Note: The first phase (fussy period) of this leap into the perceptual world of "events" is age-linked and predictable, and starts between 14 and 17 weeks. Most babies start the second phase (see box "Quality Time: An Unnatural Whim" on page 17) of this leap 19 weeks after full-term birth. The first perception of the world of events sets in motion the development of a whole range of skills and activities. However, the age at which these skills and activities appear for the first time varies greatly and depends on your baby's preferences, experimentation and physical development. For example, the ability to perceive events is a necessary precondition for "grasping a cube with partial opposition of the thumb," but this skill normally appears anywhere from 4 to 8 months. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.
The realization that our experience is split up into familiar events is something that we as adults take for granted. For example, if we see someone drop a rubber ball, we know that it will bounce back up and will probably continue to bounce several times. If someone jumps up into the air, we know that she is bound to come down. We recognize the initial movements of a golf swing and a tennis serve, and we know what follows. But to your baby, everything is new, and nothing is predictable.
After the last leap forward, your baby was able to perceive smooth transitions in sound, movement, light, taste, smell, and texture. But all of these transitions had to be simple. As soon as they became more complicated, he was no longer able to follow them.
At around 19 weeks (or between 18 and 20 weeks), his ability to understand the world around him becomes far more developed and a little more like our own. He will begin to experiment with events. The word "event" has a special meaning here and has nothing to do with special occasions. In fact, here it means a short, familiar sequence of smooth transitions from one pattern to the next. Sound like a mouthful? Let's try to explain what it means.
While at 12 weeks it may have taken all your baby's cross-eyed concentration simply to grasp an object with both hands that you held in front of him, he'll now begin to understand that he can reach out to a toy, grab it with one hand, shake it, turn it around to inspect it, and put it in his mouth. This kind of physical activity is much more complicated than it seems and far more than just the physical mastery of his arms and hands. It actually depends upon a high degree of neurological development. This change will enable your baby to develop a whole new set of skills.
Although the subtleties of these skills may escape you at first, they will gradually become more obvious. The sounds your infant emits may still just seem like baby babble to you for a while, but they are actually becoming much more complicated. No doubt you'll notice when he strings his consonants and vowels together to say "mommy" and "dada." You also will be very aware of his attempts to roll over and his first attempts to crawl. In all of these activities, he is now capable of learning how single patterns and transitions string together like beads to become what we as adults recognize as events.
This process is also vital for your baby to understand something that adults take completely for granted—that the world is made up of objects that continue to exist, whether or not we can completely see them at the time. You can see just how hard your baby is working in this first year of life to make sense of his world.
Your baby's awareness of the new changes that accompany this leap in his development actually begins at approximately 15 weeks (or between 14 and 17 weeks). These changes affect the way he sees, hears, smells, tastes, and feels. He needs time to come to terms with all of these new impressions, preferably in a place where he feels safe and secure. He will once again show a pronounced need to be with his mommy, cling to her for comfort, and grow into his new world at his own pace. From this age on, the fussy periods will last longer than before. This particular one will often last 5 weeks, although it may be as short as 1 week or as long as 6. If your baby is fussy, watch him closely to see if he is attempting to master new skills.
Because your baby is upset by what is happening to her, she will be much quicker to cry at this time. A very demanding little one, in particular, will cry, whine, and grumble noticeably more often than she did in the past. She will make no bones about the fact that she wants to be with her mommy.
Your baby will generally cry less when she is with you, although she may insist that you give her your undivided attention. She may not only want to be carried around constantly but also expect to be amused all through her waking hours. If she is not kept busy, she may continue to be extra cranky even when sitting on your lap.
Watch for these sometimes subtle, sometimes not so, clues that your baby is changing and about to leap into the world of events.
She May Have Trouble Sleeping
Your baby may not settle down well at night now. It may be more difficult to get her to go to bed in the evenings, or she may lie awake at night. She may want a night feeding again, or she may even demand to be fed several times a night. She may also wake up much earlier in the morning.
She May Become Shy with Strangers
Your baby may refuse to sit on anyone else's lap but yours, or she may get upset if a stranger looks at or talks to her. She may even seem frightened of her own father if he is not around her for much of the day. Generally, her shyness will be more apparent with people who look very different from you.
"When my daughter sees my sister, she gets extremely upset and starts screaming at the top of her lungs and buries her face in my clothes, as if she's afraid to even look at my sister. My sister has dark eyes and wears black eye makeup, which tends to give her a rather hard look. I'm blonde and wear hardly any makeup at all. Perhaps that has something to do with it."
Nina's mom, 16th week
"My son won't smile at people who wear glasses anymore. He just stares at them with a stern look on his face and refuses to smile until they have taken their glasses off."
John's mom, 16th week
She May Demand More Attention
Your baby may want you to amuse her by doing things together, or at the very least, she may want you to look at her all the time. She may even start to cry the moment you walk away.
"I have to give my son extra attention between feedings. In the past, he'd lie quietly on his own. Now he wants to be entertained."
John's mom, 17th week
Her Head May Need More Support
When you carry your fussy baby around, you may notice you have to support her head and body more often. She may slump down a little in your arms when you hold her, particularly during crying fits. When you carry her, it may strike you that she feels more like the tiny newborn she used to be.
She May Always Want to Be with You
Your baby may refuse to be set down, although she may agree to sit in her bouncing chair as long as you stay near by and touch her frequently.
"My little one wants to be closer to me, which is unusual for her. If I let go of her for even a second, she starts to cry, but as soon as either my husband or I pick her up, everything's fine again."
Eve's mom, 17th week
Both breastfed and bottle-fed babies can temporarily have smaller appetites as they approach this leap. Don't worry if your little one is more easily distracted by the things she sees or hears around her than she used to be, or if she is quick to start playing with the nipple. Occasionally, babies may even turn away from the bottle or breast and refuse to drink completely. Sometimes, a fussy eater may eat her fruit but refuse her milk, for example. Nearly all mothers who breastfeed see this refusal as a sign that they should switch to other nourishments. Some mothers feel as if their babies are rejecting them personally. This is not at all the case. Your baby is simply upset. It is not necessary to stop breastfeeding at this point; on the contrary, it would be a bad time to choose to wean your baby.
"Around 15 weeks, my daughter suddenly started nursing less. After 5 minutes, she would start playing around with my nipple. After that had gone on for 2 weeks, I decided to start supplementing my milk with formula, but she wouldn't have any of that either. This phase lasted 4 weeks. During that time, I worried she would suffer from some kind of nutrition deficiency, especially when I saw my milk supply starting to diminish. But now she is drinking like she used to again, and my milk supply is as plentiful as ever. In fact, I seem to have more."
Hannah's mom, 19th week
She May Be Moody
Some babies' moods swing wildly at this time. One day they are all smiles, but the next they do nothing but cry. These mood swings may even occur from one moment to the next. One minute they're shrieking with laughter, and the next they burst into tears. Sometimes, they even start to cry in the middle of laughing. Some mothers say that both the laughter and the tears seem to be dramatic and exaggerated, almost unreal.
Between 14 and 17 weeks, you may notice your baby starting to show any of the following behaviors, signs that he is ready to make the next leap into the world of events. Cross off the signs your baby shows on the list below.
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
She May Be Listless
Your baby may stop making his familiar sounds for a brief period or may occasionally lie motionless, staring into thin air or fidgeting with her ears, for example. It's very common for babies at this age to seem listless and preoccupied. Many mothers find their infants' behavior peculiar and alarming. But actually, this apathy is just a lull before the storm. This interlude is a sign that your baby is on the brink of making many discoveries in a new world where she will learn to acquire many new skills.
On one hand, you may find it hard to believe your baby is 19 weeks old, but on the other, you may have felt every hour of those 19 weeks, having been up for so many of them, comforting a wailing baby. Here are some ways this latest leap may be affecting you.
You May (Still) Be Exhausted
During a fussy period, most mothers complain increasingly of fatigue, headaches, nausea, backaches, or emotional problems. Some less fortunate mothers contend with more than one of these problems at the same time. They blame their symptoms on lack of sleep, having to constantly carry their little screamers, or worrying about their unhappy infants. The real cause of these symptoms, though, is the stress of constantly coping with a cranky baby. Some mothers visit their family doctor and are prescribed an iron supplement, or go to a physiotherapist for their back troubles, but the real problem is that they are nearing the end of their tether. Especially now, make time for yourself, and give yourself a treat now and then. But remember that your baby will eventually come to your aid by learning the skills that she needs to deal with her new world, and then the sun will shine again.
"If my daughter won't settle down for a few nights in a row and wants to be walked around all the time, I get a terrible backache. At times like these, I wish she was gone for just one night. I'm a total wreck."
Emily's mom, 17th week
Toward the end of a fussy period, a mother sometimes feels so confined by her baby's demands that she almost feels she's in prison. It seems as if the baby is calling all the shots, and the mother feels irritated by her "selfishness." It's no wonder that mothers sometimes wish their babies would just disappear for a while. Some even daydream about how wonderful it would be if they could put them out of their minds for just one night.
"This week, there were moments when I would have liked to forget that I had a son altogether. Aren't human beings weird creatures? At times, I felt so closed in. I just had to get away from it all, and so that's what I did."
Bob's mom, 18th week
"When I'm at the store with my baby and he wakes up and starts crying, everybody stares at me. I get all hot and bothered. Sometimes I think, 'Why don't you shut up, you stupid kid!'"
Steven's mom, 18th week
You May Feel Resentful
After a few weeks of living with a fussy baby, you may be shocked to find that you are beginning to resent this demanding little person who disrupts your life so much. Don't blame yourself. This is an understandable and surprisingly common reaction. Many mothers grow more irritated toward the end of a fussy period. They are convinced their baby has no valid reason for making such a fuss, and they are inclined to let their babies cry a little longer than they used to. Some begin to wonder what "spoiling" actually means, and think they may be giving in to his whims too much. They may also begin to wonder if they should be teaching their little ones to consider that mothers have feelings, too.
Now and then, a mother may feel a surge of aggression toward her persistent little screamer, especially when the baby won't stop crying, and the mother is at her wit's end. Having these feelings is not abnormal or dangerous, but acting on them is. Get help long before you lose control. Shaking, especially, can be harmful. Remember, while it is normal to feel frustrated and angry with your baby at times, never shake a baby. Shaking a young child can easily cause internal bleeding of the spine just below the skull which can result in brain damage that may lead to learning difficulties later on or even death.
"My son refused to continue with his feeding and started having an incredible crying tantrum, while I just kept trying to get his milk down his throat. When the same thing happened with the next bottle, I felt myself becoming terribly angry because none of my little distraction tricks were working. I felt as if I were going around in circles. So I put him on the floor where he would be safe and let him scream his lungs out. When he finally stopped, I went back into the room, and he finished his bottle."
Bob's mom, 19th week
"I started to feel my temper rise every time my daughter launched into one of her crying fits because I'd left her on her own for just a second. So I let her get on with it and ignored her."
Ashley's mom, 17th week
"The last four evenings, my son started screaming at 8:00 P.M. After consoling him for 2 nights in a row, I'd had enough. So I let him cry until 10:30 P.M. He's certainly persistent, I'll give him that!"
Kevin's mom, 16th week
Because this fussy phase lasts longer than the previous ones, most mothers immediately sense that this period is different. They are concerned about their babies' seemingly slower progress and the fact that the babies seem to have a sudden aversion to the things they liked in the past. But don't worry. From this age on, the new skills are much more complicated to learn. Your little one needs more time.
"My baby seems to be making such slow progress. Before he was 15 weeks old, he developed much faster. It's almost as if he's come to a standstill these past few weeks. At times, I find this to be very upsetting."
Matt's mom, 17th week
"It's almost as if my son is on the verge of making new discoveries, but something seems to be holding him back. When I play with him, I can sense there's something missing, but I don't know what it is. So I'm playing the waiting game, too."
Steven's mom, 17th week
"My daughter has been trying to do lots of new things this week. All of a sudden, it hit me how much she can do at just 4 months, and to tell you the truth, I feel very proud of her."
Jenny's mom, 18th week
At approximately 19 weeks, you will notice that your baby is trying again to learn new skills, because this is the age when babies will generally begin to explore the world of events. This world offers her a huge repertoire of event-skills. Your baby will choose the skills best suited to her—the ones that she wants to explore. You can help her do what she really is ready to do, rather than trying to push her in any and every direction.
After the last leap forward, your baby was able to see, hear, smell, taste, and feel smooth and continuous transitions. But all these transitions had to be relatively simple, such as a toy moved steadily across the floor in front of him. As soon as they became more complicated, he was no longer able to follow them. In the new world that babies begin to explore at approximately 19 weeks, most babies will start to perceive and experiment with short, familiar sequences. This new ability will affect a baby's entire behavior.
As soon as a baby is able to make several flowing movements in sequence, this will give him more opportunities with objects within his grasp. He may, for instance, be able to repeat the same flowing movement several times in succession. You may now see him trying to shake playthings from side to side or up and down. He may also attempt to press, push, bang, or beat a toy repeatedly. Besides repeating the same movement, he may now learn to perform a short sequence of different movements smoothly. For instance, he may grab an object with one hand, then try to pass it to the other hand. Or he may grab a plaything and immediately attempt to put it in his mouth. He is capable of turning a plaything around and looking at it from every possible angle. From now on, he is able to carry out a thorough examination of any object within reach.
In addition, your baby may now learn how to adjust the movements of his body, especially his upper arm, lower arm, hand, and fingers, to reach the exact spot where the plaything lies, and he can learn to correct his movements as he goes along. For instance, if a toy is farther to the left, his arm will move to the left in one flowing movement. If it is more to the right, his arm will immediately move to the correct spot. The same applies to an object near at hand, one that is farther away, or a toy hanging higher or lower. He will see it, reach for it, grab it, and pull it toward him, all in one smooth movement. As long as an object is within arm's length, your little one will now actually be able to reach out and grasp the object of his choice.
When your baby is toying with these movements, you may see him twist and turn. He may now learn to roll over or spin on his back more easily. He may also make his first crawling attempts, because he is now capable of pulling his knees up, pushing off, and stretching.
Recordings of babies' brain waves show that dramatic changes occur at approximately 4 months. Also, babies' head circumferences suddenly increase between 15 and 18 weeks.
He may also learn to make a short series of sounds now. If he does, he will develop his chatter, which started after the previous leap, to include alternating vowel and consonant sounds. He will gradually use all of these sounds to speak in "sentences." This abba baba tata is what adults fondly call "baby talk." You could say he is now able to become just as flexible with his voice as he is with the rest of his body.
All over the world, babies start making these short sentences when they reach this age. For example, Russian, Chinese, and American babies all babble the same language initially. Eventually, the babies will start to develop their babble-sounds into proper words of their native language, and they will stop using the universal babble sounds. Each baby will become more proficient at imitating the language he hears being spoken around him because he will get the most response and praise when he produces something close to home.
Apparently, everyone's ancestors must have felt as if they were being addressed personally when they heard their offspring say "dada" or "mommom," because the words for mommy and daddy are very similar in many different languages. The truth, though, is that the little babbler is carrying out a number of technical experiments with short, familiar sequences of the same sound element: "da" or "mom."
Your baby may now begin to recognize a short series of flowing sounds. He may be fascinated by a series of notes running smoothly up and down a musical scale. He may now respond to all voices that express approval, and he may be startled by voices that scold. It doesn't matter what language is used to express these feelings, since he will be able to perceive the differences in tones of voice. For the first time, he is now able to pick out one specific voice in the middle of a commotion.
Check off the boxes below as you notice your baby changing. Stop filling this out once the next stormy period begins, heralding the coming of the next leap.
The big change that allows your baby eventually to make sense of the world of events begins at around 15 weeks. The leap into this world is a pretty big one, and the skills that come with it only start to take wing around 19 weeks. Even then, it may be a while before you see any of the skills listed here. It's most likely he will not acquire many of these skills until months later.
BODY CONTROL
GRABBING, TOUCHING, AND FEELING
LISTENING
TALKING
BODY LANGUAGE
OTHER SKILLS
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
Your baby may also start to recognize short, familiar tunes. At 19 weeks, babies are even capable of hearing whether interruptions in a piece of music being played are genuine or do not belong to that particular piece of music, even if they have never heard the music before. In an unusual experiment, researchers found that if a part of a minuet by Mozart was played to babies, they showed a definite response if the music was interrupted by random pauses. Babies may also start recognizing words for the very first time.
Your baby may now learn to see a short, familiar sequence of images. For instance, he may be fascinated by the up-and-down motion of a bouncing ball. There are endless examples to be seen, all disguised as normal, everyday activities or events, such as someone shaking his bottle up and down, stirring a saucepan, hammering a nail, opening and closing a door, slicing bread, filing nails, brushing hair, the dog scratching itself, somebody pacing back and forth in the room, and a whole range of other events and activities.
Two more basic characteristics of the world of events should be mentioned here. First, as adults, we usually experience an event as an inseparable whole. We do not see a falling-rising-falling ball—we see a bouncing ball. Even when the event has only just begun, we already know it is a bouncing ball. As long as it continues, this remains one and the same event—an event for which we have a name. Second, most events are defined by the observer. For instance, when we speak, we don't separate the words clearly, but run one into the next without a pause. The listener creates the boundaries between words, giving the impression that they are heard one at a time. It is exactly this special power of perception that will begin to be available to your baby between 14 and 17 weeks.
The world of events offers a wide range of new skills to your baby. From the opportunities available to him, your little one will make his own selections, based on his own inclinations, interests, and physical characteristics. Some babies may want to concentrate on feeling skills, while others may choose the watching skills, and yet another group will specialize in physical activities. Obviously, there are also babies who like to learn a variety of different skills without specializing in any one of them. Every baby makes his own choice, because every baby is unique.
Watch your baby closely to determine his particular interests. If you respect his choices, you will discover the special pattern that makes your baby unique. All babies love anything new. It's important that you respond when you notice any new skills or interests. Your baby will enjoy it if you share these new discoveries, and his learning will progress more quickly.
The more your baby comes in contact with events and the more she plays with them, the greater her understanding of them will be and the more proficient she will become. It doesn't matter which discoveries she chooses to make in this new world. She may pay close attention to music, sounds, and words. Or she may choose looking and observing, or physical activities. Later on, it will be easy for her to put the knowledge and experience she has gained learning one skill to good use when learning another.
Besides wanting to experiment with the discoveries she makes in this world of events, your baby will also become tremendously interested in everything going on around her. This may now occupy most of her waking hours, because she will want to look at and listen to everything she possibly can. Even better (or worse!), every toy, household item, and gardening or kitchen utensil within a small arm's length is hers for the taking. You are no longer her only toy. She may try to become involved in the world around her by pushing herself forward with her hands and feet, toward something new, and away from her mom. She may now have less time to spare for her old cuddling games. Some parents feel a little rejected by this.
Even so, she still needs your help just as much as ever. Your baby's fascination with the whole world around her is typical at this age. You probably have begun to sense these new needs, and your main contribution can be supplying your baby with enough playthings and waiting to see how she responds. Only if you notice that she has real difficulties in fully understanding a toy should you give her a hand. You'll also want to keep an eye on your baby to make sure she uses her hands, feet, limbs, and body properly when reaching out to grab objects. If you see that she has a particular problem, you can help her to practice activities like rolling over, turning, and sometimes even crawling, sitting, or standing up.
Perhaps you have seen your baby spin on her back and squirm in an attempt to roll over from her tummy onto her back. If you did, you saw your little one toying with a short series of flowing movements of several body parts. She can now make these because she is living in the world of events. However, being able to make several flowing movements in succession does not automatically mean that she is successful in rolling over or crawling, for that matter. It usually takes quite some trial and error to get there.
"My little one is trying to roll over from her back onto her tummy. She's not having much success yet, and it's making her awfully upset. She really gets exasperated."
Ashley's mom, 20th week
"My son is practicing like crazy to learn to roll over properly. But when he's lying facedown, he pulls both arms and legs up at the same time, straining and moaning like mad, and that's as far as he gets."
John's mom, 21st week
"My daughter manages to roll over only when she gets really angry. To her own surprise, I might add."
Laura's mom, 20th week
Here's a playful way to help your baby practice rolling from her back onto her tummy. Lay your baby on her back, and hold a colorful plaything next to her. To reach it, she will be forced to stretch her body and turn so that she can't help but roll over. Of course, you have to encourage her in her efforts and praise her for trying.
You can also make a game out of helping her to roll from her tummy onto her back. One way is to lay your baby on her stomach and hold a colorful toy behind her, either to her left or to her right. When she turns to reach for it, move the plaything farther behind her back. At a certain point, she will roll over, simply from turning a little too much when reaching for the toy. Her heavy head will automatically help her in the process.
At about this age, babies often try to crawl. The problem with crawling is the moving forward part. Most babies would love to move forward, and they do try. Some babies get into the right starting position—they tuck their knees under their bodies, stick their bottoms in the air, and push off—but they're not successful. Other babies get into the crawling position but bounce up and down without moving forward. There are also little squirmers who slide backward, because they push off with their hands. Others push off with one foot, thus going around in circles. Some lucky babies fumble around for a while and hit on forward motion seemingly by accident. This is the exception rather than the rule at this age.
"I think my baby may want to crawl, but I have the feeling he doesn't know how yet. He squirms and wriggles, but he doesn't move an inch. He gets really upset then."
Frankie's mom, 20th week
Many mothers try to help their babies crawl. They carefully push their wriggling infants' bottoms forward, or they put all kinds of attractive objects just out of their reach in an attempt to coax them forward. Sometimes these maneuvers will do the trick, and the baby somehow manages to move a little. Some babies do this by throwing themselves forward with a thud. Others lie on their tummies and push themselves forward with their legs, while using their arms to steer themselves in the right direction.
If you imitate your baby's attempts, she may find it absolutely hilarious. She may also really enjoy watching you show her how to crawl properly. Nearly every child who is having crawling problems will be fascinated by your attempts. Just try it and see!
Let Him Wriggle Around Naked
Your baby has to practice if he wants to learn how to roll over, turn, and crawl properly. It will be a lot more fun, and much easier for him, if he is not wearing his clothes and diaper. Lots of physical exercise will give him the opportunity to get to know his body and help him to increase his control over it.
In the world of events, your baby's arms, hands, and fingers are just like the rest of her body—able to make several flowing movements in succession. As a result, she is able to practice reaching for, grabbing, and pulling a toy toward herself in one smooth movement and manipulate it in all sorts of ways such as shaking, banging, or poking. Thus she can examine the objects she can lay her hands on. And that is just what she wants to do at this age, though again she needs a lot of practice to become perfect.
Let her explore as many objects as she wants. She may turn them around, shake them, bang them, slide them up and down, and stick an interesting part in her mouth to feel and taste it. An activity center offers a variety of these hand and finger exercises all on one board. It usually has an element that one can turn. It may have a knob that also makes a noise when pressed. There could be animals to slide up and down and revolving cylinders and balls to turn, and so on. Each separate activity will emit a different sound when your baby handles it. Lots of babies love their activity centers. But don't expect your little one to understand and use all these features properly at first. She's just a beginner!
When you see that your baby is trying to do something without much success, you can help her by holding her hand to show her how to do it properly. Or if your baby has a preference for observing how things are done, let her watch how your hand does it. Either way, you will encourage her to be playful and clever with her little hands.
"We had an activity center hanging in the playpen for weeks. My son looked at it from time to time, but he wouldn't do anything with it. But this week, he suddenly started grabbing it. Now he just loves touching and turning all those knobs. You can tell he's really exploring the whole board. He does get tired quickly, though, because he has to push himself up with one hand all the time."
Paul's mom, 18th week
If your baby gets tired because she has to push herself up with one hand all the time, support her so she can use her hands freely. For instance, put her on your lap and examine a toy together. She will love being able to play while sitting comfortably. Besides, when she is sitting, she will be able to look at playthings from a completely different angle. Just watch her to see if she does different things with toys when she is sitting comfortably. Perhaps you may even see new activities.
"I put my baby in his high chair for the first time and propped him up with a cushion. He immediately discovered that you can do certain things with toys while sitting up that you can't do on the floor. When I gave him his plastic key ring, he first started banging it on the tabletop, and then he kept throwing it on the floor. He did that about 20 times in a row. He thought it was great fun and couldn't stop laughing."
Paul's mom, 19th week
If your baby is a keen explorer, you can enrich her environment by offering her playthings and other objects of different shapes, such as round or square things, or made of different materials, such as wood and plastic. Give her fabrics with different textures or soft, rough, and smooth paper to play with. Many babies love empty, crisp bags, because they slowly change shape and make wonderful crackling sounds when crumpled. Give your baby objects with rough edges or dents. Most babies have a weakness for weird shapes. The shape of a plastic key, for instance, will challenge her to make a closer inspection. Many babies find the jagged edge particularly intriguing and will want to touch it, look at it, and taste it.
Some babies are drawn to the smallest details. If you have such a tiny researcher, she will probably look at an object from all sides, examining it very carefully. She will really take her time and carry out a close inspection of the object. She will fuss with the smallest of protrusions. It may take ages before she's finished stroking, feeling, and rubbing textures and examining shapes and colors. Nothing seems to escape her inquisitive eyes and probing mind. If she decides to examine you, she will do this meticulously, too. If she studies your hand, she will usually begin with one finger, stroke the nail, and then look and feel how it moves, before she proceeds to the next finger. If she's examining your mouth, she will usually inspect every single tooth. Stimulate her eye for detail by giving her toys and objects that will interest her.
Baby Care
You probably began this process a long time ago, but since your baby is now becoming increasingly mobile, it's time to do a quick safety check to make sure he is safe.
"My daughter is definitely going to be a dentist. I almost choke every time she inspects my mouth. She probes around and practically shoves her whole fist inside my mouth. She makes it very clear she doesn't appreciate being interrupted while she's working when I try to close my mouth to give her a kiss on the hand."
Emily's mom, 21st week
Does your baby want to grab everything you are eating or drinking? Most babies do. So, take care not to drink hot tea or coffee with a wriggly baby on your lap. In an unguarded moment, she may suddenly decide to grab your cup and tip the hot contents all over her hands and face.
"My son will try to grab my sandwich with his mouth already open in anticipation. Whatever he manages to grab, he swallows immediately. The funny thing is, he seems to enjoy everything."
Kevin's mom, 19th week
Is your baby a real observer? The daily routine in every household is full of events that your baby may enjoy watching. Many babies love to watch their mothers preparing food, setting the table, getting dressed, or working in the garden. They are now capable of understanding the different actions or events involved in various activities, such as putting plates on the table, slicing bread, making sandwiches, brushing hair, filing nails, and mowing the lawn. If your baby enjoys observing things, let her watch your daily activities. All you have to do is to make sure she is in a perfect position to observe them. It really is no extra trouble for you, but it will be an enjoyable learning experience for her.
"My little one smacks her lips, kicks her legs, and reaches out with her hands as soon as she sees me making sandwiches. She's obviously aware of what I'm doing, and she's asking to be fed."
Hannah's mom, 20th week
Some babies at this age already enjoy looking at picture books in which events are shown. If your baby enjoys this, she may want to hold the book herself, using both hands, and gaze at the illustration in wonder. She may make a real effort to hold the book and concentrate on the pictures, but after a while the book will usually end up in her mouth.
You can start to play the first peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek games at this age. As soon as your baby becomes familiar with the world of events, she may recognize a plaything, even when she can see only part of it. If you see her looking quizzically at a partially hidden toy, or if you want to turn her attempts to retrieve a toy into a game of hide-and-seek, move the object about a little to make it easier for her to recognize. At this age, she is still quick to give up. The idea that an object continues to exist all the time, wherever it is, is not yet within her mental grasp.
Top Games for This Wonder Week
Here are games and activities that most babies like best now. Remember, all babies are different. See what your baby responds to best.
Talk as often as possible to your baby about the things he sees, hears, tastes, and feels. Talk about the things he does. Keep your sentences short and simple. Emphasize the important words. For instance: "feel this—grass," "daddy's coming," "listen—the doorbell," or "open your mouth."
First you say, "I'm going to (dramatic pause) pinch your nose. " Then grab his nose and gently wiggle it about. You can do the same with his ears, hands, and feet. Find out what he enjoys most. If you play this game regularly, he will know exactly what you are going to do next. Then he will watch your hands with increasing excitement and shriek with laughter when you grab his nose. This game will familiarize him with both his body and the words for its parts as you play together.
Show your baby a brightly colored picture in a book. He may even want to look at several pictures. Make sure the pictures are bright, clear, and include things he recognizes. Talk about the pictures together, and point out the real object if it's in the room.
Many babies really love songs, particularly when they are accompanied by movements, such as "Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man. " But they also enjoy being rocked to the rhythm of a song or nursery rhyme. Babies recognize songs by their melody, rhythm, and intonation.
This familiar song encourages tickling, which your baby may love.
This little piggy went to market.. .
And this little piggy stayed at home. . .
This little piggy ate roast beef.. .
And this little piggy had none. . .
This little piggy went. . .
Weeweeweewee all the way home.
While saying this, wiggle each of your baby's toes in turn, before finally running your fingers up his body and tickling him in the neck
Cover your baby's face with a blanket, and ask: "Where's. . . . ?" Watch him to see if he can remove the blanket from his face on his own. If he can't do this yet, help him by holding his hand and slowly pulling the flannel away with him. When he can see you again each time, say "boo"—this helps to mark the event for him. Keep the game simple at this age; otherwise, it will be too difficult for him
Look in a mirror together. Usually a baby will prefer looking and smiling at his own reflection first. But then, he will look at your reflection, and then back to the real you. This normally bewilders him, and he will usually look back and forth at you and your reflection, as if he can't make up his mind which one is his real mother. If you start talking to him, he will be even more amazed, because no one but his real mother talks like that. This may reassure him that he's with the right person, so he may start laughing before he snuggles up to you.
Does your baby make "babbling sentences"? Sometimes it may sound as if your little one is really telling you a story. This is because in the world of events your baby becomes just as flexible with her voice as with the rest of her body. She starts to repeat whatever syllables she already knows and string them together to form a "sentence," such as dadadada and bababababa. She may also experiment with intonation and volume. When she hears herself making a new sound, she may stop for a while and laugh before resuming the conversation.
It's still important to talk to your baby as often as possible. Try to respond to what she says, imitate her new sounds, and reply when she "asks" or "tells" you something. Your reactions encourage her to practice using her voice.
You may notice that your baby understands a word or short sentence, although she cannot say the word or words herself. Try asking in familiar surroundings "Where's your teddy?" and you may see her actually look at her teddy bear.
In the world of events, babies are able to understand a short, familiar series of sounds such as "Want to go for a ride?" This doesn't mean that they understand a sentence in the same way that an older child or an adult does. Your baby is hearing a familiar pattern of syllables along with the intonation of your voice as a single sound event. This is just the kind of simple string of patterns and changes that makes up an event for her in this world.
Being able to recognize the teddy-bear-sentence event doesn't mean that your baby can recognize sound events under all circumstances. If you were looking in a toy store window with your baby and saw a teddy identical to her own, for example, you might try "Where's your teddy?" with absolutely no success, since she really won't be able to understand meaning in a context so far removed from her own familiar surroundings.
Here are toys and other objects that most babies like best as they explore the world of events. Nearly all everyday household items will appeal to your baby. Try to find out what your baby likes best. Be careful, though, to screen out any that may be harmful to him
Because mothers naturally repeat the same or similar sentences over and over again as they go through their daily routines, babies gradually come to recognize them. This is the only way they can begin to learn about speech, and all babies understand words and phrases long before they can say them.
"In our living room, there's a painting of flowers on one wall and a photo of my son on another. When I ask him 'Where are the flowers?' or "Where's Paul?' he always looks at the correct picture. I'm not imagining it, because the pictures are on opposite sides of the room."
Paul's mom, 23rd week
You will be really enthusiastic and proud when you discover that your baby understands her first short sentence. Initially, you may not believe what happened. You may keep repeating the sentence until you are convinced it wasn't just a coincidence. Next, you may create a new situation to practice the little sentence your baby already recognizes. For instance, you may put the teddy bear in every conceivable spot in a room to test if your baby knows where it is. You may even show her photographs of her teddy bear to see if she recognizes it. Many mothers change the way they talk to their babies at this age. They will say sentences more slowly to their babies, and often they will use just single words instead of whole sentences.
Is your baby a budding music lover? In the world of events she may be fascinated by a series of notes running smoothly up and down the musical scale, and she is able to recognize a short, familiar sequence such as the opening tune of a commercial on TV. Help her with her musical talents. Let her hear the music she likes best. Your music lover may also appreciate all kinds of sounds. If so, it is worth stimulating and encouraging this interest. Some babies grab toys and objects primarily to find out if they will make a noise of any kind. They turn around sound-producing objects, not for inspection, but to see if the sound changes when the object is turned quickly or slowly. These babies will squeeze a toy in a variety of ways to see if it produces different sounds. Give her sound-producing objects to play with and help her to use them properly.
When your baby is learning new skills, she may sometimes try your patience. Both you and your baby have to adjust to her progress and renegotiate the rules to restore peace and harmony. Remember, from now on your baby will no longer be completely dependent on you for her enjoyment, since she is now in touch with the world around her. She can do and understand a lot more than she did in the past, and, of course, she thinks she knows it all. You may think she is a handful. She thinks you are! If you recognize this behavior, you could say you are having the first independence struggle with your infant.
"Every time my daughter sits with me on my favorite chair, she tries to grab the tassels on the lamp shade. I don't like her doing that, so I pull her away and say 'no.'"
Jenny's mom, 20th week
What irritates many mothers more than anything else is a baby's obsession for grabbing everything within reach or anything she sees in passing—especially when she seems to prefer doing this over playing with her mother. Some see it as antisocial—sometimes even slightly selfish—on the part of their little ones. Others feel that the baby is still too young to be touching everything in sight—plants, coffee cups, books, stereo equipment, eyeglasses—nothing is safe from her exploring hands. Most mothers try to curb this urge for independence by stopping their babies in every way possible when they again push away from them and toward the things that take their fancy now. A mother may often try to distract her infant with cuddling games or a tight embrace as she wriggles and squirms in her arms to get at something. But both methods will nearly always have the opposite effect. The baby will squirm and wriggle with even more determination as she struggles to free herself from her longsuffering mother. Other mothers try to discourage this grabbing mania by firmly saying "no." Sometimes this works.
Impatience can be a nuisance. Most mothers think their babies should learn a little patience at this age. They don't always respond to their babies as quickly as they used to. When the baby wants something, or wants to do something, a mother may now make her wait for a few brief moments. She may insist on sitting up straight, on being where the action is, and staying somewhere as long as she likes. The same goes for eating and sleeping. Grabbing food impatiently is particularly irritating to most mothers. Some put an immediate stop to it.
Baby Care
Now and again, a mother may feel a surge of aggression toward her little troublemaker. Remember that having these feelings is not abnormal or dangerous, but acting on them is. Try to calm yourself, and if you can't, be sure to get help long before you lose control.
"My daughter went berserk as soon as she saw her bowl of food. She couldn't seem to gobble it up fast enough. I found it terribly annoying, so I taught her to wait until we all sat down at the table. Now she's no longer impatient. She really waits and watches us serve dinner."
Nina's mom, 22nd week
Hurting someone is not funny. Now that the baby is stronger and understands the world of events, she is also capable of causing physical pain. She may bite, chew, and pull at your face, arms, ears, and hair. She may pinch and twist your skin. Sometimes she will do this hard enough that it really hurts. Most mothers feel that their babies could easily show a little more consideration and respect for others. They are no longer amused by biting, pulling, and pinching.
Some mothers rebuke their babies if they get too excited. They do this by letting them know immediately that they have gone too far. Usually they do this verbally by saying "ouch," loudly and sternly. If they notice that a baby is preparing to launch a new attack, they warn her with "careful." At this age, babies are perfectly capable of understanding a cautioning voice. Occasionally, a mother will really lose her temper.
"When my baby bites my nipple really hard, I really have to work to keep my cool. My immediate reaction is a furious desire to slap him. Before I had a baby, I couldn't understand how people could hit their children. Now I can."
Matt's mom, 20th week
Matt's mom is very honest about her feelings. Fortunately, she does not act on them. Although your baby may inflict physical pain on you during this difficult period, he is not doing this "on purpose." Giving your baby "an eye for an eye" is not acceptable and it certainly does not teach him not to hurt his mother.
Between 20 and 22 weeks, another period of comparative calm begins. Many mothers praise their babies' initiative and love of enterprise. Babies seem to have boundless energy now.
You are no longer your baby's only toy. He explores his surroundings with great determination and enjoyment. He grows increasingly impatient with only mother to play with. He wants action. He may try to wriggle off of your lap at the least opportunity if he spots anything of interest. He is obviously a lot more independent now.
"I put away my son's first baby clothes today and felt a pang of regret. Doesn't time fly? Letting go isn't easy. It's a very painful experience. He suddenly seems so grown up. I have a different kind of relationship with him now. He has become more of his own little person."
Bob's mom, 23rd week
"My baby drinks her bottle with her back toward me now, sitting up straight, not wanting to miss any of the world around her. She even wants to hold the bottle herself."
Laura's mom, 22nd week
"When my son is on my lap, he tries to lie almost flat so he doesn't miss anything going on behind him."
Frankie's mom, 23rd week
"I hardly ever put my baby in the playpen now. I think that he's too restricted in such a small space."
Bob's mom, 22nd week
"My son is starting to resent being carried around in the sling. At first, I thought he wanted more room because he's so active. But then I put him facing forward, and he's happy now that he's able to see everything."
Steven's mom, 21st week
Babies who like to be physically active no longer need to be handed the objects they want, because they will twist and turn in every direction to get them themselves.
"My daughter rolls from her tummy onto her back and wriggles and squirms all over the place to get to a plaything, or she'll crawl over to it. She's as busy as a bee all day long. She doesn't even have time to cry. I must say she seems happier than ever, and so are we."
Jenny's mom, 21st week
"My baby crawls and rolls in every direction. I can't stop her. She tries getting out of her bouncing chair, and she wants to crawl up onto the sofa. The other day we found her halfway into the dog basket. She's also very busy in the bath. There's hardly any water left in it once she's practically kicked it all out."
Emily's mom, 22nd week
During this time, the calm before the next storm, most babies are more cheerful. Even demanding, trying babies are happier at this stage. Perhaps this is because they are able to do more now and are less bored. Parents delight in this less-troubled, well-deserved time.
"My little one is in such a cheerful mood now. She laughs and 'tells stories.' It's wonderful to watch her."
Juliette's mom, 23rd week
"I'm enjoying every minute I spend with my daughter again. She's such a cutie, really easygoing."
Ashley's mom, 22nd week
"My son is suddenly easier. He's back in a regular routine, and he's sleeping better."
Frankie's mom, 23rd week
"My son is surprisingly sweet and cheerful. He goes to sleep without any complaining, which is an achievement in itself. He sleeps much longer now in the afternoons, compared to these past weeks. He's so different from how he was several months ago when he cried all day. Apart from a few ups and downs now and again, things are steadily improving."
Paul's mom, 22nd week
My Diary
Brain Changes
Top Toys for This Wonder Week