You shall be witnesses to Me
in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria,
and to the end of the earth.
ACTS 1:8
Someone once asked a businessman, “What is your occupation?”
“I am a Christian,” was the man’s answer.
“No, I think you misunderstood me,” said the inquirer. “I mean what is your job?”
The answer was the same. “I’m a Christian.”
With a hint of frustration, the man persisted. “What I meant to say was, what do you do for a living?”
“My full-time occupation is to be a Christian, but I am an accountant to pay my living expenses,” was the reply.
How would you respond to the question, “What is your occupation?”? For most Christian men, the answer would be to state what they do to “pay my living expenses.”
Now, you may be wondering why I am concluding a book about marriage with a chapter on reaching out to others. Well, as you know, we have been looking at 12 things that really matter in the life of a husband after God’s heart. And I can’t think of a more important activity for a man of God than that of reaching out to others with the good news of Jesus Christ. Consider this thought: When you and your dear wife join hands…hearts…and feet…to take the good news to others, it is a doubly rewarding experience. I recently read a list of suggestions for couples entitled “What Draws Us Closer to God?” One of the suggestions listed was “sharing your faith.”20 That’s good news in itself! And if there was ever a need for some good news, it is today. The world is full of bad news. I recently read an article that had the headline, BAD NEWS: GOOD-NEWSPAPER DIES FOR LACK OF MATERIAL. The article began,
As you may have seen, the “good-news” paper in California recently folded because the editors found that there just wasn’t enough good news to fill it. The paper couldn’t even print its own obituary because that, of course, was bad news.21
And why is the news of Jesus “good news”? It is good news because Jesus’ death for our sins offers freedom…freedom from guilt, freedom from loneliness, freedom from a meaningless life, and freedom from death—spiritual death. Now, that’s good news! In the words of the apostle Paul, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” (Romans 10:15 NIV). And whose feet are better to take this good news to your loved ones, your neighbors, and your acquaintances than those belonging to you and your wife?
Bringing the Good News
At this point, I’m assuming that you have experienced the good news of Jesus Christ in your own life—that you have experienced God’s freedom from guilt, loneliness, meaninglessness, and death. If my assumptions are wrong and you are not yet a child of God, you should reread page 38. Perhaps now is the time you will experience God’s freedom through His Son, Jesus Christ. What a radical change that will make in you, your marriage, and your life!
So let’s talk now about your real occupation—that of being a Christian and the joy you can have in bringing God’s good news to those around you. The joy of sharing about your salvation is reinforced by this mandate from your Savior:
You shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth (Acts 1:8).
Jesus Himself instructed His early disciples to be His witnesses, and He has extended that instruction to you and me too. For the early followers of Christ, that path of witness was to start locally in the city of Jerusalem. Then it was to expand to the entire country of Judea. Next, to the neighboring region of Samaria. And finally, to the ends of the earth. And friend, these are our marching orders today as well. We are to be Jesus’ witnesses in our Jerusalem, in our Judea, in our Samaria, and to our world. And who are the people we are to reach with this good news?
Reaching Out to Your Wife
Fellow husband, we have spent this entire book talking about reaching out to your wife, haven’t we? We have learned that next to your relationship with God, your closest relationship is to be with your wife. You are to love your wife sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25). You are to live with her in an understanding way and hold her in the highest honor (1 Peter 3:7). You are to never forget that God is asking you to esteem her and look out for her interests, even at the expense of your own (Philippians 2:3-4). And you are to humbly serve her (Galatians 5:13).
But what if your wife is not a believer? In that case you should work doubly hard on your marriage and pray twice as much for your wife and her salvation. Keep in mind that your marriage, whether to a believer or an unbeliever, is a sacred trust from God. You made a vow before God and witnesses that you would commit to living out all the things we have talked about in this book. And, friend, it doesn’t matter how bad things get at home. You are still to lovingly reach out to your wife. God’s Word says, “If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her” (1 Corinthians 7:12).
Sharing a Word of Testimony
Reaching out to an unbelieving wife was my story for the first eight years of my marriage. When I met my wife-to-be, I was not walking with the Lord. Elizabeth was sweet, pretty, and intelligent. And believe it or not, she liked me! I fell madly in love with this southern beauty…and eight months after our first date, we were married. There was only one problem—she was not a Christian! And as you would expect, those eight years of married life had their ups and downs. As the joke goes, “If a child of God marries a child of the devil, said child of God is sure to have some trouble with his father-in-law!”
But God is faithful even when we are unfaithful and faithless (2 Timothy 2:13). One day while I was in a medical clinic as a pharmaceutical salesman, a faithful Christian doctor gave me a book. He was so excited about its contents that he handed me the book in his office while we were talking. I (as a good salesman) wanted to be able to discuss the contents of the book the next time I visited his office, so I immediately read all of it. The truths presented about Jesus Christ in that book really got me to thinking about my spiritual life and how far off-track I was. As soon as I finished the book, I gave it to Elizabeth, hoping she would read it. Well, two years later she finally got around to reading it. And when she was confronted with the facts about the person of Jesus Christ, she became a Christian—praise God!
Realizing the Importance of Reaching Out
Do you yet realize the importance of reaching out? One faithful doctor whose real occupation was that of being a Christian reached out to me (and to many others). He was very up-front about his faith. Everyone who came into his office was treated to Christian literature, Christian music, and Christian love, both from him and his senior nurse, whose occupation was also that of being a Christian. Then I reached out to Elizabeth. Then together we purchased ten copies of that same book and passed them out to as many people as we knew at that time. And now we both reach out to others every day.
Do you also see the importance of reaching out to an unsaved wife? Maybe this applies to you. Maybe you came to Christ after you and your wife married. If so, that means you have changed, but she is still in spiritual “darkness” (1 Peter 2:9). To you, my friend, I say do as I did. Ask your wife to read a Christian book, and be willing to read along with her. And then pray that she will respond positively to the truth she is reading—as my wife did. Ask her to attend church with you or go “church shopping” together with you on Sundays, followed by a nice brunch or lunch afterward. Make it a special time. And pray! Pray that God will send others who will reach out to her with His life-changing truth and good news. Pray that God will use your changed life to reach her as He has reached you through others. Pray that as you model Christlike behavior before her, she will respond to God. And above all, don’t ever give up! Keep praying and keep reaching out, no matter what!
Now you may be saying, “This doesn’t apply to me because my wife is a believer.” If that’s the case, then brother, thank God daily for a wife who knows and loves the Lord. I have experienced marriage without and with a believing wife, and I thank God every day for the transformation in our marriage because of Jesus Christ. So, as I’ve repeated often throughout this book, don’t ever take your loving wife for granted. Make sure you are constantly expressing your appreciation to her and cultivating your marriage relationship.
Reaching Out to Your Children
Many married Christian men are blessed with a wife who is a strong and growing Christian. Her desire is to be a godly wife and mother. And because she is such a knowledgeable and dedicated Christian, the husband tends to delegate the spiritual education of the children to her.
But, fellow husband, this is not God’s design for a husband and father. Again, thank God for your faithful Christian wife, but realize that God’s Word says you are to be involved in every effort to reach out to your children and “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Fathers are also to reach out and warn their children against evil—“My son, hear the instruction of your father” (Proverbs 1:8). And it was a father who gave this advice: “My son, if you receive my words, and treasure my commands within you, so that you incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding…then you will understand the fear of the LORD” (Proverbs 2:1-2,5).
As I reflect back on my parenting days, I can only thank God for His grace. Because of my responsibilities at church and my involvement in overseas pastoral training, I was gone a lot. But whenever I was at home I made it a priority to have breakfast and devotions with my family. And even if I was going out in the evening for ministry, I would schedule that ministry for later in the evening so I could have dinner with my family. And definitely one of the most special times for me as a father was tucking my little ones into bed each night, talking about their day, and praying with each one as they drifted off to sleep. Then, as they grew older, my girls and I would have special “Coke dates.” It was on these “dates”—when emotions were calm and things could be looked at objectively—that I helped each of them to write out what the Bible said they should look for in a “guy friend.” Later their lists became important documents God used in their lives…all because I made it a priority to “be there” as much as I could and to be vitally involved with my daughters whenever possible.
I know you are busy, and I know you have a lot of options competing for your time. But spending as much time as you can with your children will give you life’s greatest joys and blessings. So I urge you to make time with your children a major priority. Talk constantly with them about the Lord. Relate everything in your life to your Christian faith. Christian father, you are the best representative of Christ to your children. Let them see you live it out. Let them enjoy and relish the gift of your presence and attention. Let them have long, sustained looks at what a Christian looks like. Don’t expect your children to embrace your faith and make it their own until they have witnessed the strength of your faith and your trust in God.
And here are a few other “musts” for reaching out to your children. Pray with and for your children. Take them to church each week. Teach them God’s Word and the gospel message through devotional times and bedtime reading. Be their best friend…because you can talk to a friend about anything, including Jesus Christ! Then, Lord willing, one day your children will relate everything in their life to their Christian faith. While children crave your attention, make sure you, dear fellow father, take advantage of the very few short years God gives you to reach out to them while they are still under your roof.
Reaching Out to Your Neighbors
Unless you live in a remote part of Montana or some other unpopulated region, you probably have neighbors. But in our busy, fast-paced world, it’s easy to ignore them. You come and go, with maybe a hand-wave or a hello that you weakly offer over the hedge or fence separating your two houses. Is this what the Bible means when it says to “love…your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27)? I think not. You must realize God has sovereignly placed you in your neighborhood. You must see your neighborhood as your most significant mission field.
Here’s a question for you: What would you do if you were a missionary in a foreign country who desired to reach out to others with the gospel of Jesus Christ? You would start building relationships with your neighbors so that someday you might be able to share about salvation through Jesus with them, wouldn’t you? Well, guess what? You don’t have to go to a foreign country to serve as a missionary and a witness. You are a missionary to the people next door. And you don’t even have to learn a foreign language! So team up with your wife and make an effort to reach out to your neighbors. Pray as a family for your neighbors by name. Invite them into your home. Allow them to observe your marriage and your family life.
This is what happened to Bob and Terry. They lived two doors down from Elizabeth and me. We put them on our prayer list, reached out to them, and befriended them. We had them in our home on many occasions. One day Bob asked me to share with him about our child-raising “philosophy.” It was then that I began to expose Bob to what the Bible has to say about raising children…and a lot of other things as well! It wasn’t too many months before Bob and Terry and their three boys were going to church with us. And it wasn’t long after that when the whole family became Christians. Praise God!
It’s true that most of your neighbors will not purposefully “darken the doors” of a church where they might hear the message of the Bible. Therefore you need to take the church and its message to them. In fact, you are the only Bible that some of your neighbors will ever read. Make sure that when you are with your neighbors you do more than just “small talk” and do your part to reach out with God’s message of salvation.
You talk about the weather,
And the crops of corn and wheat;
You speak of friends and neighbors
That pass along the street;
You call yourself a Christian,
And like the gospel plan—
Then why not speak of Jesus,
And speak out like a man?22
Remember my doctor friend who reached out to me with a book? Well, witnessing on the job can be as easy as giving a fellow worker a book or a gospel tract or pamphlet. It can also be as natural as sharing your testimony. If you are a Christian, you have a testimony. Your testimony is your story of how you became a Christian. What’s great about your testimony is that it’s your personal story of how you met the Savior, so no one can refute it. You should always be prepared to share it, and you should always be enthusiastic about doing so! Here is a simple three-step method someone gave me to help develop my personal story, my testimony. Basically this allows you to tell your story in three simple parts:
Part 1—“How I lived my life before Christ.” Share your background and what you thought about God, religion, and the Bible. Mention what characterized your life, such as loneliness, depression, greed, obsession with career, and so on, and how these affected your life.
Part 2—“How I met Jesus.” Share how you became a Christian. If it’s a little hard for you to convey your experience, you may want to use a good tract or small booklet that describes your relationship with Jesus.
Part 3—“How my life has changed since I met Jesus.” Share how your thoughts about God, religion, and the Bible have changed. Also tell how your relationship with Jesus changed your marriage, your family life, your attitudes, and your desires.
Now, how do you get started in reaching out on the job? Simply ask God every day to open your eyes to the opportunities that are available to you to reach out and share your testimony with your workmates. Then open your mouth and “speak out like a man”!
You talk about your business,
Your bonds and stocks and gold;
And in all worldly matters
You are so brave and bold.
But why are you so silent
About salvation’s plan?
Why don’t you speak for Jesus,
And speak out like a man?23
Reaching Out to the World
More than likely you will never be a missionary in a faraway country. But that shouldn’t stop you and your family from reaching out to the world in numerous ways. (And remember, every time you and your wife reach out to others, you’ll be drawn closer to each other…and to God!) You can…
Give of your finances to support missions.
Pray for the missionaries your church supports.
Have missionaries in your home.
Pick a country and pray for the salvation of its people.
Participate in your church’s outreach projects (especially at Christmastime).
Truly, this list could go on and on! It’s like Jesus said—you are to be His witness “to the end of the earth”! That’s a lifelong calling you and your wife and family are to work out every day…to the end of your days.
I’d like to tell the story sweet
Of Jesus, wouldn’t you?
To help some other folks to meet
Their Savior, wouldn’t you?
I’d like to travel all the way
To where I’d hear my Jesus say:
“You’ve helped My work along today.”
I’d like that. Wouldn’t you?24
Wrapping Up What Really Matters in Your Marriage
This chapter has been about reaching out to others with the life-saving, life-changing message of salvation. And I hope you will give much thought and prayer to God’s assignment of reaching out to those He has placed in your circle of relationships. And I pray that you are planning to take immediate action.
But this is also the end of our book about being a husband after God’s own heart. I’m sure that as you have read along with me, many of the chapters served as a review and reminder of the things that really matter in your marriage. But I also hope there were “things” that gave you food for thought and “things” for you to work on and change. Being a husband after God’s own heart may at times be a daunting task, but it is a task God Himself is asking you to fulfill.
As we come to the close of our time together, I have one final word for you—Don’t let yourself become discouraged about the task. God will help you. Godly men can help you, and hopefully this book will help you. I have written this entire volume out of a heart of prayer for you, praying that you would be encouraged, motivated, and stimulated by its message and excited about the many practical “little things” you can do to live out your role as a husband. There is hope—great hope—because God has given you all the resources you need to accomplish the task, everything that you need to fulfill His will and design for you as a husband (2 Peter 1:3). And, blessing upon blessings, God has also promised to give you the full strength of His enabling power and His all-sufficient wisdom and grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) to be a godly leader in your marriage and family…and to be a husband after His own heart.
1. Open your home.
One of the easiest ways for you and your wife to reach out to others is by inviting others into your home. Invite your neighbors in for dessert. Invite your workmates over for dinner. This is your family’s opportunity to further demonstrate the reality of Jesus Christ to those who know you. It’s one thing for people to see your Christian life in the workplace or out in the yard, but it’s so much more when they can see Christianity at work in your home.
The home is where your testimony can be seen in new ways. Just count the many blessings that God has given you as avenues to share your faith with others! For instance, He has given you a loving and faithful wife. He has given you wonderful and well-behaved children (…well, at least wonderful children). He has blessed you with a neat and comfortable home that radiates the peace of God. So inviting people into your home is a powerful way to reach out to your workmates and your neighbors. Make sure you and your wife agree on how—and how often—to open up your home. Then begin to pray for those special people God wants to bring into His “showcase”—your home and your hearts. Who does He want you to invite so they can experience Christ’s love through the hospitality that you and your wife provide?
2. Pray for a heart of compassion.
Compassion is not a very “manly” emotion, is it? Your wife can have compassion, but not you! Yet is compassion to be exhibited only by women? You know the answer to that, don’t you? As always, Jesus is our example of a man who demonstrated compassion. He showed compassion for the sick. He wept over the inhabitants of Jerusalem because of their unbelief (Luke 19:41). He wept for his friend Lazarus (John 11:35). How are you doing in the Compassion Department? When was the last time you wept for the salvation of a loved one or a workmate or neighbor? If compassion is not one of your strengths (which it should be, as a man and a husband after God’s own heart), then begin to pray for God to soften your heart.
3. Participate in neighborhood activities.
You have a wonderful opportunity to reach out to your neighbors by just being a “good neighbor.” So make sure you and your family participate in neighborhood yard sales, block parties, your Neighborhood Watch program. Volunteer to feed your neighbors’ pets while they go on vacation. Pick up their mail and bring in their newspapers. Water their lawn. None of these activities requires you to say one word about your beliefs. But your joyful spirit and servant attitude will speak volumes about your faith. Hopefully as you give, expecting and asking nothing in return (Luke 6:35), your neighbors will want to know more about why you are so different. Then you can share your beliefs with them. Who knows what God will do in their hearts?
4. Invite your acquaintances to church.
Your local church is God’s gift to you and your family, but it is also God’s gift to a lost world. Just as you and your family are blessed by the programs that are offered at your church, your neighbors and workmates can receive a blessing from them as well. Don’t be shy. Be excited about what’s going on at your church. Share that enthusiasm with others. They need the saving hand of Jesus. And your church is just the place where they might meet the Savior. Invite the neighborhood children to youth activities. Invite their parents to seminars on parenting and marriage. Take them with you to a family or couples’ retreat. You do the praying and inviting, and let God do the rest!
5. Give a book or tract.
Have you read a Christian book that has been helpful in your marriage or with your children or on your job or with your finances? Then give that same book to an acquaintance. These books address certain practical subjects in life, but they also speak to the real issue in life—a relationship with Jesus Christ. So give these books, trusting God to use the principles in them to speak to the hearts of the recipients. In His timing and in His way, God can prompt your friends and neighbors to read the books. Just be sure to make the books available!