Sharing the Good News with Mormons

Summary

Leaving Mormonism is not easy, especially for those who have grown up in the LDS Church. When someone walks away from the Mormon faith to become an evangelical Christian, many relatives may consider the act to be egregious, even akin to leaving one’s ethnic heritage. Yet former Mormons are still related to their LDS family members, and this presents unique challenges that must be faced with gentleness, respect, and patience.

Writing a Difficult Letter

The day we dreaded had finally arrived. My wife Sherry and I, as nervous as we had ever been, sat staring at the computer and poring over each word to make sure the email to her parents was perfect.

“Dear Mom and Dad,” it started. We then wrote a loving and beautiful memoir to her parents. It was the kind of letter any parent would be ecstatic to receive, except for one part: “Carl and I are leaving the LDS Church.” I was not certain that sending an email was the right way to inform my in-laws that their only daughter had apostatized from Mormonism, but a recent incident forced our hand, and we were running out of time.

We ate Easter dinner with Sherry’s family in 2013. Everything was fine until I rolled a four-wheeler on myself and was taken to the hospital by Sherry’s younger brother. As the hospital staff removed my clothing to better assess my injuries, my brother-in-law noticed that I was not wearing my LDS temple garments, which “temple worthy” Mormons are required to wear under their clothes. He became one of the first people outside of my own home to learn the truth, though he agreed to keep it private until Sherry could tell their parents. We knew our secret with her Mormon family had come to an end.

Staring at that computer screen, we felt something like convicts on death row who were waiting for their last meals. Once the message was sent, we knew that a whirlwind was sure to follow. Sherry hit send. It was April first, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day. Yes, God does have a sense of humor!

While the family revelation was finally complete, we had no idea how to deal with the public community as a whole. Because I served in the Utah state legislature and ran an unsuccessful campaign for the United States Congress in 2012, I had become a household name in Utah. There was a time when I practically could not even sneeze without a news article being written about me. While I thrived on the attention during my political days, my popularity had come back to haunt me.

My life as a Mormon had been far from perfect. John 12:43 was an appropriate description: I “loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.” As I discovered soon after my run for Congress, I was nothing more than an LDS garment-wearing, temple-attending, tithe-paying, hypocritical Elders’ Quorum president! For three hours every Sunday, I portrayed my best self, and then I would head home to set my dusty scriptures back on the shelf. I wasn’t proud of my hypocrisy, but I simply didn’t know how to change. Even if I could have, the willpower was not there.

A columnist from the largest newspaper in the state phoned me on October 10, 2013. It was a routine call, and he asked about local politics, which is right up my alley. But as our conversation drew to a close, he asked me a question that sent chills down my spine.

“So, I heard a rumor that you have left Mormonism. Is that true?”

I was speechless. I had become a Christian believer in late March 2013. Sherry followed soon after. Living in a small, rural, Mormon town, we had done an excellent job—or so we thought—of keeping our conversion private until we could come up with a plan to let everyone know. We now had less than 24 hours before the news would be blabbed to the entire world.1

In the weeks and months that followed, we made plenty of mistakes trying to evangelize our Mormon family members. We presumed they wanted to know what we had discovered and figured our information would be welcomed or, at the very least, considered. However, every attempt we made was met with a wall of either silence or defense, with an underlying tone of pity on our behalf.

As I’ve come to understand the Word of God more, my method of sharing the gospel with friends and family has taken a much different route. Though we realize that every situation is different, I’ve learned many biblical principles that can be employed with Mormon family members.

A More Transparent Journey?

Many Christians who have left Mormonism express one common regret: Perhaps it would have been better if we had walked slower with our families as we left Mormonism. Instead of hiding and revealing the conversion later, would it have been beneficial to bring them along with us as we studied and learned the truth?

This is easier said than done within a Mormon culture that rewards a strong faith in the LDS Church and warns heavily against doubting. When devout Mormons begin to learn the truth about their religion, the cognitive dissonance is intense. Fear compels most to hide their questions and veil their research; this is a mistake.

I often wonder how things may have been different if Sherry and I had talked to her family earlier in our conversion process. Mormons are usually willing to help fellow congregants who are struggling, but as soon as a person takes the step to leave the “one true church,” as Mormons call it, he or she is no longer to be trusted.

Would the information we were coming across—including problems with the Book of Abraham, the First Vision, Joseph Smith’s polygamy, and the Book of Mormon—have been better received had we been more transparent as questioning Mormons? It’s possible. But instead, we have never been able to share any of these things with certain family members; the conversation is completely off limits in order to keep the peace.

Ways to Counter Frustration

I had a horrifying nightmare when I was a young child that I still remember in vivid detail. My mother had taken me to the local grocery store and we became separated. As I approached an aisle, two men were standing there looking at my mom and plotting how they were going to attack her in the parking lot.

I quickly ran to my mom to tell her that she was going to be attacked, but she would not listen to me. No matter how hard I tried and no matter what I said, she did not believe me and refused to heed my warning. I awoke in terror! I have never forgotten how frustrating it was to know something extremely important but to be ignored when trying to share it.

Fast-forward 30 years, and the frustrations I felt in that dream had become a reality. Sherry and I knew we were right. We spent many hours of intense research and could prove beyond any reasonable doubt that Mormonism was a religion based on falsehoods. It was so clear and obvious to us. We just knew it would be clear to our family as well if they would only listen. But they wouldn’t.

We tried our best to have a conversation with our Mormon family members, yet nothing seemed to work. We reached out with emails, phone calls, and postings on Facebook. The more we pushed, the more our family recoiled. A few even blocked us on social media. The in-your-face, selfishly motivated approach was not working. We had lost sight of the godly process of rebirth.

It was a growth process until we learned how to become a positive witness to the ones we love the most. Based on our own experiences, let’s consider some realistic ways former Mormons can reconnect with their families while not ignoring spiritual differences.

1. Understand the Process of Conversion

The Bible compares the process of coming to a salvific relationship with Christ with being “born again.” Jesus said in John 3:3, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” As Pastor David Earley points out,

A birth is a process that culminates in an event. The event is recorded on a birth certificate with a distinct date and time measured to the exact minute. Yet the event of the birth is the product of a nine-month process we call gestation for the baby and pregnancy for the mother. Salvation is similar to birth in that there is usually a process often involving months or even years, leading to the moment the person gives his or her life to Christ.2

While Jesus can use various means to reach the lost, trying to short-circuit the process can lead to frustration. Feeling urgency for lost family members is a wonderful and godly attribute; but so often, in their zeal to lead loved ones to the truth, Christians can lose sight of how long a conversion usually takes.

I look back over the years of my life before I came to Christ and see how seeds were being planted, even though I had no idea it was happening. From attending Christian music concerts to the friendship of a few Bible-believing Christians, these seeds were watered by the Holy Spirit without my knowledge. The apostle Paul describes this process in 1 Corinthians 3:6-9:

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So, neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building.

We must understand that God’s timing is more important than forcing the issue. It can take years of planting and watering before the chains that hold family members are broken. Patience is required.

2. Understand the Primacy of Loving Your LDS Family

Love should be the primary motive when it comes to evangelizing family members. After all, we desire to show them the love of God, and His love is on display through our actions and words. What do they see when we preach of Him and defend His Word? Do our methods follow the teachings found in 1 Corinthians 13?

We should always be looking for opportunities to share the gospel message. In doing so, grace and respect must be extended, and we must never rush to make a point. It must be remembered that God’s Word does not return void (Isaiah 55:11); He will give life to those seeds in His own time.

Keeping a healthy, respectful, and loving relationship with our family members is a key component that opens doors to opportunities for evangelism. Time after time I see families torn apart due to one of them leaving Mormonism. This division is exactly what Jesus talked about in Luke 12:51-53 when He said,

Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.

Shortly after leaving Mormonism, Sherry had an opportunity to visit her brother’s family who lives several hours away. She called her brother and told him that she would arrive in half an hour. He promised to relay the message to his wife who was at home with their young daughter. Sherry arrived during a rainstorm and knocked on the front door. Dogs barked inside, but no one answered. She continued knocking for several minutes and then chose a chair on the covered porch to sit while she waited.

Twenty minutes later, her sister-in-law finally opened the door and invited her in with no apologies. Sherry concluded it was part of the shunning that she had been experiencing in her family. But rather than responding with irritation or anger, Sherry immediately chose to forgive and decided to go out of her way to rebuild the broken relationships. She has faithfully sent gifts to her brother and sister-in-law for special occasions, including dropping off cupcakes as we passed through their town. These are small gestures, but these dedicated acts of kindness have displayed her genuine love for them and allowed her to regain the friendship she once had with them.

When division happens, it should not surprise us, yet it may be time to step back and make sure we adhere to the words about love written by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13. If we are following this biblical advice and are told to be quiet, we should comply as God leads while not giving up. Instead, we should focus on building the relationship in common areas while striving to live a life that displays God’s unconditional love.

3. Understand the Power of Lifestyle Evangelism

Paul said in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that, at conversion, a Christian becomes “a new creation,” which is a genuine change that the Holy Spirit works in the lives of those who are born again. Jesus commanded in Matthew 5:16, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

It may take time, but as Christians let the light of Christ shine, family, friends and community members will be watching and taking notice. As new believers live their lives with Christ as their singular priority, others—including family—may begin to wonder what brought such a dramatic change in their lives.

After four years of patiently waiting, praying, and living a God-centered life, the Lord opened the door for my wife to engage in a conversation with her active Mormon father who had previously shut her down. They spoke about God, the gospel, and differences in their beliefs. Things that she had previously attempted to forcefully share with him came naturally through the Holy Spirit, who gave her a gentle direction as well as a recollection of Bible references. She was able to see her father’s raw emotions of curiosity, concern, and doubt unfold before her eyes. Seeds were planted that day in a respectful, loving way.

Whether or not our family members are ready and open to conversation about faith or the gospel, it is always the right time to display the love of God through the way we live.

4. Understand the Priority of Prayer

Sherry and I have prayed every single day for God to open the door to a conversation with her family. As we continually pray, those small opportunities are presenting themselves. Our daughter Jade had decided to start a prayer group at her high school. She printed off fliers, handed them out, and began inviting people to attend.

The pushback from some in the Mormon community was immediate. A few ripped up her invitations and piled them in the hallway. One city leader even got into the action by attempting to use his influence over my job to stop the prayer group at the school. While this was going on, our daily prayers for our Mormon family continued.

As providence would have it, we attended a family gathering at the home of my wife’s parents. Even though they disagree with our decision to leave Mormonism, they remain interested in the lives of their grandchildren. We told them about the prayer group while describing the accompanying pushback from the community. Feelings of joy filled Sherry and me as her family defended Jade against those who were trying to interfere with their granddaughter.

If believers are humble and seek to glorify the Lord, God will listen. He may not answer when and how we want, but we can rest knowing that, in His sovereignty, God’s perfect will shall be accomplished. Too often, I find myself thinking I really desire something in life, only to bring it to God as a last resort. Yet any godly desire cannot be considered a serious priority until it has been saturated with faithful and heartfelt prayer.

I do not know how many prayers we offered on behalf of my wife’s family before her father was finally open to that one conversation, but I am convinced that it was the Lord answering the faithful prayers of my wife that led to him being open that day.

Conclusion

On my introductory Facebook page, I write this: “A sinner saved by grace, with an unquenchable passion for the Lord Jesus Christ and for my family.” I am amazed at how quickly God can work. The events from 2013—the discovery by my wife’s family that we left Mormonism as well as the tell-all newspaper article—did create a giant wave—a tsunami, if you will—in our lives. Yet there is no doubt that it was God’s clear orchestration for our lives that changed my family from the inside out while opening the door for me to reach out to others, including my family. We’ve seen great progress in the ongoing conversations with them. And I don’t believe God is finished yet.

Carl Wimmer (Gunnison, Utah) is a former Utah state legislator who ran for the US Congress in 2012. In 2017, he and his wife Sherry planted a church in his Utah town that has no Christian churches. Former Mormons who struggle with their relationships with Mormon family can contact him at carl@carlwimmer.com so he can pray for them.