Finding Peace and Choosing Self-Forgiveness
Remorse begets reform.
—William Cowper
If our principal questions in Stage One are How can this be happening? and How can this be real? then the questions we ask in Stage Two are How could I not have known? How could I have participated? How could I have let this happen? and How could I have been part of this? When I first started formulating these stages, I never had any doubt that this would be one of them: a deep feeling of regret over past behavior we were unaware at the time was causing harm—harm to ourselves, harm to animals, harm to our children, harm to the environment. Originally, I characterized this feeling as guilt, but I soon realized there’s more to it than that.
Earlier, I discussed the fact that while we were consuming animal-based meat, dairy, and eggs,* we chose ignorance over awareness—however many times our conscience reared its head, urging us to wake up. In favor of social conformity and conditioning, however, we kept our conscience at bay by justifying our behavior as being both necessary and beneficial, by accepting industry marketing campaigns as truth, by minimizing facts, by trusting biased corporations to be reliable sources for nutrition information, and by undermining our own values and goals. Rather than yield to our conscience, we gave into our blindness by denying any feelings of guilt. In other words, guilt was underneath our discomfort all along. If we didn’t feel there was something problematic with eating meat, dairy, and eggs in the first place, we wouldn’t have worked so hard to justify our behavior, and we wouldn’t have tried so hard to avoid looking at the processes and consequences of what we were paying for. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know is not what we say when confronted with how carrots are harvested from the ground or how plums are plucked from trees. Don’t tell my children what they’re really eating. It would be too upsetting for them is not what we say when asked about how apples become applesauce. In all aspects of our life, guilt serves as a red flag that something isn’t right, tapping us on the shoulder to let us know we may have strayed from our principles or goals.
Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know is not what we say when confronted with how carrots are harvested from the ground or how plums are plucked from trees.
And that’s a good thing. That is to say, whereas our conscience is our moral compass, our guilt is the discomfort we feel when we violate our moral code. Guilt can drive us to do the right thing or stop us from doing something we know is wrong, unethical, harmful, or unhealthy. Guilt can compel us to change our behavior or make us feel enough discomfort to stop us from repeating an offending behavior. Guilt is one of the reasons many people become vegan in the first place. Being kind to animals and not intentionally causing them harm is part of the moral code most of us live by. Eating animals creates guilt, because—even though we avoid facing it directly—we’re aware that animals suffered for our benefit. I’ve received countless emails over the years attesting to this. Here are just a few:
“I started getting a gnawing feeling (which was my guilt) for not living the values I hold so highly (namely compassion).”
“I remember listening to your Food for Thought podcast a few years into being vegetarian and feeling uncomfortable, guilt-ridden, and defensive when you would talk about veganism. I even (regrettably) skipped episodes where I thought you would be talking about dairy. Finally, something clicked and I couldn’t ignore my guilt any longer.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing for my health (and my kids’ health) eating meat and especially dairy. After all, that’s what we’re taught! But I also know that I avoided looking at the truth because I felt too guilty. I knew if I delved deeper, I wouldn’t be able to deny anymore that being vegetarian (and eventually vegan) was the best thing for me and my children.”
“I was an omnivore before starting my vegan lifestyle. I always felt immense guilt when eating flesh or animal secretions. It always felt wrong but I was scared that I would not have the willpower to move over to a vegan lifestyle and so I made a whole lot of excuses to make myself feel better.”
Many people also talk about the sense of relief they feel upon transitioning—a sense of peace that comes from reflecting their deepest values, or their desire for optimal wellness, in their daily behavior. I can vouch for this personally, and it is also something I’ve heard from countless vegans.
“I can now look into the eyes of my two rescue cats and my shelter pup and not feel guilt or shame. I’m now living according to my values, and I’ve found peace.”
“Once I became vegan, I couldn’t believe how happy and light I felt. I no longer felt the constant guilt that stemmed from contributing to the abuse and death inherent in the meat and dairy industries. Since becoming vegan, I’ve felt much more connected to the Earth and all the creatures we share it with.”
“My husband and I joyfully became vegans two months ago. We have never felt better. This has been a wonderful transformation for us—most of all because we no longer harbor guilt over what our two-year-old son currently eats (and will eat in the future). This journey started out as primarily for health purposes but quickly reflected our deeper moral systems.”
“Freeing myself from the constant guilt of contributing to the slaughter of so many innocent lives and the related environmental consequences has given me a peace that I never thought possible.”
“I feel that some kind of weight has been lifted off my chest. Like there was some guilt accumulating in my body for years and now I am releasing it.”
“I’m newly vegan now, and this lifestyle that for so long seemed too restrictive and extreme is something I’m so excited about. There’s no more guilt, no more excuses. It’s freedom. The relief you feel is amazing—the calm that sits inside you, the absolute joy that sometimes overwhelms you. I still giggle at the idea of calling myself a ‘joyful vegan’ . . . but it is just so appropriate.”
Peace of mind is indeed a byproduct of becoming vegan. It is an unexpected gift. The guilt we felt while we were eating animals is all but gone. However, that is not necessarily the end of the story for everyone. Some vegans then reflect on all the animals and animal products they once ate and feel bad for not having done something about it sooner. How could I not have known? How could I have been part of it? At first glance, this looks like guilt, but it’s really something much deeper: remorse.
Guilt is what we felt when we were eating animals (which manifested in our willful blindness, excuses, and justifications).
Remorse is what we feel when we stop eating animals and reflect on how blind we were and how much damage we caused—to the animals, to the environment, to our own health, and to the health of our families.
Regret is also a word people use, especially when describing how they wish they had stopped eating animals sooner, and I think it’s worth unpacking the difference between regret and remorse as well—and why the distinction matters.
Regret is feeling sad or sorry about something that you did or did not do.1
Remorse is a gnawing distress arising from a sense of guilt for past wrongs.2
Actually, the image of being gnawed at is a fitting one because the word remorse comes from the Latin word remordere, which means “to bite again.” When you’re feeling remorseful, you feel its bite again and again. You keep picking at the same wound over and over—never giving it a chance to heal.
Regret is less intense than remorse, and it tends to encompass emotions ranging from disappointment to sorrow because of something you or someone else did or didn’t do. Remorse is typically felt only about something you did or didn’t do, and it is characterized by self-reproof and self-reproach. You feel regret over something relatively minor, but you feel remorse when you’re aware that you violated your moral code—even if it was unintentional. Remorse is directed inward, causing a nagging feeling of distress over a mistake or a lapse in judgment—usually one that resulted in harm. Getting on the other side of remorse entails admitting your error and taking responsibility for the consequences, which is another way it distinguishes itself from regret or guilt; when you’re remorseful, you have a desire to repent, to make amends, to repair the wrong you have done.
Like guilt, remorse can also be healthy in that it demonstrates that you’re capable of feeling sorry for having caused pain or suffering; it means you’re capable of recognizing the difference between right and wrong or appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Remorse is one of the barometers society uses for determining antisocial behavior or psychopathy. To be remorseful is to be capable of self-reflection and introspection and, in this way, remorse is a healthy reaction. In fact, in the Western justice system, perceived remorse—being able to determine that someone feels bad about what they did—is one way judges and juries assess offenders during trials, sentencing, and parole hearings and in restorative justice.
However, while the ability to feel remorse is a sign of a psychologically healthy person (or of one who has the potential to reform), when remorse turns into self-condemnation or prolonged self-flagellation, it can be harmful. If we let remorse consume us, it can lead to depression and self-loathing, and that’s not good for anyone—ourselves or the animals.
Now, I have to reiterate that not everyone who becomes vegan or plant-based will go through this stage. The stages I’m identifying are not prescriptive, so not everyone goes through each and every one; you may not feel any remorse at all, and that’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to; it’s not a requirement, and it’s optimum if you don’t! But even if you don’t experience this stage yourself, remember that identifying these stages is as much about helping you help others through the process as it is about helping you through it. Even if you don’t experience remorse for your pre-vegan actions, you may meet someone who does, and with awareness of this stage, you’ll be able to tell them that it’s a normal part of the process.
If we let remorse consume us, it can lead to depression and self-loathing, and that’s not good for anyone—ourselves or the animals.
GUILT WHILE VEGAN
Having made a distinction between guilt and remorse—the former being what we feel while we’re eating animals (and their eggs and milk), the latter being what we feel as we reflect upon once having eaten animals—I do think there is one way we experience guilt even once we’ve stopped eating animal flesh and fluids, and that is when we beat ourselves up for not being perfect, such as in these situations:
when we eat an animal product by accident
when we become obsessed with eating as healthfully and “purely” as possible (see the discussion of rigid eating in Stage One)
when we realize that we still own sweaters made of cashmere, blankets made of wool, comforters and pillows made from feathers, coats made from down, neckties made from silk, shoes made of animal skins, and car seats or furniture made of leather
when we unintentionally hurt animals, perhaps by hitting them with our car or bicycle
As we enter a way of living whereby we consciously strive to do our best to avoid hurting animals, of course we feel terrible when we fall short—or when someone else judges us for not being perfect. The worst is when that judgmentalism comes from other vegans—usually in the form of the self-appointed vegan police—who tell you you’re not a “real vegan” for these or other reasons:
You eat peanut butter made on equipment that was touched by dairy products.
You feed your (carnivorous) cats meat from aquatic or land animals.
You eat (vegan food) in nonvegan restaurants or with nonvegan friends.
You stopped eating animal flesh and fluids for health rather than ethical reasons.
You buy your produce from traditional farms that use animal products to fertilize the crops.
You eat white sugar (which is sometimes filtered through bone char), palm oil, nonorganic fruits and veggies, and genetically modified foods.
Sadly, with the increase in the number of people becoming “plant-based” for health reasons (not “vegan” for ethical reasons), there has also been an increase in the forming of factions within a community that should be celebrating similarities rather than dwelling on differences. I discuss this more in Stage Six—Finding Your Tribe—but it’s worth noting here, because the propensity for judgmentalism and guilt-mongering is seen on all sides:
Those who are vegan for the animals condemn those in the “plant-based” community for not going further and shunning animal products in their clothing as well as in their diet.
Those who call themselves “plant-based” criticize and sometimes mock vegans for not being “healthy,” for eating “junk food,” and for being overweight or unfit.
Those who became vegan for the animals knock “dietary vegans” for not being activists.
Vegans censure people who call themselves “99 percent vegan” because they’re not 100 percent vegan.
Being vegan is not a goal to attain, a club to join, a milestone to reach, or a badge to wear. There is no such thing as a licensed vegan.
Of course, most of this shaming takes place online, where it’s easy to attack in the comfort of anonymity, but it takes place in person as well, particularly at vegan events and conferences. Some people argue that a little judgmentalism is necessary, because some things are abusive, illegal, or immoral. After all, if we don’t judge when things are ethically wrong, how would we function as a moral society? How would we create laws and rules of conduct? Well, of course we need to determine when something is wrong and then act accordingly; having a moral compass doesn’t mean we don’t make evaluations and create consequences for offending behavior. But, there’s a difference between making a judgment and being judgmental. There is a difference between being discerning and being judgmental. The bottom line is there is no such thing as a licensed vegan. No vegan is perfect, and if you perceive being vegan as being an end in itself—as if it’s a goal to attain, a club to join, a milestone to reach, or a badge to wear—guilt will plague you. Being vegan is not an end in itself; it’s a means to an end.
Imperfection is built into being vegan, because imperfection is built into being human.
Ironically, those feelings of frustration at imperfection may very well result in someone giving up entirely and returning to eating animal products. Many ex-vegans say they went back to eating meat, dairy, and/or eggs rather than feel guilty about not being a perfect vegan. (Many also say they felt guilty because they were berated for being imperfect—by other vegans!) This is terribly unfortunate, because returning to eating animal products rather than accepting that the world isn’t black and white is completely self-defeatist. For the sake of the animals we want to help and the health we want to attain, we absolutely must shift our perception and recognize that veganism is inherently imperfect. That is to say, imperfection is built into being vegan because imperfection is built into being human.
There’s no denying it can be upsetting if you eat an animal product by mistake or if you accidentally hurt or kill an animal, but that is just part of being human—of trying to live consciously in an imperfect world. Let it come, let it be, let it go. Learn from it, move on, recalibrate, and remember why you became vegan in the first place. If you have cashmere sweaters, silk ties, wool blankets, or shoes, car seats, or furniture made with leather, as you’re able to replace them, you will. As you become less comfortable with animal products in your home and on your person, you will slowly eliminate them from your life. It’s all part of the process. Just as becoming vegan is a process, so is being vegan. If you’re unable to afford replacing them or if you’re not the only one making this decision (perhaps your car is under a lease or a family member loves the leather sofa), the question we might want to ask ourselves is: How does keeping this couch [for instance] contribute to animal cruelty? Or flipped around: How does getting rid of this couch help animals? The answer to those questions may help you decide what to do next or at least enable you to forgive yourself and alleviate your guilt.
Living an examined life means learning to tolerate the gray areas we inevitably encounter. Accidentally consuming an animal product, wearing old leather shoes until they wear out, or keeping our grandmother’s pearl earrings doesn’t make us less vegan. It just makes us more human. Imperfect humans in an imperfect world using this thing called veganism to reduce harm and illness is a pretty fantastic way to reflect our values of compassion and wellness. It should enhance our life—not diminish it. So, whether we’re feeling guilt or remorse, these are the questions we need to ask: How do we move through and get to the other side? How do we not let it consume us? How do we make reparations for the harm we feel we caused? How do we advocate for animals while remaining emotionally healthy ourselves? How do we strive to be healthy while accepting we are also fallible? I think the answer to all of these questions is forgiveness.
FORGIVENESS
Many people have a tendency to cling to guilt, remorse, or shame because they think—unconsciously—that by letting go, they are tacitly condoning whatever it is they feel guilty, remorseful, or shameful about. They accept remorse as penance for the suffering they’ve caused, as if perpetual guilt will make up for the mistakes of their past. I see this play out when vegans are reluctant to forgive themselves for having once consumed animal flesh and fluids—the implication being that forgiveness would mean condoning that behavior. Many who become vegan for the animals feel as if, by letting go, they are “letting the animals down.” Health-oriented vegans navigate their own guilt—especially if they’re dealing with a food-related illness or a disease they learn they could have (possibly) prevented had they become vegan sooner. The biggest misconception about forgiveness is that it condones the offending behavior and leaves the door open for future infractions. I think another reason vegans are reluctant to forgive themselves for having contributed to animal suffering is because it would mean they would have to forgive others for continuing to do the same. In other words, a certain amount of martyred satisfaction comes with remorse, but forgiveness is the way out (that is, if you want to get out, and not everybody does).
Many people have a tendency to cling to guilt, remorse, or shame because they think—unconsciously—that by letting go, they are tacitly condoning whatever it is they feel guilty, remorseful, or shameful about.
Strictly speaking, to forgive is “to grant pardon without harboring resentment, to refrain from imposing punishment on an offender.” Etymologically speaking, forgive is a compound word composed of the Old English prefix for-, meaning “completely,” and the Old English word giefan, meaning “to give.”3 Whether the recipient is the self or another, whether forgiveness is asked for or not, and whether it is deserved or not, forgiveness is all about letting go. It is not about condoning or overlooking bad or harmful behavior; it’s about choosing to be unattached to the guilt or remorse that accompanies it—whether that guilt is your own or the guilt you believe someone else should feel. Choosing to forgive doesn’t mean you come away with positive feelings about the offense, necessarily, but it does mean you let go of the negative feelings associated with it.
But the first step in letting go—of getting on the other side of remorse—is to be willing to let go. Moving beyond negative emotions means being willing to move beyond them. However unpleasant they may be, negative emotions can become habitual or even addictive. They can become part of our identity, which makes letting go of them more challenging and even scary, so the first thing we need to do is figure out how guilt and remorse serve us, then determine if we’re even willing to let go of our attachment to them. The following questions may help:
How does this guilt/remorse serve me? What am I getting out of it?
How does this guilt/remorse help or serve animals?
Do I want to continue feeling bad about something I did in my past?
Does having negative hindsight motivate me to do better now, or am I just chastising myself because it feels familiar? Because it feels good? Because it demonstrates that I care?
Taking some time to answer these questions may help you understand what it is you’re holding on to and give yourself permission to let go of it.
Next, we need to identify what exactly we feel remorseful about. As much as we were indoctrinated to eat animal flesh and fluids, we are indeed conscious beings with free will, so it can be helpful to take stock and identify when and where in the process of eating animals we received signals (i.e., pangs of guilt) and ignored them. In other words, did we have the opportunity to make another choice and didn’t? Why? Was it out of fear of not fitting in? Does that still play into our lives today as vegans? Did we find ourselves making excuses for eating animals? Why? What were we afraid of? These questions may serve as a guide to help get to the source of our remorse:
Do I feel remorse because I ate animals and animal products and thus contributed to their suffering?
Do I feel remorse over being duped? Over being gullible? Over being too naïve or not strong enough to resist indoctrination?
Do I feel remorse because I (or someone I love) developed physical ailments as the result of my consumption of animal products?
Do I feel remorse because of the habits I instilled in my children, who now have a taste for animal flesh and fluids?
Once we identify exactly what we’re feeling remorseful about, the next step is being open to having a new perception of ourselves and our experience.
So, to recap, the first step is determining why we’ve been attached to remorse, the second step is being willing to let go of that remorse, and the third step is getting clear about what we feel remorseful about. The fourth step is beginning the process of forgiving ourselves. Self-forgiveness is about taking responsibility but also about understanding our actions in the context of a larger perspective. Forgiveness is about realizing we are only human and being clear about what we have control over and what we don’t. It’s about understanding that our perception of the past is only in our minds, and by changing our minds, we have the power to change the past. In letting go of our attachment to our past and to our guilt, we will feel lighter and better able to live in the present.
The fifth step in letting go of remorse is the act of making amends.
MAKING AMENDS
We can’t turn back the clock, but there is much we can do to move forward, and certainly the greatest restitution we can make lies in our decision to become vegan. It feels good to have aligned our daily behavior with our deepest values, and that is reason enough to celebrate. So is the fact that by being vegan, we are accomplishing so much:
lowering the demand for animal products in the marketplace
increasing the demand for vegan products
decreasing the number of animals raised and killed for consumption
offsetting environmental impacts
improving our health
inspiring others around us
No wonder we feel peace of mind.
Being vegan may be your way of making amends, and it’s enough—and a lot—if that’s all you do. Period. Full stop. However, some people may want to take extra steps to compensate for the past, and there are many gestures you can make to do so—gestures that are symbolic as well as concrete. Whether you call them reparations, restitution, amends, or atonement, these positive actions not only help in the process of letting go, they also disrupt patterns of negative thoughts and perceptions that may be weighing us down. Choose one, some, or all of the following suggestions to help move beyond remorse.
1.Keep things in perspective. We all do the best we can with the information we’re given. When it comes to our consumption of meat, dairy, and eggs, all our lives, on a daily basis, we’re bombarded with messages to eat as much of this stuff as possible, so it’s no surprise that we do. To continually punish ourselves for not having known or even for having chosen willful blindness is futile and slightly masochistic. Even in the criminal justice system, one of the basic tenets is that the punishment should be proportionate to the crime. You don’t get twenty years in prison for running a red light. Forgiving ourselves means taking responsibility for behavior that we recognize as having caused harm, but it also means not overmagnifying that behavior.
2.Apologize. A sincere apology consists of an admission and an expression of regret not for the results of an action but for the action itself. Note the difference between “I’m sorry you were hurt by my actions” and “I’m sorry my actions hurt you.”
To the animals: We obviously can’t directly apologize to the individual animals we ate and whose milk we drank and eggs we consumed. So making amends might entail making a symbolic apology. While this apology may not make a difference to animals, it can make a difference to us. You can make amends in writing or silently in your mind.
To yourself or loved ones: Similarly, it’s not always possible to apologize directly to a person you feel you may have hurt, and you can’t undo the past. If you feel that your past eating habits caused you or your loved ones to experience illness, you can make amends by apologizing either directly to them or silently to yourself. I hear from a lot of parents who didn’t know any better but to feed their children animal products and who now feel guilty that their children don’t want to eat or don’t know how to prepare healthier plant-based foods. This is an opportunity to take responsibility for the past and move forward into the future.
Regardless of who your recipient is, start by finding a quiet spot. Close your eyes, envision the animals, yourself, or other recipient of your amends, and find the words that are authentic for you. When you’re finished, take a deep breath, and experience the gratitude and liberation that come with releasing such a burden.
3.Get involved. I once heard someone say do good rather than feel bad. I think that’s a perfect way to characterize how present actions can make up for past behavior.
With animal rescue organizations: Fostering, rescuing, or adopting animals is a wonderful way to make amends. It may feel more significant for you if it’s farmed animals you help directly, but even providing a home to dogs, cats, or rabbits can do the trick (and make a difference to those individuals, of course). If you can’t adopt or foster animals, many shelters, sanctuaries, and animal rescue organizations offer volunteer opportunities where you can socialize with, walk, brush, pet, or care for animals in one way or another.
With plant-based health organizations: Similarly, there are plenty of individuals and organizations that promote and teach plant-based eating. Volunteer with one of them, or become an independent advocate by teaching vegan cooking classes or influencing your friends and family on social media.
4.Make a donation. If you’re unable to care for animals or teach people directly—or even if you are—make a donation to organizations that work on behalf of animals or promote plant-based eating.
For the animals: When donating, you can even designate that it be made on behalf of or in the name of a particular animal. Give a name to an individual animal you may have hurt or killed while driving, or to the animals you ate before you were vegan, and make the donation on their behalf.
For a healthy world: There are many organizations promoting plant-based eating in schools, hospitals, and the general public.
Identify the organizations you value, become a member, and turn your remorse into support.
5.“Adopt” or “sponsor.”
For the animals: Many animal sanctuaries and shelters enable you to symbolically “adopt” a particular animal, even providing you with a photo and story of your adoptee. This is a powerful way to transform an anonymous animal raised to be killed into a living animal who has a name, a face, and a history.
For a healthy world: Work with legislators to sponsor specific legislation to make plant-based meals available in school districts, hospitals, and other public institutions. Support an existing bill or help draft a new one. You might even look for organizations that enable you to “adopt a classroom” or “adopt a school,” allowing you to focus your resources on helping a specific group of people learn about healthy plant-based eating.
6.Spend time.
With animals: If you have companion animals, give them some extra uninterrupted time, take them for an additional walk, play with them a little more. Be fully present with them. If you don’t have your own animals, help someone else’s. Walk a neighbor’s dog, spend time with a friend’s cat, ask friends or neighbors if you can help when they’re at work or when they go out of town.
With yourself and your loved ones: If eating unhealthy animal products or feeding them to your family members is something that makes you feel remorseful, spend time undoing those habits. Take a plant-based cooking class on your own or with your family. Start a vegetable garden, make going to the farmers’ market a regular outing the entire family participates in, or spend time in the kitchen learning new plant-based recipes that will become part of your repertoire.
7.Make mindfulness part of your daily ritual. Certainly apologizing and making amends either directly or symbolically (see #2) may be enough to help you feel liberated from your remorse, but a regular practice of mindfulness enables you to cultivate a mind-set of self-love and compassion.
For the animals: Include animals in your regular mindfulness practice of prayer, meditation, or yoga. The Loving-Kindness Meditation on page 81 includes a section for sending compassion, love, and peace to all beings.
For yourself: Likewise, include yourself as part of your mindfulness practice. The Loving-Kindness Meditation also includes a section for sending compassion, love, and peace to yourself.
8.Address related issues.
For the animals: Wild animals suffer greatly for our consumption of farmed animals. They’re killed or displaced for “competing” with livestock, and their habitats are destroyed in favor of crops grown for cattle, poultry, and pigs. Make amends by putting out water for them, reducing the noise or light pollution around your home, giving them a quiet place to raise their young, or making sure they have a corridor behind your home so they can safely migrate. (In densely populated residential areas, animals have lost the ability to move about safely without having to cross dangerous roads.) You can also donate to wildlife rescue/rehabilitation organizations in your area, which can be especially meaningful for you if you’ve ever accidentally hurt or killed an animal.
For yourself: Wellness is not limited to what we put in our bodies; it also includes how we holistically treat our bodies. Challenge yourself beyond what you ever imagined possible for your body, such as by creating some kind of fitness goal or trying a new sport. Exercise muscles (literally and figuratively) that you’ve never used or that you’ve let atrophy.
9.Speak up. We’ll cover specific advocacy tips in a subsequent chapter and communication tips in another, but speaking up for animals or about healthy plant-based living is a wonderful way to make amends.
For the animals: Most people aren’t even aware of the generalizations they make about animals or the language they use that disparages them. You can be a voice for animals by correcting misconceptions, sharing positive stories about them, or using compassionate idioms instead of violent ones (“cut two carrots with one knife” instead of “kill two birds with one stone,” for example*).
For health: When it comes to the health benefits of eating plant-based, there are many misunderstandings about what it means to live (and thrive) without meat, dairy, and eggs. Your voice can help provide and perpetuate a different perspective. Share your knowledge, experience, and enthusiasm.
10.Share your feelings. Whatever you do, share your feelings with others. You will find that simply sharing your sadness and remorse with others will tap into their emotions or experiences. The more we realize we are all part of the same human condition, the more we seek to cause less harm to one another and to the rest of the world.
For the animals: When people ask you why you’re vegan, don’t hesitate to tell them it’s for the animals if that is indeed your story. Let the conversation unfold, and be a voice for the animals you care so much about. (See Stage Seven—Finding Your Voice—for more on effective communication.)
For health: Ditto when it comes to your enthusiasm for eating plants instead of animals.
Forgiving ourselves for having contributed to the suffering of animals is not only beneficial for ourselves; it’s also beneficial for our relationship with others. If we can’t forgive ourselves for once having habitually eaten animals, we may find that we’re judgmental toward others who still eat animals, and that doesn’t do anybody any good. If we can’t tolerate our own human imperfections, we risk being intolerant of everyone else’s, too. This is why it’s so important that we remember our story. We need to remember that we, too, once ate animals and that we, too, are fallible and vulnerable humans. If we remember that we did the best we could with what we knew at the time, then we will be better able to understand where someone else is at. If we can move through our own remorse to self-forgiveness, it means we’re more likely to be compassionate toward others.
*The word meat originally referred to any food—not simply the flesh of animals for consumption—and we still use that meaning today in sweetmeat, coconut meat, and nut meat. That is why I distinguish between plant-based and animal-based meats—to make that point and reclaim the word.
*My podcast Animalogy is about the animal-related words and expressions we use and how they affect and reflect how we treat and regard animals.