Keep in Touch
We like to say that lovers are like planets in orbit around each other and that relationships require sufficient gravitational pull if they are going to endure. This gravitational pull has both emotional and physical components. If there’s too much distance between the bodies, they’ll continue to move away from each other. Your body and your emotions do not exist independently of one another, but for the purposes of this section we’re talking strictly about the body and using the body to affect the mind. Remembering and consciously choosing to maintain physical contact can be a very effective way to stay within each other’s orbit.
Our teacher, Dr. Jonn Mumford, emphasizes that Tantra is a tactile path, and in Tantric anatomy, the sense of touch is associated with the heart.18 This is yet another example of just how deeply the Tantrikas and Yogis of old understood the human psyche. We need to be touched almost as intensely as we need food and water. Infants will fail to thrive if they don’t get sufficient physical contact, and there is increasing awareness that elderly people, in particular, are starved for touch. This need for touch is just one of the reasons that receiving a massage is so beneficial, and it may be the most important one of all.
Just as people who are first falling in love can spend a long time gazing at one another, they can also seem to be in constant physical contact, and just as long-term couples often stop looking at each other, they often stop touching too. This is true even if the relationship
is relatively sound in other ways. This lack of regular physical contact may exist between people who are still sexual together, but the absence of affection is often a sign that all is not well.
People drift apart for many reasons, but we suspect that failure to keep in touch is among the most common ones. There may be no deep emotional issues, just a lack of contact and a gradually widening gap that goes unnoticed until it becomes a chasm. Deciding to stay physically connected will keep the attraction alive. If things are currently good between you, actively choosing to touch each other more frequently is likely to make things even better, strengthen your connection, and nurture a bond that is more likely to endure.
You can choose to maintain or renew a physical connection with your beloved. You should do this on a regular basis, whenever possible. Hug and kiss when you greet each other. Hold hands when walking together. Lie in each other’s arms while watching a movie.
Attitudes toward public displays of affection, even mild ones, vary a great deal depending on cultural and familial background. If you come from a background in which touching in public, or in front of children, was discouraged, we still recommend that you make an effort to have regular, affectionate contact. This may involve pushing your boundaries a little bit (remember that this is an important aspect of Tantric practice), or you may choose to reserve this kind of contact for times when you are alone. Either way, we encourage you to find ways to connect physically as frequently as is possible. Regardless of your background or belief system, keeping in touch is a key to keeping any relationship alive and vibrant.