Ride the Wave
Playing on the edge is more than just a tool for people who want to learn how to have full-body orgasms. For most of us, it is a delicious state in which to linger in its own right (a minority of people, particularly those who have difficulty climaxing, may feel frustrated by remaining on the edge for too long). In addition, remaining in this state for extended periods of time frequently intensifies the orgasmic experience, so much so that there is a fetish known as “edging” and a genre of pornographic material that focuses on the technique. Watching just one or two clips of skilled practitioners will illustrate just how intense edging can be.
People tend to think of orgasm in somewhat simplistic terms and to limit themselves to the scope of what is familiar to them. This is the biggest hurdle in learning how to have full-body orgasms, with or without erection. Once you understand that ejaculation and orgasm can be separated, it is much easier to make it a reality in your body. Similarly, it becomes much easier for people to become multiorgasmic or to think themselves off (generate an orgasm without physical stimulation), once they know that this is possible and begin developing the skill set. And the edge of orgasm is the place to do just that.
Exploring the edge can be done on your own or with a partner, and there is great value in both approaches. If prolonging arousal creates an altered state of consciousness, staying as close to the brink of orgasm for as long as you can is even more intense. Others have made an analogy between this process and surfing, and although we are not surfers, we suspect the analogy is an apt one. You have to be prepared to risk going over the edge. If you get overexcited, and your sympathetic nervous system kicks in, you will wipe out. If you back off too far, and your parasympathetic nervous system is overactive, your arousal will diminish or disappear. With some practice, you will develop the skill to remain within just the right zone, riding the crest of the wave. This will enable people with male genitalia to choose when and if to let go and have an ejaculatory orgasm.
People with female genitals generally have a broader range of orgasmic responses. Those who are multiorgasmic may not feel the need to play on the edge, since their arousal tends to drop only slightly after they come, if at all. If you are wired differently, playing on the edge may help you learn to have multiple orgasms. If doing this practice only leaves you frustrated, tottering on the brink but unfulfilled, then recognize that it doesn’t work for you and move on, but don’t do this hastily. Orgasms happen in the brain as well as in the body, and re-educating one or the other or both can take some time.
Playing on the edge during partnered sex can be especially delightful because you are both in this zone simultaneously. This kind of tandem surfing requires attunement and knowing your lover well, since it is very easy for the movements and excitement of one to send the other over the edge. Maintaining eye contact and awareness of breath are very helpful in this regard. Verbal communication is good, too, although many of us have difficulty expressing ourselves when we’re very turned on. A simple “Stop,” “Slow down,” or a gesture will often do the trick. Withdrawal for brief periods is also an effective way to back off from the crest.
As you know, many people have the misconception that Tantric sex is all about extended lovemaking sessions. By now we should have disabused you of that idea. Prolonging and building arousal will induce an altered state of consciousness, provided a sufficiently high state of arousal is maintained. We generally recommend a minimum of half an hour for people who are just starting out. While prolonged lovemaking can be great, it is not always an option, especially for busy adults who have children and/or other obligations.
We have found that what we call a Tantric quickie can be a good substitute for longer sessions. It is perhaps not quite as intensely consciousness altering, but it is effective and very satisfying nonetheless. It only takes about ten minutes, although we don’t recommend watching the clock. The technique involves building arousal very rapidly, bringing each other to that zone where it feels like you might reach the point of no return at any moment, and trying to remain in that zone until you both agree that it’s time to let go. Multiorgasmic people may have a series of orgasms during this period. Just be sure that your arousal doesn’t drop off and that you don’t send your partner over the edge. This is a profoundly intimate and highly energized state to share. With a little practice you will learn to read each other and know when to let go, surrender, and let the waves crash around you.