CONTENTS

  1. Deliver us, O Lord, from the Fury of the Norsemen.
  2. —Ninth-century Catholic prayer
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Welcome
  4. Epigraph
  5. Introduction
  6. Author’s Note
  7. 1. The Viking Warrior
  8. One of the most feared fighters in the history of the world, a typical Viking is two hundred pounds of muscle packed into a suit of chain mail armor and set loose with a battle-axe. No bigs.
  9. 2. Norse Mythology
  10. From Thor’s hammer to an epic war between gods and monsters, the religion of the Vikings isn’t the sort of thing you’d expect to learn at Sunday school.
  11. 3. Turgeis the Devil
  12. The fact that this ferocious sea-raider founded Dublin doesn’t save him from being the most hated Norseman in the history of Ireland
  13. 4. The Voyage of Hasting
  14. After crossing swords with Moorish warriors in North Africa, a wide-ranging Viking duo heads across the Mediterranean and lays waste to Italy.
  15. 5. Kievan Rus
  16. The amazing true tale of how the Vikings inadvertently found modern-day Russia.
  17. 6. The Vikings at Home
  18. When most Northmen aren’t raiding, marauding, and killing, they enjoy eating salted fish, drowning one another in lakes, and watching horses fight to the death.
  19. 7. The Great Heathen Army
  20. Seeking to avenge his murdered father, the awesomely named Viking lord Ivar the Boneless leads the largest armada of warships England has ever seen across the North Sea in a full-scale invasion.
  21. 8. Britain Fights Back
  22. Smashed on the battlefield and forced to flee into the dark marshes of Britain, a young English prince named Alfred swears to retake his homeland from the invading hordes.
  23. 9. Harald Fairhair
  24. After a girl makes fun of his puny little kingdom, Harald Fairhair decides he’s not going to cut his hair until he’s conquered all of Norway. And that’s what he does.
  25. 10. Gunnhild, Mother of Kings
  26. A devoted wife, fierce mother, and vengeance-hungry warrior, the bloodthirsty “Mother of Kings” is one of the most hated, capable, and influential women in Norwegian history.
  27. 11. The Siege of Paris
  28. When the heathens come knocking on the gates of the City of Love, a defiant Frankish count responds by dumping a vat of boiling-hot oil on their heads.
  29. 12. Hrolf the Walker
  30. One plunder-seeking warrior’s journey from frothing-at-the-mouth Viking to iron-fisted European nobleman.
  31. 13. Egil Skallagrimsson
  32. Vikings are so tough that even their world-renowned poets have a startling tendency to cleave their enemies in two with an axe.
  33. 14. Saint Olga of Kiev
  34. Taking over the throne of Russia after the untimely demise of her husband, this fearsome warrior-queen avenges him with extreme, fiery violence. Then she becomes a saint.
  35. 15. Erik the Red
  36. A semipsychotic convicted murderer discovers Greenland, realizes it’s basically uninhabitable, then inexplicably persuades a couple hundred people to follow him there and let him rule as their king.
  37. 16. The Varangian Guard
  38. Known alternately as “axe-bearing foreigners” and “the emperor’s wine-bags,” this ferocious unit of Viking mercenaries defends the Eastern Roman Empire for centuries.
  39. 17. Christianity Comes to Heathendom
  40. The most revered of all the sword-swinging Viking rulers, the legendary Olaf Crowbone baptizes his people in the most Viking way possible—by angrily threatening them with extreme bodily harm.
  41. 18. The Vikings Discover America
  42. Leif the Lucky undertakes a daring sea voyage and amazingly discovers the New World five centuries before Christopher Columbus.
  43. 19. The Decline and Fall of Ethelred the Unready
  44. When King Ethelred of England orders the slaughter of all Vikings in England, he foolishly fails to anticipate the lengths to which Vikings will go for vengeance—which is why we now know him as Ethelred the Unready.
  45. 20. The Norman Conquest
  46. The Viking Age comes to an end with an epoch-changing three-way showdown for ultimate control of the English crown, and Europe will never be the same again.
  47. Conclusion
  48. Acknowledgments
  49. About the Author
  50. A Sneak Peek of Guts & Glory: World War II
  51. Bibliography
  52. Copyright

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