Figure 1 Nutrition label for semen
Now for a topic you may find hard to swallow: swallowing. Or spitting. Or not. Ever since World War II, when the French introduced our boys “over there” to the previously unknown pleasures of oral sex, this has become one of France’s most popular contributions to American culture, freedom fries notwithstanding. You may find a chapter devoted to this topic lacks taste, but that’s where you are wrong, because this chapter is in fact about the taste of semen. Why does it taste like it does? (And even though you may not know what it tastes like, there’s a chance that someone you care about does.) What influences the taste? Are there any benefits or risks to swallowing it?
Let’s take a look at the ingredients in semen. There are small amounts of dozens of constituents in semen: vitamins such as B12 and C, minerals such as zinc and magnesium, proteins, carbohydrates, and a variety of other molecules including, of course, DNA. If there were a nutritional information label on the tip of your penis, it might look something like this.1
Figure 1 Nutrition label for semen
Yes, it’s high in protein, but so is your snot, so that’s not necessarily a compelling argument to get your partner to open wide. Low calorie? Yes. Tasty? Not from what I’ve heard. Some of the ingredients in semen that don’t actually make the nutrition label are foul tasting or foul smelling, such as ammonia-like molecules called amines. Some have names like cadaverine (as in cadaver—as in dead) and putrescine (as in putrid).2
These molecules serve important functions to protect and preserve the sperm by counteracting the acidity of the vagina. There are also enzymes that thin out the semen and then others that thicken it up, plus carbohydrates for energy and zinc and other trace elements for sperm vitality. Sperm makes up only 5 percent of the volume of semen, kind of like the amount of fruit juice in an inexpensive fruit drink. Much of the fluid is actually from the prostate (a walnut-sized gland through which the urethra runs from the bladder to the penis), and the majority of it is from the seminal vesicles (small sacs that lie on either side of the prostate underneath the bladder and dump into the urethra). All three ingredients combine in the urethra to make the sperm cocktail right at the moment of climax. A few rhythmic pumps of the pelvic floor muscles serve up a cocktail that is freshly mixed and usually drunk right from the tap. These fluids, and their flavors, may be influenced by what a guy eats, how much he exercises and hydrates, and what kinds of medications or drugs he uses.
You won’t find university-level scientific studies on the flavor of semen and whether or not pineapple really makes your man juice sweeter, but that’s why we have the Internet, isn’t it? What I have found is that there is a small body of evidence that fruits make semen taste a little sweeter and meats make semen taste saltier. This makes some sense since one of the ingredients in semen is fructose, and fructose is the sugar found naturally in fruit. This high-fructose man syrup is made in the seminal vesicles, the only place in the human body where fructose is made. I guess you could say that the seminal vesicle is a guy’s sweet spot. From what I can gather, it may take a fair amount of juicing to flavor your juice. If you are not a fan of the pineapple, you can give kiwis a try. Kiwis have been touted to sweeten the thunder from down under. Most likely any fructose-rich fruit can, including berries—lots and lots of berries. Berries are great for your erections and your circulation in general, so why not?
Vegetables in general reportedly result in a smoother flavor than meat and dairy, which tend to make the already salty semen even saltier. Not all vegetables make for good swizzle sticks for your cocktail, however. Carrots and celery? Sure, swizzle away. But sulfur-heavy vegetables such as broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage may be better as an after-cuddle snack. Also, heavy garlic or other spices may translate to unpleasant spunk just as you sometimes can get those odors coming through in sweat. On the other hand, cinnamon is one spice that apparently improves both the smell and taste of semen.
Working out is great for you, but stay well hydrated. Semen is 90 percent water, and the more dilute the better when it comes to the palate. Less hydration means more concentrated body fluids and more concentrated saltiness or bitterness. If you incorporate protein powders into your workout, you may look sexier, but you may taste worse. It’s been reported that protein powders, like meats, make the semen saltier and may make it more lumpy and stringy—not the smooth clean and jerk you might have hoped for.
A healthy lifestyle is good and good tasting. Avoid cigarettes, excess alcohol, and recreational drugs. In addition to the harm these agents cause to your health, they can be a real jizaster, making your semen more salty or bitter. The fewer prescription meds you need, the better, since many may make your semen taste bitter.3
Lets face it, there’s no way you can ever get your “jerkish delight” to actually taste like candy, but at least there’s a product that can—sort of. There is a company, aptly named Masque, that makes flavor strips designed to be used prior to the act which have ingredients that chemically counteract the various salts, proteins, and other unpleasant flavors in semen—sort of like a fellatio Febreze. It claims that these strips not only eliminate the taste but actually leave a better one, including chocolate (yourmasque.com). If you don’t think a box of Masque would make a great stocking stuffer, then try offering your partner a stick of peppermint gum, or even some cinnamon. If you are still meeting resistance, it’s probably just as well. It’s possible, and some even argue probable, that we evolved to have unpalatable semen so we wouldn’t eat ourselves into extinction.4
What if swallowing semen actually has health benefits? A study done on swallowers indicated they had a lower risk of developing a life-threatening condition called preeclampsia during pregnancy. This syndrome of sudden and extreme high blood pressure and kidney failure is thought to be due to an immune reaction by the woman against her own fetus due to the father’s genes tripping off her immune system. Women who swallow their partner’s semen may build up a tolerance to the same gene molecules in that semen so they may not react as badly later to carrying his baby.5
Dr. Gordon Gallup popularized a theory that morning sickness is also due to an immune reaction of the woman to the father’s DNA in her growing baby. He suggested that more frequent exposure to the father’s semen may desensitize the woman and reduce the reaction.6 Semen also contains a variety of ingredients that can have positive effects on the body, including oxytocin, testosterone, and estrogen, hormones proven to affect mood and that rise in a woman’s bloodstream after sex. A study of college women found those who used condoms during intercourse had higher rates of depression than those sleeping on a bigger wet spot. Perhaps the hormonal absorption from the semen through the woman’s vagina boosts her mood.7
There are no studies, but it’s possible this same effect may be seen with oral exposure to the semen.
Now, it’s not all good news. Oral sex has risks, just like vaginal or anal sex. Most STDs are transmitted via the semen, including gonorrhea and chlamydia—not to mention that the penis, if it is infected, can transmit human papillomavirus (HPV), syphilis, and herpes if it comes in contact with the mouth. The lining of the mouth is more delicate than the lining of the vagina, and tiny tears can allow diseases such as HIV and hepatitis to get into the bloodstream.
As with any good discussion on nutrition, I have included some recipes that are fast, easy to prepare, and delicious…well, tolerable. Okay, they actually suck, but isn’t that the point?
1.PINEAPPLE EXPRESS: In a bowl or blender, mix 1 cup chopped fresh or canned pineapple, 1 sliced kiwifruit, and ½ cup blueberries. Stir together or blend until smooth. Consume 1 hour prior to expected pleasuring.
2.CINNAMON TWIST: In a small dish, mix together ¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon and ½ teaspoon sugar. Place the mixture on your tongue and allow it to dissolve enough to coat the tongue. Alternatively, suck on 1 or 2 cinnamon sticks or chew some peppermint gum. Add freshly squeezed semen. Swish and swallow!
Figure 2 Where semen comes from