The automated system informs Antonio he’s receiving a call from an inmate of Baltimore City jail, an inmate called Estela Jiménez, the words Estela and Jiménez a recording of his sister saying Estela and Jiménez, the automated system informs Antonio that the call will be recorded and monitored, if you have questions or complaints about this call please call customer service, to hear the cost of this call, press 8, to accept this call, press 5, to decline this call, hang up, so Antonio presses 5 and the automated system informs him it requires a credit card to fund an account from which to deduct the cost of this call, so Antonio enters his credit card number and funds an account for $10 and the automated system informs him he has a balance of $1.35 because there’s a $8.65 service charge, please hold while you are connected, the automated system disconnects the call, the automated system doesn’t acknowledge its error because it doesn’t register it as an error, unless the automated system contains the appropriate error-handling code, of course, an SQL syntax as basic as if account = funded and call < 0.01 seconds, then error = 1, else error = 0, the automated system doesn’t tabulate how long Estela Jiménez has been holding the public phone to her ear due to the automated process of accepting a collect call from an inmate of Baltimore City jail, unless the chief executive officer of the company that owns the automated system also happens to have a sister whose impaired mind has led her to become an inmate of a county jail and therefore he, the brother, has set quarterly company goals to reduce the length of the automated process of accepting collect calls from inmates at county jails — let us not lengthen the suffering of those who are already suffering — the automated system doesn’t wonder what Estela Jiménez might be thinking as she waits for its automated process to complete — has my brother tired of me already? did he reject the call and the system hasn’t registered the rejection yet? has my brother tired of being reminded that he’s linked to my miseries? — I’m here, Estelita — the automated system informs Antonio he’s receiving a call from an inmate of Baltimore City jail, you’re receiving a call from an inmate of Baltimore City jail, the automated system says, to accept this call, press 5, yes, okay, Antonio presses 5, Toñio, Antonio’s sister says, I’ve just read in Mundo Hispánico that immigrants who have committed a crime will be immediately deported so I’ve decided not to accept the plea agreement because I don’t want to be deported, the automated system disconnects the call, the automated system doesn’t acknowledge its error because there is no error but a depletion of the $1.35 in his account, and so outside of Menotti's Coffee Stop, where he likes to read on Sunday afternoons because the sun on his face allows him to read for hours without falling asleep, Antonio waits for the automated system to link him to his sister again, the automated system informs Antonio he’s receiving a call from an inmate of Baltimore City jail, an inmate called Estela Jiménez, the automated system accepts the $25 from his credit card and the autorecharge option (how many brothers and mothers and sisters, rushing through this automated process, end up misdialing their credit card numbers? how many fathers worry that the long wait on the other end of the line might change their daughters irreversibly?), the automated system informs Antonio the charges will appear under GTL Inmate Phone Services, which he, a database analyst for Prudential Investments, knows is the kind of data signal a credit card company can mine by querying a transaction statement description field, yes, a database analyst can run a simple SQL query with a like %inmate% statement in the where clause to select all records that contain the word inmate in the transaction statement description field, which might lead a database analyst to conclude that Antonio is in jail, do you have a few minutes, a database analyst might say to his database manager, I think the presence of the term %inmate% in our credit transactions might be a leading indicator that a customer won’t have the money to pay us back, so I was thinking we could build a test to minimize charge-offs by significantly reducing the credit line of those customers with transactions that include %inmate%, no, a more experienced database analyst might say, the presence of %inmate% isn’t enough, to verify they’re in jail you will need to run another query to check whether these customers continue to transact after the word %inmate% surfaces in their transaction history, right, the junior database analyst might say, I will need to (a) check these post-%inmate% transactions are a different pattern of transactions as those before %inmate%, (b) exclude post-%inmate% transactions that could be considered recurring payments, (c) verify post-%inmate% transactions are occurring at merchants that would require his or her physical presence, exactly, the senior database analyst might say, plus what if they were in jail but they’re out on bond now, we are better off just A / B testing whether %inmate% gives us any significant net reduction on charge-offs, Toñio, Antonio’s sister says, I’ve just read in Mundo Hispánico that immigrants who have committed a crime will be immediately deported, a crime in this case includes domestic violence, DUI, petty thefts, among others, but you’re pleading to three counts of public disturbance, Antonio says, which does not fall under the category of crimes of moral turpitude, the kind of crimes that will lead to deportation according to our immigration attorney, that’s not what the newspaper says, Antonio’s sister says, the newspaper doesn’t have enough space to print all the categories of crimes that will lead to deportation, Antonio says, DUI, petty thefts, among others, Antonio’s sister says, we don’t know what’s in the among others category, Antonio says, if they deport me will you come see me, Antonio’s sister says, of course, Antonio says, how am I going to live in Bogotá, Antonio’s sister says, please don’t worry about that I will support you, Antonio says, but they won’t deport you, Estelita, I checked with the immigration attorney, I know you’re nervous, I would be too, but we’re almost there, Estelita, please accept the plea, I’m sorry, Antonio’s sister says, I can’t do it, no.