Honor Each Other
From the Tantric perspective, each and every one of us is a manifestation of the divine. But the process of living has separated us from this awareness. We’ve forgotten our own divinity. Before we can truly worship another, we have to learn to worship ourselves.
Embracing this concept can be a challenge. Modern Western society evolved out of a cultural tradition that was monotheistic and dualistic. Even if the Bible says that humans were created in the image of God, we became fallen creatures after the expulsion from the Garden of Eden. Worshipping oneself or another person as an image of the divine is a violation of at least one and arguably as many as three of the Ten Commandments. This is part of our heritage whether or not we had a religious upbringing. We’ve encountered religious people and atheists who bristle at the use of the word divine to refer to a human being. For those religious people, to do so is blasphemous; and for many atheists, divine implies something supernatural, irrational, and otherworldly.
Generally speaking, the distinction between the human and divine realms is less clear in the Hindu tradition than it is in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. In Tantra, the distinction grows even more obscure. We are at once sacred and profane, at once human and divine, even if we are initially unaware of our own divinity. Awareness is awakened through practice and a form of very deep roleplaying.
Tantric practitioners are guided through a process of identification with a deity, which is chosen by a spiritual teacher based on the aspirant’s personal qualities. This process is an imaginative one, involving various meditative techniques including visualization and the chanting of mantras. The literal translation of mantra is “mental tool,” and the word generally refers to syllables, words, or phrases that can be recited aloud, subvocally, or mentally as a meditative practice. In this context, however, mantras are syllables that relate to the particular deity. Similarly, in Tantric sexual ritual, participants worship each other as manifestations of God and Goddess.
If you’ve read anything about Tantra or have seen it depicted in movies or on television, you may have heard the words Shiva and Shakti. Shiva is one of the three main gods in Hinduism, and Shakti is a general term for the Goddess. We will go into more detail about these terms in later chapters. For now, it is important to understand that the participants in Tantric sexual ritual are enacting a microcosmic (small-scale) form of an ongoing macrocosmic (universal) process. They are embodying the God and Goddess, which are believed to exist both within and around them. Although it is probably true that the very early practitioners believed in the literal reality of these deities, they are most easily understood as metaphors—personifications of natural forces—rather than as real beings. Whatever the case, the key point is that in Tantric ritual, practitioners worship each other as divine manifestations.
You don’t have to believe in Hindu gods (or any god for that matter) literally or as a metaphor to bring this attitude into all aspects of your life. In Buddhism, there’s a concept known as Buddha nature, which refers to our innately enlightened state. Buddha nature is believed to exist within us all, although we may not recognize it. Thus, you can contemplate and honor your own inner Buddha. If you come from a Judeo-Christian background, remind yourself regularly that you are made in God’s image. If you are an atheist, you can focus on the beauty of the evolutionary process that made your life possible and revel in your humanity. If you feel attracted to Hindu deities, you can find an image of one that resonates with you and begin to identify yourself with it, by visualizing that image and merging it with yourself. Another simple way to make this concrete is to think of several qualities about yourself that you admire and focus on these qualities for a few minutes a day.
The purpose of this practice is profound. Developing a genuine sense of reverence for yourself makes it easier to revere others and thereby deepen your sense of connection. This is not about self-aggrandizement or feeding your ego. It is about recognizing divine (or sublime) aspects in yourself so that you can see them in others, most especially your partner. If you are single, embracing this quality in yourself, and allowing yourself to be awed by it, will almost certainly make you more appealing.
You don’t need a ritual to bring this sense of reverence into your relationship. Nor do you need to reserve the attitude for times when everything is going well. Find a divine spark in your beloved and maintain even just a faint glimmer of that spark in your awareness, whatever the circumstances or your emotional state at any given moment. Your relationship will be richer and stronger for it. This can be a challenge at times, but we have found that it is the key to maintaining a deep and enduring connection.