This chapter is mainly about work because that’s where our work and skills are swapped directly for money, so it’s the most obvious place your value is measured. Knowing your strengths and the value you provide will give you the self-belief to go after what you want at work. But it’s also key in life too: in relationships, friendships and for your own self-esteem.
We all have unique abilities and talents, areas where we excel. They could be as big as having an incredible mind for business or as small as being able to remember people’s names. Sometimes we dismiss what we’re good at, don’t recognize its value because it feels too easy and we’ve been taught value only comes from hard work. We don’t grasp that while a skill might feel like second nature for us, it could be challenging for other people. Maybe you have a great ability to put others at ease, organize your diary, prioritize or keep your clients loyal. Perhaps you’re skilled at spreadsheets, or cooking is effortless to you. Maybe you’re a brilliant listener, incredibly organized or an amazing timekeeper. Not everyone is able to do these, so if you can, give yourself credit.
Once you’ve followed the steps below, you’ll have a full list of your strengths. Review them every week, and particularly before you go into a situation when you have to ask for what you want.
What do you believe your strengths are?
What would your best friend say your strengths are?
What would your mum or dad say?
What would your manager or your team say?
What would your dog say?
What is easy for you that others find difficult?
What else are you good at?
What else?
Even with all your strengths, skills, training and experience, you may not be being paid fairly. The pay gap is real. Government data in the UK (compiled by the Government Equalities Office) found that nearly eight out of ten women in 2018 work for a company that pays them less than their male counterparts.1 This is a complex issue that I’m not going to attempt to solve here. There are myriad underlying reasons, including a lack of flexible working opportunities, women being more likely to work part time and do more unpaid labour such as childcare and housework, and the fact that traditional ‘female’ or ‘caring’ roles tend to be less well paid than traditional male roles.
In the past it was thought that the pay gap was in part due to women being less likely to ask for more money. But a 2018 report by the Harvard Business Review found that women do ask for pay raises as much as men, but while women received one 15 per cent of the time, for men it was 20 per cent.2 There is some hopeful news: for younger women, this gap seemed to disappear. But while this may be a sign of progress, there is still a way to go.
Timewise and Deloitte published a ‘manifesto for change’ in 2018 that laid out how the key to eliminating the pay gap could be in increasing, destigmatizing and normalizing flexible working.3 They found that allowing greater flexibility at work helped companies attract and keep the best people. This is good for the economy because it keeps people who need to work flexibly, including parents, in work and it’s good for businesses as it saves money on desk space. Numerous studies suggest that flexible working and working from home boost productivity, happiness and motivation. One study of UK businesses by HSBC found that nine out of ten believed that flexible working was a bigger motivating factor for productivity than more money.4 Happiness itself even boosts productivity. All of this adds up to important reasons why flexible working makes sense for employers.
When you need to work different hours because you’re raising kids, looking after relatives or for your own mental health, flexible working is vital. But, sadly, it’s not yet the norm. Deloitte’s research has found the biggest barriers were outdated workplace cultures and stigma. Nearly a quarter of respondents to the survey said they felt their workplace culture was not supportive of flexible working, and 17 per cent believed working flexibly would stop them from progressing.
In fact, all employees have a legal right to ask for flexible working, not just parents or carers.5 But my client Carla told me, ‘Twice, I asked my manager if I could adjust my working day to attend therapy and he said no. I took it to HR and it was finally allowed but I still don’t think my manager is happy about it.’
Presenteeism, the outdated, frankly ridiculous way of working where being seen at your desk is the measure of your work, rather than the actual quality of your work and your output, is still the norm. (Let’s face it, a lot of those people are probably on Facebook!) But in addition, the newer culture of being expected to be available 24/7 for calls and late-night emails needs to change too. Be careful you don’t cut your hours at work but end up being expected to do the same amount of work in less time.
Together, stress, depression and anxiety now make up the number one reason that people take time off sick from work. This way of working is crippling our mental health. Companies lose talented staff, who leave to preserve their work–health balance. And let’s not forget how expensive it is for a company to have someone go off sick for stress, not to mention if they sue the company for causing that stress. If you are being expected to work beyond reasonable expectations, reread Chapter 12 ‘The strength of setting boundaries’ for how to establish boundaries.
According to Timeless, nine out of ten employers are open to hiring a flexible worker.6 Even when a job was advertised as full time, most managers said they were ‘pleased’ to get requests about working flexibly.
One issue is, many of us are too scared to ask. ‘I do find it hard, especially if it’s from a person with authority, and especially from my boss,’ says Layla, twenty-eight, who works in sales. ‘A while back, after much hand-wringing and a therapy session, I asked my manager if I could cut my hours. Beforehand, my fear of the interaction going badly had spiralled into anxious thoughts and almost prevented me from asking at all. It turned out he was perfectly nice and reasonable. Even though I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, it taught me that pushing through the fear is better than suffering in silence, or feeling resentful because I hadn’t made my wishes clear. So now I am up for asking, whatever it is for.’
If we don’t ask, we definitely won’t get. But when we’re brave enough to ask, we might just get what we want. And, in the process, we can change the culture not only for our own benefit but for that of others, too.
Here are some ways to support flexible working:
Have you ever avoided asking for more money? Was it for any of these reasons?
Or perhaps simply not knowing you can ask is the main barrier.
Any or all of these reasons can come into play when we’re asking for a raise or negotiating our pay at a new job. The scary thing is, if you fail to negotiate at every opportunity, such as when you get a job offer, take on more work, change job titles, are promoted or have an annual review, you could end up getting paid significantly less during the whole of the rest of your career.
I spoke to career experts Phanella Fine and Alice Olins from the Step Up Club, authors of Step Up: Confidence, Success and Your Stellar Career in 10 Minutes a Day. One issue they identify is that as a woman, ‘you are coming from a position of weakness. Because bosses know that women don’t like asking for money and so they will offer less money than to a man just because they don’t expect you to negotiate. In effect, you are in a position where you like to negotiate less but you need to do it more! Remember, you are not alone – most of us don’t like it. Even people who have confidence in other areas find this tough.’
Spend some time researching what others are earning. Are you being underpaid for your role? Check job sites to find out what the going rate is for similar positions and experience levels. Phanella and Alice say, ‘Call some recruiters and have a conversation to find out what a reasonable amount of money would be. And speak to people you know in the industry [but not in your company] about what they earn.’ Write down the relevant facts and figures on a piece of paper so you can refer to it while you negotiate.
Phanella and Alice advise, ‘It’s useful to have a reason beyond wanting to be paid more. It makes it easier to strengthen your resolve. So think: what will the money do for me? It could be for your kids, buying a house, or a business you want to fund. If you find yourself wanting to give up and thinking, ‘Fine, I don’t need the money,’ go back to your reason.
Ask yourself the following questions and write down your answers so that you can return to them.
Starting sentences with ‘sorry’, or including qualifiers such as ‘just’ and ‘actually’ can make you appear uncertain and could, therefore, undermine your confidence.
This might seem obvious, but having an awareness of what’s happening in the company is key. Choose your moment; if the business just lost a key client, or they’re making redundancies, it’s probably not the best time to ask for more cash.
Consider what you will do if you don’t get the raise you feel you deserve. Ask yourself:
If you’re self-employed or work in the creative industries, there is a disappointing trend of being expected to work for free. But getting exposure in return for your hard work isn’t going to put avocado toast on the table or get you closer to your goal of owning your own home. I’ve been asked to work for free by huge, massively profitable companies. While in some cases I’ve judged it to be worthwhile if they’re able to promote my work widely through the company, in other cases I have decided my time would better be spent elsewhere.
It’s important for you to draw your own boundaries: what would make working for free worthwhile for you? Might it be, for example, if an incredible company could give you a testimonial or you could sell a high-value product at a speaking gig you’re giving for free? Maybe it would be for a cause you believe in or you would genuinely gain valuable experience? But if it’s hard to see what’s in it for you, or you think you’ll end up resenting it, it’s OK to say no thanks or ask to be paid. If you’re unsure, consider the following:
★ Remembering your strengths and the value you provide will empower you to feel more confident.
★ Almost nobody enjoys asking for money or better hours; remembering why you’re asking can help.