Why a daddy-daughter date book? It all started when I met my wife, Joanna. I remember the restaurants, the flowers, the love notes, and the talking (all the talking). She loved it and fell for me since I was such a romantic guy. This was perfect—she married me and I was set!
Well, I believe we men often relax from all that relationship stuff after the “I do” and go back to life as usual. No more flowers, love notes, dinners out—and definitely less talking. I’ve spent my share of nights in bed looking at my wife’s back as she radiated silent misery over being shut out and ignored. Note to self: date my wife!
You may be saying, “Well, duh, Einstein.” But cut me a break. The whole “girl” thing was new to me. I was raised in a home with four boys. We collectively crushed my mom’s attempts to preserve a feminine touch in the house (I remember her weeping as her last collectible plate was smashed by one of us boys during an indoor water fight).
Joanna and I were married for almost two years when we were blessed with our first child, Josh. It was a good thing we had a boy first; God knew I still had a lot to learn about girls before he could trust me with a daughter. After a few years, he tried a new strategy to teach me about females: full immersion! He has blessed me with three daughters, and now I’m learning more about girls each day than I ever imagined.
Emma, Leah, and Anna have won my heart. They make me want to be the best husband and father I can be. I’ve spent hours on my knees praying and many more hours scratching my head, thinking, I don’t know if I understand these creatures, but the joy they bring makes it worth the effort to try!
I found the passion to connect with my daughters, but not the tools. I also discovered that dads I knew felt just like me: they loved their little girls but felt ill-equipped to connect with them on a deeper level, especially in this fast-paced world where girls grow up way too fast.
The pressure is on—I read over and over how significant a dad’s relationship with his daughter is to her emotional and spiritual well-being. You’re going to be the first important and influential man in your daughter’s life. Kevin Leman says in his book What a Difference a Daddy Makes:
A woman’s relationship with her father, more than any other relationship, is going to affect her relationship with all other males in her life—her bosses, coworkers, subordinates, sons, husbands, brothers, pastors, college professors, and even Hollywood movie stars. (You tell me if a woman chooses Dennis Rodman over Michael Jordan, and I’ll give you an accurate picture of her father!) There’s not a single relationship that isn’t indelibly stamped—for good or for ill—by the man known as Daddy.1
So many voices in our culture are calling out for girls’ affections. A strong relationship with your daughter can direct her heart and mind toward the right influences, and ultimately toward a relationship with God. Chap and Dee Clark, in their book Daughters and Dads, say:
Daughters in today’s world need mothers and fathers who are willing to trust God’s creative handiwork when it comes to their identity. Society cannot dictate who your daughter is to be, nor is the church called to handle the task. Instead, a daughter needs a few select people in her life who have the conviction and ability to help her become the person God created her to be.2
My hope is this date book will help you do that in some small way.
So many voices surrounding our daughters tell them what they’re not: not thin enough, not stylish enough, not smart enough, not athletic enough, not, not, not. A dad can communicate to his daughter who she truly is: a beautiful child of a God who created her intentionally, has plans for her, and loves her with all his heart. This message is conveyed through time spent together, where affirmation, fun experiences, meaningful conversations, and prayers happen.
I don’t know about you, but no guy is good enough for any of my daughters. The boy that comes along who is interested in my little girl had better be a respectful, trustworthy, kind, and godly man if he even thinks he’s going to have a shot at dating her. That’s how I feel, but I had better parent my daughters in a way that models how they deserve to be loved. Then they won’t want to settle for less—they’ll wait for the young man who is worthy of holding their hearts. By developing a pattern of loving, intentional fathering, you will shape her standard for relationships for a lifetime.
There are two primary challenges when it comes to spending time with our daughters: first, making it happen. Second, making the time meaningful.
We all struggle with making it happen as we fall victim to the “I’ll do it next week” syndrome. Be intentional with your plans. Choose specific times to spend with your daughter, write them on your calendar, and stick to the plan as best you can. If you need to reschedule due to an unexpected conflict, put a new date on the calendar right away. This will assure your daughter of your commitment to spend time with her.
Dates with your daughter need to be not just entertaining but significant as well. You want to create an environment where you can hear how she’s doing and listen to her as she opens up.
This book is designed to help you with both of those elements. The “Grab” and “Go” sections listed for each date will help you plan your time and make it happen. You’ll get lists of supplies, find out if spending money is needed, and see if it’s an at-home activity or an outing. The “Grow” section of each date helps you connect on a deeper level with each other and with God. You’ll find questions to talk about, thoughts to share, Scriptures to read, and prayers to wrap up your time together. The last eight date ideas are “extreme dates,” which are special activities that require more planning or expense than a typical date. They also allow for a more significant amount of time together.
Another important element to your daddy-daughter dates actually involves your marriage: make sure you commit to dating your wife first. Not only does this keep your marriage relationship in first place, it sets an example for your daughter of what a loving, committed relationship looks like. Her trust in you will grow as she sees you love her mom. As she sees you treat your wife like a queen, she’ll thrive in her role of “princess” even more!
My wife is a key element in the success of my relationships with my girls. That’s one of the reasons I asked if she would write this book with me. (Aside from the fact that she’s a better writer than me too!) She has been supportive as I block out time in our busy schedules to spend with our girls. She has expressed that my relationship with both her and our children are entwined. She feels loved when I invest in our family, and our daughters feel valued as girls when I honor their mom. Include your wife in setting up a date schedule and planning your outings. She will have creative input and suggestions that can make your time with your daughter even more wonderful.
The dates in this book include a variety of indoor and outdoor, quiet and active, and seasonal and holiday-oriented activities. Some of the suggestions might not be your “thing,” but be brave and try a few anyway. If a date is just not flowing well or you run into obstacles like thunderstorms or car trouble, just drop everything and get some ice cream. (Ice cream is an integral part of both the Teigen family and this book. If you’re lactose intolerant, this may not be the book for you!) Stay flexible and remember that the dates are just tools, not rules. Your daughter won’t care if you are following the date to the letter—she just wants time with you.
I pray for God’s blessing on each dad who uses this book to connect with his daughter. May you find joy in winning her heart!
Rob
Like Rob mentioned in his introduction, I do find that his dates with our girls benefit our whole family. When Rob dates me or any of our kids, he is saying, “You are important. You deserve my time and attention. I’m crazy about you!” We come home from time with him feeling valued and heard as he gives us his undivided attention. My girls carry those feelings into the rest of their lives, where I see them growing in confidence and self-respect.
Rob has made a deep impact on our daughters’ relationships with God as well. They assume their heavenly Father is as gentle and attentive as their earthly father. They expect to be heard when they pray. They believe God is on their side and loves them as daughters. Rob’s love for them is their first taste of the love of God himself, and of course they want to know him more!
It does take some juggling to fit in frequent one-on-one time with each child. I see my role as “date facilitator,” making sure our schedules are in sync and the girls are ready to head out the door. Sometimes I’ll help out with the prep for the dates—getting cash, tickets, or snacks prepared in advance. I’m happy to help out when I can, since the payoff is worth it!
I’m a wife who is loved very well. It is a thrill for me to see my daughters being cared for so deeply by my husband. When I look to the future, I know my girls will understand what real love looks like and not want to settle for less.
Have an amazing time dating your daughter. I praise God for all he has planned for each of you!
Joanna