COFFEE AND CONSPIRACY
Saturday, 11:35 A.M.
By the time Paige left to meet her parents for brunch the next morning, my pores were completely clear, but my mind was more clogged than Mom’s top secret junk closet. I was at a total loss for how to take Stevie down without making Zander mad at me forever. So I called in the troops for an emergency brunch meeting.
“Now this is brain food,” Nessa said as the girls and I settled into a circle on my bedroom floor, divvying up scrambled eggs, maple-glazed sausages, and fresh fruit. “Give me five minutes and I’ll give you a foolproof plan.”
“Sayonara, Stevie.” Molly yawned into her breakfast burrito.
“I just want to say that I can think just as clearly without stuffing my body with animal products.” Liv dug into her vegan tofu scramble and stabbed a wad of egg substitute with her fork.
“Mmmmm,” Nessa teased, waving a hunk of sausage under Liv’s nose. “Wilbur, maybe? Or Babe?” She scrunched up her nose and oinked.
“Ewwww! Get that poor thing away from me!” Liv shrieked, kicking at Nessa with her bare feet.
“Girls! Focus,” I ordered. “Stevie’s getting worse, and I refuse to take it anymore.” I gave them a quick rundown of rehearsal the day before. “How could Zander let her take over the gig I got without even noticing what she was doing? It’s like whenever he’s around her, he goes blind. She has this weird power over him.”
“I knew a girl like her once, back in elementary school,” Liv said. “She did all this mean stuff to m—to, um, the girls in the class. And the guys didn’t even notice. They were too busy checking her out to care.”
“Guys check me out all the time.” Molly’s eyes cut anxiously to me.
“This is so not the same thing.” I patted the leather knee patch on her black skinnies. “Stevie’s, like, evil. You’re just hot.”
Relieved, Mols went back to her burrito.
“We have to teach her a lesson. Show her she can’t get away with this. This is my band and our school.” I hadn’t touched my bagel, but I still felt nauseated. “We have to come up with something so good, she’ll be dying to hop the next flight to Seattle.”
“Breathe, Kace. Let’s review what we know,” Nessa said soothingly. “So like Mols said, she obviously doesn’t have any girlfriends.”
“And I don’t think she cares.” I sighed as Liv started to braid my bedhead tangles.
“So what does she care about?” Nessa rolled her eyes, like the very thought was ludicrous.
“Zander. Music. Completely upstaging me. Laughing about these stupid pranks she’s supposedly famous for.” I couldn’t sit still any longer. I jumped up and started pacing. “I swear, if I have to listen to one more prank story, I’m gonna wig out.”
“And remember that time she called me ‘B-list Barbie’?” Molly’s shrill voice drilled into my eardrums. “Raise your hand if you think there’s anything B-list about me.” She glared at each of us.
“Obviously, there isn’t. She’s insane.” And so is Zander for not realizing how awful she is.
“At least we’ll get a day off on Monday,” Nessa reminded us. “She probably can’t come on the field trip to the aquarium if she’s not a student.”
“Whatever. Zander’ll bring her anyway. Not like Finnster would even notice.” I glared at a picture of a barefoot Zander on my bulletin board, then papered it over with a shot of Ella in her Miss Piggy Halloween costume.
“Ugh. She’ll probably bring those disgusting Swedish Fish,” Liv moaned. “Which, by the way, have enough food coloring in them to—”
“WAIT.” A flash of genius smacked me so hard, it almost knocked me over. Prank. Aquarium. Swedish Fish. “I’ve got it!”
The girls leaned toward me, holding their breath. Nessa whipped out a crisp yellow legal pad and a new pen, writing down my words as I outlined the plan for my friends, detail by detail.
Operation: Shedding Stevie
• Objective: Create (and pull off) prank during Shedd Aquarium field trip that can be traced back to Stevie. Get her banned from Marquette grounds (and possibly Chicago) before the dance on Friday (and possibly sooner).
NEEDED / RESPONSIBLE?
1. Glitter markers, pens, puff paint / Liv & Nessa (Kacey can steal from Ella’s art stash if necessary)
2. Swedish Fish stash / Molly (Kacey can steal from Ella’s candy stash if necessary)
3. Field trip itinerary / Kacey
4. List of potential diversions to distract Spinster Finnster / Kacey
5. Cell phone (Note: Stevie can’t recognize the number) / Liv
6. Victory dance, to be rocked out at a later date and separate location / Kacey (and everyone)
KACEY’S LIST OF POTENTIAL DIVERSIONS
• Option A: Slip sea anemone in Finnster’s old-lady handbag while she’s not looking. Then complain of scratchy throat and ask if she has a hard candy. She will, because she’s old. Sit back. Enjoy.
• Option B: Fake sighting of escaped poisonous water snake. (Note: Scream like I screamed when Ella slipped Oprah Winfurry and Enrique Piglesias under my covers to “snuggle me good morning.”)
• Option C: Scribble Molly’s face with (washable?*) black marker and claim she got squirted with octopus ink.
*Note: Permanent marker would probs be more believable.
• Option D: “Borrow” starfish from aquatic petting zoo area. Nestle securely in TBD Student’s hair. (Possibly Jilly Lindstrom? Her mop’s so frizzy it would be easy to slip it in there unnoticed.) Point out starfish. Sit back. Enjoy.
When we finished, we looked at one another, our eyes glowing. It was so simple. So perfect. And there was no way it could ever be traced back to us.