The Better Mood Recovery Program, Week 2

REACHING OUT FOR SUPPORT

“Anything that promotes a sense of isolation often leads to illness and suffering. Anything that promotes a sense of love and intimacy, connection and community, is healing.”

—Dean Ornish, Love and Survival

Second Week Overview

In this week you will begin to build a support team by locating two healing allies—a buddy/coach and therapist/counselor.

We have learned that setting the intention to heal represents the first step on the road to recovery. Now I would like to share an equally important principle: the power of intention is magnified when it is shared with another person. When we state our vision of wellness in the presence of one or more supportive people, that vision becomes strengthened and exponentially magnified.

This principle of mutual support is demonstrated by the success of Alcoholics Anonymous. No cure existed for alcoholism until two drunks came together and said, “Let's do together what neither of us can do alone.” Each day, tens of millions of people gather together in AA and other 12-steps communities to join together in love and caring to mutually support each other's healing.

Having support in your life is not just helpful in promoting recovery; it is essential. One cannot overcome an illness like major depression (or any dark night of the soul experience) by oneself. The weight of the illness is too immense, even for the strongest-willed individual, to bear alone. Whenever I see people withdraw, isolate, or try to “beat the illness on their own” their symptoms invariably worsen. Conversely, when people take the risk and reach out for help, they open themselves to a healing force more potent than any known drug. As Dean Ornish writes, referring to the healing power of human connection:

“I am not aware of any other factor in medicine—not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery—that has a greater impact on our quality of life or incidence of illness.”1

Finding Allies in Healing

Over the next twelve weeks, you will learn how to build a “support team,” a group of professionals, family and friends who can walk you through your episode of depression and anxiety. In this week, you are going to locate two important people—a buddy/coach and a therapist/counselor—who will become major supports as you work through this program.

Your Buddy/Coach

When I first learned how to swim at camp, my instructor had us participate in the “buddy system.” Each novice swimmer would be paired with another swimmer who would serve as his or her “buddy.” Whenever one of us went to the deep end of the lake, we were instructed to take our buddy with us—for companionship, for moral support and for safety.

I have found that the buddy system is a wonderful tool to promote healing from depression. I would like you to start by thinking of a particular person (or persons) who might serve as your buddy/coach for the remainder of this program. Each week you will check in with this individual, share your vision statement, and work on your goal of the week. Forming this type of alliance will help you in at least three ways:

1) When you state your weekly goals in the presence of your coach, you have someone to be accountable to. Most people find that it is far easier to keep a promise they have made to someone else than one they have made to themselves.

For example, Let's say I tell my coach Marilyn to call me on Friday at 4 P.M. to see if I have written the introduction to my newest book proposal. Friday afternoon arrives and I still have not begun the proposal. Being a good procrastinator, I might think, “This would be a good time to mow the lawn.” But then I remember that Marilyn will be calling in an hour. Rather than break my word to her, I sit down at the computer to start my writing.

2) By sharing your vision you will benefit from the “Master Mind” principle—that whenever two or more people come together for the positive purpose, a benevolent spiritual energy (known as the Master Mind) gets activated. This invisible force helps to bring our goal(s) into manifestation (we will learn more about the Master Mind in Week 9)

3) Your buddy can hold your vision of healing for you, even when you cannot! He or she can look at your vision of wellness with full belief, without being burdened by the baggage of fear and doubt. This was precisely what occurred in my life when a group of twelve loving individuals came together at the Living Enrichment Center, a New Thought church outside of Portland, and held a collective vision of my healing. (They did this by reading my vision statement every day for 30 days while visualizing me as whole and well.) Although I was totally convinced that I could not recover, my support team knew in their hearts that I would get well. Eventually the power of their conviction became translated into my reality.2

My experience is not an isolated case. Since my recovery, I have worked as a midwife to help others emerge from episodes of anxiety and depression. In each case, the individual's recovery would not have been possible without the loving support of one or more people. Thus, while I cannot guarantee that you will get better (no one can know the future with certainty), my experience tells me that if you set the intention to heal, reach out for support and follow the remaining guidelines in this book, you will greatly maximize the chances of reducing your symptoms and making a full recovery.

 

An Ally in Healing

A person in the black hole of depression cannot see his way out of the darkness. In the following letter, my partner Joan expressed her faith in my recovery and held a vision of my healing when I could not do it for myself.

It my belief that anyone who suffers from serious depression needs at least one other person (a family member, friend, doctor, spiritual advisor, etc), to focus on the goal of wholeness and healing. This will be the function of your buddy/coach during this course.

Dear Douglas,                                                                                                       Christmas day, 1996

Love is greatest healing power. May the power of love work through you to do the work it needs to do to move you toward your healing.

May you be led to the right medicine to bring you into balance. I have great compassion for what you are going through. There is a mystery to this illness that your mind can't understand. There is a higher force at work here.

I send you so much love and healing and light on this Christmas day! Douglas, please don't give up. May you receive the inspiration you need to keep going from day to day and moment to moment—especially when you feel the deepest despair and loss of faith. There is a way out. Somehow, some way, you will be led to the light!

I am here in love and support for you during this healing crisis.

May your soul hear this.

Love,

 Joan

 

Locating My Coach/Buddy

Take a moment and see if you can think of two to three people who might serve as your coach/buddy for the remainder of this program? This individual could be a friend, therapist, family member, clergy member, or someone like yourself who is wanting to heal from anxiety or depression. (The advantage of working with a fellow sufferer is that you can become each other's coach and healer, thereby forming a true mutual partnership.) Write the names of one to three people below, or on a separate piece of paper.

1.

2.

3.

Over the next week, I would like you to call or email these people and ask them if they could be a support person for you during this 12-week program. In his or her role as a coach/buddy, this person should act in the following way:

Meeting With Your Coach/Buddy

Once you locate your support person, set a weekly time to meet with him or her for approximately thirty minutes to an hour. Your meetings should be structured as follows:

1) For the first block of time, share with your buddy/coach what you have learned from the topic of the week. (For example, during Week 3, you might talk about what physical self-care activities have had a positive effect on your mood.) Also share any homework assignment that you have been working on as well as your goal of the week. Conclude this part of meeting by reading your vision statement of wellness.

2) Next give an update on your mood (using the -5 to +5 mood scale on page 171) and share how you are faring in your recovery—reporting any successes, challenges, insights, etc.

During this sharing, it is the role of your coach to listen attentively and to refrain from interrupting or giving advice. After you have finished with you update, you may ask your buddy for feedback and suggestions about what you have shared. (It is also okay not to ask for feedback.)

3) Finally, (and most importantly) make a request for support for the coming week. This request should focus on:

Feel free to make more than one request if you like. After you have finished speaking, ask your coach/buddy to affirm you silently or by using an affirmation such as, “I see you attaining your goal and hold for you a vision of your success.” If your buddy/coach is also participating in the 12-week recovery program, you can switch roles and let him or her share while you become the supporter.

In between meetings your partner will continue to hold a vision of healing for you on a daily basis (and you for him if that is requested). You may also stay in touch by phone or email. Having this kind of regular contact and reinforcement will become a central piece of your recovery program.

Locating A Counselor/Therapist

A second ally that you will want to have during this program is a counselor/therapist, as well as a prescriber if you wish to take psychiatric medication. There exist a great many qualified and compassionate health care professionals who offer care and treatment for depression. They include:

Although only psychiatrists, physicians and nurse practitioners can prescribe medication, members of the other groups offer psychotherapy and often “refer out” for the medication component. Thus, you may end up seeing a medical doctor for your medication and another professional for therapy. (You therapist/counselor may also serve as your buddy/coach).

The relationship between doctor and patient, or therapist and client, plays a critical role in the healing process. Your relationship with your mental health care provider will be as important as any treatment you choose. Consequently, it is important that you feel comfortable with him or her. In this respect, it is a good idea to interview several therapists before you make a final decision about the person who will be your guide and advocate.

Obtaining the proper referral is an important initial first step in your healing. There are several ways to do this.

1) Word of mouth. Ask people you know (family, coworkers, friends, a family physician or internist) if they know of anyone who has been helpful to them or others.

2) State licensing boards. You can call and ask for referrals. Feel free to ask about a practitioner's credentials, how long he or she has been in practice, and his or her experience in treating major depression.

3) Associations of helping professionals. You can contact these organizations for referrals to mental health professionals in your area. Here are some phone numbers to start with. Additional information is provided in Appendix C.

When you find the right therapist, you will most likely be treated with one or more of the following forms of psychotherapy:

1) The psychodynamic approach, pioneered by early psychiatrists such as Freud, Jung and Adler, relates the development and maintenance of depressive symptoms to unresolved conflicts and losses rooted in childhood. It focuses helping the individual to gain insight into the nature of his or her problems, work through conflicts, and find new ways to look at relations with others.

The therapist-patient relationship is a key part of the treatment because of the client's tendency to transfer unresolved feelings about a parent or authority figure onto the therapist (a process called “transference”). Since many depressions are caused by unexpressed mourning, the patient may also be encouraged to grieve his or her early losses, including deaths and the emotional unavailability of primary caregivers. Such grieving can help a person to gain closure with the past and allow a gradual healing to take place.

2) The cognitive-behavioral approach teaches the client with depression new ways of thinking to replace faulty beliefs about himself, the world, and the future. Specific focus is placed on identifying erroneous assumptions, expectations and conclusions (“This will never end”), and letting go of self-destructive thoughts (e.g., “I'm worthless;” or “No one can love me when I am depressed”). In addition you will learn strategies such as meditation, visualization, progressive muscle relaxation, and biofeedback that can produce physiological changes in the brain and nervous system.

3) Interpersonal therapy looks at the role of interpersonal relationships (or lack of them) in contributing to depression. In this therapy, the client learns new skills for interacting with people and developing healthy, functional relationships.

4) A fourth therapeutic approach, more popular in Europe than in the United States, consists of the existential psychotherapies, the most noted of which is logotherapy, created by psychiatrist Victor Frankl, author of Man's Search For Meaning, which helps patients discover the meaning and purpose of life and find worthwhile ideals to live for.

Each of these approaches has proven valuable in treating various levels of depression. The technique (or techniques) you choose should depend on your temperament, your level of functioning, the severity of the depression, and the therapist's training and background. Research has shown that any of these therapies can be beneficial if used by a competent professional. Moreover, in today's therapy office, it is not unusual for therapists to be familiar with several psychological theories and to combine eclectic technical approaches tailor-made for each individual's needs.

The important thing is to try some type of therapy with a professional trained in the assessment and treatment of depression. Studies show that psychotherapy and medication are more effective in treating depression than medication alone, especially in the long-term maintenance of mental health.3

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We will return to the issue of social support in Week 8. For right now, locating your coach and your therapist is a good first step in building your support team.

Goals/Assignments for Week 2

Here are your assignments for the upcoming week:

1. Locate someone to be your buddy/coach for the remainder of this program. Write this goal down on the weekly goal sheet that appears on page 174. If you are able to find your buddy/coach this week, meet with him or her. Share what you have logged in your mood diary. Also talk about any insights about your condition or syndrome that you have learned from the chapter on the characteristics of depression.

2. If you are not currently working with a counselor/therapist set the intention to find one. Write this intention down on your goal sheet. Use the suggestions from this chapter to find at least two possible candidates. Then make appointments to see them.

3. Read over your vision statement each day. If you feel like making small changes, feel free to do so. Share it with you buddy/coach and anyone else who unconditionally supports your healing and recovery

4. Start tracking your moods using the Daily Mood Scale which appears on page 171. You will use this scale to assign a numerical value to your mood, ranging from -5 to +5. Each day you will record the appropriate number from the better mood scale in the Daily Mood Diary which appears on page 172.

 

Daily Mood Scale

5 feeling good all of the time (ecstasy or mania)

3-4 feeling good much of the time

1-2 feeling good some of the time

0 absence of symptoms, feeling okay

-1 to -2 mild depression/anxiety

-3 to -4 moderate depression/anxiety

-5 clinical depression/anxiety

 

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Daily Mood Diary

Record your moods below for each day for the month of _______________

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To get started with this process, think about how you are feeling today and ask yourself, “How have I been doing? Have I experienced any symptoms of depression or anxiety? How has my general mood been?” (Given that my mood can fluctuate during the day, I take inventory before bedtime and then rate my mood.) After noting how you have been feeling, assign your mood a number between -5 and +5 and write it beside today's date in the Daily Mood Diary. You can then use the second column to record your energy level during the day. “10” means high energy; “5” is average energy; and “1” means, “I feel like a slug. I can hardly get out of bed.”

Finally, use the comments column to record the day's events or to go into more detail about your state of mind. If you need more space, you may create your own version of this diary on a larger piece of paper. You may also record your moods at the bottom of the weekly goal sheet on page 174.

In addition to tracking your symptoms, you can use the daily mood diary to track your recovery. I tell my clients who are severely depressed to define recovery as having the numbers on their mood scale be in the positive range for at least six weeks. If you are doing well right now, keeping your rating at a zero or above is a good goal to shoot for. Having your scores drop into the negative numbers will alert you to the early warning signs of a depressive downturn so that you can take appropriate action to prevent an episode.

 

My Goal Sheet for Week 2

This week's starting date_____________My coach/buddy ____________________

Date/time we will connect _____________________________

Goal or Goals _______________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

Benefits of attaining this goal____________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

Action plan _________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

Ongoing goals (check off the ones as you accomplish them)

______ Read my vision statement daily (upon awakening or before bed)

______ Chart my moods in the Monthy Mood Diary

______ This was my average mood on the better mood scale.

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How was my mood this week?

Record your moods below for each day of the week.

  Day Mood            Comments
  Mon    
  Tue      
  Wed    
  Thu    
  Fri      
  Sat    
  Sun    

 

1 From Dean Ornish's Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis For the Healing Power of Intimacy, pp. 2-3.

2 For a more detailed description of this healing, please refer to chapter 7 of this book, “God Is My Antidepressant.” I also offer additional explanations as to how my healing might have taken place.

3 If you are in between episodes and are doing really well, you might be able to forego seeing a counselor. On the other hand, this would be the ideal time to practice “preventative medicine” and use therapy to maintain your current stability.