Step 3:
Letting Go into Transcendence
Of course you don’t die. Nobody dies. Death doesn’t exist.
You only reach a new level of vision,
a new realm of consciousness, a new unknown world.
—henry miller
This description of “Letting Go into Transcendence” is a digestion of many traditions that I’ve read and some inner experiences I’ve had. Death is a slow-motion process of letting go. It can be a graceful exit from a life path you traveled, it is to be hoped, with good will and contribution. If you choose to let go of your constricted self now and die before you die, it will ease your transition over the threshold of death. The teachings of many traditions indicate that if you choose to let go of your constricted self and work with the process of your dying now as you live your daily life, no experience of “letting go” needs to happen at death because there will be nothing left to release. This is critically important if you have a sudden death. If you are prepared and do not interfere with the death process, it can be a very easy process. Your other option is to wait and be forced to let go at the time of your death.
To enter this phase of transcendent surrender, whether in daily life or in the death process itself, is to release the outer struggle of your life and let go into a deep relaxation of acceptance, knowing that existence—life, your life—is larger than anything you’ve ever experienced. The spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle provides the secret about letting go. He says, “Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to ‘die before you die’—and find that there is no death.” 29
As you turn your attention to the letting go of the struggle that happens as you enter the process of your death, the experience of letting go will actually create a clarity of mind. This is what Tolle suggests is “to die before you die.” This clarity of mind lets you move away from the outer world and give full attention to “find that there is no death.” Letting go with clarity eases your transition in the later stages of the dying process. When this turning away from the outer world happens, it is a signal for you, your loved ones, and caregivers that physical death is near. If you do not interfere with the death process, it becomes an easy process.
This phase of surrender is releasing the outer struggle and it opens to a deep relaxation of release and acceptance. When there is a release of the outer struggle, it is obvious that there is an impending death. A shift occurs and there may be an initial vulnerable dread-like feeling of engulfment, with a feeling of no exit. You are now in the unknown territory of death. The release of the outer world ends, the fearful constricted self jumps into an unknown space so wide, so deep that it can’t even be measured.
As you make this “jump,” your identity—your constricted self—is stripped away. This jump is the movement into transcendence. At this point, your expanded self emerges as an infinitely expansive sky filled with passing clouds carrying knowledge of deep healing. Strangely, many spiritual teachings indicate that you will feel immensely alive. Because of this awareness of total expansion, there is no longer a fear of engulfment. Former feelings of dread of the unknown shift to awe and ecstasy in the experience of expanding inner light. You enter into a vastness, filled with feelings of joy and peace. Into this vastness, you, as a mind, will experience the virtues of grace, loving kindness, compassion, centeredness, spaciousness, mercy, and stability. These loving qualities are the last connection with the world of form before the moment of death.
The expanded self is now the full expression of love. As you merge, your self-development work and psychological issues melt away and dying is no longer the frightening struggle consuming your consciousness. You are liberated from the attachment of the constricted self into a level of pure presence and you are liberated from rational cognition to direct knowing and then into this illumination. This point in the process of your dying is beyond comprehension and there is a shift of your awareness into its illumined state. This transcendence occurs as your identity is surrendered and you enter into a vast new universe of reality. The world-recognized Indian poet, philosopher, and Nobel Prize winner Rabindranath Tagore eloquently speaks to the wonder of our dying. He wrote, “Death is not extinguishing the light, it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.” 30
What we consider in this chapter is an important shift in our discussion of how you can begin to move from fear of dying to the illumined state of transcendence. This is the threshold of letting go of your constricted ego self and moving to your expanded self. We will consider what is happening to you from various religious and spiritual traditions at the last moment of death when your ego identity dissolves. We will then consider the inner and outer signs of the physical manifestations as death is occurring within you. In this ending process, hearing is the last sensation you will experience. I will provide some suggestion of what may be helpful to you in listening to books, music, etc., and what you might choose for yourself. Finally, I provide some examples of traditional religious prayers at death from the world’s religions.
Nearing Death
Now that we have the overview of dying and beyond, let’s look at each step in a little more detail. One’s near death may be from an accident, a disease, or old age. Whatever brings you to this threshold as soon as it is detected that your dying process has begun and you are still conscious and aware of your surroundings, your family members or friends should sit at your bedside and gently and softly share with you the beauty of your life and affirm your journey beyond your physical death.
It is helpful to note that when you are dying, you want emotionally pleasant feelings and to be without pain. Remember, during your lifetime your wants and desires have sought happiness, pleasure, contentment, appreciation, and so on. But you and I have experienced that our desires are often the root of our pain and suffering. There are still strong desires as you near the death moment, and comfort from family and friends creates a helpful bridge for the desire and drive to feel emotionally pleasant and physically without pain leads to a critical issue as you near your death. Death is both a physical and a psychospiritual process; it is not a medical event. If you focus all of your attention on limiting the physical discomfort of death by being overly medicated or are kept alive through heroic procedures to prolong your life, you miss the full impact of going consciously through the spiritual transformation of death. If you are in the process of dying only to be kept alive with the intervention of drugs and machines, you probably may not die peacefully or with compassion. Tempered with just enough palliative care you can let go naturally. This is a gift you give yourself.
In this final period, there are still strong desires and longings that you can have as you near the moment of your death. The struggle and clinging to past events is part of the continuing inner dissolution of the constricted self until the moment of taking your last breath. The gift to you is that even at the last moment you still have the opportunity to heal these deeply held mental states. The Hindu teachings say that the more complete and settled you are as you leave the practical and emotional issues of your life the easier is the movement into the journey of your next life. As you die, you want to be in the position of having nothing to complete, nothing you need to return to finish. The work for you is to simply relax and be open to dying.
The body will naturally shut down to focus on this profound transformation. This deep transformation as the constricted self dies and the expanded self is uncovered opens you to the mysterious gap into the boundless expanse of the nature of your mind. To let go naturally to this gap is a gift you can give yourself. If you let the body naturally shut down, it will let you focus on a deep and profound transformation. Simply, you will enter a deep transformation as the constricted self dies and the true expanded self opens you to reveal the boundless inner reality of the true nature of your mind.
Through your death, you will know the luminous inner awareness that enfolds the whole of existence in its embrace. As you come to this moment before your actual physical death, the purpose of life on earth is revealed to you. You may reveal to yourself that your unique purpose is to achieve union with and to know and be your own enlightened essential nature. You will come to realize what Gibran says each of us knows hidden in our dreams what lies beyond our death. “For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one. In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; and like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.” 31
Exercise: Affirmations for Approaching Death
The following are phrases you can use now as you approach your death to focus on any remaining desires in your life. Repeat them both silently and out loud. Write down your reactions to these phrases as you repeat them to yourself. Memorize at least one of the phrases.
• I am open to releasing the wanting of things to be different from what they actually are.
• I forgive myself for my mistakes and things I have left undone.
• I ask all those I have harmed to forgive me.
• I am thankful for the loving people in my life. I name them now.
• I forgive myself for those people in my life that I dislike or hate.
• I am grateful for my family and caregivers and their comfort and love for me.
The Last Moment of Death
As you come to that last moment when your physical body dies, you will enter an experience that many traditions have described. First there will be an experience that feels like fainting and drifting into a dark void, a space of peace that is free from all your pain. Then there will be a releasing from the dark void. As the darkness recedes, there arises a dawning of luminous clear and radiant light, like an infinite sky at dawn. The traditions indicate that the key here is to recognize this light and unite with it, as that will allow you to attain the freedom and liberation you have always wanted, even if it has been unconscious in you. If you have not prepared yourself with forgiveness, surrender, and letting go to unite with this light, you will separate from the light and be drawn back into your fears and patterns of pain. Thus, your preparedness is to heal your relationships and your wounded heart and move past your suffering and pain before you enter into this moment.
At death, your physical powers gradually dissolve, but your internal process of dissolution continues. There may still be feelings of anger and desires that have a hold on you. As you come to the moment of physical death, you may experience the effects of your actions on others. This is a type of inner review of your life. It is crucial to meet yourself nakedly. This awareness of your past at the time of the inner dissolution continues until the final moment of death. At the last moment, you still have the opportunity to heal these mental states. Once again, prepare now before you face the moment of your death to heal your relationships and your wounded heart and move past your suffering and pain. In the second part of the book, we will work directly with these issues.
Exercise: Affirmations to Change Thoughts Before Death
The following are phrases to use in order to change your thought patterns when fear arises in you. Repeating these statements plants seeds in the mind when you most need them. Please change the words if you need to so that they fit the way you think and speak. Try to memorize at least one phrase.
• I accept my fear, anger, and sadness as I let go of my body.
• I release my constricted self and open to my expanded self.
• I leave behind all that I use to protect myself and now surrender my life.
• I am now ready to be open to the unknown.
• I welcome the light of the unknown.
• May I love myself and others and die in ease.
Exercise: Experiencing the Moment of Death
In the classic work of Indian literature, the Bhagavad Gita, it says, “Whatever the state of being that man may focus upon, at the end, when he leaves his body, to that state of being he will go.” 32 This next exercise is to explore this idea.
Record your responses in your notebook or computer. If in a group share your thoughts.
• Describe what you want your state of mind to be at the moment of your death.
• Ask yourself: How have I worked with my conditioned habits of desire and clinging to others and things in my life? What can I do differently?
• Explore your past: How have I opened my heart to compassion toward myself and others? What is self-compassion for me?
The Dissolution
Sogyal Rinpoche, in his book The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, speaks of this process of dissolution when he says, “In death all the components of our body and mind are stripped away and disintegrate. As the body dies, the senses and subtle elements dissolve, and this is followed by the death of the ordinary aspect of our mind, with all its negative emotions of anger, desire, and ignorance. Finally, nothing remains to obscure our true nature, as everything that in life has clouded the enlightened mind has fallen away.” 33
At your death, it is said that you are returning to your original state of consciousness before you were born. As you die, you will begin to experience a gap. The gap is a growing openness within you as the body solidity dissolves. In this gap of dissolution, you find your exit out of the physical form. It has been said that this is the most profound moment in the life of a human being. It is the moment of greatest spiritual opportunity in your physical life. This gap, this openness, is like a window revealing your radiant true nature or God or Divine Presence or the Ground of Being—or whatever words you might use for this incredible revelation of existence.
Your physical body has been designed to protect your Divine Presence and the dissolution is a way to create an opening for consciousness to leave the body. The exit is like a whoosh of energy out of the top of the head. But consciousness can exit from other areas of the body as well. In a way, the dying process is for your consciousness to find both the exit and the entrance. The body dying is your exit to the entrance into the beyond.
In his book Shaman, Healer, Sage, Dr. Alberto Villoldo, who trained as a medical anthropologist and served as former director of the Biological Self-Regulation Lab at San Francisco State University that investigated how energy medicine changes the chemistry of the brain, gives one description of this exit moment at death: “When the brain shuts down, the electromagnetic field created by the central nervous system dissolves, and the Luminous Energy Field (LEF) that encompasses the body grows into a translucent, egg-shaped torus that holds the other seven chakras” (the energy centers that are connected to the major glands of the body), “which continue to shimmer like points of light for the first few hours after death. This luminous orb, which is the essence or soul of the individual, then travels through the axis of the luminous body, to become one with Spirit again. This occurs very quickly once the LEF is free from the body. The LEF squeezes through the portal created by its central axis, like a doughnut squeezing through its own hole.” 34
There are many other similar descriptions of how our energy essence leaves our physical body. People who have had near-death experiences describe their energy self leaving the body.
The Basic Signs of the Physical Death Passage
Dying is a gradual process of letting go and withdrawing. It is a very complex process that moves in stages, usually spanning several days or longer. At the ending of life, the processes of your body systems are failing. At the same time, there is an experience of deepening stillness and a hush. The final moments of the activity of your brain, heart, and lungs is said to make a sound like an engine turning off.
In the transition of dying, it is important for you to know what to expect as your body goes through its dissolution. Let me help guide you in the dissolution sequence. There are two major sequences to observe. The first sequence is behavioral and easy to observe. It includes sleep, stillness, and eating habits. The second sequence consists of more specific aspects of dissolving as represented by the five elements of earth, water, fire, air, and space. These elements occur more strongly when fear is often in control. I am including both patterns of dissolution in order for you to be familiar and aware of them as a way of identifying the different stages for yourself and also so your caregivers can be observant of them.
We will first observe the practical signs associated with sleep, stillness, and eating as obvious positive indicators of you nearing your death. Your dying process may include parts of both the positive stages and the elemental physical dissolving. The caveat is that your physical condition coming to your dying may have a significant impact on what you experience.
Chris Raymond, a dying and grief expert, gives us a brief overview of what occurs physically at the moment of death before we follow the practical signs regarding sleep, stillness, and eating that lead up to this moment: “Eventually, the patient’s breathing will cease altogether and his or her heart will stop beating. Death has occurred. At this point, the human body immediately begins a series of physical processes after death occurs . This includes:
• A dilation of the pupils
• A relaxation of the muscles and eyelids
• A growing paleness to the skin’s normal color as blood drains from the smaller veins in the skin
• If the body remains undisturbed for long enough (several hours), the blood will pool in the areas of the body nearest the ground and, eventually, chemical changes in the body’s cells will result in rigor mortis—a temporary stiffening of the muscles.” 35
Sleep
As you enter this final stage, sleep is often very disturbing and agitating. As the dying person, you will be awake at night and awake during the day. There may be moments of feeling very surreal. You will increasingly feel removed from your surroundings. There is often the feeling that you are not in your own home even when tucked into your own bed. Being continuously awake, there can be a deep loneliness as you wait for death to come. Sleeplessness can go on for many days, depending on your mind state and resistance. As you get closer to your death, you may start staring at the ceiling. You may be seeing other beings. Many people report seeing dead relatives and do not seem afraid or surprised. Your caregivers may see your lips move and your brow wrinkle, but your words are inaudible. As you get closer to the doorway of death, you may see where you are going while still maintaining an awareness of people around you.
Stillness
Gradually, your agitation and resistance to sleep shifts to an inner and outer silence and withdrawal from people and the environment around you. You begin to push loved ones and even beloved animals away as you detach from your surroundings. The transpersonal aspects of death that I discussed earlier begin to enter into this time of stillness. In this state of mental and physical stillness, your mind takes the form of a witness that observes everything within and around you non-judgmentally. This surrender into the transformation of stillness comes as the constricted self begins slowly to dissolve and the expanded self emerges. In this observing state, you will know a deep stillness and have an experience of deep peace and comfort that you may call bliss.
Eating and Drinking Stops
When eating and drinking stops, the functions of the mind stop. This is the beginning of merging and being absorbed by the expanded self. At this juncture, you gain insight into your own nature. The nature of the “food” now is spiritual as you move beyond mental constructs, as the mind and the body begins to fast from physical food and drink to release the last of your personality and identity.
Outer and Inner Dissolution
The dissolution of your physical body includes the dying of your flesh and blood. This is called the outer dissolution in most traditional death systems. Your inner dissolution comprises two “bodies.” The first is your mind and emotions and the second is the elements that compose the physical body such as earth, water, fire, air, and space as well as the subtle energy systems such as the chakras or energy points in the body and your ego personality, the constricted self. Next to go is the very subtle body, which is the body that does not die. It sheds the other bodies and moves to infinity. This is the luminous energy field that Dr. Villoldo described.
In the outer dissolution phase, the body is focusing on keeping the brain, heart, and lungs going. The body is sacrificing other functions, as the physical reserves are so limited. When digestion has too much strain on it, your appetite will go away. When the kidneys can no longer function, the ability to swallow fluids vanishes. This is all very natural. However, the tendency, particularly in hospitals, is to keep life going by the inserting of feeding tubes, IVs, suction machines, and so on. As I’ve suggested earlier, this inhibits the natural physical dying process of the body. These “survival mechanisms” also reduce the natural inner process that is going on for the individual as he or she is dying.
In this phase of transformation, our outer elements dissolve into the next element. The elements are the outer dissolution of the body melting into subtle energies and then into the very subtle energy. Then the three stages of inner dissolution end as the energies melt into space. This is the infinite space of the awakened mind. It is fascinating how there is a sign at each stage of dying. These signs are invaluable for your caregivers to be aware of in your dying process. Each sign represents where you are in the inner and the outer dying process and where you are going. The outer and inner signs convey the loss of connection between body and mind as well as your severance from the outside world. They signal the end of who you think you are.
At the end of the dissolution, there is no more struggle and no more effort. The following is the sequence of the elements’ dissolution. The Tibetan system of the elements contains a very detailed and complex description. The text here is my condensed version.
Earth Element Dissolves
The earth element begins to dissolve when the body is unable to function in a normal fashion. At this point, many people are put on life-support systems. Often there is the need for constant sleep and there is no interest in food. When earth element occurs, there is a sense of a crushing weight holding the body down. At this time, you are mostly bedridden, as your legs are too weak to hold up your body. As noted before, your arms may develop reddish-purple splotches called mottling. On the hands, lips, and feet, a bluish discoloration appears as there is less oxygen in the blood, and the skin takes on a waxy sheen. You may experience a coldness over the bony areas of the knees, elbows, and nose. Your overall energy pattern has little strength and is very low. Your mind can be dull and unclear and you become increasingly incoherent verbally.
Water Element Dissolves
When the water element begins to dissolve the body, you experience a loss of body fluids. You become incontinent, have a dry mouth, and become very thirsty. You will probably have a constantly runny nose, as well as slow movement of blood and lymph circulation. You are sometimes emotionally touchy and easily provoked to outbursts of fear. Generally you become out of balance and your nervousness and anxiety increase.
Fire Element Dissolves
The arrival of the fire element increases the intensity of your body as though you are either burning up or freezing. The temperature in your body swings between hot and cold, but increasingly stays hot. You are no longer interested in food or drink. There is an agitation like fire that makes you begin to thrash around in the bed. You may try to get out of bed and are very agitated. The mind has difficulty seeing, identifying, and remembering family members and friends. Generally you are unable to have coherent thoughts, can’t hold information, and your general senses are dull and unresponsive to outside activity.
Air Element Dissolves
The air element is the last to dissolve physically. Caregivers will know you are close to passing because your breath will become inconsistent and labored to the point of long pauses, panting, and then sudden gasping for air. You are confused and feel shut off from the environment around you. You will probably have hallucinations that you mumble about, but you are very inward. You are now so inward that you are not connecting to anyone or anything outside yourself. You may appear to be in a coma. Your breath will become increasingly labored, and then the death rattle will happen and you will cease breathing.
Space Element Dissolves
This is when you take your last breath and consciousness leaves your body. You are now beginning a journey without your physical body. Those who have had a near-death experience describe being above themselves in the room looking down at their body. Others report immediately seeing a bright light that is at the end of a dark tunnel. In this state, you may be clear or confused due to the practices and preparation you gave yourself before you died or the lack of them, respectively.
In this physical transformation process at the final stage of dying, being able to know and observe the basic elements dissolving from one element into the next element gives the observing family, friends, and caregivers an indication of how close you are to moving from outer experience to inner awareness to beyond this physical reality.
After the dissolving of the five elements, outside observers won’t be able to observe your final subtle energy stage. This final subtle energy transformation stage is experienced in you at a different level of consciousness. The five elements are the outer dissolution of the body that permits your consciousness to make a shift into very subtle energy. When the elemental stages of inner dissolution are completed, all the energies melt into space. This is called the very subtle energy of infinite space of the awakened mind.
It is helpful for you and others to know that there are clear signs of the movement you go through at each stage of dying. These signs are invaluable for caregivers to be aware of in your dying process. Each sign represents where you are in the inner and the outer dying process and what the next natural movement will be.
The outer and inner signs convey the loss of connection between body and mind as well as your severance from the outside world. They signal the end of who you think you are as a personality. At this stage of identity loss, there is no more struggle and no more effort by you as you physically leave your body and die.
It must be remembered that each dying person may not follow the outer and inner dissolving process in the systematic order described here. Individuals have their own path of moving through death, but the specific signs of dissolving described here help observers understand how to support the dying in their process and give an indication of what will occur next. For some individuals, depending on their inner preparation, the transition from one element to another can occur smoothly and very peacefully. Someone has said, “We die the way we have lived.”
Andrew Holecek, in his book Preparing to Die: Practical Advice and Spiritual Wisdom from the Tibetan Tradition, states strongly that all of us need to learn these dissolutions signs well before we enter the dying process. He says, “One of the best ways to prepare for death is to acknowledge that we really are going to die.” He goes on to say, “We all know that we’re going to die. But we don’t know it in our guts. If we did, we would practice as if our hair was on fire.” 36
Suggested Readings and Music for Dying
As hearing is the last of the five senses to go, it is considered helpful for your caregivers to speak reminders and prayers aloud so that when you are dying and just after you have died you are reassured that you are not alone in this new state. You may experience positive things but also frightening things. When you experience strange beings or states of consciousness after you die, you need not be afraid. You need to recognize that these strange or fearful beings are projections of your own mind. You need to remember that these images no longer have a hold on you so they can no longer hurt you.
As I said earlier, traditions such as the Tibetan Book of the Dead and The Egyptian Book of the Dead, which was called The Book of Coming and Going, as well as many other after-death rituals from various cultures seek to help the soul or essence of the being on a journey to what some have called the land of the dead, to the highest heaven. Whatever the interpretation of what we experience after we die, these traditions took very seriously the need to keep speaking to the dying and dead person in order to maintain a positive direction of awakening in that individual’s journey.
The reading suggestions that follow may be read to you or recorded for the transition period when you are dying. While the readings are read, it is important for you to know how to keep your mind stabilized so that after your physical death you will recognize the true nature of your mind. This stabilization is done through committed spiritual training and practice throughout your life, as I’ve suggested earlier. If you have reached this stability in your meditation practice, nothing special is required when you are dying. It is much easier for you as you die to experience directly an expanded self experience as the constricted self’s cloudy layers of thought and emotion will dissolve quickly at death. These documents read to you for a period of time both before and after you die help to provide an ongoing stability for you as you journey beyond this life.
Sensitives and near-death returners have observed that at the time of death the mind and heart can fill the atmosphere of the room and touch the awareness of everyone. The reports of many of those who have had a near-death experience say that at first they see themselves above their body and many see an energy of light flooding the room while their body is below them. They report feeling a tremendous flow of love moving out of them to those in the room and that is part of this energy of light.
One caution is that you may experience any strong thoughts or negative emotions that people have brought into the space surrounding you as you die. This will have a powerful effect on your state of mind, for better or worse. You might tell your caregivers before the final stages of your dying that you would like them to prepare themselves inwardly before coming into the room where you are dying. This could be meditating, calm breathing, or mindfulness to be slow and sensitive to what is happening with you. It is helpful for the key caregivers you choose to remind people of this. This calm inward dwelling energy will invoke a presence of love and caring and have a positive influence on your state of mind as you die and leave your body.
There are two significant ways that caregivers can help you as you go through the dying process. The first way is playing music that helps to reduce anxiety and fear. The other is having your caregivers read or record various texts that will help you be attuned more fully to your dying process.
Music with Dying
Noted neurologist Oliver Sacks, in his book Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain, demonstrated that music affects many areas of the brain and can awaken positive memories even in people with Alzheimer’s disease. Instrumental music is free of language or explicit ideas. As we move more deeply into the dying process, we enter more and more into our right brain. Music is more right-brain oriented and can help you open your heart, create a feeling of peace, and draw you deeper and more easily into the moment of death. Even though music is ephemeral, it can touch a deep chord of awareness and feeling in you. At its deepest level, music has the power to create a wonderful pleasurable stimulus that can make the dying process much easier. Talk with your caregivers about the type of music you would like played as you move through your process of dying.
There are ongoing studies of death, dying, and bereavement using the performing of prescriptive music in the dying process. Harpist Therese Schroeder-Sheker and her Chalice of Repose Project have brought music to the bedsides of dying people. She plays and sings music that entrains with the breathing of the person moment to moment as they move toward death. The music is improvised to match the process and physiology of the patient.
Schroeder-Sheker created music-thanatology, a new discipline used with the actively dying or those who have received a life expectancy of less than six months. The goals of music-thanatology are to reduce physical as well as emotional pain and to create a supportive environment for the dying person, thus allowing the person to become more conscious of his or her own death process. Schroeder-Sheker has numerous recordings that you might choose to use (see chaliceofrepose.org). Also consider friends that could play live music of your choosing as you are dying.
Selected Readings at the Time of Dying
You can create your own text readings the way you would like them spoken as you are in the dying transition phase. It is important to keep in mind some key concepts as you prepare a text to be read to you. Some of the key concepts to include are statements to relax, not be afraid, and feel loved. When you are in the dying transition and listen to the text read to you, it is important to remember that whatever comes to you visually or aurally is a manifestation of your own mind.
The following is a suggested text I created that you can have read to you. Use it, modify it, change words to fit your beliefs, make it your own. Add your own readings to your journal for your caregivers. Explain why you want them to read the passages to you. You can record your own voice reading or that of a close partner, friend, or family member, and it can be played continuously to you.
Exercise: A Reading to Be Spoken While Dying and After Death
This reading can be spoken by caregivers and/or recorded and played repeatedly both while in the dying process and after the person has died. Read slowly and pause after each statement.
My dear (name),
You are safe as your body dissolves into the evolutionary process of dying. Know that you are also held by the presence of love.
Whatever appears before you is only a projection in your mind; it is like a dream.
There is nothing to fear. Relax and rest as your body can no longer be hurt.
When a white light appears, don’t be afraid or turn away. Open your heart, go toward it, and merge with it.
You are now experiencing a smooth transition as you pass into a new life. It is just like a change of clothes. You let go of the old and take on a new awareness that is opening you into an abundance of beauty and unconditional love.
You are surrounded by total acceptance and comforted in warmth and a deep compassion for you. There is caring, support, and kindness around you. This unconditional love you are experiencing is who you are.
You see yourself with familiar souls who love you.
There is luminous light all around you.
You are feeling blessed in gratitude and in profound joy.
Rest now in natural great peace as you open deeply and receptively into the healing place of awe and ecstasy.
You are floating in a field of joy and peace that passes all understanding.
You are now being transformed into the virtues of grace, loving kindness, and compassion that is you.
Love is the last connection with the world of form as you experience your true Self becoming overwhelmingly loving of who you are.
Dying is no longer the frightening enemy. You are liberated into the level of pure essence. You are now more than a body, emotions, or mind. You are everything.
Now with the absorption into the true Self you are pure light shifting into awareness. This experience is unity consciousness. This means you have no boundaries. You are infinite space.
Go deeply into this expanded enveloping state of integration and into the most subtle and sacred dimensions of being.
As you dwell in your light of infinite awareness, focus on being one with this awareness.
The Divine Presence of unconditional, infinite, and incomprehensible love is what you now are.
As you dwell in this luminous light, you feel yourself surrounded by Divine Masters. Trust them. Be open to their guidance.
Peace passes all understanding as you keep expanding and going deeper beyond all dimensions of experience.
You are entering into your true Self, the eternal self, the expanded self that you have longed for and worked for your entire life.
All is forgiven and released into the light. This is who you are. You are at home in this light. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for what you have given and shared in this life. Thank you for opening your heart and soul as you go home to what you really are.
You are free to go now at your own pace and your own rhythm. Go gently, effortlessly, deeply, and gratefully right into your Spirit.
Everything is okay as you move into love, gratitude, kindness, and light.
You are in perfect rhythm with this new state of being; trust in your open spacious awareness that is like the clear, spacious sky.
You are going home to love, light, and eternal magnificence. Be at peace, be at peace, and be in oneness.
Traditional Religious Prayers at Death
From the three major monotheistic religions—Christianity, Judaism, Islam—as well as in Hinduism and Tibetan Buddhism there are prayers and meditations for the dying and at the moment of death. Of course, there are many other spiritual traditions for prayers and rituals when one is dying. I include the last few lines of a Native American oration from Chief Tecumseh of the Shawnee Nation from the 1800s that has become a Native American prayer.
Christian Prayers
Both Catholic and Protestant Christians have similar prayers from the Bible that are prayed both as a person is dying and when dead. Find in the bibliography two books, one for Catholics 37 and one for Protestants 38 if you want to explore other prayers. One title you may be interested in is Midwife for Souls: Spiritual Care for the Dying,39 where Kathy Kalina, a Christian hospice nurse, provides prayers for family members, caregivers, and friends as a person is dying as well as at death and afterward.
Below are passages from the Christian Bible.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I have everything I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
through the dark valley of death,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You welcome me as a guest,
anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love
will pursue me all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. Amen
—The Bible, Psalm 23 40
“In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” —The Bible, John 14:2–3 41
Jewish Prayers
Jewish prayers come mainly from the book of Psalms in the Old Testament Torah as well as other spiritual writings. In the Jewish Kabbalah teaching for the moment of death, all thoughts, deeds, and speeches are concentrated into a pure spiritual light. It is believed that this light has an effect on everyone and everything in the world. In the book of Ecclesiastes, it is stated, “Greater is the day of death than the day of birth.” Death in the Jewish tradition represents a completion of one’s purpose and meaning in life.
Among many of the Psalms, number 130 is typical of these prayers at the moment of death.
Out of the depths I call to you, O Lord.
My Lord, hearken to my voice; let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas. God, if you were to preserve iniquities, my Lord, who could survive?
But forgiveness is with You, that You may be feared.
I hope in the Lord; my soul hopes, and I long for His word.
My soul yearns for the Lord more than (night) watchmen (waiting) for the morning, wait for the morning.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is kindness; with Him there is abounding deliverance.
And He will redeem Israel from all its iniquities.
—Prayer at the Moment of Death (Psalm 130)42
He is my God and my ever-living Redeemer,
the strength of my lot in time of distress. He is my banner and my refuge,
my portion on the day I call.
Into His hand I entrust my spirit, when I sleep and when I wake.
And with my soul, my body too, the Lord is with me; I shall not fear.
—From the Adon Olam (The Last Eight Verses of the Jewish Liturgy) 43
Islamic Prayers
The Islamic prayers for the dying are to remember Allah and his power to be merciful and forgiving. The dying person’s last words before the moment of death are instructed to be: “There is no God but Allah.” A Sufi prayer for the dying comes from a poem by Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi, the thirteenth-century mystic. I follow it with a selection on death from traditional Islamic prayers.
On the day I die, when I’m being carried
toward the grave, don’t weep. Don’t say,
He’s gone! He’s gone! Death has
nothing to do with going away.
The sun sets and the moon sets,
but they’re not gone.
Death is coming together.
The tomb looks like a prison,
but it’s really release into union.
The human seed goes down in the ground
like a bucket into the well where Joseph is.
It grows and comes up full
of some unimagined beauty.
Your mouth closes here
and immediately opens
with a shout of joy there.”
—Jalaluddin Rumi (thirteenth-century Sufi mystic) 44
“O Allah, forgive [name of the person] and elevate his station among those who are guided. Send him along the path of those who came before, and forgive us and him, O Lord of the worlds. Enlarge for him his grave and shed light upon him in it.”
—Dua Prayers for the Dying (Dua means to “call out” or “summon”) 45
Hindu Prayers
The famous Vedic prayer of the dying that Hindus repeat is: “Lead me from darkness to light, from death to immortality.” At his assassination, after being shot, Gandhi began immediately to repeat the name of the god Ram over and over so that he would be conscious as he died. From the Bhagavad Gita is a traditional prayer for those remembering the dead person, and from the Rig Veda the Vedic Funeral Hymn.
“Those who take refuge in me, striving for release from old age and death, know absolute freedom, and the Self, and the nature of action. Those who know me, and the nature of beings, of gods, and of worship are always with me in spirit, even at the hours of their death.”
—Bhagavad Gita 46
“Where eternal luster glows, the realm in which the light divine is set, place me, Purifier, in that deathless, imperishable world. Make me immortal in that realm where movement is accordant to wish, in the third region, the third heaven of heavens, where the worlds are resplendent.”
—Rig Veda Funeral Hymn Intones 47
A Native American Prayer
Tecumseh of the Shawnee Nation was a warrior and leader during the Indian wars of the late 1700s in the United States. He fought against white frontiersmen coming into native lands. After the Indians’ defeat and a destructive period of alcoholism, Tecumseh became a spiritual prophet for his people. The following verse about death is from a longer oration he gave to his people:
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. … When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”
—Tecumsch’s Prayer for His People 48
Tibetan Prayer
The following is a reading from the Tibetan teachings to be read while a person is dying and forty-nine days after death. As hearing is the last sense to go, it is considered helpful to repeat this and other prayers aloud so that the dying or deceased one is reassured. In the afterdeath state, the teaching says that one may experience positive things but also frightening things. One needs to recognize these experiences as projections of one’s mind. One is to be aware that they no longer have a body so they can no longer hurt the person. The teachings have family members and friends light a candle and send blessings and positive thoughts to the dying and dead person as they pray.
“Now when this moment of death dawns upon me I will abandon all grasping, yearning, and attachment and enter undistracted into clear awareness of the teaching, and eject my consciousness into the space of the unborn mind as I leave this body of flesh and blood I will know it to be a transitory illusion. Now when the light dawns upon me, I will abandon all thoughts of fear and terror. I will recognize whatever appears is a projection or vision of my mind. When I have reached this critical point, I will not fear the peaceful or negative projections of my mind.”
—From The Tibetan Book of the Dead 49
Exercise: Purification for Death—Essential Phowa
As you approach death and others are praying or meditating for you, there are spiritual practices for purifying and liberating your consciousness now and when you have exhaled your last breath. This particular practice can also be read to you after you have died. Called Essential Phowa, this practice is from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition and is considered in that tradition to be the most valuable and effective practice at death.
Essential Phowa means a transference or ejection of consciousness into a state of truth. This practice helps assist in emotional or physical healing at death and after death. This is a practice to prepare for your own death and the death of others who are suffering. This is a practice you may want your caregivers to do for you after you have died. If so, have this practice as part of the materials you give to your caregivers along with the prayers and other readings if you chose to use them.
It is helpful to lie down to do this visualization practice. Have a partner, family member, friend, or caregiver read it to you or record it so you can listen. Pause after each statement.
• Sit quietly and relax your body. Close your eyes and breathe slowly. Begin to open your mind and affirm that you are moving into an expanding awareness that fills you and the room and ripples outward. Open more to this awareness and rest in a state of mind that is loving, caring, and compassionate. (pause)
• As your mind expands, feel the space and openness all around you expand. (pause)
• With all my heart, I (insert name), invoke a Divine Presence above my head. (pause)
• I see a Presence pouring down rays of light into me, purifying and transforming my whole being. (pause)
• I now affirm that I am fully purified, and dissolving into light. I am now light. (pause)
• I am now indistinguishably merged with the enlightened Presence. (pause)
• I rest in this great light and Presence. (pause)
• When you are ready, move your body and open your eyes.
29. Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now (Novato, CA: New World Library, 1999), 38.
30. Rabindranath Tagore, Vedanta Monthly: Message of the East, Vol. 36 (1947).
31. Gibran, The Prophet, 80.
32. Stephen Mitchell, trans., Bhagavad Gita: A New Translation (New York: Harmony, 2002), 107.
33. Sogyal, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, 259.
34. Villoldo, Shaman, Healer, Sage, 209.
35. Chris Raymond, “Coping with End of Life Issues,” Verywell.com. Accessed September 2016. https://www.verywell.com/end-of-life-4014730.
36. Andrew Holecek, Preparing to Die: Practical Advice and Spiritual Wisdom from the Tibetan Tradition (Boston: Snow Lion, 2013), 24.
37. Bishops’ Committee on the Liturgy, Catholic Household Blessings and Prayer, edited by United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (Washington, DC: USCCB Publishing; Revised edition, 2007).
38. Church Publishing, Book of Common Prayer (New York: Church Publishing, 1979).
39. Kathy Kalina, Midwife for Souls: Spiritual Care for the Dying (Boston: Pauline Books and Media, 1993).
40. New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, (Nashville, TN: HarperCollins, 1989), 662.
41. New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, 1304.
42. New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, 741.
43. Macy Nulman, Encyclopedia of Jewish Prayers (New Jersey: Jason Aronson, 1993).
44. Jalaluddin Rumi, The Soul of Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks (New York: HarperCollins, 2001), 94.
45. Mufti Afzal Hoosen Elias, Qur’an Made Easy (Lenasia, South Africa: Electronic Dawah Institute, 2012). Muslim 2/634.
46. Mitchell, Bhagavad Gita: A New Translation, 104.
47. Ralph Griffith, The Complete Rig Veda, Unabridged, English Translation (Classic Century Works, 2012), Aitareya Aranyaka 6–11.
48. Ernest Thompson Seton, The Gospel of the Red Man: An Indian Bible (San Diego: The Book Tree, 2006), 60.
49. Chogyam Trungpa, Francesca Fremantle, The Tibetan Book of the Dead: The Great Liberation Through Hearing in the Bardo (Boston: Shambhala, 2000), 151.