Note: The first phase (fussy period) of this leap into the perceptual world of "sequences" is age-linked and predictable, emerging between 40 and 44 weeks. Most babies start the second phase (see box "Quality Time: An Unnatural Whim" on page 17) of this leap 46 weeks after full-term birth. The initial perception of the world of sequences sets in motion the development of a whole range of skills and activities. However, the age at which these skills and activities appear for the first time varies greatly and depends on your baby's preferences, experimentation and physical development. For example, the ability to perceive sequences is a necessary precondition for "pulling a string to get a ring toy attached to it," but this skill normally appears anywhere from approximately 46 weeks to many weeks or even months later. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.
Babies are natural mess makers. During the last leap in your baby’s mental development, this talent probably seemed at its peak. You may have marveled at your baby’s knack for destruction as he disassembled, tossed around, and squished everything in his path. If you are alert for newly developing skills in your baby, at around 46 weeks you may suddenly notice him doing things that are quite the opposite. He will begin, for the first time, to try to put things together.
Your baby is now ready to discover the world of sequences. From this age on, he can begin to realize that to reach many of his goals, he has to do things in a certain order to be successful. You may now see your baby looking first to see which things go together and how they go together before trying to put them in each other, pile them on top of each other, or piece them together. For instance, he may concentrate on aiming as well as he can before trying to pile one block on top of another. He may push a peg through a hole in a peg board only after he has compared the shape of the peg to the hole.
This world offers whole new areas of exploration for your baby. You will notice that for the first time, he really seems to be able to put two and two together. He is sometimes able to put one action after another quite spontaneously. It may become apparent that the baby is more conscious of his actions than ever before—that he is aware of what he is doing now.
The onset of this new leap in his mental development begins at around 42 weeks, or between 40 and 44 weeks. While he grows into his new skills and learns to be comfortable in this new world, your baby will tend to be fussy and demanding once again. After all, it’s a lot harder to figure out how things go together than to take them apart. The sudden alteration in his thinking can understandably be upsetting. This fussy period will often last for 5 weeks, but it may last anywhere from 3 to 7 weeks. If your baby is cranky, watch him closely to see if he is attempting to master new skills.
Your baby may cry more than he did during the past weeks. Most babies do. They may be fussy, cranky, whiny, weepy, grumpy, bad-tempered, unmanageable, and restless. They will do whatever they can to be able to be with their mothers. Some are preoccupied by this all day long. Some little clingers are more frantic at the prospect of separation than others. They will use every possible means they can think of to be able to stay with their mothers.
“Whenever my baby’s brother comes anywhere near him and touches him, he’ll start to cry immediately because he knows it will get a reaction out of me.”
Kevin’s mom, 41st week
Your baby may cry less when she is near you. Most fussy babies cry less when they are with their mothers. And they complain even less when they have their undivided attention.
“Because I want to keep my baby’s sniveling down to an absolute minimum, we do everything together. I do my housekeeping carrying her on my hip or my arm because otherwise I can’t move an inch with her clinging to my leg. I explain to her what I’m doing, for example, how I’m making tea or folding towels. We also usually go to the bathroom together. When I do go on my own, I leave the door open. I do this first so that I can see if she’s doing anything dangerous, but also because then she can see me and follow me to her heart’s content. And she always does. This way of going about things is the only way either of us will get any peace of mind.”
Emily’s mom, 43rd week
She May Cling to Your Clothes
Your baby may go to great lengths to be able to stay as close to you as possible. She may literally wrap himself around you, even when there are no strangers present. Some babies do not necessarily cling to their mothers but do want to stay remarkably close to them so that they can keep an eye on them at all times. And there are those who keep coming back to their mothers, as if they need a “mommy refill,” to be reassured when they leave her again.
“My son wants to sit on my lap, ride on my arm, crawl all over me, sit on top of me, or cling to my legs all day long, like a parasite clings to a fish. When I put him down, he bursts into tears.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
“My daughter will sit on my shoe and wrap her little arms round my leg. Once she’s hanging on, she won’t let go if she can help it. I really need to think of some kind of diversion to get her to let go.”
Emily’s mom, 43rd week
“At the moment, my daughter tends to stay near, but she still does her own thing. It’s almost as if she’s circling around me like a satellite orbits the earth. If I’m in the living room, she’ll be doing something next to me, and when I go to the kitchen, she’ll be emptying a cupboard next to me there.”
Jenny’s mom, 47th week
“Often, my son comes to me to rub tummies, and then he runs off again. I tend to notice it particularly when I’m sitting somewhere doing something.”
Matt’s mom, 41st week
She May Be Shyer with Strangers
When there are strangers near her, looking at her, talking to her, or, worse still, reaching a hand out toward her, your little one may become even clingier with you than she already is. Many babies are shy now.
“My son is a little shy. When he sees new people, or if someone suddenly enters the room, he’ll bury himself in my neck. It doesn’t last long, though. He just needs to get used to them.”
Matt’s mom, 42nd week
“My son is shyer than he ever was before. Even his grandfather isn’t allowed to look at him.”
Kevin’s mom, 43rd week
“I noticed this week that my baby was really starting to cling to me a lot. Now, whenever a stranger reaches out to embrace her, she’ll grab me. But if people give her some time, she often ends up going to them by herself in the end. They just have to make sure that they don’t pick her up too soon.”
Ashley’s mom, 47th week
She May Want Closer Physical Contact with You
Some little worriers hold on to their mothers as tightly as they can once they have a hold on them or when they are sitting on their laps, as if they do not want to give their mothers the chance to let go. Other babies react furiously when they are set down or when their mothers walk across the room.
“If we’re apart for even a moment, my daughter cries with rage. When I return, she’ll always hit, claw, pinch, and push me for a moment first. If the dog’s around, she’ll immediately go for him. Once, I came back to find her with a whisker in her hand.”
Emily’s mom, 43rd week
She May Want to Be Kept Busy
Most babies start asking for more attention now. Your baby may do the same. Even an easy little one usually prefers doing things with you. A demanding little person would, if she could have her way, keep you busy keeping her busy night and day. She is often not satisfied until she has her mother’s undivided attention. She can have eyes only for her and only be focused on her.
“My son keeps coming up to me to read a book. He sits with me much more patiently, too. It’s just what I’ve always wanted. He’s usually busy as a bee. So when he finally does want to spend some time with me, it makes up for all the arrears.”
Paul’s mom, 44th week
“My son is becoming less lively in general. His motor development is starting to grind to a halt. He’s paying less attention to it now. His toys aren’t particularly popular now either. Even when I play along, he has a very short attention span. He’d rather have me than his toys.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
“When my son is nursing, if I do anything or talk to anyone, he wails. I have to look at him, fidget with him, or stroke him. As soon as I stop for a second, he’ll wriggle uncontrollably and kick furiously, as if to say: ‘I am here.’”
Matt’s mom, 43rd week
Your little one can be extra cranky, naughty, or sweet when you pay attention to someone or something else. This change in behavior usually makes a mother wonder if her baby might be jealous. This discovery usually comes as a surprise.
“I babysit a 4-month-old baby. My son always finds it very interesting when I give her a bottle. But this week, he was impossible. He kept doing things he normally never does. He was really causing trouble, being obnoxious. I think he was a bit jealous.”
John’s mom, 44th week
She May Be Moody
Your baby might be cheerful one day and the total opposite the next. Her mood can also change suddenly. One moment, she may be busy and happy doing something, the next she could start whining and complaining. The mood swings come out of the blue for no apparent reason as far as her mother can tell. At times this can make a mother feel insecure.
“My baby would cling and cry her eyes out one moment and seem to be having the greatest fun the next—as if she could turn it on and off at the flick of a switch. I just don’t know what to do. I wonder if something could suddenly be hurting her.”
Nina’s mom, 43rd week
She May Sleep Poorly
Your baby may sleep less well. Most babies do now. They either refuse to go to bed, have more difficulty falling asleep, or wake up earlier. Some are particularly troublesome sleepers during the day. Others are worse at night. And still others are reluctant to go to bed at any time.
“My daughter doesn’t need much sleep. She stays up hours later in the evening, playing happily.”
Hannah’s mom, 43rd week
“My baby wakes up 2 or 3 times a night and doesn’t sleep well in the afternoon either. Sometimes it takes me 3 hours to get her to go to sleep.”
Jenny’s mom, 48th week
“My son is more restless now. When it’s time for bed, I have to force him to calm down. Then, he wakes up a few times during the night.”
Frankie’s mom, 45th week
“My son used to sleep in wonderfully long. Unfortunately, he doesn’t any more.”
Matt’s mom, 41st week
She May Have “Nightmares”
Your baby may turn into a restless sleeper. She could even toss and turn so much that you suspect that she is having a nightmare.
“My baby woke up screaming at the top of her lungs, like she does when she’s angry. I think she must have dreamed something she didn’t like.”
Emily’s mom, 45th week
She May Be Listless
Your baby may temporarily be a little apathetic. Sometimes babies are. They are less active or babble a little less. They may even stop all activity for a while and simply lie and stare. Mothers do not like to see this happen. They think that it is abnormal, and they may try to get the little tykes moving again.
“My daughter is not as active anymore. Often she just sits there, wideeyed, looking around.”
Hannah’s mom, 45th week
“Occasionally, my son will just sit there, gazing into thin air. This is a change because he always used to be doing something.”
Matt’s mom, 43rd week
“My son is more passive, quieter. Sometimes, he’ll sit there, staring off into the distance for a few moments. I don’t like it one bit. It’s as if he’s not normal.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
She May Refuse to Have Her Diaper Changed
Your little one may become more impatient and unmanageable when she is being dressed, undressed, or changed. She may whine, scream, and writhe as soon as you touch her. Sometimes mothers become aggravated with or concerned about a troublesome squirmer.
“My son won’t stay still for a minute. Sometimes, getting his diaper off is like being in a wrestling match. I love the fact that he’s become more active, but I don’t see why he can’t lie still for a few seconds.”
Frankie’s mom, 43rd week
“Dressing, undressing, and changing are a nightmare. This happened a while ago as well. Back then, I thought the lower part of her little back might be troubling her. I started to worry more and more. So I took her to the pediatrician, but he said that her back was perfectly fine. He had no idea what could be causing it, either. But then, it cleared up by itself.”
Juliette’s mom, 46th week
Many babies seem less interested in food and drink at this time. Your baby may lose her appetite, or she may be very choosy, eating something only if, and when, she feels like it. Mothers are often worried and aggravated by poor appetites and fussy eating.
“My son is not eating well. But all of a sudden he does want to breast-feed in the middle of the day, and he’ll start whining and pulling at my blouse to get what he wants. He wakes up a lot during the night as well, wanting to breastfeed. I wonder whether he’s getting good nutrition this way.”
Matt’s mom, 43rd week
She May Behave More Babyish
Sometimes a babyish behavior that you thought was long gone suddenly reappears. Mothers do not appreciate such revivals. They see them as backward steps and would put a stop to them if they could. Yet a relapse during fussy periods is perfectly normal. It simply means that another huge leap forward is about to happen.
“My daughter relapsed into crawling this week. I just hope it’s nothing to do with her hips or because she started walking so early.”
Jenny’s mom, 44th week
“My son doesn’t want to hold his bottle himself anymore but prefers to lie back in my arms and be fed like a tiny baby. A while ago, however, he insisted on holding the bottle himself. His relapse is actually bothering me quite a bit. I kept thinking, ‘Cut it out, son, I know you can do it yourself.’ A few times I put his hands on the bottle, but he wouldn’t budge.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
“Very often, I have to rock my son again before he will go to sleep.”
Steven’s mom, 41st week
“My son doesn’t want to stand anymore and immediately slumps to the floor. He’s also become a lot more sluggish.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
She May Act Unusually Sweet
A fussy baby can now also find nicer ways of asking for more physical contact or attention. This happens more and more often and in increasingly sophisticated ways. She may bring her parents books or toys “asking” that they play with her. She may charm you into playing games with her with a variety of ploys, such as laying her little hand on your lap, snuggling up to you, or resting her head against you. Often, she may alternate between being troublesome and sweet, whichever works best at the time, to get the desired touch or attention.
Mothers of independent babies who don’t usually seek much physical contact are overjoyed at the prospect of finally being able to give them a cuddle again.
“My daughter would come up to me now and again for a cuddle. She was extremely charming this week.”
Ashley’s mom, 46th week
“My son was very cuddly and kept clinging to me this week.”
Matt’s mom, 42nd week
“When my son is in the bicycle seat or stroller, he keeps looking back to check if I’m still there, and then he’ll give me his tiny hand.”
Paul’s mom, 44th week
“My daughter wants to sit on my lap with a book more often. When she does, she’ll stay there, snuggling up wonderfully close to me.”
Jenny’s mom, 47th week
Between 40 and 44 weeks, your baby may show signs that he is ready to make the next leap into the world of sequences.
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
“My daughter keeps crawling after me. When she rounds the corner by the door, she’ll give me a big smile and quickly crawl back in the other direction again. We love this little game.”
Ashley’s mom, 43rd week
Some mothers notice that their babies are more naughty than they used to be. It may seem your baby does everything that he is not allowed to. Or he may be especially mischievous at times when you are rushing to finish something and can least spare the time to deal with him.
“We’re not allowed to attend to our own business. If we do, then everything we told our daughter not to touch suddenly becomes extremely interesting, such as the telephone and the knobs on the stereo. We have to watch her every second of the day.”
Jenny’s mom, 47th week
“My daughter keeps crawling after me. I think that’s adorable. But if she doesn’t do that, she makes a mess of things. She’ll pull the books off their shelves and scoop the dirt out of the flower pots.”
Ashley’s mom, 43rd week
“Whenever my baby sees I’m busy, she crawls over to things she’s not allowed to touch.”
Nina’s mom, 43rd week
“My son clings to me all day long, and when he doesn’t, I have to keep disciplining him and taking things away from him.”
Kevin’s mom, 43rd week
As your baby’s new world expands to include sequences, his fussiness and changes that follow will affect you, too. Here are some feelings you may encounter.
You May Feel Insecure
Mothers often worry when their baby is upset. They try to find a cause for his more frequent crying. As soon as they have found one, it puts their mind at ease. At this age, they are often inclined to decide it is cutting teeth.
“I think that my son’s mouth was troubling him. He wasn’t his normal, easygoing self.”
John’s mom, 43rd week
“My son cried a lot. I don’t think he had enough sleep.”
Frankie’s mom, 43rd week
“My daughter is whiny and fussy whenever I’m busy doing something. Perhaps she’s having more difficulty dealing with her sisters at the moment.”
Juliette’s mom, 42nd week
You May (Yet Again) Be Exhausted
Mothers of babies who demand a lot of attention and need little sleep feel thoroughly exhausted toward the end of a fussy period. Some complain of headaches, backaches, nausea, and lack of concentration, as well.
“I feel that I’ve broken down completely because I’m not getting any support or recognition. I’d really love to have one evening of rest. At night, I keep running upstairs to the nursery and back down again. Often, this goes on into the middle of the night. To me, this is the most difficult age so far. I even kept putting off writing this diary. I just couldn’t concentrate on it.”
Emily’s mom, 46th week
Toward the end of this fussy period, mothers become increasingly aggravated by their fretful little clingers. They are annoyed that they are constantly preoccupied with their demands and do not seem to have a life of their own anymore.
“It’s tedious, literally not being able to move an inch. My son constantly demands attention, or else he throws a temper tantrum, and it’s slowly but surely becoming very irritating. Sometimes, I feel like he’s pulling my strings, and that makes me feel rebellious. Then I get fed up. I keep contemplating if I should take him back to the day care, after all. I’ve kept him at home for a few weeks now. In the beginning it felt better, but now, once in a while, I can feel myself getting slightly aggressive again.”
Bob’s mom, 46th week
“I’m very busy, and I can’t have my daughter clinging to my legs or sitting in front of the sink anymore when I’m working. Now, when I’ve had enough, it’s off to bed with her. Perhaps I’m starting to lose my patience.”
Juliette’s mom, 45th week
“Even though I have the easiest baby anyone could ever wish for, when he starts crying hysterically, I notice I do get a bit impatient with him and whisk him off to bed.”
John’s mom, 43rd week
Sometimes a mother is annoyed because deep down she knows that her baby is capable of more than he is showing and suspects that his behavior is just too babyish for his age. She thinks it’s time for him to start behaving more independently.
“When I set my son down for a clean diaper, he always starts to yell. It’s the same with clean clothes, as well. This is starting to annoy me more and more. I think he’s too old for that kind of behavior. In fact, it’s about time he started cooperating a little.”
Bob’s mom, 47th week
You May Start to Quarrel
Toward the end of every fussy period, many mothers who are still breastfeeding think about whether it might not be time to stop. One of the reasons is that the baby wants to nurse all day long. This is annoying and exhausting, and mothers begin to refuse babies sometimes. The little one, however, finds this unacceptable and before you know it, he and his mother argue.
“I keep getting more and more annoyed because I have to lull my son to sleep at my breast. I had to start doing it again when he was having so much trouble falling asleep. Now it’s starting to become a habit again. Besides, he wants to nurse an awful lot and starts screaming when he doesn’t get his way. I just don’t feel like doing it anymore.”
Matt’s mom, 47th week
The good news is that for the mothers who do persist with breastfeeding, the normal feeding pattern will restore itself as soon as the fussy period is over. Once everything has settled down again, mothers seem to forget their irritations.
Another battleground is the familiar territory of negotiating a deal between mother and child about the amount of physical contact and attention.
“I’m aggravated by my son’s continuous crying just so he can sit on my lap. I get terribly angry when he bites me, if I don’t respond to him fast enough. It hurts so much that I automatically give him a shove. Once, he fell and hit his head really hard. That wasn’t my intention, but I was so furious it just happened.”
Kevin’s mom, 44th week
It’s critical to remember that having feelings of anger and frustration at times is not abnormal or dangerous, but acting on them is. Try to get help long before you lose control.
At about 46 weeks, you will see your baby growing calmer and attempting to do things that are brand new for him. You will see him handling his toys in a different way and enjoying new activities. He will be more precise about his actions than ever before and will pay even more attention to detail.
Your baby can now understand that sometimes one thing must follow another to make a sequence. He will realize that he can find and construct sequences in all of the senses, and as usual, your baby is unable to explore them all at once. His inclinations, preferences, and temperament will help him to select the aspects of the world that he finds most interesting and the skills that he will develop. Help him to do what he is ready to do, rather than trying to push him.
During the last leap forward, your baby realized that certain things have so much in common that they belong to one group or category. In order to categorize things, she would often examine them by breaking them down and taking them apart. For instance, she might have taken a tower of blocks apart one by one, removed a key from a lock, or loosened a handle on a chest of drawers. This paved the way for the current leap where the very opposite takes place, and she begins to experiment with putting things back together. Every baby needs to learn how to take a tower apart before she can build one. Even the seemingly simple activity of choosing the next block and then deliberately placing it in position requires a mental leap that, until this point, your baby was not prepared to take.
Check off the boxes below as you notice your baby changing. Stop filling this out once the next stormy period begins, heralding the coming of the next leap.
This world is just as multifaceted as all of the others that your baby has entered in her short life. Each baby has her own ideas about what is interesting. Your baby can’t experiment with everything at once. If she has always been a listening and looking baby, this may continue at the expense of more physical activities. It is perfectly normal if most of these skills do not become evident until several months later.
POINTING AND TALKING
WHAT GOES TOGETHER AND WHAT COMES NEXT
MAKING AND USING TOOLS
LOCOMOTION
PLAYING WITH OTHERS
HIDE AND SEEK
COPYING A SEQUENCE OF GESTURES
HELPING OUT WITH THE HOUSEKEEPING
DRESSING AND GROOMING
EATING AND FEEDING
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
As her new skills begin to take wing, your little one becomes involved for the first time in constructing, in putting things together, and linking things. For instance, she may now take a key off a table and try to put it in a lock. She can learn to dig sand up with a spade and then put it in a bucket. She can learn to aim a ball first and then throw it. While singing a song, such as Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker’s man, she can begin to make different gestures successively, without you having to set the example. She can learn to scoop up food with a spoon and then put it in her mouth. She may learn to pick up her clothes from the floor and then put them in the laundry basket. At this age, babies are just beginning to be aware of sequences, and it is quite a feat if they manage to string two actions together. Although they know what belongs together, their attempts may not always succeed. For instance, your baby may try putting on her shoes by getting them out but then sit down and rub them against her feet trying to put them on.
You can also tell by your baby’s reactions that she is now beginning to realize how certain events usually follow after another in the normal course of events. You will notice that she now knows what the next step is in any particular sequence. For instance, if she sees you push a doorbell, you may see your baby pause to listen for the bell.
“When a tape is finished, my son now looks up at the cassette player, not at the speaker. He now knows that I have to do something to the player if he is to hear more music.”
Bob’s mom, 48th week
Your baby can now also start pointing out and naming different people, animals, and objects. When she does this on her own, she may often still say da instead of using the proper word. When she does this together with you, she may point things out and want you to name them or have you make the appropriate sound. She might like to play the game the other way around, having you point while she tells you what she calls the object. When you are carrying her around, you may also start to notice that your baby will point in the direction that she wants you to go.
Babies who haven’t been doing much in the way of talking may now begin to name people, animals, and objects, or parts of these, for the first time. The very act of naming is a way of relating a spoken word or sound to a person, animal, or object. Pointing or looking followed by a word is a sequence as well. But some babies will still put off talking in favor of other skills, such as walking.
Babies can now perceive and play with sequences. This opens a new world of possibilities, and your baby will make his own choices according to his mental development, build, weight, and coordination. Some babies are very social and like to focus on skills that involve people; others prefer playthings. Some pick at every little detail and others are more interested in getting an overall impression of many different skills. You may find it irresistible to make comparisons with other babies, but remember that every baby is unique.
Watch your baby closely to determine where his interests lie. Between 46 and 51 weeks, he will select the skills he likes best from this world. Respect his choices. You will find out what it is that makes him unique, and when you follow his interests, you will help him best in playing and learning. Babies love anything new and it is important that you respond when you notice any new skills or interests. He will enjoy it if you share these new discoveries, and his learning will progress more quickly.
Every baby needs time and help to learn new skills. You can help your baby by giving her the opportunity and time to toy with sequences. You can encourage her when she succeeds and console her when she does not. You can try to facilitate her attempts and make her failures easier to bear.
Your baby will find plenty of opportunities to come into contact with sequences herself. Allow her to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste them and indulge in whatever she likes best. The more she encounters and toys with sequences, the better she will learn to understand them. Pay attention, however. She might think she knows it all. It does not matter whether she prefers learning about sequences through observing, handling toys, speech, sounds, music, or locomotion. Soon she will be able to put the expertise she has gained in one area into practice in other areas with no trouble at all.
When your baby enters the world of sequences it dawns upon him that he has to do things in a certain order, if he wants to succeed. He has observed how adults perform a particular sequence, but he has to master it himself by trial and error. Often his “solutions” are peculiar. The sequence he performs may be correct (grabbing something and putting it into something else), but he may apply the wrong objects to the wrong targets. He knows that dirty cloths go into a container. So why only in the laundry basket and not in the dustbin or the toilet? The sequence is much the same, after all!
“My son pulls plugs from their outlets and then tries putting them into the wall. He also tries sticking other objects with two protrusions in the outlets. I have to watch him even closer now and take safety precautions.”
Bob’s mom, 48th week
“When my daughter wants to climb onto our bed, she opens a drawer of our nightstand, stands on it, and then climbs onto the bed. If she opens the drawer too far, the whole nightstand starts swaying back and forth. She makes me very nervous.”
Jenny’s mom, 49th week
Or the sequence itself may be peculiar. For instance, your baby knows how his mother walks up the stairs. But the steps are too high for him, so he has to crawl. However, on every step he stands up.
“My son desperately wants to climb the stairs on his own, but he behaves dangerously. He crawls on his knees to the next step, stands up, then continues upwards on his knees, stands up again, and so it goes. I don’t like it one bit. I have to keep a sharp eye on him.”
Steven’s mom, 45th week
Once he is of the opinion that he has mastered a particular sequence, it is “fixed.” He will not accept it to be done in any other way and he may be quite stubborn if you try to change his mind. So always pay close attention. Your young wiseacre does not yet know the meaning of danger.
Many babies refuse to be helped and resist any form of interference by others. These babies want to do everything they can, or think they can, by themselves. If yours is this type of baby, try to have as much consideration for his feelings as possible. This is just the age when many little ones like to start asserting their independence.
“My son always liked practicing walking together. But if I hold his hands now, he’ll immediately sit down. Then when I leave he’ll give it another try. At every successful attempt, no matter how slight, he’ll look at me triumphantly.”
Paul’s mom, 46th week
“My son keeps trying to scribble something on paper with a pencil, just like his older brother does. But whenever his brother tries to guide his hand to show him how it’s supposed to work, he’ll pull his hand away.”
Kevin’s mom, 48th week
“When we push pegs through my son’s peg board together, he’ll start throwing them. But as soon as he’s on his own in the playpen, he will try to copy it. To tell the truth, it annoys me.”
Paul’s mom, 53rd week
“My daughter will eat only if she can put the food in her mouth herself. When I do it, she’ll take it out again.”
Laura’s mom, 43rd week
At this age, many mothers spend huge amounts of time taking things away from their children and disciplining them. It’s important to consider that your baby isn’t necessarily disobedient. She just wants to do things by herself.
“My daughter is being troublesome and wants her own way with everything. She gets angry when I refuse her something. It’s really tiresome.”
Jenny’s mom, 50th week
“My son tries to get things done by screaming and throwing temper tantrums.”
Matt’s mom, 46th week
“When I complain, my daughter screams and lashes out at everything and everybody around her, or pulls a plant from its pot. This annoys me to no end. She behaves much better with her babysitter.”
Laura’s mom, 49th week
Show Some Understanding for Frustrations
Many mothers see their babies’ striving for independence as rebellious. But if you stop to think, it is not. Your baby simply wants to do things by himself. After all, he is becoming aware of what belongs together and the order in which things need to be done. He is convinced that he knows it all and is capable of doing anything. He no longer wants you to interfere or to tell him how things should be done. He wants to make his own decisions. But, as his mother, you are not really used to this. You naturally help him as you always have, without giving it a second thought. You know perfectly well that your baby is still unable to carry out the things he wants to do properly. And you know that he will inevitably make a mess of things if he tries.
Mother and baby often may have different views of things. This can lead to conflicts. Mother sees the baby as being difficult, and the baby feels his mother is causing all the trouble. Adolescents may go through the most difficult phases, but babies and toddlers run a close second
“We’re stuck in one of those ’no, don’t touch that’ and ’no, don’t do that’ phases now. But my son knows exactly what he wants, and he can get very angry when he doesn’t agree with something. Recently, he got so upset that he didn’t even notice he was standing on his own.”
Frankie’s mom, 49th week
At this age, babies start testing the limits of how far they can go before someone stops them. If you let them know clearly when they are doing something wrong and just why it is bad or dangerous, they can learn a lot from it.
Similarly, you should let your baby know what she is doing right by praising her. This will teach her what is good and what is bad behavior. Most babies ask for praise themselves, anyway. When they do something right, they ask to be rewarded all the time. They look at you and laugh, full of pride, or call for attention. They can keep repeating behaviors many times as well, asking for a reward after each time.
“Every time my daughter puts a ring around the cone she’ll look at me, grinning like mad and clapping.”
Eve’s mom, 49th week
If your baby is frustrated by things he is not able or allowed to do, you can still quite easily distract him with a favorite toy or game. Naturally this is different for every baby.
“This week, my son loved playing football. He’d kick really hard at the ball and then we’d run after it really quickly while I held his hands. It made him laugh so hard sometimes he had to lie down on the ground for a moment to stop laughing.”
Paul’s mom, 48th week
“My son keeps wanting to help out. He thinks that’s the best thing ever and starts beaming. I do have to take my time with him, though. It takes me 10 times longer to put a pile of diapers away in the cupboard with his help. He’ll hand me each diaper separately, but before he lets me have each one, he’ll put it on his shoulder and rub the side of his chin against it.”
Matt’s mom, 48th week
A baby who lives in the world of sequences may start pointing out and naming different people, animals, and objects. Pointing or looking, followed by a word, is a sequence. If you notice your baby doing this, listen to her and let her know that you understand her and that you think she is wonderful. Do not try to improve her pronunciation. This will spoil your baby’s fun and will make no difference to the way she speaks.
Do make sure that you use the correct words all of the time. This way, your baby will automatically learn the right pronunciation in due time. For a while they will “translate” what you say into their own baby pronunciation.
“My daughter is starting to use words and point at whatever she’s talking about. At the moment, she’s in love with horses. When she sees a horse, she points to it and says ‘hoss.’ Yesterday at the park, a large Afghan dog ran past her. She called that a ’hoss,’ as well.”
Hannah’s mom, 48th week
“My son suddenly said ‘nana’ to a toy cat. We have never used that word. He has a lot of toy animals. When I asked, ‘Where’s nana?’ he kept pointing to the cat.”
Paul’s mom, 48th week
When your baby is learning new skills, she may also perceive things that she does not fully understand yet. In a way, she discovers new anxieties—dangers that up until now she didn’t realize existed. As soon as she recognizes these dangers and until she can be sure they are harmless, her fears will stay with her. So show her a little understanding.
“My daughter keeps wanting to sit on her potty. Even if she hasn’t done anything, she’ll take the potty into the lavatory to empty it and flush the toilet. But while she seems fascinated by flushing, at the same time she’s also scared of it. She doesn’t get as frightened when she flushes the toilet herself, only when someone else does. Then she doesn’t like it at all.”
Jenny’s mom, 50th week
“My daughter is fascinated by airplanes. She recognizes them everywhere: in the air, in pictures, and in magazines. This week, she suddenly became frightened by the sound, even though she’s heard it before.”
Laura’s mom, 46th week
Some babies can tell you that they remember certain situations or that they have seen certain people before by using body language and sounds. If you notice your baby doing this, talk to him a lot, explain to him what you are seeing, and react to what he tells you about it later on.
“We go swimming every week. Usually, we see the same people there. One day, we saw one of the mothers on the street. Immediately, my son called out ‘Oh oh’ and pointed to her as if he recognized her. Then, he saw a girl in the swimming pool who lives near us and whom he’s seen only a couple of times, and he reacted the same way.”
Paul’s mom, 49th week
Top Games for This Wonder Week
Here are games and activities that most babies like best now. Remember, all babies are different. See what your baby responds to best
Your baby likes to feel needed. Let her know that you can certainly use some help from her. At this age, she will not be of any real help, but she will be able to understand the actions involved in many common activities. Plus, it is a good way of preparing her for the next leap.
DOING HOUSEWORK
Show your baby how you cook and clean. Involve him. Explain what you are doing. Give him one of your dusters. This will be much more interesting than using his own cloth. When you are baking a cake, give him his own plastic mixing bowl and spoon.
DRESSING
This is the most fun in front of a mirror. Try undressing your baby, toweling her down, and dressing her while she can watch herself sometime. Name the parts you are drying. When you notice her starting to cooperate, ask her to help out. Ask her to raise an arm or stretch her leg when you are about to put a jumper or sock on her. Praise her when she does it.
GROOMING HIMSELF
Allow your baby to groom himself. This is most fun in front of a mirror, too. This way, the baby can see for himself what he is doing, learn faster, and have more fun. Brush his hair in front of a mirror, then let him try it himself. You can do the same with brushing his teeth. You can also see if he will wash himself. Give him a washcloth when he is in the bath, and say something such as, “Go on, wash your face. “ Respond with enthusiasm at every attempt. You will see how proud this makes him.
FEEDING HERSELF WITH A SPOON
Allow your baby to eat by herself with a spoon. Or give her a baby fork to eat cubes of bread or pieces of fruit Lay a large sheet of plastic under her chair so that afterward you will easily be able to clean up the mess she makes.
Your baby often understands a lot more than you think, and he loves being allowed to prove it.
THIS IS YOUR NOSE
Touching and naming parts of his anatomy will help your baby to discover his own body. You can play this game while dressing or undressing him or while you are sitting together. Also see if he knows where your nose is.
POINTING OUT AND NAMING
For many babies, pointing out and naming things, or making the appropriate sounds, is a fun game. You can play this anywhere: outside, in a store, or with a book. Enjoy your baby’s misnomers as well.
Now your baby may want to participate actively in songs. She may start to make one or two movements that go with them by herself, as well.
PAT A CAKE, PAT A CAKE, BAKER’S MAN
Sit facing your baby and sing:
Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker’s man
(Clap your hands, and let your baby follow. )
Bake me a cake as fast as you can
Prick it and pat it, and mark it with “B”
(Make pricking and patting movements,
and let your baby follow. )
And put it in the oven for baby and me.
(At the word “baby,” point to her or poke her in the stomach. )
ITSY BITSY SPIDER
Sit facing your baby and sing:
The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the water spout
(Walk your fingers up in the air or on the baby like a spider. )
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
(Mimic raindrops coming down and make
an action of washing water away. )
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.
(Draw the sun in the air )
And the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again.
(Walk your fingers up in the air or on the baby like the spider
coming back again )
Sit on the floor opposite your child. Place your baby in between your legs. Take his hands in yours and sing while gently rocking back and forth:
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream.
Many babies like uncovering playthings that you have made disappear completely.
UNWRAPPING A PARCEL
Wrap a plaything in a piece of paper or crackly crisp bag, while your baby watches. Then give her the parcel and let her retrieve the plaything, as if by magic. Encourage her with each attempt she makes
UNDER THE CUP
Put a plaything in front of your baby and place a cup over it Then put an identical cup next to the first one and ask your baby where the plaything is. Admire him every time he looks for the hidden plaything, even if he does not find it immediately. If this game is still a bit too complicated, try playing it with a cloth instead of a cup. He will be able to see the contour of the plaything through the cloth. Play this game the other way around, too—let your baby hide something that you have to find.
“On our way to the store, we saw a large pile of stones. I said, ‘Look at all of those stones.’ My son gazed at them intently. The next day, he began pointing at the stones from a distance, looking at me and shouting ‘eh, eh.’”
Steven’s mom, 51st week
It’s important to keep your patience with your baby as he tries to learn new skills. When you see he is not interested, stop. He will be occupied enough with other things that are more interesting to him at that moment.
“I’m very busy practicing saying ‘daddy’ with my boy and playing games like ‘Where’s your nose?’ But so far, we’ve had little result. He just laughs, jumps around, and would rather bite my nose or pull my hair. But I’m happy enough that he’s become such a lively little fellow.”
Frankie’s mom, 49th week
“I try to sing songs with my son, but I don’t feel as if they are doing much good. He doesn’t seem particularly interested. He seems to be preoccupied by his surroundings.”
John’s mom, 47th week
Between 47 and 52 weeks, another period of comparative ease sets in. For 1 to 3 weeks, you may be amazed by your baby’s cheerfulness and independence. She may pay much better attention when you talk. She may seem calmer and more controlled when she is at play, and she may play well on her own again. She may want to be put back in her playpen—she may not even want to be taken out. And finally, she may look remarkably older and wiser. She is growing into a real toddler now.
Top Toys for This Wonder Week
Here are toys and things that most babies like best now
Remember to put away or take safety precautions with electrical outlets, stairs, stereo equipment, televisions, vacuum cleaners, washing machines, pets, and small objects such as knickknacks, pins, or little pieces of colored glass.
“My daughter is getting lovelier by the day. She keeps getting better at entertaining herself. She can really keep herself occupied with something now. I got the playpen out again this week. But the thing I found most striking was that she doesn’t at all seem to mind spending an hour or so in it anymore, whereas a few weeks ago she’d scream hysterically if I took her anywhere near it. It’s as if she’s discovering her toys all over again and enjoying the peace and quiet in the playpen.”
Ashley’s mom, 52nd week
“My daughter has become a real playmate for her older sister. She responds exactly like you’d expect her to. They do a lot more things together. They take their bath together as well. Both of them enjoy each other tremendously.”
Hannah’s mom, 47th week
“These were lovely weeks. My son is more of a buddy again. The day care center is working out fine. He always enjoys seeing the other children and comes home in a good mood. He sleeps better at night. He understands a lot more and seems fascinated by the toys he plays with. He crawls into another room on his own again, too, and laughs a lot. I’m enjoying every minute with him.”
Bob’s mom, 51st week
My Diary