Bow to Each Other
If you’ve studied Yoga or a martial art, you are probably familiar and comfortable with bowing. In those contexts, we are likely to bow not only to the teachers who outrank us but also to our peers. If you have not had this kind of experience or did not grow up in a culture in which it is a normal form of greeting, the act of bowing may seem alien and artificial. It may even seem more alien and artificial than eye-gazing, at least at first.
Bowing, particularly bowing to a peer, is not part of our cultural heritage, and we tend to think of the act as being one of self-abasement, as bowing down. This belief probably has its origins in the Middle Ages, if not earlier, when bowing to one’s social superiors was a gesture of deference to their rank. The fact that President Obama was excoriated by some of his critics for bowing to his Japanese and Chinese counterparts, as if he were somehow diminishing his office, illustrates the persistence of this attitude toward bowing in American culture.19
The negative view of bowing is unfortunate because this simple gesture is profound, and doing it regularly can be transformational. This is true whether it is a gesture of respect and appreciation for a teacher or a similar gesture directed at a peer. We no longer live in the medieval world, where birth and rank were all that mattered, so bowing is not something we need to associate with submission (unless we choose to do so).
One of our teachers, Bhagavan Das, has described bowing as “ducking” to get your ego out of the way.20 Bowing to each other simultaneously is an act of parity, not submission or subservience. In the context of an intimate relationship, it is a gesture of reverence, appreciation, and respect: a nonverbal way of expressing your feelings for your beloved, and bringing your own attention to those warm feelings. It is a very simple, physical way to remind each other that your interactions are significant and perhaps even sacred (if you’re comfortable applying that term).
Chances are you didn’t just spontaneously bow to each other when you were first dating. Unlike some of the other nonverbal techniques we’ve described, it almost certainly wasn’t part of your routine when you were falling in love, but if you can embrace bowing and incorporate it into your interactions, it will help you stay in touch with your positive feelings for each other. Try bowing after doing the joint exercises in this book and especially after making love. Just press your palms together at your heart, and lower your heads. You can gaze into each other’s eyes while doing so if you wish.
As we see it, sex is intrinsically sacred. There is no need for you to believe this, but most of us understand that sex is, at a minimum, something special, important, and worthy of respect. It is very easy to take sex for granted, and it is very easy to take our beloveds for granted, especially in long-term relationships. You can also bow to yourself either physically or mentally, as a gesture of respect and honor. Whether done alone or as a gesture toward your beloved, bowing will keep your mind on the value of your lovemaking, your union, and the importance of everything that you share.