Having people over to dinner presents one set of challenges. Having dinner at someone else’s house is another game altogether. To begin with, I should say that, with so many variables involved, there are really no do-or-die rules that universally apply to every social situation. As every relationship, circumstance, and comfort level is unique, so is the remedy to an awkward situation.
I admit that I still experience a certain level of anxiety when I am on my way to a dinner party, wedding, or any other sort of public event involving food. It’s hard not to feel constantly under attack as a million paranoid questions run through my mind: What if my hosts think I am rude for refusing their food? What if my diet is the topic of conversation all night long? How can I have fun without keeling over in pain afterward? Where is the closest bathroom if things go wrong?
Even if I decide to throw caution to the wind and dig in (and I definitely don’t recommend this!), I end up obsessively worrying about how I am going to feel by the end of the night. Needless to say, it’s not exactly the recipe for an enjoyable evening.
Luckily, the right information will get you through the evening intact. As in all other aspects of your life, you just have to work out certain strategies before heading off to any social event, large or small.
Whether you are dining in a posh new restaurant or in your new coworker’s backyard, you can safely venture out of your home and, yes, even have a normal social life without getting glutened at every turn!
As I share with you the techniques that have served me well over the years, always bear in mind that your approach really will depend on where you are, and in whose company you will be. As you learn to navigate the G-free universe on your own, you will develop your own tricks to ensure that your nights out are both fun and easy on the stomach. After all, the only thing worse than a party pooper is an afterparty pooper.
Our goal: To be neither one!!!! These tips will help:
Some people save up all day for a big dinner party, skipping lunch so they can chow down that evening. You should take the exact opposite approach: Never, ever go to a dinner party or event hungry. Instead, I will eat immediately before leaving home, or on the way there. In general, it’s safe to assume that when I enter your house, I am already happily full. If the food served happens to be G-free, excellent; if it’s not, I hardly notice, since I am already stuffed. Eating in advance is a surefire way to stay out of trouble when you are out of your comfort zone.
Bringing your own little snack to any event lasting more than a couple of hours is always a good idea, but how you decide to go about doing this is entirely up to you. These two very different strategies have worked best for me over the years:
Often, regardless of the situation, I find it easier on everyone to arrive at the party with a G-free snack and beverage in arms. I simply walk in the door, whip out my G-free chips and salsa, and say very casually, “Hey, I can’t eat things that have gluten in them, so I brought my own treats for everyone to share.” Because I’ve usually already pigged out before leaving home, a little snack is more than enough to get me through the most epic of dinner parties. I also recommend that you BYOB, like Redbridge gluten-free beer or Chopin potato vodka because it will have people trying something new, too! Most hosts certainly won’t discourage your showing up with an extra snack.
On other occasions, you just will not be in the mood to explain your allergy and show up with a party pack. Or you might be leaving for an event straight from work, and you will not have the time to prepare a snack to bring along. Or you might just forget!
On these nights, your best bet is to stash a snack secretly in your bag or jacket that you can munch on secretly throughout the night! I will confess that I have many a time “stepped out” to eat a G-free snack (almonds, a protein bar, apple) in the car, bathroom, hallway, or any other secluded corner where I can nibble in peace!
This method works well at sit-down, banquet-style affairs, where meals are prepared in advance for large groups of people. I always “buddy up” with Tim. After stealing off for a G-free snack, I sit there, my plate untouched, until he has eaten about half of his meal. Then, when no one is looking, we swap plates lightning-fast! Tim happily starts his meal over, and I am off the hook.
The plate-swap trick does not always work, however. When Tim and I were heading to the White House for a state dinner with Queen Elizabeth, I told him that we would have to exercise extreme discretion when doing the plate swap. But then, once we got there, we were seated at different tables! I wasn’t about to offend anybody, and I was already on such a high from sitting at the same table with the First Lady, Prince Charles, and Condoleezza Rice that I ate every bite of the food served me… and felt no pain afterward! My adrenaline completely eclipsed my tummy troubles on that once-in-a-lifetime evening.
Okay, so let’s assume you’ve decided not to tell your hosts about your diet in advance. You’ve had a big bowl of G-free pasta before hitting the road, and you’ve successfully smuggled your own snack into the event. Now what? Again, you can adopt several different strategies depending on the type of event.
If you do get separated from your buddy and decide not to risk it, the people around you might ask why you are not eating. Or you might be busted with chocolate from your protein bar in the corner of your mouth… while everyone else is eating salad—what to do then? The key here: Be brief, be firm, and then briskly change the subject! For example, you can say, “I have a serious food allergy, so I just munch on this protein bar and I am good to go! Hey, did anyone see the Seahawks game last night? Amazing!” Whatever you do, do not let people dwell on your diet—it’s just no way to enjoy your night out.
Before accepting an invitation, you should weigh the pros and cons of prepping your host about your diet. As I’ve already mentioned, every situation is totally different, and only your own judgment can guide you.
But as people—especially parents of young children—are becoming more tuned in to the prevalence of food allergies, it’s becoming increasingly common for hosts to ask about special dietary needs when issuing the invitation. If asked outright, I will definitely say that I can’t eat gluten and go into some detail about what that means. But I will emphasize that the host is under no obligation to prepare a special meal for me.
I say this for my host, but also for me! Being honest is not always a guarantee of a relaxing, G-free evening—not by a long shot. Bringing up your diet can create two big issues. The first: Who wants to be a high-maintenance guest? Pulling off a successful social event is difficult enough without having to cater to one person’s special needs, and the last thing you want is for your host to regret inviting you!
The second, more serious pitfall of mentioning your gluten allergy ahead of time is the possibility that your host will go out of her way to make you some extraspecial food that you still can’t eat. There are so many hidden ingredients in foods, and so much the general public still does not know about cross-contamination. What if your host cooks up a special dish of G-free noodles but does not realize that you can’t use the same colander for the regular and the gluten-free pastas? What if the knife used to make my fruit salad was also used to slice the bread? What if I can’t get out of bed tomorrow morning?
The sad truth is, even the best-intentioned host could inadvertently gluten you. That’s why, in many instances, I feel more comfortable bringing my own foods to dinner parties, or just sneaking off into the bathroom to eat one of my G-free bars.
All right, so your host knows all about your special diet and has gone out of her way to accommodate you—but does that necessarily mean that the food being served is safe? Do you interrogate her about her cooking methods, or simply roll the dice out of politeness? (I tend toward the latter approach.)
To the greatest extent possible, you should go out of your way to avoid these sticky situations. If presented with a questionable food, rely on your own best judgment. But if the host is a relative or a fairly close friend, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Say, “Okay, great, so tell me how you did this! Walk me through the process.” I will ask what they used to grease the pan: Cooking spray? Butter? Olive oil? (I am still suspicious of the “grain alcohol” listed in certain commercial cooking sprays, and if they used butter, what if the butter has been contaminated by gluten-containing breads?)
So what to do? Again, you have to make that decision for yourself: Only you can know exactly what effect a food will have on you. For me, even if I am not 100 percent reassured that the food is safe, I will pretty much always taste anything that’s been prepared especially for me. If someone makes me, say, G-free corn muffins, I will try one because I am just so grateful and moved by such an incredible act of thoughtfulness—and I barely have time to make those for myself anymore! So I just say a prayer and start chewing! Often, yes, I do suffer for this, but in some cases, this little leap of faith can be worth it.
One more thing: Note that this Q&A process only applies to foods that your host has assured you are G-free. If someone tries to foist plain old G-full pasta on you, or a batch of regular chocolate chip cookies, you are under no obligation to eat the food. On the contrary, you are under an obligation not to eat it.
Okay, okay, I admit that I myself am guilty of doing this, but only when someone has made something G-free just for me. But what about when you are certain that a food contains gluten, or if your host pressures you? How many times have you heard people say, “Oh, one bite won’t hurt you—just try it”? (Somehow, family members can be the most stubborn.) The only advice I can offer: Submit to peer pressure at your own peril. If given a food that you know will leave you clutching your abdomen for the next week, just say no! Even if your host keeps insisting that you try her famous pound cake (one taste couldn’t possibly hurt!), hold your ground. Devoted friends will understand that you are declining not out of rudeness, but of medical necessity.
Say someone offers you homemade cookies that you know will leave you reeling. How do you Just Say No without angering your host? You could always just take the cookie and put it in your bag. Say, “Thank you so much! I cannot wait to give this to my husband/wife/boyfriend/roommate/kids—they will absolutely love it!” You’d be surprised by how well this one works! I have quite a few other methods that I use to rescue myself from awkward social situations—they are all worth trying out:
The swap: Try the old buddy-swap system again. Accept the treat, then sneakily pass it to your wingman when no one is looking. Practically foolproof!
The pawn: Accept the food, then gaze around the room in search of someone who looks hungry for seconds. Walk right up to that person and say, “This has your name written all over it!” Instead of offending anyone, you might just make a new friend!
The drop: If all else fails, you take the cookie and oopsie! You are just so clumsy, it’s unforgivable! No, no, you couldn’t possibly have another…
The pop: Take the cookie, and pop it right in your friend’s mouth, exclaiming, “Oh, my—you have to taste this! Have you ever tried anything more delicious in your life?!” It’s best to warn your buddy ahead of time that this might happen, prior to your little sabotage move.
Get into the habit of bringing your own drinks to any party. Here are some of my favorite on-the-go beverages that will guarantee you have a good time wherever you go!
Yes, there are G-free drinks you can bring to a party, more and more every year. These party-friendly beverages are all G-free.
Wine and champagne: In its pure form, wine is gluten-free, but to stay on the safe side, you should still contact the manufacturer to ensure that no glutenous additives have crept in along the way. Also check that the wine has been stored in gluten-free barrels—it sounds strange, I know, but it pays to be cautious! The same goes for champagne: It is almost always G-free. Wine coolers are not gluten-free, however, as they generally contain barley malt.
Gluten-free spirits: There’s some debate over whether the grains are removed from alcoholic spirits in the distillation process. Luckily, there are some great—and totally safe—potato vodkas out there. My favorite is Chopin Vodka (www.chopinvodka.com). Japanese sake is also usually gluten-free in its pure form, but do check because sometimes cheap fillers are used to cut costs. Tequila, if free of additives, comes from the blue agave plant and should be G-free.
Gluten-free beers: Most beer is made from barley—a major no-no for anyone with a gluten sensitivity. But more and more companies are making celiac-friendly, G-free beers out of buckwheat, sorghum, millet, and rice. Every year, it seems like a new and delicious G-free beer hits the shelf of my local supermarket. Here are a few of my favorites: