Figure: 11.1.
CREDIT: O’SULLIVAN SOLUTIONS
(Refer to Chapter 2 for further background theory on Neuro-Linguistic Programming)
NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING ENCOMPASSES the three most influential components involved in producing human experience: neurology, language and programming. The NLP model of communication is a tool for understanding how people process incoming information through their uniquely created filters, and then communicate that information to others. NLP-based questions distill and diagnose issues, explore and challenge subjective realities, explore bias and misinterpretations and create congruency between the statements of a party and what the party really means.
NLP theory states that we consciously or unconsciously delete, distort and generalize our experiences in line with our paradigm or view of the world. And the process by which we limit and distort our representation of our world to ourselves is the same process by which we limit and distort our expression of our world to others.
Figure: 11.2.
According to Robert Dilts,41 NLP is founded on two fundamental suppositions:
1. The Map Is Not the Territory
As human beings, we can never know reality. We can only know our perceptions of reality. We experience and respond to the world around us primarily through our sensory representational systems. It is our “neuro-linguistic” maps of reality that determine how we behave and that give those behaviors meaning, not reality itself. It is generally not reality that limits us or empowers us, but rather our map of reality.
2. Life and “Mind” Are Systemic Processes
The processes that take place within a human being, and between human beings and their environment, are systemic. Our bodies, our societies and our universe form an ecology of complex systems and subsystems, all of which interact with and mutually influence each other. It is not possible to completely isolate any part of the system from the rest of the system. Such systems are based on certain “self-organizing” principles and naturally seek optimal states of balance or homeostasis.
This need to seek balance or homeostasis is also covered in the theory of cognitive dissonance in Chapter 14: Cognitive Elements Questions.
NLP-based questions challenge a party’s subjective view of the world and distil and diagnose their issues. By asking NLP Meta Model-based questions, a mediator reconnects the deletions, distortions and generalizations voiced by the parties with the experience that created them. This facilitates them to move toward being congruent between what they think and what they say to the other party. The more aligned parties are with what they say and what they truly mean, the more coherent will be their message. The less coherent they are, the less their communication will be understood by the other party.
The focus of these questions opens subtle differences in the thinking of a party and invites a diagnosis of a party’s statement, with a resulting shift in their perspective. Working on the assumption that subjective realities shape behaviors, a readjustment of subjective realities could lead to a paradigm shift in the thinking of the parties, resulting in a readjustment of their behaviors.
These questions are used:
✓ To identify and explore any subjective interpretations or subjective assumptions
✓ When the subjective realities of the parties are a block to creating understanding or progress
✓ When there is a need to differentiate between opinions and facts as stated by parties
✓ When it seems that information has been either consciously or unconsciously omitted by the parties
✓ When distorted or generalized information needs to be clarified or distilled
✓ To facilitate parties to be congruent in their thinking and their statements
✓ To create opportunities to minimize blame on both sides
✓ When uncovering the positive intent of a party will lead to understanding by the other party
✓ To recognize and remove blocks to progress and agreement
In her book NLP at Work: The Difference that Makes the Difference in Business, Sue Knight breaks the types of deletions, distortions and generalizations people make into sub-elements, which provide the base for focused mediation questions. These questions need to be diagnostic in their approach and focus specifically on what a party has said.
NLP Meta Model Types That Form the Base for Building an NLP Question
NLP Meta Model Elements of NLP Deletions, Distortions and Generalizations |
||
1. Deletions |
2. Distortions |
3. Generalizations |
Deletions: sub-elements a) Comparisons b) Vague subjects, actions and references c) Abstractions or nominalizations |
Distortions: sub-elements a) Blamers or cause and effect b) Mind reading c) Interpretation or complex equivalent d) Presupposition e) Opinion as facts or “absolutist” pronouncements |
Generalizations: sub-elements a) Universal statements b) Stoppers and limiters c) Drivers |
This section will illustrate a menu of questions that can be asked about the NLP Meta Model categories of deletion, distortion and generalizations.
The questions need to be posed in a very gentle, unobtrusive and non-judgmental manner.
Deletion occurs when we omit, or pay attention only to, certain aspects of the information represented to our brain through our senses. We absorb that which affirms our unique perception or paradigm and filter out the remaining information, as we either do not think it relevant or important or did not see it in the first place. Deletion is essential if we are not to become overwhelmed by the amount of information constantly available to us. The deletion process is often unconscious and can result in the omission of important information from a mediation process.
Element of Deletions: Comparisons
An experience cannot be interpreted from a vacuum. It needs to be referenced to something else so that there is a benchmark from which to describe it. Mediators need to find out what that benchmark may be so that the comment can be reframed more specifically and appropriately.
Statement
She is a terrible manager!
Meta Model Questions
When you say terrible, what exactly do you mean? Terrible in relation to? Is she this way on some occasions or on all occasions? What has been your experience of managers? How does this manager compare to other managers you have worked with? What specifically is different? What is similar?
Element of Deletions: Vague Subjects, Actions and References
Deletions can occur when the identity of a person or the meaning of what they said is not conveyed clearly.
Statement
It is impossible to deal with them! They just do not care!
Meta Model Questions
What is impossible to deal with? With whom is it impossible to deal? When you say “impossible,” what do you mean? Is it all of it or parts of it that are impossible? What do you mean when you use the word “deal”? How do people usually deal with this? What is it that you mean when you say “they do not care”? What is it that they do not care about? How do they show that they do not care?
Element of Deletions: Abstractions or Nominalizations
When a verb is removed from a sentence and replaced with a noun — a process called nominalization — this can make a problem seem intractable. The mediator needs to respond with a question that turns the noun back into a verb so that specific information can be gained. Then the complaint will become more specific and seem easier to address rather than seeming like an all-encompassing and dramatic “no hope at all” statement.
Statement
Our communication is terrible!
Meta Model Questions
What is not working about the way you communicate with each other? What way would you like to communicate instead?
We change our experience of something by distorting the way in which we absorb information, or relay that information to others. We may blow something out of proportion or diminish it; we may alter a sequence of events; or make interpretations or assumptions, or jump to conclusions about something, without evidence. When we distort the information we process at a conscious level, then our experience of a situation will be a distorted experience.
Element of Distortions: Blamers or Cause and Effect
Blamers, or cause and effect language, can be used by a party who does not take responsibility for their own responses and reactions to what another person says or does. Instead of focusing on the person about whom the complaint is being made, focus on the resulting emotion.
Statement
She made me so angry!
Meta Model Questions
To what were you responding with anger?
What specifically triggered this anger in you?
What was it exactly that you were angry about?
Element of Distortions: Mind Reading
A party may make statements in which they assume to know what the other party is thinking or feeling.
Statement
She knows that this is important to me!
Meta Model Questions
What exactly makes you say that she knows this is important to you?
How have you impressed on her the importance of this to you?
This type of question can also be used when posing S4: Journey of Inference questions.
Element of Distortions: Interpretation or Complex Equivalent A = B
This is when a party attributes meaning to what another says or does.
Statement
She spoke to me in a sharp way, so that must mean she is angry with me.
Meta Model Questions
What is it that brings you to link the way she spoke to you with the fact that she is angry with you?
What was it about the way she spoke to you that results in you saying that?
Element of Distortions: Presupposition
When a limiting assumption is implied but is not said directly. For example, during a mediation with his supervisor, Karen, Tom asks her why he has not been given the responsibilities that are in his job description.
Statement from supervisor, Karen
I asked another staff member to take on that responsibility as I thought Tom was too busy.
Meta Model Questions
Karen, what made you think that Tom was too busy?
What did you hear that brought you to the conclusions that Tom was too busy?
Element of Distortions: Opinion as Facts or Absolutist Pronouncements
This occurs when an individual interprets their perception of the world as being reality or the only truth. They give an opinion as an absolute fact rather than an opinion and assume that their perspective is the truth. The person is unaware that each of us has different experiences and therefore different perspectives, and that our memories are of our perceptions rather than facts.
Statement
He is rewriting history; that is not the way it happened! I know the truth!
Meta Model Questions
What exactly is it that you know?
What is the truth from your perspective?
What might be the truth from the other party’s perspective?
This type of question can also be incorporated into S4: Journey of Inference questions.
Generalizations are when we take a specific experience, draw universal assumptions about it and then apply them as true to everything outside the context of that specific experience. We can have an opinion of one person and then apply it to a whole category or race of people. Our beliefs then become generalizations and give us ways of predicting the world based on what we have experienced previously. We expect that our future will fit into this pattern and we only look for the information that will confirm our beliefs. We can even generalize a specific problem to our entire life and so detach ourselves from the real experience and the possibility of a different experience.
Element of Generalizations: Universal Statements
When a person takes an example of behavior and then draws conclusions that apply to everyone in that community, or that apply to all that person’s actions, this is a generalization. When a person is generalizing, they use absolutist language and often include words such as always, never, they all or no one in their sentences.
Statement
All immigrants are like that.…
Meta Model Questions
What makes you say that all immigrants are like that?
What experience have you had that leads you to say that?
Could there be some immigrants who are not like that?
Statement
He is always like that…
Meta Model Questions
Is there ever a time when he is not like that?
Element of Generalizations: Stoppers and Limiters
These statements stop and limit opportunities and possibilities. Phrases such as I can’t, I am not able to and That could never work! are used. These statements need to be translated into a positive possibility.
Statement
That could never happen….
Meta Model Questions
What could help to make it happen?
Element of Generalizations: Drivers
These are the pressures we internalize that drive our thoughts and actions. These statements include words such as should, must or have to in their composition.
Statement
They must do this the way I say it should be done.
Meta Model Questions
What causes you to say that?
What might that deliver for you?
What might it be like if they do it in a way that is different?
