BECKY WALKER Sharing the Truth with LDS Women
Summary
Because God created women to be nurturing and caring, approaches that emphasize compassion and understanding can go a long way in conversations with Mormon women who are so often consumed with being the perfect wives and mothers. Here are several types of outreaches to LDS women that have been effective and fruitful.
Introduction
As many people know, Mormonism has created a unique culture. Typically, the goal of many LDS young girls and women is to become “Molly Mormons,” which is a self-described nickname used by Latter-day Saints in reference to becoming perfect wives and mothers. But too often, these women are entrenched in taking care of their families while fulfilling church callings and trying to be on their best behavior at every hour.
On the outside, these women attempt to give the appearance that they have everything together. However, the truth of the matter is many are dying on the inside. With such a hard shell around their bruised hearts, what can ever break through this defensive wall?
The obvious and correct theological answer is that only a divine act can (John 6:44, 65), yet God chooses to use His people in His work. Unfortunately, believers who yearn to share truth with LDS women on a day-to-day basis can sometimes feel helpless. Though not all Mormon women display the same stereotypes, some insight into how most of them are raised will be helpful.
Explaining the Differences
Before going further, let me first acknowledge that men and women are created differently, which is a fact supported by science. However, it must be understood that many of these women are led by their hearts (feelings). Good feelings are often thought to come from God while bad feelings originate with Satan. This does not mean that Mormon women cannot think critically, but there must be a reason to start the risky business of examining their faith. Reaching out with concern for these ladies, not with the goal of winning arguments, will be the most appealing approach.
In Mormonism, young girls are typically nurtured and trained to become fabulous homemakers when they grow up. The role of motherhood is highly esteemed as they are taught that their highest calling is to become a “mother in Zion.”1 With such an emphasis on homemaking, girls are not usually trained to do intense doctrinal study. They may have surface knowledge of Mormon teachings, but very few have really considered the distinctives of their faith.
Christians ought to be very intentional when they engage in faith-based conversations with LDS women. It must be understood that there are different definitions for almost all theological terms shared by Mormons and Christians, such as God, Jesus, scripture, and salvation. This can be confusing for the Christian trying to share her faith.2 In fact, most Mormon women think what they and their Christian friends believe is basically the same. Because this misunderstanding is typical, it is important to explain that there are important differences, as many articles in this book emphasize. Perhaps a story to illustrate about the term child of God will be helpful here.
A Mormon friend and I were talking one day when she referred to the LDS teaching that “everyone is a child of God.” Her reference was not limited to religious people; it included a celebrity in a news story who had made some bad life choices. She made her statement in a way that showed how confidently she thought that Christians believed the same thing. I got her attention when I said that I did not believe all people are “children of God.”
Astonished, she asked, “You don’t believe that? I thought all Christians believed that.” By paraphrasing a few biblical passages, I explained that people must become children of God because they are born as “children of wrath.” For example, John 1:12 says, “To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” Meanwhile, Ephesians 2:1-3 declares,
You were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
The concept that everyone is not a child of God is offensive to Mormons because it does not sound very nice to them. This is a beautiful opening to a quick gospel presentation since it can be used to open a discussion on humanity’s sinful condition.3 It is only a miracle of God that causes a person to become a child of God. That was the opening of our conversation as we sat in her living room with our children playing around us.
These kinds of discussions can cause Mormon women to realize that there is something different about Christianity. After the above exchange, this same lady—both a neighbor and good friend—began to listen whenever our conversations turned to religious matters. She came to realize over time that I did not believe her religion was Christian, which really bothered her. She knew I loved her for who she was, but she was very concerned that I did not consider her a member of a Christian church. It’s a delicate dance to “offend” a Mormon friend by explaining that we do not share beliefs, while still making her feel comfortable enough to let our kids play together in each other’s homes and go on outings together.
It is important for Christians to remember to be patient and loving in these conversations; this was a process that took place over an extended period. My friend’s husband eventually forbade her from spending any more time with me because our discussions were affecting her, but later she told me something showing that real seeds had been planted in her heart. Even though she was not allowed to spend any more time with me at a time right before her family moved out of state, she confided in me, “I can’t tell you how many times I am walking around in my house having conversations with you in my head.” This is the fruit of many discussions that all began when we simply discussed the differences between our faiths.
Becoming Vulnerable with Others
Another factor in sharing truth with Mormon women is transparency and vulnerability. Most Christians don’t realize the extreme emphasis the LDS Church puts on perfection. This is true for the entire membership, but it is greatly magnified for LDS women. They are weighed down with many jobs to do, such as keeping the perfect house and doing acts of kindness for others to be respected members of the church. This burdened life leads to great levels of anxiety and depression. Could this be one reason why Utah’s residents are some of the biggest users of antidepressant drugs?4
Consider the story of a female friend I will call Penny. She was one of six siblings in a strong Mormon home. Her parents did everything they could to raise their children in all things Mormon. As Penny got older, she went through periods of time in her spiritual life where she vacillated between being an active member and going inactive. It was during one of those times of pulling back that she met and married a Christian man who didn’t realize that Christianity and Mormonism were diametrically opposed. They ended up moving to San Antonio, Texas.
Penny began to meet some Christian friends who invited her to Bible studies with them. Through attending Bible studies at various Christian churches, she observed something she had never seen before: transparency and vulnerability. As these women opened their lives and shared prayer requests while talking about life’s real struggles, she could not believe how honest they could be about their problems. Mormon women rarely share in such a manner because they are expected to be happy and successful; if they have problems, they sincerely feel that there must be something wrong with them.
Seeing this display of love and openness caused Penny to have serious doubts about Mormonism. She prayed to God one day to know the truth, even if it meant that it would not affirm her church. God revealed Himself to her, and she has never been the same. It was extremely painful at first to realize that everything she had ever been taught was a lie, but she persevered and is now reaching out to many Mormons in her world, including her family.
Reaching Out to Mormon Women
Because I have such concern for Mormon women, I have organized mission trips to specifically reach out to ladies who have been oppressed by their religion. One trip took place in fall 2012. First, we visited a polygamous community in northern Utah.5 A group of a dozen women came with me to a community of about a hundred homes.
Two by two we knocked on the doors throughout the community, telling the women who answered that we had come from our homes in Texas to offer gifts to them and their children. We passed out roses, chocolates, children’s Bibles, worship music CDs, and prayer request notebooks. In addition, we asked if we could pray for them. As can be imagined, there were many shocked expressions. Once they realized that they were not being solicited, the majority of those who answered their doors invited the Christian ladies into their homes. Inside, the needs of these ladies could be seen very clearly as they tried to manage the small children everywhere. As “sister wives” (women who are married to one man) came in and out of the rooms, it was obvious that a pecking order was in place.
A second purpose of this women’s trip was to reach out to mainstream Mormon women. Twice a year the LDS Church hosts a women’s conference attended by thousands of women at the Conference Center in Salt Lake City, Utah. Because women are known to cry a lot at these teaching sessions—perhaps because the expectations for perfection are so high that many feel defeated and unable to accomplish all that church leaders say must be done—we decided to hand out tissue packets along with business-sized cards inside.
The front of the card depicted a woman with her forehead against a wall in a posture of despair along with a bottle of antidepressant pills and the Salt Lake temple in the background. We put a Bible verse on the back and included a list of Christian ministry websites. These cards were placed into the small purse-sized tissue packets with a bow tied around each one. We prepared a total of 10,000 packets, although we found out later that the Conference Center seats 20,000 people and everyone who attends this conference is female.
Ladies from many different Christian churches helped put together these packets, which were shipped to Utah. Several Christian women in Utah decorated pretty baskets for use in distribution. A dozen Christian women and several men participated in the distribution. The men drove vehicles around the block, keeping the Christian volunteers supplied with the tissues as they handed them out to the women walking by on the public sidewalks outside the conference building. Amazingly, all 10,000 packets were distributed in just 90 minutes.
The Mormon ladies who received the packets were very grateful and took them eagerly. As our outreach continued, the Mormon security team discovered the cards that we had placed inside the packets. They began to take the packets away from the ladies at the security check stations, claiming they were “anti-Mormon” tissues. This angered many of the women. Some took the packets back from the security officers, saying the tissues were given to them as a gift.
Later, several Mormon women posted photos of the front and back of the cards on their blogs. Some noted how wrong it was for LDS security to take something that had been given to them as a gift. Others wrote about how awful we were. Either way, the card was being posted online and discussed. This gave our outreach even more exposure than any of us could have imagined, even reaching Mormons who didn’t attend the conference. Although I was hurt that many of our gifts had been tossed into the trash, I realized that what Satan meant for evil, God used for good!6
This outreach event the next year may be outside the realm of what most Christians will do to reach out to Mormon women around them, but the principles are valuable no matter the venue. It focused on the polygamous women and children of Colorado City, Arizona. This town is home to the Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saint Church (FLDS) led by Warren Jeffs, who is currently serving a life sentence in a Texas prison for sexual abuse of minors. Because a Christian presence had moved into the Colorado City community, we received word about how the FLDS people had suffered immensely under the control of this cult.
We decided to organize a team of Christian women to spend a weekend pampering the ladies of the community. The Christians who participated were makeup artists, hairdressers, massage therapists, skin care specialists, and manicurists. Our team also included art teachers, whose focus was working with the children and keeping them occupied in a creative way. The goal was to lift the responsibilities from these ladies for a brief time so they could feel beautiful while we could tell them how God sees them as such—despite how they have been neglected and abused by their husbands and their church.
The results were incredible. Bonding between the Christian and polygamist women took place and there was open communication. The gospel message was clearly communicated with many. Plus, some of the Christian women who participated could share the story of this trip with their Mormon friends. One Mormon friend of mine, who no longer talks to me about her beliefs, was willing to take and read our ministry newsletter that reported on the outreach.
I knew that reading the newsletter would plant seeds in her life because she would read the truth of how historic, authentic Mormonism is polygamous by nature. It was a fact that could not be escaped. Mormonism’s polygamous past is a problem for most Mormons today who want to distance themselves from embarrassing times in their history. Discussing topics like Warren Jeffs and the FLDS brings them face-to-face with the awfulness of Mormonism’s founder, Joseph Smith, whose behavior could be seen in a modern polygamist leader.7
I share this story about the Colorado City outreach to emphasize a few things. First, women need to feel loved before they will be willing to listen. If a Mormon woman thinks the Christian who is trying to share her faith doesn’t care, no serious conversation can ensue. In addition, a tangible display of love will many times open the mind in a way no logical argument could. Christian evangelists should be prepared and equipped to share their logical arguments while understanding that the door to the Mormon’s mind will stay closed unless love prevails.
Second, I want to point out that God can use creative ways to effectively reach the Mormon people. The idea of the Colorado City trip began percolating in my mind months earlier when I watched a Christian lady serve while on a mission trip to Utah. This friend is a professional hair and makeup artist who met and helped a Mormon woman with her hair. She didn’t do it for money or fame. Her kind gesture was the start of an amazing conversation that would have never happened in any other way. The Christian cared for this woman’s outside appearance, thereby unlocking the door to her heart.
Maybe these stories of service and loving Mormon women can help us realize the endless possibilities for those believers who are willing to be creative while serving and listening.
Conclusion
Many Mormon women may not be interested in a systematic comparison of our worldviews, yet they need to know the unconditional love of the body of Christ. By opening the discussion in a softer manner, it is possible to expose them to nuggets of truth. It’s the gentle, steady rain that seeps into the hardest ground, not the gushing torrential downpour that sweeps over the top, leaving destruction in its wake. Mormon women can be reached through thoughtful interaction and creative measures that could, by God’s grace, forever change their eternal perspective.8
Becky Walker (San Antonio, Texas) is cofounder of Evidence Ministries with her husband Keith Walker. Becky holds a one-year certificate from Emmaus Bible College as well as a bachelor’s and master’s degree in vocal performance from the University of Texas at San Antonio.