Ways to Relax, page 62For some people, anal sex seems hot and sexy and is at the absolute top of their to-do list. For other people, it’s beyond the bottom (pun intended) of that list, and sounds scary or gross. Of course, there are people who fall exactly in the middle on this topic. Anal sex of various types might be take it or leave it for them, or maybe they’re interested in it but unsure about how to get started. Whichever camp you fall into, this chapter is all about hot backdoor action and should give you the information to decide whether some anal experimentation is for you.
Anal Sex Should Never Hurt
Not ever. The person receiving the penetration might feel some sort of pressure, but should not ever be in pain. Pain is your body’s way of saying “STOP — something is wrong!” This means that if either of you are feeling pain at any point, you need to stop. Then you can reassess to see if there’s something you can change to make it feel better and reengage, or hit pause on the posterior loving until you can make sure that you can proceed at a future date in a way that feels pleasurable for all involved. Remember, no pain = good. Pain = STOP NOW! Pain means that you’re tearing delicate anal tissue, which is not good and can result in infections. No pain means that you’re safe and good to go, and that your body is still doing well.
A Caveat
Anal sex is not the holy grail of sex. In fact, I hate to break it to you, but there’s absolutely no magical type of sex that’s going to make everything in your sex life ridiculously wonderful and life changing. Having happy and healthy anal sex may be amazing, it may be meh, or it may be “I don’t ever want to do it again.” Regardless of how it ends up for you and your partner, please make sure that you’re making the choice to participate in anal sex and stimulation because YOU want to do it and experiment with it, not because you’re feeling any pressure from a partner or even society about having anal sex. Anal sex under coercion is not and cannot be happy and healthy sex, and that’s what this book is all about.
In this chapter, we’re going to explore several topics that have to do with pleasuring the posterior:
--- How do you get yourself into feeling up to getting down? The ways to relax, keep things clean, and chat up your lover.
--- What’s your anal MO? Do you want it slow and steady, are you ready for the grand finale, and what about strapping it on?
--- Anal adventures additions: How to work in beads, plugs, and dildos.
OK. You’re ready. You want to learn more about your backdoor, the junk in your trunk, your badunkadunk. Heck, maybe you want to learn more about your partner’s butt, tochas, or chocolate starfish. The brilliant thing is that everyone has an anus, so it’s the great equalizer in the sex world. If you’re feeling lots of pressure to be on the receiving end of sex, you can always turn things around (regardless of your partner’s gender) and say, “Awesome! Anything you do to my butt, I want to do to your butt, too!” Sometimes this will be super exciting for them, or sometimes it might make them reconsider the amount of pressure they’re putting on you to get it on from behind.
You’re eager for more info. Of the following, which is your number one concern about anal sex, either as the giver or as the receiver?
Ways to Relax, page 62
Keep Things Clean, page 63
Chat up Your Lover, page 64
Ways to Relax
When people talk about being anal retentive, they’re usually not talking about holding sex toys in their butt. Instead, we use the term anal to refer to people who are being uptight and super intense about things. To be honest, the anus can be like this in reality. Take a moment and tighten your anal sphincter. Now release it. Clearly, you have a conscious ability to tighten and loosen that sphincter, which is wonderful. In reality, your anus actually has two different sphincters, one internal and the other external. Only the external one is controlled consciously, while the internal one is controlled by your subconscious. This means that relaxation is a crucial part of getting ready for hot anal sex, because even if you THINK you’re relaxed and ready to go, but internally are anxious and not ready for it to be happening, then you’ll likely be able to relax one sphincter, but still feel uncomfortable with any penetration, because the other sphincter is like helllllll NO.
Don’t Try to Check Out
How can you make sure that you’re good and relaxed? The answer is NOT to get drunk or stoned before you’re ready to get it on. Ditto on using anal numbing gels or creams. People tend to use anal numbing products (or to get drunk or high before anal sex) because they don’t want to experience pain. However, if you’re numb, it doesn’t mean that the pain goes away; it just means that you’re not experiencing it as it happens. This also means that the damage that you’re causing to your anal tissue doesn’t stop just because you can’t feel it as it’s happening. It’s kind of like taking a Percocet and then hammering a nail through your hand … you’re still putting the nail through your hand with or without the Percocet, but you just don’t feel it or care as much when you’re medicated. It’s much better to get your body to relax enough (and use enough lube — CRUCIAL!) to have happy, healthy, pain-free anal sex that doesn’t damage any of your body.
Bad Surprise
One way to feel more relaxed is to have some good conversation about anal sex with your partner before you do the deed. I cover this more specifically below, but surprise butt sex is a horrible idea in general. Surprising someone with anal stimulation can make them never want to try it ever again and can build up some epic distrust between people. Instead, making sure that you and your partner have talked about it, are both on board, and are both ready to communicate during it (and stop if it hurts) can go a long way to helping someone relax when they’re thinking about having it.
Get Off Before You Go There
Another way to get ready and relaxed is for the person who will be receiving the anal penetration to have an orgasm (or multiple orgasms!) before any anal action starts to take place. Not only will this load up your whole system on fabulous endorphins that make everything feel that much better (think nomming on a whole bag of M&M’s), but orgasms can help muscles to relax and in turn can help your whole body relax. Now things are feeling good, your body’s relaxed, and you’re much better positioned, in multiple ways, to be ready to go on an anal exploratory journey.
Some people find that receiving a massage of any kind can help them feel more relaxed before getting in on the anal action. A back massage, a butt massage, even a foot massage can make you feel chill and relaxed, and ready to get some stimulation going. On the other hand, some people would prefer a nice spanking to get their butt all warmed up and ready for other sensations. Again, this is where communication is important. Make sure that you’re both on the same page before you start spanking or lying down for a massage.
You can also get relaxed around your anal area by externally stimulating the area around your partner’s anus — anyone can enjoy anal stimulation. Using lube to reduce drag, you can massage around the anal area, run your fingers over and around it, gently nibble on or bite the butt cheeks, and kiss around the whole area, until the muscles begin to get used to touch and stimulation. When it seems less intense and less scary, it helps the whole body, and both sphincters relax.
Keep Things Clean
One of the top concerns about having sex that involves the butt is “What about the poop?!?!” To be honest, you touch poop every day, pretty much every time you touch a doorknob. I know, people are gross and don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom, but it’s true. You touch the bacteria from poop every day. Really, is that the worst thing that happens?
The Where of It
Here’s the deal. Poop does not actually hang out in the bottom part of the anal canal and rectum near the anus. In fact, the anal canal/rectum is about five to ten inches long, and then bends into the sigmoid colon. Poop does hang out in the sigmoid colon, so unless you or your partner is actively feeling the need to poop (in which case, you or they should do so before you attempt having anal sex), you’re not going to hit poop while you’re putting things into the butt.
What about Residual Poop?
Despite popular belief, you don’t need to use a douche or enema to properly clean out your anus. Now, if the idea of doing an enema feels amazing to you, then go for it, but dump out the chemicals that come in the prebought enema and just fill it with warm water, or even warm saltwater. Chemicals in your body are not a good idea and can cause irritation and reactions that increase pain and tearing, which I’m sure you don’t want.
Good news! Rather than use an enema, you can head to your local drugstore and pick up a blue bulb syringe (sometimes referred to as “booger suckers”), fill that with warm water, and insert it into the anus (over the toilet), and just use it to rinse out your rectum. Any residual poop will be washed away.
Share a Shower
Of course, you can also both hop in the shower for some hot and soapy foreplay prior to anal playtime. Not only is the warm water a great way to help both of you (and all your muscles, including your anal muscles and sphincters) relax, but because you’re showering together, you’re both 100 percent reassured that both of you and all your genitals are clean and ready to go by the time you hop into bed. Use soap that is pH-balanced and moisturizing; you don’t want to dry out your anal tissue right before you stick something in it.
Consider the Condom
The idea of safer sex might not have crossed your mind if you’re in a monogamous, fluid-bound relationship (a relationship where you have both been tested and are OK sharing all your body fluids with each other). Keep in mind that using a condom, dams, or gloves can help keep things clean and tidy. If you use a condom on a penis or dildo that’s being used anally, you can just pull the condom off afterward. Then whatever was being used for penetration can then be used vaginally or orally (or using a condom can just save on cleanup time). Using gloves for manual stimulation helps solve the issue of long, sharp nails, and it also keeps your hands nice and clean. Black nitrile gloves are particularly great for this, as they don’t show anything that might squick you out. Lastly, using dams (or even Saran Wrap) for analingus or oral-anal sex can help prevent the spread of anal bacteria, solve any issues you might have around the taste, and again, make for easy cleanup.
Chat up Your Lover
OK. You think you’re finally ready and raring to go about anal sex. Congrats! Now what? Sometimes, this can be one of those more difficult conversations to have with your partner. I mean, vaginal penetration of all sorts is already part of our usual sexual dialogue, and oral sex on both penises and vulvas is discussed in a ridiculous number of ways, including in songs and in movies. When it comes to butt sex, that seems like one of those more taboo conversational topics. How DO you ask someone to let you do them in the ass, or how do you request anal penetration for yourself?
Pick a Good Time to Talk
If it’s something that you’ve never ever talked about or brought up in conversation before, then you’re going to need to lay some groundwork, just like you would for any other new sexual activity (maybe check out the communication chapter for some additional suggestions in this realm). Just like with anal sex, you need to warm up the oven before you put anything in. Casually — NOT in the middle of sex or a fight (you’d be surprised at how frequently people decide that this is the best time to bring up a new sexual idea … it’s not) — bring up a little bit of backdoor action. Perhaps you ask them if they’ve ever tried it or wanted to try it, or maybe you mention that your friend was talking about the film Bend Over Boyfriend, about women strapping it on and doing their boys in the butt. There are all sorts of ways to slide it into the conversation if you’re not yet ready to be front and center with your interest in all things anal.
Your partner will likely react in one of three ways.
Way #1: They will be super-duper excited and ready to get it on. If this is the case, you need to pull back on the reins a little and let them know that you want to discuss things first. Make sure that you talk about who will be doing what to whom, what kind(s) of lube will be used, what toys (if any) will be involved, what safer sex will look like, who’s in charge of the movement (the giver can be the person who pushes forward, or the receiver can ease gently back to let things in at their own speed), and so on. It’s great that they’re on the same page with you, but make sure you get in that crucial conversation to make sure that everyone’s onboard with the same type of happy, healthy anal sex that you want to be having. It’s possible that they may be even more gung ho about the booty loving than you are; it’s absolutely OK to say that you’re still pondering it, and that you just wanted to check with them before you made some serious plans around the anus.
Way #2: They’re pretty meh about it. Not grossed out or offended, but not excited and down to play either. Maybe they have a few concerns, and I hope the rest of this chapter can help you address them. It’s possible that they’re worried that anal sex will hurt you or them, and you can be there to educate them about the plethora of ways to make sure that anal sex is painless and feels good. Perhaps they’re concerned, like so many people, about the poop, and this is where you can step in and be super smart as you share all about the sigmoid colon and where the poop hangs out. Maybe they have some misinformation about things like anal numbing creams or think they need to be drunk to be done in the butt. You can set the record straight while making sure that they have the knowledge that they need. Once you’re both on the same page, then you can move forward with the conversation about who’s having what done to them (and by whom!), what toys and lubes need to be part of the picture, how safer sex will play a role, and so on.
Way #3: They pretty much, in their own language, give you the HEEEEEELLLLLL NO. There are lots and lots of reasons for this reaction. One reason might be a huge pile of misinformation, and responding in the way you would to Way #2 might help them feel more comfortable about even having this conversation (educating someone about happy and healthy anal sex is NOT ignoring their “no” or trying to change it — it’s about making sure that they have good and accurate information). Another reason might be that they have trauma and/or triggers around anal sex. They might have had a bad experience with a partner, they might have had anal sex only because someone pressured them into it, or they might have had sexual assault involving anal sex (or had it happen to a friend or loved one). If this is the case, you need to be 100 percent supportive. You can always say that you’re open to discussing the topic later, but that you’ll let THEM bring it up if they ever feel comfortable … and then you need to put it down and walk away. Really, just drop it. If someone’s experiencing a triggering or traumatic reaction to something, the best way to make it worse is to keep pushing the issue. Instead, offer them your support and validation, and let them guide the next steps of the conversation.
If their negative reaction is not because of those scenarios, you could ask them WHY they’re so anti-anal, but again, make sure that they know you’re validating their no. It may be a cultural thing or something they’ve never thought about, and you caught them off guard, or a multitude of other reasons. The best thing that you can do is to leave it alone. They now know that this is an activity that interests you and that they can bring it up in the future if their feelings change.
Learn All You Can
If you’re in a neutral or positive place about anal, you might consider checking out an anal sex guidebook or some educational porn about anal (anything written by or directed by Tristan Taormino or Dr. Charlie Glickman is going to be particularly accurate and fabulous). You can read or watch the information together, or do it independently and then come together to … well … come together! Again, knowledge is power, and the more of it you have, the better your sexual experience will be. At the very least, make sure you’re familiar with the rest of this section and have a lovely bottle of lube, and you should be hot to trot!
You now have the basic 411 about anal action, and you’re ready to figure out exactly how to make things happen in the posterior region.
Which of the following topics would you like to learn more about?
Slow and Steady, page 65
The Grand Finale, page 66
Strapping It On, page 67
Slow and Steady
Anal sex is a journey, not a goal. That may sound cheesy, but it’s true. You have to make sure that the anus is ready and excited for play. It’s not something to do in a hurry, or when you’re stressed out, or when you’re expecting your mother-in-law to show up in half an hour. The cliché that slow and steady wins the race is quite true; it’s much better to begin at a slower pace and work your way up if everything is going well than it is to start out too speedy and end up needing to stop because it’s uncomfortable or even painful.
Make Time for It
Because anal sex does require more time and sometimes more communication than other sexual activities (especially to begin with), it’s important that you put aside time for anal. Foreplay looks like different things to different people, which is fine, but anal is going to require foreplay of some sort. It’s not a wham, bam, thank you ma’am kind of activity, especially when you’re just starting out. So take a moment and figure out what really turns each of you on, what actually gets your motor going. Is it a looooong make-out session? A little bit of playful spanking? Oral sex on one or both participants? Once you’ve figured out something that’s going to raise the hotness quotient for both of you, get on it (perhaps literally). When both of you are already aroused, the endorphins coursing through your veins are likely to make everything else you do feel even better as you move forward. For many people, having an orgasm first before you even start to consider anal play can make all the sensations feel even better. For others, getting super turned on to *almost* getting to climax is the perfect place in their arousal cycle for them to be ready to begin anal play.
Back It Up
One great “trick” for anal sex is letting the person who’s going to be receiving the anal stimulation take control of how much is going in, at what speed, and when. For example, if you’re putting a smooth dildo into their butt, you can lube it up (for the love of all that’s holy, please remember to use lots of lube!), place it gently at the opening (or even a centimeter or two inside the anus), and let them back into it, at their own pace. This way, they’re 100 percent in control of how much they’re taking in, letting them feel more comfortable and relaxed. You can also have them slip a scarf around the “giver’s” waist, especially during intercourse with a penis or dildo, and have them pull their partner in close when they want more depth, and not pull when they need some time to relax into it.
Just the Tip Is Just Fine
Again, anal sex is an adventure with many stops along the way. Just because all you got in one night was the very tip of your pinky finger does NOT mean that you “failed” at having anal or that anything went wrong. Conversely, it sounds like you both communicated well to know what felt good, and when to stop, so that you’ll both continue to have good feelings about anal sex and may want to continue having it. Moving slowly also allows a feeling of trust to develop between the partners, so that if you want to continue to move ahead with anal play in the future, you’ll have a much easier time establishing trust, and for the receiver to know that the giver WILL in fact stop or slow down when asked. It’s all about trust and communication, and making sure that everyone has a good time while exploring the sexual intricacies of the butt.
The Grand Finale
At some point, the awesome anal adventure you’re on has to end. However, like all types of sex, there’s no one magic point that says “we’re finished.” Sure, you may choose to base it on either or both of you having an orgasm or climax of some sort, but frequently, it’s not that easy. How do you know when to end anal, and what does it look like?
Semen Gets Around
If the person doing the penetrating has a penis, they may want to climax inside their partner. Make sure that if you’re not using a condom, you have a discussion with your partner that this is hunky-dory with them and that you keep in mind the potential for semen cross-contamination with the vulva. If the receiver isn’t on another form of birth control, leaking semen CAN come in contact with the vagina, and in some folks, could possibly make its way up to the cervix. If you have no plans to get pregnant, consider either using a condom for anal to be extra safe or maybe choosing to ejaculate elsewhere.
A Happy Ending
If the person receiving the anal penetration is able to climax from it (many people of all genders can in fact climax from anal stimulation), then this can be a part of the ending. They may want or need a little extra oomph from a vibrator, fingers, or a hand job during their arousal, so make sure you have some sex toys and/or extra lube ready to go — trying to find the lube or your favorite vibe midsex is rarely fun and can sometimes lead to a sex fail as you fall off the bed trying to reach the Hitachi.
Something to keep in mind for fingers or penises inside the anus during orgasm is that many people’s anal muscles clamp down VERY tightly as they climax. While this may feel good to some people, others might find it too intense for their body parts. Also, some people don’t like to have anything inside their anus (or vagina, for that matter) as they climax, while others enjoy the feeling of being “full” during their orgasms. Again, this is communication that needs to happen, because you don’t want one of you pulling out right as the other is climaxing if they like to have something inside, and you also don’t want to be pushing in deeper during climax if they’d much rather you be out and done.
No One Way to Do It
Of course, as I’ve discussed, anal penetration is not the end-all, be-all of anal play. One of you might (with permission) stick your pinky into your partner’s anus as they climax from other types of stimulation. You might pull anal beads out of your butt as your partner provides cunnilingus. There are all sorts of anal stimulation options, either by themselves or in conjunction with other types of sexual activity. And obviously, orgasms do not have to be part of all sexual play. If you want to provide analingus (oral-anal stimulation) to your partner because you both enjoy it, then go for it, and you can both decide when you’ve done enough. You can enjoy anal exploration as the main event, part of foreplay, or after other types of sex — whatever works best for you both.
Cleanup Is Key
Lastly, cleanup is important. If you used a condom over a penis or toy (or a glove over a hand, or a dam for oral stimulation), wrap it up in tissue or toilet paper, and toss it. Remember not to flush it, as it can damage and back up your sewer or septic system. If you weren’t using a barrier, now is the time to do a warm water and soap wash of your hands, penises, toys, and so on. Remember that anal bacteria should never ever go into anyone’s mouth or vulva — even if it’s the same person whose anal bacteria it is. This can cause all sorts of infections and is no fun for anyone. If you used a toy anally without a barrier, you still need to wash it, and ideally, to sterilize it (boil it three to five minutes, put it on the top shelf of your dishwasher, or wipe it down with a 10 percent bleach solution and let it dry before washing it off again). If you can’t sterilize it, make sure that both of you know that particular toys are only for anal use, and only for anal use in the person that it was always used in.
Strapping It On
The idea of strapping it on, or having your partner strap it on, and having someone get done in the ass is incredibly appealing to you. Well, get in line, because anal sex with a harness and dildo is all the rage now across America. While anyone can strap it on and do anyone else in the butt (the anus is the great equalizer, right?), there’s a growing trend of women (usually straight or bisexual women) strapping on a harness and dildo and giving it to their partners (usually straight men) in the butt. In fact, this sexual fad has become so popular that sex columnist Dan Savage decided to give it a special name: pegging. Ask anyone who works in a sex toy store — inquiries from straight couples about getting some strap-on action so that the woman can penetrate her man have grown exponentially over the past few years. Hot stuff.
As far as picking out the stuff that you need to strap it on (usually a harness and a dildo, unless you decide to go the route of the double dildo), check out the couples’ toys section in chapter 7, which goes into excruciating detail about how to pick out the perfect dildo and harness combo for you and your partner’s needs. Once you’ve procured these wondrous sex toys, it’s time to figure out how to make the magic happen.
Who Puts What Where
First, whoever’s going to be strapping it on (which could be both of you, if that’s what gets you going) should take a moment to try on the whole strap-on contraption (harness AND dildo) before it’s time to get down and dirty. That gives them the chance to figure out which strap goes where, what needs to be tightened, and where they feel comfortable having the dildo sit on their pelvis. Walk around a little — cock confidence is something gained by spending a little time getting comfortable, and eventually confident, wearing this sexy and exciting new getup.
Next, you’re going to need lube. I know, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but lube is love folks, ESPECIALLY with anal action and ESPECIALLY with sex toys. Silicone toys (really, most sex toy materials) have a lot more drag than just skin on skin, so lube is crucial for optimizing your sexual experience.
Missteps Happen
Sometimes, while you’re wearing a harness and dildo and penetrating your partner, the dildo will fall out. It’s OK; it happens with attached penises too, far more often than you might expect. The issue is that during strap-on action, you might not notice that you’ve fallen out (because you can’t feel your partner through the dildo). Don’t panic; just make sure you communicate with your partner and have them let you know if you happen to miss. If they don’t tell you, and you don’t know, you might have a few awkward moments of hip thrusting into nothing, but once you figure it out, pop it (gently) back in, and you’ll be good to go again. Laugh it off, get some more endorphins flowing in your system, and you’re back in the saddle.
Want more instruction? There are multiple guides to strap-on sex that’ll give you a little bit more of an in-depth (haha) look into strap-on play. Also, the DVD of Bend Over Boyfriend is basically a pegging 101 film. Starring the sex educator Carol Queen, this film showcases a variety of male-female couples, where the woman is strapping it on and giving everything she’s got to her male partner. It offers some communication hints, as well as excellent tips and techniques to making sure your pegging (or general strap-on) experience is truly as fabulous as it can possibly be.
Anal Adventures Additions: Beads, Plugs, and Others
The world is almost always more fun when you add some toys to the table. If you or your partner (or even both of you) enjoy receiving anal stimulation of the manual sort, then using an anal-friendly dildo (with or without a vibrator), butt beads, or an anal plug (again, with or without a vibrator) can provide fabulous sensation as part of foreplay, during a non-anal sexual activity, or of course, as the main course.
Remember that everyone has an anus — it’s the great equalizer! Either one or both partners can enjoy anal stimulation as part of sex, and it can help to pleasure one partner while they’re concentrating on giving pleasure to the other.
Crucial Words of Caution
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again! You ALWAYS need to use some type of lubricant when working with the anus (internally or even externally), and that goes double for when you’re using anal safe-sex toys, because they can create extra drag. Also, anything that you’re going to stick in the butt needs to have a flanged base. What is that? This means that the base is wider than the rest of the toy. Any sex toy (vibes, dildos, Kegel balls, etc.) without a base should never ever, EVER be put in the butt. Ever. Of course, you should always warm up the anus for a good bit before putting a toy inside.
Which of the following seems like something fun and exciting to put in your backdoor?
Butt Beads Galore! page 69
Anal Plugs to Have and to Hold, page 69
Something With a Little More In and Out, page 70
Butt beads are meant to be placed in one at a time, and can be gently pulled out during or right around the time of orgasm. They’re a great way to slowly warm up your butt to the idea of having something in it, and can be a great introduction to anal play. Flexi Felix from Fun Factory is my favorite recommendation in this category, but lots of companies offer good-quality silicone anal beads. Please make sure that they’re silicone — anything going into your ass needs to be made of a material that can be sterilized, so plastic just won’t cut it.
What’s Up with Butt Beads
Despite the image of a string of beads like a necklace that might pop into your mind when you hear “beads,” that’s not generally what butt beads look like. In fact, you don’t want to use any sort of beads attached by a string. Not only can the string get covered in bacteria, but it can also rot and break (and it’ll get lost in your ass).
Good butt beads are a series of connected medium- to large-sized beads, sometimes starting with a small bead and increasing in size. They may be piled up right on top of the other, or there may be thin lengths between the beads covered with silicone. Either way, they should all be one continuous piece of material.
How Do You Use Anal Beads?
You want to just put in one bead at a time, making sure that it’s well lubricated. If one bead feels good, then you can move on to the next one, adding as many as feel good or comfortable to you at that point. Once everything you want is in, you can do anything you want. You may enjoy leaving them in while you provide other forms of stimulation to yourself or your partner, or you can gently pull them out. Many people enjoy having them removed at the point of orgasm. Just remember not to pull them out lawn-mower style. Not only would that be incredibly uncomfortable for the ass that they were being pulled from, but extra lube might come swinging out with it, and that’s a whole new kind of cleanup that you probably weren’t planning for.
Anal Plugs to Have and to Hold
A butt plug or anal plug (vibrating or not) is meant to be gently worked into the anus, and then just stay in during whatever activity is taking place. You can use it to have that fun, full feeling during other types of sex play, or you can wear it in advance of anal penetration to get your butt used to having something inside it.
What They’re Good for, and What They Aren’t
Contrary to some people’s beliefs, butt plugs aren’t meant to be pulled or pushed in and out of the ass. Because the anal sphincters close around the neck to hold it in place, trying to use it like a dildo can be incredibly uncomfortable for the person wearing the plug. Just lube it up nicely and then gently slide it in, allowing the body to close around it. If the person wearing it also happens to have a vagina, they might enjoy receiving penetration while wearing a plug, although definitely start on the milder side before working your way into a frenzy to best gauge how it feels to them. If the wearer of the butt plug has a penis, a blow job while wearing an anal plug can feel particularly nice (as can cunnilingus on a vulva). Basically, other than sticking additional things in the butt, you can do pretty much anything you want while wearing a butt plug, including running errands, giving a lecture, or running on the treadmill. Make it work for you!
If you or your partner is working your way up to being penetrated in the butt with a penis or dildo, wearing an anal plug beforehand can help you out. It allows your anal muscles to relax around the plug while gently preparing both the muscles and sphincter for whatever might be coming their way. You can take it out before penetration, re-lube, and then, starting slowly, go for the bigger item. Plus, you can always use wearing a butt plug as a sign that you’re raring to go for some butt sex. Just bend over so that the other person can see it, and it’ll act like a signal flag, waving them on in to the anal area!
While many butt plugs are made of medical grade silicone (both Tantus and Vixen Creations have fabulous options), there are also those created out of other sterilizable materials that can be fun in many ways. Crystal Delights makes an absolutely beautiful glass butt plug that has a Swarovski crystal on its base, so you can really bling your thing, if that’s what you like. Njoy has come out with a beautiful stainless steel metal plug in multiple sizes: classy, unbreakable, and also able to be sterilized. Recently, corian has come onto the market as a nonporous material that’s marketed as sterilizable, and I’ve seen plugs made out of this as well.
Something with a Little More In and Out
An anal dildo is meant more to go in and out (either partner can operate this), either handheld or attached to a harness as part of fabulous strap-on sex. Most of these dildos are going to be on the slimmer side, a little thinner than other dildos, and most people prefer smoother-feeling dildos for anal play, although if you or your partner prefer more of the nubs and ridge action, I say go for it. Because you want something that you can sterilize, you’re going to want to stick with silicone, glass, metal, and ceramic. These toys can be boiled, dishwashed, or wiped down with a 10 percent bleach solution (allow it to dry, and then wash it off again) after use, even if you’re using it in the same person. Anal bacteria should never go into the vagina or mouth, even if it’s the same person using the toy in their own anus.
Don’t Forget the Flange
Don’t forget that anything you put in your anus, including dildos, should have a wide (flanged) base, making it safe for anal use without the fear of anything getting lost. If a dildo is designed to fit in a harness for strap-on play, then you can be sure it’s also safe for anal use. If you’re not sure whether the base is going to be big enough for safety, then likely it’s not. Find a different toy.
Fun for All!
You can use anal dildos on yourself or on your partner, or have your partner use them on you. If you want, you can just penetrate with it while holding it, or you can add in other fun sensations like cock rings, vibrators, and so on. Of course, you also have the wonderful opportunity of getting a good silicone dildo and combining it with an awesome harness, and either strapping it on and giving it to your partner, or having them strap it on and go to town on you. Just make sure the receiver is adequately lubed, and to either re-lube (if using silicone lube) or add water to re-activate water-based lube to keep things nice and wet throughout the whole sexual process.