Legal Document Planning
Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success.
—henry ford
In preparation for death, we know that we can soften our dying by making amends with others, settling scores, doing everything to tie up loose ends, seek the forgiveness of those harmed, and work through all the mental/emotional matters of this life. What is also important is to complete all the legal issues involved. This section is to assist you ahead of the time of your death in handling your legal, health, and funeral affairs.
To have everything organized is a gift you give your loved ones, others, and yourself. When the needed legal work is finished, you will know you are complete on this side of the “grave” and your caregivers will be able to step in and expedite your wishes with minimal difficulty. However, if an accident happens or sudden death and you haven’t been able to get everything in order don’t despair or feel guilty. My encouragement is to simply consider and act on these matters as you can now.
There are a number of key documents that need to be filled out and filed before you die. This before-death preparation helps family members, partners, or close friends take care of your health wishes and your estate. You will need to name individuals to take control of health care as well as legal and financial matters when you are not able to do so. These include signed legal papers and directives before you die. You will need to appoint a medical care person and a power of attorney to represent your desires as you die. After death, there will be a need for a key person to implement wills and trusts.
There are legal firms that provide services for all the various legal issues and documents I will describe. You may have already met with legal help and created these documents. However, if you have not considered these legal issues, in each section that follows is a list of legal forms and documents needed to be completed before, during, and after you die.
To view the type of legal forms I describe, refer to Appendix B, where online links to the main forms for the state you reside within are provided. The websites in Appendix B link to the various legal topics I present. These websites are directed at US readers. If you are from Canada or another country, please do an Internet search on these topics that apply to your country or region. I will be giving exercises in this section to help you think or rethink the various issues these documents raise for you. I have found that as we age our considerations and wishes change. You may already have many of these forms, but it is good to review them on an annual basis.
We must consider the primary legal documents that would be critical for you to have before you die suddenly or of sickness or old age. The most important documents to consider for yourself is a will, a living trust, and an ethical will.
Medical decisions will include an advance health care directive that covers your wishes for medical treatment at end of life. Most important is to designate a person to act in your behalf when you can’t for yourself. This is the durable power of attorney. The medical power of attorney is a bit different as you designate a person or a relative that will help with your medical decisions and wishes when you are unable to do so yourself.
Other medical directives that you may decide you want include a do not resuscitate directive and the physician’s orders for life-sustaining treatment, known as POLST. Finally, in this chapter you can consider whether you want to provide organ donations or medical school donations. Be sure to put all your responses to the exercises in your notebook as a reference for your caregivers.
Your Will
A will is a legal document that spells out who gets what from your estate. A will can be written or audio or video recorded. The will includes such areas as estate planning, legal contract documents, assets, marriage licensees, and loans, among others. A last will and testament is important in order to make sure that your final wishes are respected. The only way to ensure that the proper heirs or organizations inherit the right property from your estate in the probate process or living trust process is through the will. Taking the time now to prepare a will can prevent unintended consequences that often occur if you avoid creating a will. Again, if you have a will it is useful to reevaluate whether it still reflects your wishes and intentions.
Living Trust
A living trust form is used to prepare your estate. A living trust is a trust established during a person’s lifetime in which a person’s assets and property are placed within the trust, usually for the purpose of estate planning. The trust then owns and manages the property held by the trust through a trustee for the benefit of the named beneficiary, usually the creator of the trust. A trust is a legal and financial arrangement between the creator of the trust and the person or persons that the trust represents. A trust designates by whom and how it will be controlled and managed for any and all of your assets. States can have different forms for your trust, so if you choose to consider a trust, check appendix B for a website to investigate what would be involved for you having a trust.
Why Do You Need a Living Trust?
When a person dies, there are a set of “intestate succession rules” if the individual does not have a will or a trust. When a person dies without a will, she or he is said to die “intestate,” and if a person dies with a valid will, she or he is said to die “testate.”
What this means is that if you die without a will, a court of law will distribute your property according to the laws of your state. How it is distributed may not fulfill your wishes. According to these rules, your property, insurance, money, and even minor-age children go to your closest relatives. If the prescribed sequence reveals no relatives, it all goes to the state. If you have a will, after your death, your property, investments, and so on will go through the probate courts of your state for taxing purposes before being distributed according to the instructions in your will. If you have a living trust, all assets go directly to the beneficiaries named in the trust. In the absence of a will, the court system decides where any minor children will go and who their guardians will be. For further information on these issues consult Appendix B for a website.
Ethical Will
An ethical will is a personal legacy. It is a philosophical portrait of you. The portrait is a chance to leave wisdom you have gathered that may inspire others or transmit to others what is in your heart. You may want to share your values and traditions, what you want continued after you die, things you have done in your lifetime, lessons earned, and lessons learned.
There are many ways to provide an ethical will. There are wonderful stories of a grandchild who sits by the bedside listening to a grandfather tell his life story. A recorder captures his words, preserves his history, and gives dignity to his life. Or a family helps make a scrapbook reflecting the mother’s life with photos spread out on the bed as they adore the treasures of a life well lived. One suggestion is to write out your portrait or, as an alternative, develop an audio or video recording.
Many people choose to have such recordings played or handed out at their funeral or celebration. This ethical will can be available just to family or close friends. In Appendix B, there is a website that provides a template and worksheets to give you an idea of how to do your ethical will.
Exercise: Evaluate Your Documents
If you have not yet created a will or a trust, consider setting a date to take care of creating such a document. Determine if you want to create an ethical will and the form it will take. If you want to do an ethical will set a date to begin the process.
Remember you can do a little bit over time. It doesn’t have to be a burdensome project for you.
Advance Health Care Directive
An advance health care directive is a form of living will that allows you to document your wishes concerning medical treatments at the end of life. Your living will guides medical decision-making and requires two physicians to certify the actions you want doctors to take in different medical conditions you may confront. This document is also called the “Living Will Registry” form. When filled out it is available in every state and available at every hospital. When you fill out the form, you will be contacted annually if you want to make changes or if you want to update any part of your directive.
This directive is required when:
• You are unable to make medical decisions.
• You are in the medical condition specified in the state’s living will law (such as “terminal illness” or “permanent unconsciousness”).
• Other requirements may also apply, depending on the state and your wishes.
Durable Power of Attorney
A power of attorney directive names someone that you trust to act as your agent if you are unable to speak for yourself. The power of attorney will manage your assets when you are no longer able to do so. You may want to choose one person to speak for you to make financial decisions. You can do separate financial and health care powers of attorney. A link to a sample form is in Appendix B.
Medical Power of Attorney
A medical power of attorney is a legal instrument that allows you to select the person that you want to make health-care decisions for you if and when you become unable to make them for yourself. The person you pick is your representative for purposes of health-care decision-making. The purpose is to enable the representative to make decisions regarding the type of medical responses you want. You can limit your representative to certain types of decisions, for example, the decision to put you on life support or not when there is no hope of you getting better. On the other hand, you could allow your representative to make any health-care decision that may arise, based on their own judgment of the situation. This includes decisions to give, withhold, or withdraw informed consent of any type of health care, including but not limited to medical and surgical treatments. Other decisions that may be included are psychiatric treatment, nursing care, hospitalization, treatments given in a nursing home, home health care, and organ donation.
The medical power of attorney provides directions for the medical doctor and the medical team or hospice personnel supporting you as the dying person. It is telling your physician, for example, that you want life-sustaining medical intervention discontinued in a specific or extreme circumstance. Another example is that the document can tell your physician to pull the plug to artificial nourishment after seven days if it is the only thing sustaining your life. This document is for you to write your own wishes and give the power to your representative to make all the medical decisions.
An example of a medical power of attorney statement is: “I direct my agent to make decisions concerning life-sustaining medical treatment with the knowledge that I do not want my life to be prolonged artificially nor do I want life-sustaining medical treatment to be provided or continued if such means are the sole source of my continued living.”
It is important to travel with this advance directive so your wishes will be known if you need life-sustaining treatment when away from home. Also place this document with your medical records at home and let your partner, family, and any other caregivers know where you keep your documents. It is important to review yearly to see if any changes are needed. In Appendix B, there are two websites for the legal form and answers to questions you may have about this document.
Exercise: Choices for Individuals to Fulfill Roles
In your journal, respond to the following questions:
• Who is the person you will appoint to be your medical power of attorney?
• If you haven’t obtained certain documents above, when will you download the forms on the computer and begin to fill them out? Give yourself specific dates and put them on your calendar.
• If you don’t have this document, write your own medical power of attorney or go online to get a form from the link in Appendix B under this section title.
• What medical directives do you want your medical power of attorney representative to carry out for you? Read some of the downloadable documents for ideas.
Other Medical Directives You Can Choose
The basic directives above are recommended for each person to have, particularly as you get older, but all adults should have them. The following documents are critical if you are in an accident or in an unconscious condition so that emergency personnel, medical doctors, and others know your wishes.
Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) Directive
Currently, the advance health care directive is not enough if you do not want any resuscitation. The “Do Not Resuscitate” directive allows for a natural death. A cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) directive allows you to refuse in advance any attempts to resuscitate you by chest compressions, medications, defibrillation (electric shock), or intubation (artificial breathing machine) if your heart or breathing malfunctions or stops.
CPR directives are almost always used by people who are severely or terminally ill or elderly. For them, the trauma involved in CPR is likely to do more harm than good (only about 3 percent of these individuals will survive CPR), but emergency personnel are required to perform CPR unless a directive tells them not to.
CPR directives must be immediately visible to emergency personnel. At home, it’s a good idea to post it on the refrigerator, near the front door, or near the patient’s bed. For more active folks with CPR directives, a wallet card or special CPR directive bracelet or necklace can be used. A CPR directive form does not have to be original nor do the signatures have to be original. Photocopies, scans, and faxes are just as valid as the original.
A note about the DNR and CPR directives: Joseph Gallo, MD, who is a professor at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, took part in a decades-long project called the Johns Hopkins Precursors Study.51 Gallo’s part was studying both doctors’ and patients’ answers to questions about end-of-life medical treatments. Gallo’s study looked at the preferences of these doctors and patients for treatment. The study showed there is a huge gap between what patients want and what doctors want in their end-of-life treatment. The study covered questions on CPR, ventilation, dialysis, chemotherapy, surgery, invasive testing, feeding tube, blood, antibiotics, IV hydration, and pain medication. They used a 0-to-100 scale chart to gives responses from “Yes, I would want,” “No, I would not want,” “Undecided,” and “Trial, but stop if no clear improvement.” Here is a summary of the results:
For doctors’ preferences in all the categories (CPR, antibiotics and IV hydration), on a scale of 0 to 100 the range of “no” responses was from 90 to mid-80 that they did not want the various treatments at the end of their life. Without going into further detail about the study, the implication for us as patients is that while we may want to prolong our lives medically, doctors would not seek to have the same treatments for themselves because of the side effects of these treatments. If you are interested in learning more about this study, see the article by Dr. Gallo.
Exercise: Resuscitation Choices
In your journal, respond to the following questions:
• Is it an important issue for you not to be resuscitated? Describe why.
• Do you want to be resuscitated if your heart stops?
• Do you want aggressive treatments such as intubation and mechanical ventilation?
• Do you want antibiotics?
• Do you want tube or intravenous feeding if you can’t eat on your own?
Do Not Intubate (ADNI)
This is another advanced directive if your wish is to not use a breathing machine. For more information go to Appendix B under this title.
Physician’s Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST)
This is a document to improve end-of-life care in the United States. The document encourages doctors to speak with patients and create specific medical orders to be honored by health-care workers during a medical crisis. The POLST document is a standardized, portable, single-page form that documents a conversation between a doctor and a seriously ill patient or the patient’s surrogate decision-maker.
This document is a medical order. The POLST form is always signed by a doctor and, depending on the state, the patient. One difference between a POLST form and an advance health care directive is that the POLST form is designed to be actionable throughout an entire community. It is immediately recognizable and can be used by doctors and first responders (including paramedics, fire departments, police, emergency rooms, hospitals, and nursing homes).
POLST forms are recommended for all patients with life-limiting illnesses or progressive frailty. A pragmatic rule for initiating a POLST can be if the clinician would not be surprised if the patient were to die within one year. The link to the forms are in Appendix B.
Exercise: What Type of Support Do You Want?
In your journal, respond to the following questions:
• Do you want to contact your physician and discuss the POLST form?
• When close to death, do you want life-support treatment or do you want it stopped?
• If you are in a coma and not expected to wake up, do you want life support or not?
• Do you want life-support treatment if you have brain damage?
• Is there any other condition under which you do not want to be kept alive?
• Are there other medical conditions you want addressed?
Organ Donation Directive
Donated organs and tissues are in great demand, as medical technology has made successful organ and tissue transplants safer, easier, and less expensive. Currently, common organ and tissue transplants are: kidney, liver, heart, lung, cornea, bone and bone marrow, tendon, ligament, connective tissue, skin, and pancreas.
Organ, tissue, or body donations must be carried out immediately after death, so if you want to be a donor, you should make arrangements in advance, usually with a local university medical teaching hospital. You should also discuss your plans and wishes with those closest to you, especially your health-care representative if you have named one in an advance health care directive or medical power of attorney document.
Even if you have expressed a desire to donate your organs, an objection from close family members could defeat your intentions. The best safeguard is to put your wishes in writing and be sure family and friends know what they are. The organ donation registry has more information and forms; its website can be found in Appendix B.
Exercise: What to Do with Your Body
In your journal, respond to the following:
• Write the instructions for your final disposition of your body.
• Where will you put your written instructions (at home, in a safe-deposit box, or with a health-care representative, partner, or friend) for final arrangements of the disposition of your body?
• What details need to be included for a final arrangements document?
• What arrangements do I want, if any, from a mortuary, home burial, cremation, organ donation, or other means for deposing of my body?
Medical School Body Donation
Whole-body donation is a generous gift of knowledge. It provides the finest source of education for medical students—far better than any textbook or computer. For medical professionals, nothing is equivalent to the human body in providing an essential and thorough understanding of anatomy. Your gift will help advance medical training and research, and in turn, benefit your children, grandchildren, and people for many generations to come.
You and the medical school of your choice will decide the details for final disposition. Options for final disposition vary slightly between medical schools, but generally begin with cremation as soon as studies are completed. According to prior agreement with you or your next of kin, the cremated remains can be returned to the family for burial in a family plot or disposed as the family desires. Alternatively, the school can bury remains in graves owned by the institution. Some schools offer scattering of the ashes over water in the maritime tradition.
Your donation helps ensure the future of high-quality medical care and innovative research. The gratitude expressed by the medical profession to each donor cannot be overemphasized.
If you choose this method, your body needs to be kept undisturbed for as long as possible after death. If that option is not possible there is an alternative. One suggestion is for your caretakers to tap the top of your head, just before the school comes for your body. This area of the head is the most auspicious gate for your consciousness to leave the body. Your caretakers should then offer prayers, tell your consciousness to go to the light, and burn some incense in your honor.
There is a national center for whole-body donation that directs you to the research medical university nearest you that can receive the body. The link to this national center is in Appendix B.
If you want to donate your body, go online and contact the medical school that you are interested in receiving it. Download the application and instructions. Fill out the form. After you fill it out, copy it and send it to your medical power of attorney representative.
After-Death Decisions for Your
Durable Power of Attorney Representative
There are a number of legal actions your durable power of attorney representative must do for you after you die. It is useful to have a conversation with this person so that they understand what you are asking them to do for you. These actions include death certificates, the type of burial or cremation process you want, if they’ve been prepaid or not, and where the institutions are that provide these services. Also, there is a general checklist for the representative of things needed to be done. Finally, in this section are some cautions for your representative of how they display your information.
Death Certificates
A death certificate contains important information about the person who has died. Details vary from state to state but often include: full name, address, birth date and birthplace, father’s name and birthplace, mother’s name and birthplace, complete or partial Social Security number, education, veteran’s discharge or the cause of death, marital status and name of surviving spouse if there was one, the medical examiner, and the date, place, and time of death. In Appendix B is a link to the US standard certificate of death.
The funeral home, cremation organization, or other person in charge of the deceased person’s remains will prepare and file the death certificate. Preparing the certificate involves gathering personal information from family members and obtaining the signature of a doctor, medical examiner, or coroner. In general, the process needs to be completed within three to ten days, depending on state law.
When someone dies, the death must be registered with the local or state vital records office within a matter of days. The vital records office can then issue copies of the death certificate, which you may want for handling the deceased person’s affairs.
Death certificates must be obtained for cremation, burial, and organ and body donation. The simplest way to get certified copies of a death certificate is to order them through the funeral home or mortuary, or Neptune Society at the time of the death. If you are in charge of winding up the deceased person’s affairs, you should ask for at least ten copies. You will need one each time you claim property or benefits that belonged to the deceased person, including life insurance proceeds, Social Security benefits, payable on death accounts, veteran’s benefits, and many others.
If the time of death has passed and you need to order death certificates, contact the county or state vital records office. For deaths that occurred within the previous few months, you should start with the county office, because it is more likely to have the certificate on file. After a few months have passed, the state office will probably have it, too.
Exercise: Information for Death Certificates
In your journal, record the following:
• Use the US standard certificate of death linked in the appendix and create a list of the information needed to fill out a death certificate.
• Place the information with your durable power of attorney document.
Burial at a Conventional Cemetery
Burial costs include the cost of the plot, casket, and in-ground burial with vault or grave liner. This cost does not include other funeral fees from the mortuary. You may be embalmed and then buried in the earth in a biodegradable casket or without any container. The cemetery may allow simple markers such as engraved stones or a plot using a GPS system.
For burial, you can buy a one-piece “box” called a grave liner, usually concrete, metal, or fiberglass, to prevent the casket from sinking down when buried in the ground. A grave liner is a less expensive alternative to a vault, which is an above-ground holder of the body placed in a mausoleum with a facing stone. The fee for the grave or vault may include upkeep of the gravesite, including the cemetery’s fees. Without a casket, the body is wrapped in shrouds or blankets in the vault for interment.
There are several places to get information on burial costs, including a local funeral home. The Federal Trade Commission of the US government gives consumer information on costs and a pricing checklist for various funeral fees including burial through a mortuary. See Appendix B for this link.
Green Cemetery Burial
There is also a new/old burial process called green burial. Green burial has re-emerged due to people becoming concerned with how cemetery burials have a negative chemical impact on the earth. These “natural” burials were the norm up until the early 1900s.
In a green burial, the body is placed in the earth to decompose naturally. This type of burial has little environmental impact by using biodegradable products such as refrigeration or dry ice instead of embalming fluid. Caskets are built with bamboo or sustainable woods or cardboard. Another option is to simply place a cloth shroud around the body before burial. The idea of this type of burial is that it reduces carbon emissions and aids in the restoration and preservation of the environment. There are certified green cemeteries or natural burial grounds in some sections of the country. See Appendix B for a link to information about green burials.
Exercise: Information on Burial Services
In your journal, record the following:
• Get information on burial and other services from your mortuary of choice.
• List the total costs for:
* Cost of the plot
* Casket
* In-ground burial with grave liner (concrete, metal, or fiberglass)
* Above-ground burial with vault
* Other funeral fees
* Markers such as engraved stones or a plot using a GPS system
* Upkeep of the gravesite, including the cemetery’s fees
Cremation
Cremation is a cheaper and more convenient method of disposing of a body compared to burial. Direct cremation provides a no-frill package at a cheaper cost. Funeral homes will pick up the body, file the death certificate, and give the ashes to the appropriate person. When choosing a casket for cremation, it simply requires a rigid combustible container. Rosewood, mahogany, pine, or cloth-covered caskets are all available for cremation. You will be charged for these containers. Another option is to have your own casket built that will carry your body to the cremation. If the family were to choose a non-combustible casket for viewing, the crematory would still need a simple combustible container for cremation. In this case, it is possible to rent an attractive casket for viewing.
Time of death is important for cremation. The person must be deceased for forty-eight hours prior to cremation. This is a legal precaution to ensure that there is time to complete an investigation of the cause of death should one be needed. Neptune Society is a national organization that provides information about cremation options, other services, and local funeral homes. A link to this section can be found in Appendix B.
Exercise: Information on Cremation Services
If you believe cremation is an option for you, check on the total expense of cremation at your local mortuary including delivery of the body and box to the mortuary home, fee of the cremation, delivery of the cremains, insurance, and extra handling. Compare the local service with that of the Neptune Society, which is a national organization. Also, check to learn if there are green burial services available in your community.
Checklist for Immediate Actions to Take After Death
This checklist can be used by the individual you identified to have power of attorney for medical care and legal and financial matters of the will or estate. Remember, you can choose different people for each of these areas of power of attorney or you can have one individual as power of attorney for all of them. The following is a useful checklist to remind the person who will represent you after your death. Be sure this individual has this list:
• Notify your loved one’s close family members and friends.
• Make appointments to arrange for the funeral, burial or cremation, and memorial service of your loved one.
• Notify your loved one’s employer or clients.
• Notify the appropriate parties if your loved one was a member of any professional organizations, charitable organizations, or labor unions.
• Contact your loved one’s financial advisor.
• Contact your loved one’s estate-planning attorney.
• Locate important legal documents, such as marriage certificates and birth certificates, to retitle your loved one’s assets or apply for benefits for a surviving spouse. If you open the safe-deposit box, you may want to consider having a witness to help you record the contents of the box.
• Locate insurance policies.
• Notify credit card companies.
• Contact past employers regarding pension plans, and contact individual retirement account (IRA) custodians or trustees.
• Notify your loved one’s financial institutions(s) to retitle or distribute the accounts(s).
• Retitle jointly held assets, such as bank accounts, vehicles, stocks, bonds, and real estate.
• Notify utility companies.
• Contact your loved one’s mortgage company.
Cautions to Consider for Immediate After-Death Actions
In our culture, criminals today watch for death announcements and attempt to use the dead person for identity theft. The following are some immediate things for the person who has durable power of attorney to do after a loved one’s death to help prevent identity theft:
• Immediately send death certificate copies by certified mail to the three main credit reporting bureaus. Request that a “deceased alert” be placed on the credit report.
• Mail copies as soon as possible to banks, insurers, and other financial firms requesting account closure or change of joint ownership.
• Report the death to the Social Security Administration at 800-772-1213 and the IRS at 800-829-1040. Also notify the DMV.
• In obituaries, don’t include the deceased’s birth date, place of birth, or last address or job.
• Starting a month after the death, check the departed’s credit report at www.annualcreditreport.com for possible suspicious activity.
Documents to Settle the Estate
There are important documents you may need for your representative to settle your estate. These documents may be in your desk, in a safe-deposit box, or with a friend or relative. Your representative needs to know where to find these documents. The following list comes from the Edward Jones Advisors pamphlet, “Steps to Take When a Loved One Dies”: 52
• Birth certificate
• Marriage certificate or divorce papers or prenuptial agreement
• Military records
• Uncashed Social Security checks
• Adoption papers for minor children
• Trust documents
• Bank account records
• Mortgages and deeds
• Partnership, operating, and shareholder agreements
• Leases
• Most recent and prior year-end brokerage/investment statements
• Stock or bond certificates
• Insurance polices
• Most recent statements or employer-sponsored retirements plans or IRAs
• Loan documents
• Income tax returns for the past three years
• Prior gifts tax
• Most recent credit card statements
• Records relating to the value of tangible assets
• Titles to automobile and other personal property
Have Everything Prepared Legally Before You Die
Hindu philosophy states that if there is confusion among your family or friends in attempting to figure out your practical affairs, personal wishes, and estate issues after your death, you will be affected as you pass through to the other side of this life. In other words, after you die, you will know and feel the confusion and try to help those left behind to fix the situation and find everything that they are seeking to discover in your affairs and estate. This potential confusion of the practical issues you didn’t take care of before you died keeps you attached to the situation and people on this side. This will stop you from moving on to the next stage of your journey. This is helfpul advice whether you believe in the afterlife or not.
You may have heard the stories of how families are torn apart because they could not find or figure out the deceased person’s will, information, insurance, wishes for how the body was to be treated or buried or cremated, as well as clarity in who receives personal possessions and important individuals to contact such as estate lawyers, financial advisors, whether they had bought prepaid burial or cremation contracts, and so on.
There is one more thing you need to do to get your affairs in order and give yourself total peace of mind. If you complete this next process, you will be confident that your affairs will be in order. It will allow family or friends to have clear direction and ease to find information and make the decisions you want. I recommend a valuable book to help you put all your practical matters in order right now before you have any sense of your death approaching. The book is A Graceful Farewell: Putting Your Affairs in Order.53 The book with the downloadable computer documents will help organize and guide you to be totally prepared with all the practical things you should have ready for those you leave behind. More information on this book is in Appendix B.
Whether you get this book or not, the principle is to think through all of the things you take for granted and that your representative or family or friends would not know where to find, such as where you keep the key to the mail box, the key to the safe-deposit box, passwords for all your charge cards, passwords to online accounts, etc. The more you can have this information in one place the easier it is for your representatives to settle your affairs.
This first half of the book was created to work with the underlying fear of approaching the end of your life. Understanding and preparing at a practical level what to do for ourselves and our family and friends brings release and a sense of inner relief and freedom to live more fully now. I hope you have guided yourself into a more peaceful and practical awareness of the dying process. I also hope that you have worked with the exercises, and have made practical preparations for your eventual death. It is important to know what to expect and how to prepare your family and caregivers for this event.
When I considered and worked on all these issues for myself, I could sense that there was still something missing. I knew there was something that needed further exploration. As I pondered the whole process of dying, one piece stood out. As I considered the missing piece, it became obvious to me. When we physically die, we do not take our egos, personalities, or constricted selves with us. As you explored in this first half of the book, while in the crisis time of dying, you have to let go of everything. You let go of your attachment to people, things, memories, and situations. Most of all, you have to release yourself into a place of nothingness. It is this unknown that causes the greatest fear and pain, because you have to become no one. You are stripped of your identity, and as you are confronted with this reality, it can be terrifying.
The truth is, you and I are attached to being someone. The big struggle is the release of identity, the constricted self, at the last moment of life. It became clear to me that if I knew how this personality was developed, then I could let it go while I was still alive. If I learned how to let go, then in my final days on earth I could be at peace as I released myself into a new beginning.
I set out to explore an understanding of the development of my personality or, as I call it, the constricted self. I wanted to know what keeps me so attached to being someone and answer the question of how this self and body are structured. In the course of research and long periods of meditation, I also came to understand that the process of releasing the constricted self at death is the same process you and I can use to let it go now and awaken to a fully alive life before we die.
The second part of the book is to take the journey now of awakening to the expanded self and to true and vital freedom in your life. This exploration will follow the steps of how we created the constricted self and how we take the return journey home to awaken to our true self. Let us begin the next stage of the journey from fear to freedom.
51. Joseph J. Gallo, “Life-sustaining treatments: What do physicians want and do they express their wishes to others?” Journal of the American Geriatrics Society 51, no. 7 (July 2003): 961–969.
52. Edward Jones, Inc., Steps to Take When a Loved One Dies (St. Louis, MO: Edward Jones Pamphlet, 2015), 1–7.
53. Maggie Watson, A Graceful Farewell (Fort Bragg, CA: Cypress House, 2006).