conclusion

a tale of
two homes

Jill and Elena grew up as neighbors. Just months apart in age, they spent countless hours playing outside, riding bikes and scooters, jumping rope, and making up games. But after Jill received a tablet for her seventh birthday, she began playing video games more and coming out to play less. Within a few months, Jill seemed like a completely different girl.

Elena kept knocking on the door, but the answer was always the same. “Sorry, Jill is busy playing a game right now. Maybe she’ll come out to play later.” But later never came.

Although Jill’s mom joked about losing her daughter to video games, inside she was concerned. She knew childhood was not supposed to look like a little girl attached to a tablet for four to five hours every day, addicted to video games. She had tried to get Jill to stop, but Jill screamed and pounded her fists on the table, demanding to have the tablet back. Her mom didn’t know what to do. She didn’t have the stamina to fight Jill all the time.

Across the street, Elena was limited to thirty minutes of screen time on educational websites on the weekend and two weeknights when she didn’t have soccer practice. Elena found other children in the neighborhood to play with. She was easygoing and made new friends readily, although she missed playing with Jill. Screens played a small part in Elena’s life, and she couldn’t understand why Jill stayed inside on weekends.

The tale of these two homes is being written right now. How will technology shape Jill and Elena as adults? These two girls from the same neighborhood are heading to very different places.

who’s in charge of the castle?

My husband, James, has a particular article he loves to talk about with any father who will listen. It’s a piece that ran in the Wall Street Journal called “A Ride in Dad’s Traveling Think Tank.” In the article, the author contrasts the car ride of yesterday and the car ride of today:

In my dad’s generation, a man’s car was his castle. And his kids were his captive audience. We listened to his music. We answered his questions … Now I’ve got my own kids, but I don’t drive a think tank. I just drive a tank. It’s a minivan, but there’s nothing mini about it. I call it my Maxivan, or rather, the kids call it their Maxivan. You see, they think of it as their car, not mine. And they’re not wrong.¹

James decided long ago he didn’t want to be trapped in his minivan with kids’ cartoons and endless songs that rhymed. He was going to take back his car. Children’s music was summarily replaced with conversations and audiobook biographies. The family van was transformed into a university on wheels, with Dad reigning as king of the castle once more. Whether or not you listen to educational material is not the point. The point is that you can listen to whatever you choose because it’s your car, not your child’s. It’s time to take back your car, which is connected to taking back your home from the technology you don’t want.

You are the parent at the wheel who decides the direction of your family. If you take the path less traveled, you’re going against the grain in this screen-driven world. Your child may not have a cellphone when her contemporaries do. Your son may not know how to play the video game everyone’s talking about. Pop culture references may go right over your daughter’s head.

But what might your child gain by minimizing the impact of screens on his life? Freedom from addiction, strong family relationships, empathy, critical reasoning, and patience come to mind. The superhighway of screen entertainment may be more popular and convenient, but screen time isn’t producing the character and quality relationships most parents desire for their children.

When my (Gary’s) children were growing up, we set a guideline of no more than thirty minutes a day of television. That was a long time ago, and screens weren’t nearly as prevalent in the home. But setting that time limit for television was critical because my children could have watched hours every day if my wife, Karolyn, and I didn’t have a plan.

The same principles that guided our home decades ago still hold true today. The close-knit family of yesteryear can be your reality in this present digital age. When you have a purpose and a plan, screen time can be a wonderful way to bring your family closer. But left as a default activity, technology will rob your family of quality time and shared memories every time.

So what kind of home will you create? A home centered around screens or a home centered around people? When you have the latter, you will be drastically different from the average screen-driven home. Your home will be like a castle on a hill, providing light not only to your children but also to your world.