewish kid from the burbs learn that rhythm lives in his body and that he can dance! Who knew?

But I found over time that I very much liked the excellent smoking (or drinking) high that would come after abstaining a while. Likewise, the more I’d smoke (or drink), the less I’d enjoy it, and the steeper the downside. I soon just had to face reality: if I didn’t draw boundaries around my usage, I would find myself in the “A/A” (Addiction/ Abstinence) trap. This comes when one has abused a substance too long and must choose between addiction and its constraining alternative, abstention. While abstention is preferable to addiction, either would spell the end of any chance of a lasting, happy and healthy chemical relationship.

And don’t get me wrong, I have nothing but admiration and respect for those who have pulled themselves up from the avalanche of addiction and have instead chosen life and saved themselves, often with the help of twelve-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. I’ve attended many meetings myself over the years to help fend off my taste for cocaine. The stories I heard in those rooms of courage and overcoming often moved me to tears. Some people clearly need to practice a rigorous and permanent sobriety in order to survive.

The alternative path, that of discovering what Dr. Andrew Tatarsky calls one’s “optimal relationship” with a substance, is called the “harm reduction” path. For some this approach may also point to abstinence from all drugs and alcohol, for some it may not. My own personal solution for avoiding the A/A dilemma is a harm reduction approach, but what I outline next does not and cannot work for everyone.

In short, I’ve learned to limit my intake of certain substances, so I can keep taking them in. It’s what one may call following the middle path.

Here are some rules that work for me that you can tweak to fit your own personality and predilections. They can be applied to the use of any recreational substance.

Rigorously Assess What You Can and Cannot Control

When I was younger, I used amphetamines and coke every so often (though not together). This turned out to be unsustainable for me. My “drugs of choice” are ups (like coke and speed), so these were and remain my very slippery slopes to addiction. I can’t control cocaine—it rapidly starts to control me, something akin to computer malware: once I let it in, I immediately start to regret it. I learned from hard experience I can’t keep it in the house. It would call to me in the middle of the night. I can’t even be around others who are doing it. That’s how susceptible I am, and being honest with myself about this is essential to my well-being.

Other substances, like cannabis and MDMA, I can control. You need to tell yourself the truth about what you can control and what you cannot. If you use these guidelines to kid yourself that you can handle more intoxication in your life than you really can, you’ll know soon enough, and the results may not be pretty.

How do you assess whether or not you can have a healthy relationship to drugs? Consider the following:

• How dependent are you on a substance to get through the day, week, or month? How much space does it take up in your head? And what kind of ratio exists between your sober and nonsober time?
• Constructing one’s own set of rules for sustainable drug use is one thing; sticking to them is another. Self-deception and deception of others are common traps. Because addiction tends to live in a world of lies.
• Make the choice to build safety firewalls between you and abusing these substances. I did this by making myself accountable to others about my schedule and my own rules. (As discussed, I’m a member of a men’s team. I’ve known these guys for twenty-five years and trust them implicitly. I hide nothing from them. And I can trust them to call me on my bullshit (which has not been a rare occurrence!) Every week I check in with one of them about my week’s goals and actions, including a check-in about my substance use. I practice a rigorous transparency whenever I slip off the path. Remember, my goal has been long-term chemical happiness. Short-term has abuse written all over it and has more than once landed me smack into that A/A dilemma.
       Honesty is your best friend in this game. As I’ve noted, addiction, much like its sibling, shame, thrives in the dark. Take note that this may sometimes entail “pissing in your beer” or the equivalent. For example, to help protect myself against using cocaine, I told my first wife, “If you ever see me sniffling repeatedly or wake up in the middle of the night to find me gone, call my brother and blow the whistle on me!” I knew he would then come over and kick my ass! Just knowing I’d told her this, and that she’d oblige, was enough to keep me straight.
• Set limits for yourself and stick to them. MDMA is not like coke or some other drugs where more makes you higher. At least for me, and many others, it’s the opposite, and I’ve learned through hard experience to resist the urge to keep upping the dose. I became so frustrated at the meager results, I was close to deciding that, after so many experiences, my rolling days were over. Then I discovered that less is more. Lately even a normal dose gives me poor results. So now I’ll measure out only about 65 mg (as opposed to the normal 120), and it works like a charm, reminding me of when I first began!
       When I was in my twenties, I smoked cannabis two to three times a week and drank every week. All that grass clouded my brain and fed my melancholia. I listened to my body, which seemed to be telling me it didn’t mind alcohol as much. So, I cut down to smoking once every two weeks and drinking a fair amount, but only once every alternate week. This was sustainable for me until my forties, when I cut down further, allowing myself to smoke as much weed as I wanted, but only once every six weeks. And I have followed these rules assiduously for the past twenty-five years.
       Further, as mentioned previously, I learned that the less often I smoked or drank, the more I enjoyed it. This less-is-more revelation has helped set my course to this day. It is in this way that I have taken my potentially dangerous proclivities or indulgences and have, utilizing an at times painful discipline, bent them so that they can serve me instead of the other way around.
       Accordingly, when I started using MDMA and psychedelics more frequently, I simply folded them into my program, allowing myself four or five rolls plus around four trips per year, and never less than four to six weeks apart. It’s really all I need. (Also, as noted elsewhere, these are never spontaneous occurrences. Rolling and tripping are precious events for us. We plan them weeks or months in advance, often around a party, vacation, or other special occasion.)
       If you can’t relate to the need for such limits for yourself, maybe you don’t need them yet. Revisit these ideas later on in your journey.
• Learn to enjoy your sober intermissions. If you find this difficult or find your mind preoccupied with and yearning and planning for the next experience, build more time into the sober intermissions. (Sorry. This is tough, I know.) The way to long-term chemical happiness is finding the right balance, or ratio, between sober and nonsober days. For me, at this stage of my life way up here in the early seventies, if I factor in drinking and cannabis, it’s a ratio of about 8:1.
• Have a party ally and be transparent with him or her. This means someone who you hang with at events or at home, who you already know and trust. For me, this is my wife Shelley, ever the voice of reason. When it’s 2:00 a.m. and she says, “You’ve done enough,” I know she’s right and I stop, even (or especially) when I don’t want to.
• Keep notes during every major experience. Include substance, dosage, set, setting, insights during the journey, etc. When you’re sober again, perhaps the next day, include a “what worked/what didn’t” addendum to refer back to when you’re prepping for your next embarkation. This way you’ll tend to continuously improve your experiences, and you’ll also be able to observe your relationship with MDMA over time too.
• Remember: If you don’t keep your head, you could lose it.

As time goes on, I find my aging body can tolerate these powerful agents less. I’m subsequently in the process (kicking and screaming at times) of cutting down. For example, I noticed that I was catching colds and coming down with bronchitis more often lately. But when I cut down to making sure I was completely sober every second weekend (I only get high on the weekends) my immunity responded positively. It’s disappointing to me, because (as you might have guessed) I love getting high, but I love my health more.

I’m also building in more parameters around and squeezing more value out of each experience. Also, I not only journey less, but, ahem, write about it more.

AVOIDING THE “TUESDAY BLUES”

Perhaps you’ve heard about a potential downside of using MDMA: A “crash” that leaves some people depressed, sometimes very depressed! This is referred to as the “Tuesday Blues” because it can occur several days after a Saturday night roll.

I’ve always been curious about these reports, as neither Shelley nor I have ever experienced this in all our rolls together. And in the current MAPS-sponsored phase 3 trials with MDMA to treat PTSD, people are not reporting such a negative aftereffect. So what’s the story?

I’ve learned that the factors most responsible for causing the “Tuesday Blues” usually directly correspond to the breaking of one or more of the guidelines I outline in this chapter. So, once again, to minimize such a risk, make sure to do the following:

• Test your stash and only buy and use pure MDMA.
• Measure your pleasure. Employ a scale accurate to (preferably) 1 mg (or .001 g) increments. I’ve never used more than 200 mg (including boosts) over the course of a roll, and Shelley no more than 175 mg. Almost always we’ve used a total of between 100–160 mg each, max. A severe comedown is far more likely if you take over 225 mg over the course of a roll.
• Limit your usage to a maximum of once a month.
• Hydrate! Whether you’re thirsty or not! As stated already, if you’re dancing or engaged in another strenuous physical activity, you’ll need about two cups an hour. You don’t want to get overheated. Water or Gatorade (for the electrolytes) work best. Don’t overdo it, however.
• Take 100 or 200 mg of 5-HTP at bedtime the night of and the night after. This helps replenish serotonin lost during the roll. (One caveat: This can be quite effective for some in beating the blues. Beware of the temptation to roll more frequently as a result. The beneficial effects of 5-HTP would be offset by the frequent depletion of serotonin, which can be dangerous. Moderation is the key!)
• Antioxidants should be taken before and after the experience. They can be found in vitamin C (1,000 mg), vitamin E (under 400 IU), coenzyme Q10, and also fish, nuts, green tea, and berries.
• Don’t mix in other substances during or directly after a roll, especially other stimulants or alcohol.
• Sleep it off. Personally, I’ve found this to be the most important way to recuperate. I recommend getting a few hours of sleep more than you normally do. The more the better, especially the first night! Avoid benzodiazapines, like Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Ativan, Librium, Halcion. Melatonin and 5-HTP (as mentioned) are good.

Keep in mind as well that psychological factors can play a part here. You might be naturally sad that the roll is over, and you’re back in an ordinary state of consciousness (although some report an afterglow). This is normal and points to learning how to integrate the experience into your life.

If you follow these guidelines and still consistently experience a crash afterward, perhaps your body is telling you that MDMA is not for you.