Prostate Gland
While sexual orientation and gender identity have become more fluid, especially among younger people, a large segment of society still associates enjoying anal stimulation, and especially anal penetration, with homosexuality and humiliation. This attitude is embedded in our language. “Shove it up your ass” and “Go take it in the ass” (to translate the French and Italian versions of the expression) are insulting phrases with homophobic overtones that are intended to express extreme displeasure.
Not only is there the misguided notion that enjoying anal play has something to do with sexual orientation, but this is also a part of the body that we tend to think of as unclean. This is a somewhat more rational attitude than having concerns about orientation, but issues of hygiene can be easily addressed. There’s also the unfortunate fact that most people with a prostate first experience anal penetration in the context of a physical examination. Unless you have a medical fetish, chances are you don’t find a doctor’s office very sexy. Not only that, the lube is usually cold; the whole process is abrupt and unpleasant; and your pleasure is the last thing on the doctor’s mind.
Anal pleasure can be an acquired taste. It can take some time to learn to enjoy the sensation. This may be true even if you are intellectually aware that the anus and prostate are highly sensitive erogenous zones. For some who start experimenting with receiving prostate massage, it can be mildly unpleasant at first and may take several sessions before the brain recognizes the experience as a pleasurable one. For many, it can become a favorite sexual treat.
There are sex toys available for massaging the prostate, but we think the best way is to use a well-lubricated finger, especially when you are just starting out. Using a finger enables the person giving the massage to tune in to the receiver’s response a little more closely. Toys can interfere with your ability to control the stimulation, although they can be great once you’re more experienced, and they may be useful in the context of self-pleasuring.
Fig. 15: The prostate feels like a walnut-sized gland.
It can be digitally stimulated through the anus.
It is always a good idea for the giver to wear gloves, especially if you’re a little concerned about being clean, but more importantly for reasons of safety. Anal tissue is delicate, and wearing gloves will protect you both. If you have long fingernails, you can pad the area around them with cotton balls to provide cushioning. As an aside, if you’re serious about sexual pleasure in general, it is best to keep your nails short and well groomed. The smallest sharp edge can turn an otherwise exciting encounter into a disaster, so don’t be a slave to fashion; instead, make pleasing your partner a priority.
The prostate feels like a walnut-sized gland (although it’s actually larger). It is located at the base of the penis, and it produces much of the ejaculatory fluid. You’ll find it between a half and a full finger length inside the anus, toward the front of the body. It’s surrounded by and covered with many of the nerves that are responsible for erection, so it’s very sensitive. In esoteric Tantric anatomy, it’s believed to be a direct trigger point for the second chakra, the sex center.
It’s always best to build a great deal of arousal before attempting to penetrate the anus. In many instances, you can allow the receiver to set the pace of penetration and invite you in, by opening up and bearing down slightly. Once you’re inside and have located the prostate (don’t worry if you can’t find it on the first few tries), rest your finger on the prostate and remain motionless at first. When your partner is ready, you can begin to massage it with a come-hither gesture. Be sure to continue stimulating the penis—manually or orally. The orgasm that this produces is likely to be intense and exquisite.