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THE ART AND MAGIC OF GROOMING

Alas, my wizard Parisian hairstylist of the past twenty-five years, Peter, just retired. He was one of my secret weapons in my attack on aging. He surely trimmed five years off me.

Peter was probably the world’s slowest haircutter. Before he did anything, he concentrated…on one’s hair, face, profile, the shape of one’s head. He observed how you spoke, dressed, moved…any detail that would help him emphasize your style. In salon speak, this is called “the art of consultation” and the sign of a good stylist. Two people never got the same cut…and over time I never quite got the same cut. Sometimes the changes he made were subtle; sometimes the style shifted seemingly dramatically as I aged, but not in any wild or trendy way. I always felt my best leaving his salon.

Unlike anyone else who has cut my hair, Peter took one hour just for cutting. He cut my hair three times. Each time, I would think he was finished, and he would get that look and stare and concentrate (he barely spoke), and then he began again. His cuts were so technically perfect they would last three or four months and still draw wows on the street. Not a great businessman, but a true and passionate artist.

Do you have a great hairstylist? If not, why not? Do you have a great haircut? If not, time to get one. Do you have a cut that helps define your brand and suits your age? If not…What does the mirror say?

Ah, but finding a great hairstylist? It always amuses me when I have a recent haircut and a stranger says to me, “Amazing haircut.” And many people have said to me, “May I ask who cut your hair?” Flattery, sure, and when I say, “I had it cut in Paris,” they say something like “I should have known,” or “Of course.” Asking someone with a cut you like, though, is one way to find a good hairstylist. Asking friends can help—and that is how I found Peter—but it doesn’t always work out the first time, so be prepared for some trial and error. I remember having a cut in a city one day, and two days later having another one to fix the first one’s mistakes.

I am always reminded that people notice your hair first, then your eyes and smile, and sooner, rather than later, your shoes. Somehow these are the areas we seem to focus on and use to make our first and often lasting assessment of a person’s appearance and overall look. When you meet people you have not seen in a while and they say, “You look good,” what are they using to make that call? All of the above, plus probably the tone of your complexion and the size of your waistline.

I know a woman in New York who is ninety and in the past couple of years has suffered from increasing dementia. Sad, of course. She was always very old-school about her appearance, dressing carefully with understated formality and style, and taking lots of care with her makeup, skin, and hair. Her entire adult life, she had a weekly appointment at the “beauty parlor,” and still does. When you see her after one of her appointments, you look at her as if time stood still. Here is the woman you knew a decade ago.

I imagine her salon has plenty of experience in taking care of the hair of “older ladies.” Perhaps there should be a branch of gerontology for hair maintenance…and certainly a chain of salons for women fifty-plus.

Let’s face it, not only does one’s hair get thinner with age—and one can lose a lot of hair—but one’s face changes.

HOW TO DISCOVER THE BEST STYLE FOR YOUR FACE

Mirror, mirror, what shape is my face? Oval, round, oblong, square, long, rectangular, triangular, inverted triangle, heart, diamond? Ah, but does that haircut you have chosen go with your face shape? And has your face shape changed with age? Gravity rules. As your skin becomes less elastic and your face droops (okay, falls), your oval face might become rounder or more square, especially if you have gained more than a soupçon of weight. Then what?

There are some obvious rules of thumb for hairstyles and face shapes, such as: If your face is round, keep the sides trimmed around your ears and eyes. If your face is long, don’t wear your hair long and straight, which will pull your face down even farther. But these basics are part of a bigger picture. Is your hair curly, wavy, or naturally straight? Are your hair strands thick, medium, or thin? Is your hair densely packed, or has it thinned so you can see your scalp? What color is your hair?

I wish I could give very specific advice and answers to you, but multiply ten facial shapes by forty common hairstyles and seemingly hundreds of not-so-common cuts, and there is enough to fill another book. It is worth the price to go to a top stylist at least once in a while, as he or she can advise you about the best cut for your face. And there are dozens of websites, articles, and books to consult. Things can get complicated if you let them. And keeping things simple, especially as one ages, is my mantra. A lot more goes into taking care of your hair than a virtual makeover (welcome the computer) or, if you are lucky, a blow-dry once or twice a week. The health of one’s body and the grooming of one’s hair are especially important (and related).

Your hair shows your attitude toward aging.

Mais, your hairstyle does not need to change with fashion and trends, so try to find one not too extreme that suits your face, personality, and lifestyle—one you can modify slightly over the years. Perhaps think of a hairstyle comparable to the timeless little black dress. Looking at classic icons of beauty such as Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Jacqueline Kennedy, or Catherine Deneuve, you’ll notice that they changed their hairstyles only slightly throughout the years, though they played with the length a bit. After all, as with clothes, hairstyles come and go.

Your hair, like your skin, needs simple but consistent attention. Although genetics play a part, as we age we lose proteins in the hair strands and our hormones can wreak havoc at times, so it makes sense to take care of our mane.

I remember my carré or bob, à la Louise Brooks, starting when I was six, and here I am, decades later, still wearing a bob of sorts after many variations on the same theme (and a couple of years with long straight hair, bien sûr, during the usual fifteen-to-twenty-five age bracket): from parting in the middle to the side, with and without a bang, shorter or longer, a blunt cut or plongeant (that’s short in the back, longer on the sides with layers on top in order to give it natural volume, and one that suits any type of hair), but still ze bob was what my longtime Parisian hairstylist said suited me best. Once in a while, when I felt like a change and showed him some pictures, Peter nixed the supershort or -long hair. Every time I resisted the change or the trim, it was not long before I became bored or didn’t feel bien dans ma peau and went back to my familiar style. It’s a classic hairstyle and as such never really falls out of style. True, the bob is about as timeless a cut as it gets today.

MAINTENANCE

You should plan a trim every two to three months to get rid of tired strands and keep your hair healthy. Many French women (moi included) believe that the right day to cut is on a full moon. Follow with a keratin-based structuring treatment for strong and supple hair. Fall is a good time to have a critical look at your hair to see if your hairstyle is still fresh and modern. The main idea is not to copy whatever is trendy, but to make sure the cut fits your personality and lifestyle of the moment. The goal is to have a style that suits your hair type so that you can do your hair easily (no chignon if your hair is superthin and sparse).

As adolescents we can certainly play with long hair, pigtails, and all the rest, but after forty, one should adopt a signature hairstyle, something simple but nothing so coiffé glamorous that it makes people turn around to look because it’s ridiculously inappropriate (thus drawing attention to us and often to our age).

My friend Maguy and I saw just that extreme last spring while sitting outside the Palais Royal in Paris looking at passersby. A woman presumably in her seventies sat there with carrot-red hair (her white roots showing that she needed a retouch) and fake superlong eyelashes matching the hair color! As if this were not enough (maybe fashion week calls for the extreme), she had heavy blue eye shadow all over, and it was only early afternoon. Her clothes were normal and unremarkable, yet people looked at her more like they’d look at a clown or wondering if she had looked at herself in the mirror before stepping outside. We were trying to figure out her nationality, something harder and harder these days, but not a word came out of her, and we gave up, clueless. The point is: don’t overdo it. Avoid extreme colors after your adolescence, though we saw plenty of pink-and blue-haired young girls that day who didn’t shock or attract much notice from the crowd. The poil de carotte lady did, though not in a good way. Forget aggressive red-orange…or perhaps shiny blue-black for that matter. As we get older, we lose pigment in our skin. Deep, dark hair shades make wrinkles and pale skin stand out. Ditto for dark lipstick. A subtler shade of hair color is better for our complexions.

A SHAMPOO PEUT-ÊTRE?

Washing your hair daily is a very American concept, while the French are notorious for not washing their hair (or brushing their teeth) enough, although today both are a bit of a myth as hair rules have become international via global women’s magazines and brands.

I know French women who wash their hair every other day and American women who do so twice a week. Ironically, plenty of US salons, which are not part of a chain or promoting a brand, use only French products; whereas the similar stylists in France love American products. Go figure. The eternal “We always want what we can’t have” also seems to apply to hair stuff.

To the French defense, I’d say the reason we don’t believe in washing our hair daily is that after our nightly skin-cleansing ritual we also have one for hair: put your head forward, and with a good-quality brush (a boar-bristle brush is the best investment), brush your hair in reverse to get rid of dust and give it some breathing. The only time we wash our hair daily is at the beach, where we use a mild shampoo with neutral pH (Kerium Doux Extrême from La Roche-Posay is a good one, and Garnier makes an effective range for different hair types).

No matter the type of hair, we still think a daily shampoo irritates the hair, accelerates the sebum secretion, and long term makes the hair weak and flat. Too much of a good thing ain’t always wonderful. The way to shampoo is important, too: forget the extreme strong massage, which may force soapy chemicals into your scalp, but rather go for a quick, delicate caressing while gently massaging the roots with the pulp of your fingers. (A stimulating massage comes after you have rinsed out the soap and chemicals.) During the course of the year, two to three shampoos a week is plenty, a French-American compromise of sorts. And time-saving…

One needs to find the shampoo that’s good for one’s hair, and that can take a bit of doing. A treatment shampoo is always a good choice, but most important, no matter if your hair is dry or oily, is to pick two shampoos and alternate, as you don’t want your hair to get used to the same active ingredients. That’s somewhat difficult if you go to a salon, as they tend to use their brand or the one they affiliate with, so don’t be shy about taking your own. Unlike the skin, hair fibers do not renew themselves every month (each hair normally lives four or five years), so it’s always the same cells that absorb the active ingredients. Add a third type of shampoo once a month (the analogy is a mild detox), a clarifying shampoo that will eliminate the residue of hair products you’ve used as well as chlorine, pollution, and anything that makes your hair look dull. A product that will make your hair look shiny and healthy from Fekkai is their clarifying apple cider shampoo.

A shampoo always ends with a rinse, of course. The simplest, whether you have applied a conditioner or not—and don’t limit to the summer—is to rinse your hair with a final cold dousing to help give it some further life and shine. (While I probably should have some scientific proof of that—I know it closes the pores and hair follicles—I trust a lifetime of advice and experience here regarding the life and shine.) Another nice rinse after each shampoo that reportedly helps limit hair loss is a mix of two tablespoons of cider vinegar with two tablespoons of honey in a quart or liter of water. Just rinse and leave it to do its magic. I also like to end with a rinse of lemon juice or red wine vinegar for maximum shine a couple of times a month. Again, alternate so as not to bore your hair!

With each shampoo, a final massage after the soap and chemicals have been initially rinsed out helps activate the roots. Start from the back of the neck and go over the sides of the ears and crown of the head; and if possible, wash your hair with your head down. All of this will activate the circulation and stimulate the follicles.

Another bit of extra tender-loving care is a weekly mask on one’s hair. A good and quick one is the hydrating mask EverPure from L’Oréal, but you can also make some at home. My favorite is a teaspoon of olive or argan oil, and another good one is a mixture of avocado with olive oil and a few drops of lemon. Leave on your hair for twenty minutes after covering loosely with a plastic wrap (or shower cap).

BRUSHING

If brushings were bad for hair, most of us would have no hair left. Brushing is good, as I illustrated earlier.

My mother was vain about her hair and followed a not-uncommon old-world tradition. She never left her bedroom without her hair being perfect (or at least her interpretation of perfect). Plus, she never went to bed without brushing her hair.

My mother, who started to become gray in her forties, had her hair dyed light auburn into her eighties. More telling, though, was that no one really appreciated that she always had long hair. No one, save me on rare occasions, saw her long hair reaching to her waist. That’s because she kept it pinned up all those years on the back of her head in a Simone de Beauvoir chignon (the name comes from chignon du cou, French for “nape of the neck”). When Mother retired for the evening, she took her hair down and brushed it in her bedroom. In the morning, she put it up again. My husband or anyone else who at times shared her home or traveled with her never saw her hair over her shoulders.

The key to a good blow-dry depends on who does it and how. Many young salon assistants nowadays do the blow-dry (I loved the days when your hairstylist did everything and got to understand your hair from shampoo to finish. A few in my world still do it, but they are the exception, not the rule), and assistants are often not properly trained and/or in a hurry and tend to overshampoo and use maximal heat (now that’s heavy damage) on your hair. If this is not bad enough, they stick the dryer to your scalp, which irritates the hair and dries it out. It’s okay if you go for a blow-dry occasionally, but on a regular basis you need to control damage. At home, it’s always best to use medium heat, or better, wrap your hair in a towel for five to ten minutes of some natural drying, then brush the front and use your fingers to help shape your hair. An ionic blow-dryer is worth the investment if you do it yourself. The BaByliss Pro 2800 Super Turbo is a good value. You may want to use a few Velcro rollers (they are great for travel and have saved many bad hair days during my corporate life) if you are looking for a bit of body or a lift at the roots. If you use a good serum (another good occasional treat for your mane), you may be amazed to learn how little you need to do to look great without a fancy and time-consuming brushing and blow-dry. Going natural is also a good thing as we get older.

TO GO GRAY OR NOT TO GO GRAY; THAT IS THE QUESTION

“There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to, and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise,” notes Nora Ephron. “It’s because of hair dye. In the 1950s only 7 percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all.”

I confess I am my mother’s daughter, and I have yet to let myself go au naturel, whatever that may mean for me today. Since I worked in a competitive world engaging only energetic, dynamic, and well-groomed women, I have had my hair colored since my fifties. Thanks to Peter, I have lightened it a shade or two and occasionally added highlights (the summer sun in Provence does both naturally). The lighter hair color makes me look and feel younger. I am sensitive, though, to the fact that if my complexion and hair color start to match, I look washed out. That is something to be sensitive to when choosing both hair color and makeup. I have a challenge in the summer, when my hair gets lighter and my skin darker, even while I watch my midday sun exposure and wear hats and creams all the time. Provence will be Provence. (A colored Panama hat is my secret weapon. I wear it; the hat changes color.) And as my godmother used to say about a hat: “Ça cache la misère” (It hides the miseries; read bad hair days).

So, coloring or no coloring? This is a major point of discussion for my friends in their early forties when the first gray hair appears and the panic starts. The first reaction, more often than not, is “I don’t want to dye my hair.” So, perhaps try a semipermanent hair color first. And there is always the option of trying a new haircut that satisfies for now and puts off the question a bit longer. For a less-than-drastic step, try henna. What most of us don’t know is that once you’ve done color, henna is out forever. (Supposedly it reacts with the color set of some hair dyes.) Having been to Morocco first when I was in grad school, I envied the beautiful manes of Moroccan women (that’s when I first learned about argan oil and henna) and witnessed a few of those natural treatments. They got it right.

For most of us the day comes when too many gray hairs neither look nor feel right, so the option becomes an obligation unless one chooses to let the gray grow until an all-over and uniform color that you can live with has been achieved. Some women, of course, look stunning with silver-gray hair. There’s a signature item! Think Helen Mirren or Jamie Lee Curtis. For many of us, however, it’s not an option if we have a career and want to look the part. Or because we have too fair a complexion, which is not happy with gray hair, or simply because we feel older with gray hair.

Covering gray hair is not the only reason to color one’s hair. Many women find that a good color can take years off, especially with highlights. The key is subtlety so the hair looks brighter and not necessarily lighter.

Color: Do it at home or at the salon? That’s a tough choice, as the salon is both expensive and time-consuming, but the home deal is risky! I know a few women who do their color at home and some got the hang of it, but usually it seems hit or miss. For me, knowing my ineptitude with blow-drying, I decided that it would be my luxury as well as my hour of relaxation to give the chore to someone who can do it better. I got lucky to last without coloring till my fifties, much older than my mother, who was gray at forty; but admittedly it’s no fun once you are committed, as it’s a repeat every five to six weeks (I refuse to do it once a month, which is the norm, so I cheat with the convenient little color stick found in the hair section of beauty products stores). It’s not ideal or perfect, but it is easy, convenient, and saves a couple of weeks, and frankly I do it more to save on hair damage, even if we are told that color does not affect the hair…it does. Think about it: the stuff in hair color needs some good R & D, as we should have some without ammonia, and the first “organic” ones are still outrageously expensive and not foolproof.

Try to find someone local who is going to “know” your hair, someone you can trust, and then stay with him/her. It takes awhile for someone to get a feel for your hair, and having experienced colorings in other cities and countries, I must say it’s usually not the best. France has been an exception simply because the training, at least up to a few years ago, for a colorist or hairstylist is more rigorous than in most places. Or am I just being a Francophile? I have not seen too many of my friends, young or old, cry when they leave a French salon because the cut or the color or both are disasters. In New York, it’s another story: even friends who go to the most expensive (French) salons have had too many bad experiences. If you come out with great cut and color…drop your anchor.

Summer is not so good for the hair, and it’s especially bad for colored hair, especially if you spend time at the beach, in a pool or the sea. The sun and water can turn hair blonde, brassy, or worse, even greenish. (In the case of green—really more common than I would have imagined—the best trick is to put two aspirins in a bowl, pour a few drops of water on them to effervesce, add your shampoo, and mix into a paste. Apply to wet hair, leave on a few minutes, and shampoo as usual.) A lightweight shampoo without sulfites, like L’Oréal EverPure or Bumble and Bumble support conditioner, helps. Avoid immersing your hair underwater, and if you are outdoors between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m., wear a hat. The worst color for the sun damage, dark blonde (that’s me), requires good care or it fades into dull streaks.

If you need to lighten your color for the summer, the old-school French way is to use olive oil as a cataplasm on your hair. The thick and heavy oil will dissolve the hair’s excess color and patina.

A LITTLE MORE PROTECTION

Summer, of course, is a good time to avoid blow-drying and just air-dry your hair with your fingers and avoid potential damage to the already fragile follicles.

If you go for biking (like me) or hiking (not like me) out in the wind, it is better to wear your hair back and covered with a scarf. The key is to protect the hair from the sun: the rule is don’t go out without a hat. Hats are back, in case you did not notice. After the summer, avoid balayage (highlights), and tone the color down one shade (or talk with a colorist about blending lowlights with the highlights).

One last thing regarding color is to avoid doing it right before a big event, as the color needs to set, and the day you do the color your hair is in a state of shock (at least that’s how I see it), and even a great blow-dry is different from the usual. So schedule it a week before you want to look your best.

At menopause the hair can get an extra beating. Many women complain about the hair thinning and looking tired and dull or basically weak (it needs moisture big-time, like a plant). Have a blood test so your doctor can determine if you have enough of all the basic vitamins. Your immune system may also be running low, and the decrease in estrogen adds to the complications. Good nutrition is vital in the early fifties and will set you in shape for the next stages.

Feed your hair. Oysters are the food par excellence for strong, healthy hair at any age. Salmon, mackerel, sardines, nuts, green vegetables, carrots, and fresh fruits are also high on the list. Avoid processed foods, caffeine (watch the soda), junk food, and any food with lots of flour and sugar, like cupcakes and other cakes. They aren’t great for your body, your mind, or your hair!

Losing a lot of hair can happen through life and to all of us. End of summer is the worst time for it, but then again it’s natural and short term. Vichy, Dercos, and some other brands make stimulating cocktails with minerals that will help, and it’s also good to use a lotion that revitalizes the hair during the night. Insufficiencies in iron, zinc, or proteins are usually to be blamed. So, ladies, eat your oysters.

Thin hair is most likely the worst, both for the customer and for the stylist. The magic solution is to get a scissor cut on dry hair to give it lightness and volume, a great technique. Thin hair is usually dry as well and needs to be hydrated (moisturize, moisturize, moisturize), but as it gets greasy and heavy with certain products, it’s good to concentrate on hydrating waters like Bumble and Bumble Thickening or Schwarzkopf Professional Shampoo, which contain lactic acid and keratin and can protect the damaged scales. Always apply the shampoo into your hands first and gently work it into the hair, using the lather to wash your scalp. A conditioning is vital. A cream rinse can also help. Thin hair loves the sensual gesture of your fingers to dry it gently. Your additional magic solution is to opt for a cure of trace elements, amino acids, or vitamins.

Unusually damaged (often a lack of vitamin E) or dry (often a lack of vitamin A) hair requires some masks. Fekkai’s shea butter is a good one to give back suppleness and elasticity to the hair. Make sure to take the time after you apply a mask to cover your hair with a warm towel and wait twenty minutes so the active ingredients penetrate well. Products with keratin are equally helpful, and so are hot oil treatments.

Dull hair (it’s dull because it can’t reflect the light) can benefit from oils before a shampoo. Aveda and Phyto make good ones; the latter has a wonderful Alès oil. Put on hair raie par raie (part by part), add to the ends, and leave on for twenty minutes before rubbing gently with warm water, and then do your normal shampoo.

Rebellious hair results when we are stressed or tired over a period of time, and the after-brushing serums are key to putting some luster back in the fiber and giving it a shiny coat. Look for products with silicon, such as Schwarzkopf’s Göt2b Glossy Anti-Frizz Shine Serum, which works well as it coats each strand so the cuticle stays smooth. Distribute the serum with a wide-tooth comb (instead of a brush) and style with your hands. My friend Claudine deals with frizzy hair using John Frieda products, which will also add some shine. For weak hair, an additional deep-conditioning mask once a week is worth experimenting with. For any of us, a few drops of olive oil on dry ends always work…a little moisture in your mane is a good thing.

I have implicitly been writing about hair products and procedures that have a foundation in science, albeit often proven by experience and not impartial scientific studies. But as with anti-aging skin care and variations on facelifts, science will certainly bring the post-forty generation of baby boomers many new products to counter what is fact. Yes, our hair gets thinner; we lose perhaps 30 percent of our follicles; hair texture changes with age and hormonal shifts; and our hair becomes more fragile from exposure to all the chemicals we are putting on it and from the sun’s UV rays. However, savvy scientists and cosmetics companies are at work this very instant to address each condition. Expect a bag of individual hair treatments in your not-too-distant future. Again, science and commerce at work.

Each hair texture has its charm, temperament, and exigencies. Like your skin, it requires you to get to know it and work with it in order to embellish it. Good nutrition and health will resolve 80 percent of your hair challenges, and good care will do the rest.