My father was willing to pitch in with just about any task that would help others. One of the duties he routinely performed was that of treasurer for our local church. Most of us find it tedious to manage our own finances, so taking on another set of books as a hobby or a charity wouldn’t seem like much fun. But Dad was all in. It’s not that he was an accountant or anything of the sort; he simply had a belief that everything belongs to God and we manage it on his behalf. That applied first and foremost to the finances of the church, which is why he was willing to donate his time to do the extra bookkeeping in the days before computer accounting programs and online banking.
Dad’s belief in this concept of stewardship—that all we have is held in trust and should be used wisely—applied to everything in our lives, and I mean everything. My parents were anything but wasteful, pinching every penny until it hollered for help. We didn’t spend money on a new car when our old one ran perfectly well, and we seldom bought new clothes. Mom and Dad practiced simplicity long before it became fashionable.
That wasn’t because they didn’t appreciate nice things or wouldn’t have enjoyed spending a little money on themselves. Their attitude toward money was driven by the conviction that it wasn’t theirs to begin with; it was a gift to be used wisely.
I know what you’re thinking right now. It must have been no fun growing up in the Toler household because we never splurged or enjoyed nice things. Nothing could be further from the truth. Our home was filled with joy because Dad taught all of us an attitude of gratitude, which produced a tremendous spirit of generosity. And when we did get something new, we enjoyed it that much more. At a very young age, I learned the ancient truth that more joy is found in giving than in receiving. Dad gave all of us the gift of generosity.
When we were very young, Dad would give each of us a few coins to put in the offering plate on Sunday morning. He wanted us to find out how satisfying it is to contribute to others. More than that, he emphasized his own belief that the money isn’t ours anyway—it’s given to us for a purpose.
Later on, after Dad passed away, my stepfather, Jack Hollingsworth, also served as church treasurer and reinforced my father’s example. He made sure the Toler boys always carried their giving envelopes to church, even if it carried only a few pennies saved from our allowance. When we became old enough to earn a little money of our own, the habit of giving was already formed. I’ll never forget figuring up 10 percent of my first paycheck so I could donate that money to the church. It was satisfying to practice generosity all on my own. The amount was very small, but the impact on my life was huge.
Generosity Is a Response to Gratitude
Generosity begins with the belief that life and everything in it is a gift. As such, it rises naturally from gratitude. Positive-thinking people are grateful for what they have, and they always seem willing to share with others. This includes more than just money or even material things. You’ll find that when a person develops a positive attitude, they’re generous with their time, their hospitality, ideas, opportunities, encouragement, even their very lives. They believe that nothing in life is a zero-sum game, and there’s always more where that came from.
The opposite of generosity is a scarcity mindset, the belief that there’ll never be enough, so giving to others means taking away from yourself. That leads to stinginess, hoarding, and suspicion.
The choice to be generous is vital because it opens the door to blessing. When you give to others, you receive even more in return.
There’s a wise saying that goes something like this: “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”1 That wisdom holds true, and I’ve experienced it time and time again. This is true not in a transactional sense—that if you give away a dollar you get a dollar back. Rather, it’s what we call prudential wisdom. It’s a saying that illustrates a basic principle in life. There may be exceptions, but not many; in general, it’s the way life works. Generous people are rewarded while stingy people seem to suffer with less and less.
Here are a few of the ways that giving to others benefits not only them but you as well.
You Build a Community
If you were facing a serious problem, would you rather have a thousand dollars or a thousand friends? Most of us can readily see that having a community of support is even more valuable than having money. As the saying goes, money makes you wealthy but friends make you rich. When you’re generous with others, you put “money” in the relational “bank” of friendship. That doesn’t mean that if you give a person $50 you have the right to take it back whenever you like. That would be a loan, not a gift of generosity. It means that generous people enjoy good relationships with others, which are themselves a form of wealth.
If you’ve seen the classic film It’s a Wonderful Life, you’ll know what I mean. You may recall that the story’s protagonist, George Bailey, has devoted his life to the tiny community of Bedford Falls, passing up many opportunities to better himself. Though he doesn’t realize it, George is somewhat of a local hero. When he suddenly finds himself urgently in need of $8,000 due to an error by someone else, he feels not only penniless but an utter failure. That’s when the entire town rallies to his support, generously donating funds to make good the debt that George cannot repay. His brother, Harry, sums it up with these words: “A toast to my big brother George: The richest man in town.”
Generosity builds friendships, respect, camaraderie, and community. When you give to others, you’re indeed blessed.
You Gain Resources
The advice to “give and it will be given to you” isn’t a spiritual platitude. It’s the statement of a principle in this universe that’s every bit as reliable as the law of gravity. When you give away what you have, you gain more in return. I saw this in action many times in my parents’ lives, as their generosity sometimes seemed foolhardy to me. They would give generously to the church or to others in need even when we seemed to be lacking in resources ourselves. Invariably, they too received some opportunity or act of kindness that more than made up for what they’d “lost” by giving it away.
You’ll see this principle in action with nontangible things as well. Ideas, respect, opportunities, kindness—all these are subject to the law of generosity. When you give them away, you gain even more.
Have you ever noticed that the most successful people are often very free with new ideas? They don’t hoard wisdom, insight, or opportunities because they believe there’ll always be another good idea coming along. As a result, they usually prosper to an even greater degree.
You Are Blessed
When you give to others, you’re blessed in ways that are hard to describe. Perhaps the best way to put it is this: Giving to others is really a gift to yourself. You feel content, at peace, and blessed because you had the opportunity—and the means—to do a good thing in the world. If you haven’t yet experienced this, you’re missing out on one of the greatest opportunities life has to offer. Real meaning in life, true satisfaction, comes not from acquiring things for yourself but from blessing others with what you have.
That way of thinking is directly contrary to the way we naturally think. There’s something inside us that gives us the urge to acquire all we can, far more than we’ll ever need, and hoard it for ourselves. That lifestyle is a pathway to emptiness.
Just as the attitude of entitlement leads to a feeling of anger and frustration, so an attitude of selfishness leads to a feeling of meaninglessness. If you want to experience true joy in life, make the choice to be generous with others.
Barriers to Generosity
If this is your first time thinking about being generous, you probably have some reservations. As we’ve noted, giving away money, time, opportunity, or any other resource runs contrary to our human nature. We don’t easily part with the things we’ve worked hard for.
Some people are never able to overcome this mental hurdle. They remind me of the story about a country preacher who supported himself as an electrician. When the church needed a new roof that would cost $5000, he knew he would have to get creative with fundraising. On Saturday night he went to the church, wired each pew into the church’s electrical system, and then placed a switch beneath the pulpit.
On Sunday morning, the pastor announced the fundraising project, then said, “Who’ll give $500 toward the new roof?” With that, he flipped the switch and jolted the pews with a burst of electricity. People jumped to their feet all over the room. The good news is that the church reached its fundraising goal in a matter of seconds. The bad news is that six people were electrocuted that day. Some people simply won’t be generous.
If you’re struggling with adopting an attitude of generosity, you may be stuck on one of the following familiar hang-ups. Here are seven common reasons people resist being generous.
They Have a History of Entitlement
We’ve already noted the link between gratitude and generosity. The same connection exists between ingratitude and selfishness. The attitude of entitlement, which is the essence of ingratitude, courses through selfishness as well. People who are used to thinking they should be on the receiving end usually have a hard time with generosity.
If you find yourself thinking, Why didn’t I get more? you’ll have a hard time learning to give. That’s why having an attitude of gratitude is central for becoming a generous person. When you choose gratitude, you’ll choose generosity as well.
They Have a Culture of Scarcity
For more than 40 years, linguist Eunice Pike worked among the Mazatec people in Mexico. Many of the Mazatec women created beautifully ornate embroidered items, an art form that required considerable skill. Yet when Pike asked any woman, “Who taught you how to do this?” she would answer, “Just I know.” Pike explains, “This meant no one had taught her; she had learned by herself.” Obviously such skill couldn’t be gained by self-study, so Pike was puzzled. That is, until she learned of the concept of limited good, as believed in some traditional societies. The idea is that there’s only so much “good” in the world, whether it be land, money, food, or even knowledge. So if one woman were to teach another how to embroider, she would be giving away a valuable resource. As a result, Pike noted, they learned everything in a casual way, by watching others at work. That way, the student wouldn’t be seen as stealing something from the teacher.2
The concept of limited good may seem odd, but you and I encounter it every day by another name—a scarcity mindset. Many people believe that all good things—money, food, opportunities, success, even happiness—are in limited supply. So if one person succeeds, it must mean that another will fail. If your neighbor has a great opportunity for advancement, it must come at your expense. This kind of thinking inhibits generosity for the same reason the Mazatec people were reluctant to share knowledge with each other. It rests on the belief that when one person shares with another, the giver is somehow impoverished at the receiver’s expense.
In fact, there’s no limit on the good in the world. We can create new opportunities, more wealth, even more food as we apply our efforts and work together. Sharing with others doesn’t impoverish you. To the contrary, it enriches your life in extraordinary ways.
They Have an Attitude of Materialism
Materialism is a mindset that equates value—especially personal worthiness—with possessions. We’re all prone to this, but some embrace it (or rather suffer from it) to a high degree. This is the person who believes she’s better than her neighbor because her home is more expensive, or the man who feels inferior to others because he earns less money. People who feel this way are reluctant to be generous because their self-esteem depends on acquiring more and more. Notice once again how a negative thought underlies a destructive attitude and behavior.
Jesus of Nazareth handily refuted this dangerous thought with a simple question: “Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?”3 The answer is self-evident. Of course there’s more to life than having a new outfit or enjoying the finest foods. No person’s worth is defined by his or her possessions. You’re not worth more because you have more, nor worth less because you have less. In fact, your self-esteem will rise when you discover the joy of sharing what you have with others.
They Have Feelings of Doubt
Some people want to be generous but they worry about the impact on their own financial lives. Obviously, if you give away $50, you don’t have it anymore. What if you later find yourself in need?
As we’ve noted, generosity brings another kind of wealth that’s far more valuable than a lithograph of Ulysses S. Grant (whose image appears on the 50-dollar bill). You don’t lose by giving yourself or your resources away. You gain much more than you give, including good will, trust, friendship, and contentment.
They Lack Good Examples
My friend Heather teaches English at a community college that serves the poorest population in her state. As an exercise in multidisciplinary learning, Heather partnered with a psychology professor to create an innovative project for their students. The students would become pen pals with developmentally disabled adults at a nearby center (which would hone their writing skills) and would study the effects of disability on their new friends (a lesson in psychology). At the end of the semester, the students would host the disabled adults for an outing. “Think of the good you can do by serving others,” Heather said as an encouragement to her class. One student blurted out what others were certainly thinking: “Why would I want to do that?”
“At first I was dumbfounded,” Heather said, “but it dawned on me later. These kids have never been taught the joy of giving. They’ve never seen it in action.”
If you haven’t witnessed the blessing of generosity, it may be a difficult concept to wrap your mind around. It seems counterintuitive, but it’s true: You gain more when you give yourself away. Think of the lives of great givers such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, or even contemporary philanthropists like Bill and Melinda Gates or Bono. All of them demonstrate the simple truth that there’s greater joy in blessing others than in acquiring things for ourselves.
They Have a Spirit of Indifference
Sadly, some people lack generosity because they simply don’t care about the needs of others. Selfishness seems to be the spirit of our time, and we’re encouraged to see people as either winners or losers. It’s easy to slip into the habit of thinking about ourselves, our dreams, our desires, and our needs while completely ignoring those around us. If they have needs, we figure, it’s because they’re lazy or they haven’t planned well enough. Everybody deserves exactly what they get.
That’s not true, of course. Many of us have received far more than we deserve in terms of advantages and opportunities. We enjoy the prosperity that’s ours partly because of the hard work and sacrifice of others—such as the generations who came before us and built a prosperous society, the brave men and women who guard our freedom, and our parents who paid for our upbringing and contributed to our education.
To be indifferent to the needs of others is to be arrogant and incredibly shortsighted. Selfishness is a form of negative thinking that always produces poor results.
They Have Witnessed a Pattern of Abuse
What if someone takes advantage of my generosity? That’s a question many people ask when making the choice to be generous. Some folks, because they’ve seen generosity abused, are reluctant to open themselves up to give to others. It’s true that some people asking for handouts aren’t truly in need, and that the leaders of some charities enrich themselves on the donations of others, and that even some religious organizations have abused the goodwill of their donors. It’s reasonable to have some concern about where the money goes and to want one’s gifts used wisely.
While we all should be careful about giving our money or time to fraudulent causes or disreputable characters, it’s important to remember that generosity primarily benefits you, the giver. It’s impossible to ensure that every single penny you give will be properly used. In fact, most of us would admit that we waste some of our own money. We don’t give generously because the recipient deserves the gift through his or her flawless life and character. We give because it’s better to be a giver than a hoarder. We give because we believe in the power of generosity. We give because of our positive outlook on life and on other people, and we’re moved to share with them.
If you’re hesitant to adopt a generous mindset, don’t be. There are good reasons to share what you have with others, and there’s no reason for living a closed, self-centered life.
Give to Live
Generosity isn’t simply a positive attribute to me or technique for getting ahead in life. Living generously is my passion. I believe in it with all my heart, and I’ve tried to practice it in everything I do. I’ve authored more than 100 books, and many of them deal with subjects related to finances in general and generous living in particular. In fact, it’s the subject of my signature book, Give to Live: The Freedom of Being Generous with Your Life. If you’re struggling with the decision to choose generosity, please take the risk! You’ll never regret a single dollar you give to help others, or a single hour of your time spent lending a hand to someone in need. The generous life is a pathway to blessing; I know you’ll find that to be true.
Though we think of generosity primarily in financial terms, it goes well beyond that. The freedom you gain by being generous with your time, energy, ideas, encouragement, and resources includes much more than money. When you make the choice to be generous, you adopt the belief that there’s always more in store. You’ll find yourself receiving far more than you ever imagined through the partnerships and community you build, and from the unexplainable generosity that will be returned to you when least expected. This isn’t a dollar-for-dollar transaction. But a giver is always blessed to give again.
Let me share with you a personal story that I hope will motivate you to choose a generous lifestyle.
As a child, I’d learned the joy of giving from my father. When I later had one of my first real jobs, that lesson was brought home to me in a way that I know would have made my dad smile. In those days I worked as a barber. I didn’t make a whole lot, but it was a way to gain some income while going to school. In fact, I’m still a licensed barber in the state of Ohio. I maintain that credential as a reminder of my roots, and who knows when a little extra income will come in handy!
One day at church our pastor challenged the congregation to support a particular missionary who was struggling financially. I firmly believed in the good work that the missionary was doing, but I also knew that the $100 in my pocket had to last me all month. When that was gone, there would be no more until the next payday, and that was quite a way off. I was torn between my desire to be generous and my anxiety about making ends meet. In the end, my better nature won out and I gave the $100 to help that struggling family. I felt good about my decision, but I also wondered if I’d be feeling hungry by the end of the week.
The next day when I went to work, my boss—the barbershop’s owner—called me aside. “Stan,” he said, “you’ve been doing a great job here, and I really appreciate your attitude and enthusiasm. You’ve been a blessing to me and my shop. I just wanted to give you a little encouragement.” He handed me an envelope. I thanked him and went back to work. Later I had a free moment to open the envelope, and there I discovered a 100-dollar bill. Tears streamed down my face as I realized once again that no act of generosity is ever wasted. I haven’t been able to stop giving ever since.
Give, and it will be given to you. That’s not merely my word; it’s a law written into the fabric of the universe. Givers are blessed. Helpers receive help. And you’ll find that your life is fullest when you give it away. Choose to be generous with your time, your heart, your money, and your life. You’ll never regret it.