Reading Erotica, page 39There’s so much more to sex than just putting Tab A into, onto, or next to Slot B. In fact, while some folks may be able to go from 0 to 60 in 3.5 seconds, many other folks need to have their senses stimulated in various ways. This could include hearing sexy things, looking at sensual things, sharing a hot conversation with one another, or any other types of ways to stimulate these senses.
In this chapter, you’re going to discover:
--- What stimulates your mind? Erotica read aloud, watching hot and heavy movies, or sexting with your sweet thing?
--- Super-sensation play! When it comes to touch, what gets you tingling: something soft and fuzzy, hot and cold, or sharp and scratchy?
First, let’s talk about which of the following appeals to you the most when it comes to stimulating the senses and getting your imagination revving. Which of these seems like it would get you going the most?
Reading Erotica, page 39
Watching Hot and Heavy Porn, page 41
Sending Salacious Texts and E-mails, page 43
Of those options, choose the one that’s going to help you arouse all those things that make up your sexual senses.
Reading Erotica
Sounds like you’re into auditory stimulation, which means you like to hear things, and process them that way. Using some super-sensual erotica is a great way to get down and dirty in the arousal department. How you choose the right erotica can be a bit more of a challenge.
There are as many types of erotica out there as there are types of sex and sexual activity. Into romance novels? There’s erotica for that. More into female dominance? They’ve got erotica for that. All about lesbian lovers getting it on? You can find erotica for that. So the first step to figuring out the right kind of erotica to bring into the bedroom (or wherever you’ll be reading it!) is to identify what you’re looking for.
The Erotica That’s Right for You
If you want something more delicately phrased that uses wording like “his sword sheathed in velvet” and “her flowery lotus,” then look for romance novels with buff guys and busty women on the cover, and fast-forward to the sex scenes. While most romance novels, especially the ones available at bookstores and the grocery, feature heterosexual male-female couples, you can definitely find ones featuring two women. They make ones that are historical, if you’re into it taking two to tango on the Titanic, or getting it on during the Gone with the Wind era, or you can find more modern books featuring the mattress mambo.
On the other hand, if you just want sex, sex, sex, and nothing else, check out some of the erotica that features sexy short stories; quickies for the mind, basically. There are many available for purchase online and even in most bookstores; an example is Got A Minute? 60-Second Erotica. Some of these books have tons of hot stories that are fewer than two thousand words—that means that you don’t have to wait long before the sex starts, and it only gets more delicious from there. Most of these stories aren’t going to have specific themes, but are just balls to the wall (pun totally intended) sex.
More in the middle? Look for one of the hundreds of erotica anthologies that exist. Most have a theme; some are based more on the quality of the work, like each year’s compilation of Best Women’s Erotica, while others can be very specific. Cheeky Spanking Stories is about just that, while Wetter: True Lesbian Sex Stories is also pretty self-explanatory. Duty and Desire is a bunch of yummy stories about members of the military, while Take Me There features transgender and genderqueer folks in the vignettes.
Story Time
So you’ve figured out what book is the best fit for you and your partner—now what? You have two options: the first is to skim through the book(s) in advance (or they can do it without you seeing) and choose a story or scene that turns you on. Cuddle up with your loved one, and slowly, sensually, read out the story. Another choice is to just stick your finger into the middle of the book and start reading (or go to the beginning of that story or sex scene). It’s kind of like erotica roulette, and you both know that you’ll be at least somewhat surprised with what you get. You may feel a little silly at first, but push through and give it an earnest try. Once you get into it, the rewards are stellar.
You could stop with just one, and head to the bed, or couch, or kitchen table, to act it out, or turn to another story to keep the foreplay going. If you’re into delayed gratification, consider reading stories out loud to each other before you go on a date, or have your partner drive and read something scrumptious to them on the way to dinner and a movie. You’ll both be all kinds of turned on, and be forced to wait just a bit longer to rip off each other’s clothes. Not into paper books? Good news! Most erotica is available in eBook formats, so download now for a good time later.
The Golden Age of the Internet
Not ready to purchase an entire anthology of erotica yet? Good news! The Internet is good for porn … including the written stuff. Sites like LitErotica.com let a bevy of users submit their own creations, and again, you can find erotica on pretty much every topic you could imagine, and probably some that you can’t. Plus, there are thousands of sex bloggers out there, writing in dirty detail about their devious sexual exploits. Put some key words in the search engine of your choice and voilà; all the erotica you could want. You can even access it on your smartphones and tablets, for sensual erotica on the go.
The U in Author
If you want to take it a step further, consider writing your own erotica. A great place to start is retelling some of the steamiest sex you’ve already had. Perhaps it’s already playing on repeat from a movie reel in your head, or you masturbate to it as you relive all the fabulous things that happened. Why not turn it into your own story for posterity, and use it to ready yourself and your partner to get down and dirty all over again? Sit in front of the computer—or you can handwrite it in a journal if you prefer—and start listing the highlights. What were each of you wearing? Who touched whom? Where did they get touched? Add a few adjectives, fill in the blanks, and BAM! You have custom-made erotica based on your real-life amazing sexcapades. Some of the benefits: you know it’s going to turn you on, it uses the same language for body parts that you do, and you know that you can absolutely visualize those foxy folks getting it on.
Whatever way you decide to rock the erotica, open your ears and get ready for some deliciously delectable foreplay.
Many people seem to have the erroneous idea that porn is all a man’s game and that it’s designed to never cross the threshold of a woman’s home, or *gasp* find its way into a couple’s bedroom. I’m happy to be able to tell you that this is in fact not the case. The world of porn is not only open to women; there are female directors, porn “geared” to women and couples, queer porn, gay porn, porn with plots, porn with absolutely no plots, porn parodies, porn vignettes, niche porn on every possible subject you could imagine, porn made on the sets of mainstream movies, and much more. This is a real-life enactment of the idea that “if you build it, they will come.” There’s enough porn out there to turn on anyone of any orientation, gender, age (over eighteen, of course), and sexual inclination.
Why Do People Watch Porn?
For a myriad of reasons. Lots of people are stimulated by visual or auditory things, and a good porno can provide both. Whether naked bodies banging together gets your motor revving, or the sensuous sounds of one, two, or more people is what brings your blood to a boil, porn is great way to sit down with your partner and exponentially increase the horniness factor in a flash.
I’m not saying that porn is for everyone; what I am saying is don’t knock it based on what you may have heard. If you’ve tried a few different adult video/DVD/streaming options and you’re still not feeling it, that’s absolutely OK, too. It’s just one more item to try from the smorgasbord, and if it turns out that it isn’t your cup of tea (or your screenshot of hot, sweaty bodies), then move on to your next sexploration.
Pick Your Porn Provider
But if you do get a little tingle at the site of some skin on screen, let’s talk about choosing porn. There are so many choices out there that it can feel overwhelming. First, you need to figure out how you’d like to partake in said porn. If you have a laptop and can stream dirty movies online, there are loads of places to find porn. While some are free, I’d highly suggest trying the paid stuff; not only are you supporting the performers, directors, and crew by purchasing their work, you’re also going to get better quality.
A great place to start is the website HotMoviesForHer.com. Run by women, this site has tens of thousands of films to watch, and you pay by the minute, which is awesome. This means that rather than buy a movie that you might not like, you can buy, say, one hundred, five hundred, or even one thousand minutes and spend them watching various scenes from favorite producers featuring favorite stars, so you can get an idea of what turns you on, what makes you laugh, and what you might just find boring. They have films geared to all orientations, but offer significantly more hetero films, given the industry.
If you’re looking for some hot queer porn to stream online, CrashPadSeries.com is one of the longest-running, sexiest queer porn sites out there, and QueerPorn.tv is a newer yet super-fulfilling site offering queer porn of all persuasions.
Into more kinky stuff? FetishMovies.com is more video on demand, and the family of Kink.com sites (MenInPain.com, Hogtied.com, FuckingMachines.com, and more) offers sexy pictures and video, as well as live shows. PaddedKink. com is specifically for curve-loving kinksters. BurningAngel.com has clips of more alternative folks (think tattoos, piercings, fun colors of hair, etc.) doing the nasty.
Hardcopy Porn
More into the DVD setup? Not a problem! Lots of companies still release thousands of DVDs a year, and there are several awesome smaller, more independent productions. The big names include Digital Playground, Wicked, Adam & Eve, Vivid, Evil Angel, Pink Visual, Shane’s World, Ninn Worx, Jules Jordan, Elegant Angel, New Sensations, and more. You can find titles from most of these studios at almost any adult shop or website. While there are some exceptions, these films are going to feature more of the stereotypical porn—blonde, slim, buxom babes going at it, mostly with super-chiseled men. If that’s what gets you going, then for goodness’ sake, go for it! However, if you’re looking for something a little more specific, unique, realistic, different, there are plenty of options.
Porn with a Plot (and Maybe a Pun)
For hetero films (i.e., men and women getting it on), there are some that have more of a plot. While a few are produced by the studios listed above (like the Pirates porn series, and many of the popular parodies, like Glee XXX and This Ain’t the Brady Bunch XXX, and the list goes on), other studios specialize in porn with a plot. Femme Productions, run by the fabulous Candida Royalle, features couples who look more realistic and offers a lot more in the plot department (although some of these are a bit out-of-date). Comstock Films creates the pornumentary in which you learn about real-life couples, how they met, and how they like to have sex … and then you watch them doing just that. HeartCore productions, distributed by Good Vibrations, has a selection of films that use incredibly sexy performers, have a pretty good semblance of a plot, and showcase authentic pleasure—no faked orgasms in these movies! Sweet Sinner and its lesbian offshoot, Sweetheart Video, both provide plots and real climaxes, featuring both traditional porn stars and those outside what you might expect.
If Hetero Is a No-Go
Looking for something a little less in the binary? Pink and White is a queer production company that features queer and transgender stars getting it on, sometimes with a plot, sometimes without, but always in ways that the performers enjoy, so be ready for lots of hot moans and screams. Trouble Films distributes not only movies from owner Courtney Trouble but also queer porn pioneers like Tobi Hill-Meyer. Early to Bed, a feminist-owned, sex positive toy store in Chicago, filmed their own porn movie, and Delores Park Studios has one or two great queer movies out as well. Good Vibrations also distributes Reel Queer Films, which feature both full-length productions (complete with a plot and lots of sex scenes) and compilations of vignettes that offer real queer folks doing what they love sexually.
Want Something a Little More Educational?
Check out Vivid-Ed’s series of educational videos, most of which feature the amazing sex educator Tristan Taormino. Unlike what some people might expect, these films have excellent advice on anal sex, fellatio, cunnilingus, kink, threesomes, and more, followed by some jaw-dropping performances by porn stars, putting what you just learned into action. Nina Hartley also stars in her fair share of educational videos. As a registered nurse and porn star with over four hundred titles to her name, she offers a combination that is fun, sexy, and educational. More recently, Good Vibrations started distributing a sex education line called Pleasure Ed. Currently, they have only a few titles out, but they’re fantastic, and great to watch either on your own for education or with a partner to spice things up.
A Good Investment
If you can’t find the DVDs that you’re looking for in a store, plenty of online sites sell them. Few stores offer rentals anymore, so buying the DVD might be a bit of an investment. Of course, if you find a performer who makes you feel good between your legs, or a studio whose production quality, plots, or bad puns make watching porn an absolute treat, then buy away. Having porn for a rainy day (or really, for whenever you might want to enjoy some of that visual stimulation) is a great investment.
Porn for Pairs
Whatever porn you pick, it’s worth chatting with your partner about what you’re watching. Remember that what happens in porn isn’t always how it goes down (pun intended) in the real world. While you might get ideas from your favorite porn that you want to try out, it’s also OK to know that you don’t have to try five or six different positions every time you want to get it on.
Don’t forget that a lot of things are cut out of porn, like lube application, negotiation, and of course, the silly stuff like people farting, falling off the bed, and so on. The porn that you watch can make for a great fantasy and way to turn you and your lover on, but make sure that you both know that it isn’t realistic to emulate porn exactly in your real-life experiences. It just isn’t feasible and could lead to some disappointment.
Sending Salacious Texts and E-mails
Back in the day (as in pre-twentieth century), love letters were written in beautiful handwriting on paper, sealed with a kiss, and sent through various methods to lovers both near and far. While that idea remains poignant for some (and others might yearn for their loved ones to put down some of their more romantic feelings on actual paper), our technology has changed. While yes, one CAN write a love letter via e-mail, it seems that this world of technological instant gratification has developed many more sexual avenues. Whether you’re using Skype, some form of instant messenger (IMing), or just texting on your smartphone, there’s now a myriad of ways to reach your partner to tell them exactly what you want to do to them and what kind of action you might be seeking from them in return.
Spell It Out for Me
When pagers first came out, it was a fun challenge for folks to send dirty messages on them, from 696969 to 80085 (which kinda sorta spells “boobs” if you squint your eyes and reach a little). However, with the way technology has advanced in just a few years, we’re no longer limited to such archaic pervy messages. Instead, people have come up with their own abbreviations to make sexting (sexy text messaging) more exact, but still hard to understand for the uninitiated. DTF? Down to fuck. IF/IB? In front or in back. IWSN? I Want Sex NOW. TDTM? Talk dirty to me. JEOMK? Just ejaculated on my keyboard (note: you might want to find another place to do that—most computer warranties don’t cover ejaculate between the keys). The list goes on.
Sample Sexting Scripts
Confused yet? Don’t worry! You don’t need to be the mistress of text abbreviations to be DTF technologically with your sweetie. You can send messages (via text, IM, or e-mail) with full sentences, and even correct grammar, to get the ball rolling. If you’re shy, starting out with something like “I’m excited for tonight! What are we going to do?” might be a smooth way to ease into the conversation. Little more brazen? “Tell me what you’re going to do to me” might get the conversation going. No holds barred? “Tonight, I want you to eat me out until I can’t take it anymore” is sure to capture pretty much anyone’s attention.
Now, these are conversation openers about an upcoming date or sexual encounter. You can also send “sexts” that play out a sexual experience. Example:
You: I drop my clothes to the floor.
Them: My hands grab your breasts.
Them: Your nipples are hard, I pinch them.
You: *gasp* God, that feels good. Kiss me.
Them: I already am.
You: Slipping your shirt over your head.
You: Undoing your pants.
Them: How come you still have your skirt and panties on?
Them: Take them off!
You: Done. Pushing you onto the floor, so your head is near my pussy.
Them: I want to lick you so bad.
You: Not yet.
And so on and so forth. This can go on for a few minutes, or an entire day, or even a week. Some people just text, IM, or e-mail back and forth like this, while others might act out some of the actions on themselves while masturbating (taking their clothes off, pinching their nipples as their partner texted them they’d like to do).
You can even use these types of conversations as ways to negotiate what type of sexual activities you might be craving, those you want to try but have yet to bring up, or even things that you don’t want to have happen. Examples:
You: Holy shit, I can’t stop thinking about fucking you in the ass tonight. Tell me how hard you are!
Or
You: What would you do if I told you I wanted to tie you to the bed, blindfold you, and fuck your brains out?
Or
You: I don’t want to even take my clothes off tonight, or have you touch me. I just want to worship your naked body till the sun comes up.
These are all ways to impart information about your sexual preferences to another person. Of course, if you want to use U for you and 2 for two, go for it—it can get tough to text or type with just one hand. Conversely, sometimes those texts can be hard to read, and you definitely want to make sure that your point gets across. Make the decision based on how you usually text and type, and how their text messages, e-mails, and IMs look. You can be as short and sweet or long and descriptive as you’d like.
There’s No Trick to It
Some people tell me that they don’t think they could ever be good at dirty talking or texting. There’s no magical science to it; just say what you’re thinking and feeling. You don’t need it to sound like a flowery romance novel or raunchy porn to get their juices flowing. If you ever feel that you’ve hit a wall, just describe what’s going on. “I’m so wet thinking of you.” “I can’t get your body out of my mind.” “I wish you could take me across my office desk RIGHT NOW.” See? Nothing fancy, just putting your thoughts to the keyboard.
Practice Safe Sext
With all these awesome technologies also comes some responsibility. Don’t be stupid. If you know your employer monitors your keystrokes, or computers in general, don’t use your work computer to send sexually related e-mails. Remember that everything is stored somewhere forever, so send your messages directly to the person you want to have see the text (or the picture) — that is, doing it through Facebook or Twitter or other social media might come back to bite you in the ass. Remember a certain congressman whose last name is slang for a penis? Make sure you have the right number or e-mail address, and that it isn’t a shared family account (you probably don’t want your child/roommate/business partner opening up a blow-by-blow account of what you plan to be doing to your stud muffin later that evening). If you work in a high-profile job, you might not want to send pictures with your face—again, electronics keep copies of everything. If you’re doing things that might hurt you if they became public (having multiple partners, having affairs, doing kinky things that your boss/constituents might frown upon), don’t document it. It seems like that should be common sense, but given what comes out in the media, that doesn’t seem to be the case.
All in all, texting, sexting, IMing, and sending dirty e-mails can be fun and a huge turn-on for all parties involved. It’s particularly great for some ongoing sensual foreplay leading up to a night out or for a couple who may have a long-distance relationship and need a way to keep things sizzling from opposite coasts. Just remember, an errant sexual text or photo sent to the wrong person, or a sexy and descriptive e-mail left open on a work computer, might cause repercussions, so please make sure that you think things through before hopping onto the oh-so-popular sexting bandwagon. Use it for good, not for evil (even if you had a really bad breakup), and delete things that are no longer relevant, and you should be good to go.
Sensation play clearly doesn’t just stop with the brain; there’s a lot more to it than that. You can use all sorts of sensation on human skin to bring forth reactions of various levels of intensity. Consider removing the sense of sight (with a blindfold, scarf, etc.) to intensify the sensations that your partner is feeling even more.
When thinking about sensations on your skin, which of the following sounds the most appealing?
Soft and Fuzzy, page 45
Hot and Cold, page 46
Sharp and Scratchy, page 47
Soft and Fuzzy
Think back on some of your favorite memories: cuddling with a stuffed animal, curling up on the couch with a super-soft blanket, discovering those ridiculously comfortable slipper socks that feel as if they were made of Muppet fur. Our bodies, for the most part, respond well to the fluffy touch and sensation of soft and fuzzy things. It just feels that good to us. In fact, many “sex kits” come with things like satin wrist ties and feathers for tickling. This type of sensation is liked pretty much universally (although, of course, there are exceptions to any rule), so lots of people are already thinking about props they can use.
Feather Fun Forever
Feathers, of course, are some of the easiest and most sensual-looking “soft things” that one can find. While we tend to associate them with tickling (which is kind of odd, since how much legitimate tickling can you actually accomplish with a feather?), they’re also wonderful for imparting light, sensual sensation onto ourselves and our partners. Have your partner lie back, naked, and gently move the feather all over their body. You can use the tip for more direct sensation and the long edge for more distributed sensation (of course, you can also use the quill for something a little more sharp and scratchy, but that’s a different section in this chapter). You can use feathers from the craft store, buy ones specifically designed for sexual play, or even just use feathers and feathers on sticks from the pet store (a great game to play is Sex Toy or Cat Toy — just remember that your feline friends probably are not aware of the difference).
Please don’t use feathers you’ve randomly picked up outside, unless you know how to clean them well. Also, make sure that whoever you’re using the feather(s) on is not allergic to them. The prick of an EpiPen when you’re going for something softer usually puts a crimp in your sex life.
Soft as Silk
Other things that are soft and silky can be used as well. If you have silky or satin ties, you can run them over your partner’s body, use them as soft blindfolds or tie a partner up gently. (Note: Be careful though. Some knots can become super tight when you pull on them. Use scarves that you won’t be sad to cut off in worst-case scenario situations. If the person being restrained is a known puller, it might be worth investing in a nice set of wrist or ankle restraints.) You can slide the scarves through their legs, and if you have one that’s either washable or you’re willing to part with, you can use it as part of a hand job or manual stimulation to provide a whole new sensation to the genital region.
Soft on the Wallet
The dollar store can be a great place to find fun sensation-play objects to experiment with. Gloves and cloths used to wash and wax cars are often super soft and feel amazing on the skin. Leather (and faux leather) driving gloves can offer either a fuzzier suede sensation or a smooth and cool leather sensation to the skin. Just keep in mind that because most of these cloths and materials cannot be sterilized, they should be used with only one person’s genitals. This is why the dollar store is so useful — you’re not spending a fortune on something that can be used for sex only with a specific person.
Fur: Faux or for Real?
They make gloves out of bunny fur that you can run over the skin, which feels amazing. If you don’t want to drop that kind of cash, or are concerned about the welfare of said bunnies, you can go to the local fabric store and buy a length of fake fur. While there, you can also purchase some silk or satin fabric for the same purpose. Satin elbow-length gloves can also feel great as you slide your hands along your partner’s body, and you can even use them for manual stimulation and hand jobs as you play with their genitalia.
Full Soft Circle
Just make sure that if you’re going this route of soft and fuzzy toys that you continue to bring it back to sensual touch, rather than just being cozy. Encasing your partner in a super-soft blanket with fuzzy slippers might feel incredibly comfortable to them, but it also might make them sleepy, killing the mood for sexy time right then and there. It’s not too tough to find a good balance, and before you know it, you might be picking out some fun, soft, and sensual items when you’re out and about, giggling to yourselves about how you plan to use them.
Hot and Cold
Long before the advent of Katy Perry’s hit of the same name, people were using hot and cold sensations in the bedroom to get some sumptuous sensations going. Temperature play is not for everyone, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Some people just like cooler and cold temperatures, others just like to play with warm and hot things, while still more folks like both, even going from one extreme to the other. It depends on each person and what sensations that person’s body likes to experience.
A Word of Warning
While I’m using the terms hot and cold, this doesn’t mean that you should boil things or stick them in the microwave to heat them up, nor does it mean that you should put things in the freezer and then directly on someone’s skin. Doing either of these could result in burns and frostbite, which doesn’t make for a good time. In fact, it could make for a trip to the doctor or ER. Make sure to use some basic common sense and test the temperature of anything before you put it on someone’s skin.
The Safe Way to Heat and Cool
With sex toys made of temperature-conducting materials (stainless steel, aluminum, glass, or ceramic), you definitely shouldn’t be boiling them or freezing them. Instead, to warm them up, you can put them in a bowl of warm (not hot) water, let them sit for a minute or two, and then use them. If you want to cool them down, place them in a bowl of ice water for a minute or two, and then they’ll be cold enough for use.
Ice, Ice Baby
Sex toys are not the only things you can use for fun temperature play. Something as easy and simple as an ice cube works well. Make sure you let it melt a little first (or run some water on it to melt it) so that it doesn’t stick to delicate skin. You can rub it all over anyone’s body — from large expanses of skin to the nipples, the lips, and the genitals. Try not to leave it in any one place for too long before moving it.
You can pass it back and forth in a kiss, or suck on it to cool down your mouth before you go down on your partner. You can also make long ice cubes (look for the molds marketed to make long ice that goes into water bottles), and after they’ve melted a little, you can use them to penetrate yourself or your partner. If they break off inside, it’s not an issue, since they’ll just melt. In fact, they even make a toy called the Ice Vibe, where you freeze a vibrator into a rounded ice cube, so you end up with a vibrating ice cube to have fun with.
Warm and hot sensations can be fabulous, too. In addition to warming up sex toys, consider making a cup of tea and sipping some before you go down on your partner. The warm tea will heat up your mouth, and if you choose a peppermint tea, you can give some added tingles along with your hot mouth action. Another option is to either warm up massage oil before you massage it into your partner or, better yet, get yourself a massage candle. These sensual candles are made with scented soy wax, which burns at a super-low temperature. You can start burning it beforehand or at the beginning of foreplay, and it’ll melt into a wonderfully warm and fabulously scented massage oil that you can then pour out onto your partner. The melted “wax” is now just soy massage oil and will absorb into the skin like any other massage oil.
Ambient Temperature Ambivalent
Something to keep in mind with temperature play is the overall temperature of wherever you’re playing, and also the temperature outside. For example, you both might love cool and cold play, but using ice cubes all over the body when it’s snowing outside and you’re already shivering before you start might be just plain bone chilling. If you’re in the dog days of summer and the thermometer is reading triple digits, pouring warm massage oil on someone might feel more like temperature torture than a sensual activity. On the other hand, if you play with heat when you’re both shivering with cold or use ice cubes to cool each other down when you could fry an egg on the sidewalk, it might wind up feeling even more awesome than you thought that it would. Just remember, it’s all about the communication and making sure that you’re both on the same page.
Pay Attention to Piercings
If your partner has piercings, keep in mind that the metal will heat up or cool down significantly more quickly than the surrounding skin. Make sure you feel it so that it doesn’t wind up getting uncomfortably hot or cold. If it does become too much, you can always use your mouth to warm that area back up again, or use an ice cube to cool it down again. Have fun, be creative, and enjoy the fabulous fun of playing with temperatures.
Sharp and Scratchy
Oftentimes, people think of sensation play as all kinds of lovey-dovey and woo-woo, and never seem to realize that sharp can be a sensation, too. Now, we’re not talking about intense knife play or drawing blood, but lots of people love the feeling of fingernails scratching down their back. If that’s a sensation that you like, there are lots of similar things that you can use to help re-create that sensation, or make sensations that are similar, but go just beyond the use of fingernails.
At the Tip of Your Fingers
Fingernail scratches by themselves are great. You can drag all the nails on one hand down someone’s back, or butt, or thighs (pretty much anywhere that you like or they like). You can use just one nail and delicately run it across their skin. You can carve your name into them, or let them give you goose bumps as they scratch you from head to toe.
The key here is to make sure that both of you have CLEAN fingernails. As a society, we don’t clean under our nails as much as we should, letting them turn into a haven for dirt and bacteria. While this is usually not too much of an issue, when you scratch someone (or are scratched by them) you can transfer that dirt and bacteria, and if the scratches end up a little too deep, they can get infected from this unintentional transfer. The easy solution is to make sure that you keep your fingernails nice and clean. Lots of soap and warm water should help, and if you know that you’re a deep scratcher (or that your partner is), it may be worth it to get a fingernail brush.
What Else?
Lots of sharp and pokey things can be co-opted into your sex life. Bamboo skewers or toothpicks both make fabulously fun scratching toys that are then easily discarded. They’re particularly good if you have multiple partners, because you don’t have to worry about cleaning them. They’re also great for travel, because they’re safe for airplanes and disposable. If sharing and traveling are not on your list of things to worry about, buying a nice metal skewer to use for scratching in the bedroom can be great — just make sure to designate it a sex toy or clean it well if you plan to use it in the kitchen and the bedroom.
Like fingernails, and even knives for that matter, skewers and toothpicks can be used either very lightly and gently to just barely scratch the skin’s surface or with significantly more pressure to create deeper marks, or even to break the skin. As with everything, make sure that you both communicate your wants, needs, and expectations around using these toys, and always start lighter — it’s much easier to increase pressure but much more difficult to “take back” something you’ve already done.
Living on the Edge
This brings us to knives. Now, I’m not suggesting that you bring a giant butcher knife into the bedroom (unless, of course, that’s what you want to do, and in that case, I just urge that you take safety measures into consideration). In fact, you can get adorably cute little hunting and carving knives. You can use them to GENTLY run down the skin without even making a mark, or press down with a more even pressure to use the tip for scratching. You can also flip knives over and use the backside — it creates many of the same sensations that people tend to enjoy, but without the risk of accidentally cutting someone, so it’s a safer choice, especially for folks new to the knife world.
A great trick if you’re a little nervous about actually using a knife on someone is to show them the knife, and then blindfold them. Once they’re blindfolded, take a pen that’s out of ink or the edge of a credit card and run that down their skin. Although these edges are not nearly as sharp as a knife, they feel similar enough, especially when the mind has already seen and processed the idea that a knife is going to be used. The same reaction (shivers, goose bumps, excitement, etc.) comes across, and no one is the wiser to the fact that you never used the knife.
Better Than a Winning Scratch Off
Lastly, there are more scratchy sensations. Think of the feel of rough calluses across your skin, or even something a bit more abrasive like sandpaper. Some people love this feeling, and some hate it. Try it out and see what you and your partner like. A trip to the dollar store can come up with rough cloths, scrubby brushes, steel wool, and other objects to create that sensation on different levels of intensity.