Nay, W. R. (2004). Taking charge of anger: How to resolve conflict, sustain relationships, and express yourself without losing control. New York: Guilford Press.—Begins with a questionnaire to help you identify which face(s) of anger is a problem. In six steps the reader learns to recognize his or her specific anger profile, to recognize anger triggers, to reduce anger arousal, to challenge anger-fueling self-talk, and to communicate effectively without fueling conflict. A perfect companion to this book.
Nay, W. R. (2008). The storm within—a workbook: Six steps to managing your anger. Annapolis, MD: Self-published. Available at www.wrobertnay.com.
Harbin, T. J. (2000). Beyond anger: A guide for men: How to free yourself from the grip of anger and get more out of life. Philadelphia: Da Capo Press.
Tavris, C. (1989). Anger: The misunderstood emotion. New York: Touchstone Books.
Williams, R., & Williams, V. (1998). Anger kills: Seventeen strategies for controlling the hostility that can harm your health. New York: Harper.—An excellent review of how anger impacts your health by a leading researcher. Includes strategies to control hostility.
W. Robert Nay
www.wrobertnay.com
Go to the “My Anger Advisor” section. To learn more about anger in your relationship, managing anger, or to seek personal coaching to guide your journey in addressing anger in your life or relationships, go to W. Robert Nay’s website or contact him at wrnay@comcast.net.
Wetzler, S. (1993). Living with the passive–aggressive man. New York: Fireside Press.
Murphy, T., & Oberlin, L. H. (2005). Overcoming passive–aggression: How to stop hidden anger from spoiling your relationships, career, and happiness. New York: Wiley.
Evans, P. (2003). The verbally abusive relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond. New York: Adams Media.
Evans, P. (2006). The verbally abusive man, can he change?: A woman’s guide to deciding whether to stay or go. New York: Adams Media.
Engel, B. (2003). The emotionally abusive relationship: How to stop being abused and how to stop abusing. New York: Wiley.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
www.cdc.gov/injury
A rich compendium of information on intimate partner violence (IPV).
National Coalition against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
www.ncadv.org
Provides great information and a referral to local organizations that can offer help.
Halton Women’s Place Safety Planning Checklist
www.haltonwomensplace.com/safety.htm
Rather than review the many books available on domestic violence, I refer you to this website, which continuously updates its listing of books on this topic. You can order online at a discount: www.growing.com/accolade/viol/dfviol.htm.
Call 911 and let the local police handle it.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.
Burns, D. (1999). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: Avon Books.—Many who have problems with anger also experience a mood disorder, which sometimes must be addressed with medication and therapy. This comprehensive book helps you assess whether you have a problem with depression and how to use cognitive–behavioral therapy to manage your mood. It also reviews the most common antidepressant medications.
Sheffield, A. (2003). Depression fallout: The impact of depression on couples and what you can do to preserve the bond. New York: Harper.—Very helpful in offering ideas on how to cope with your partner’s depression (which may contribute to one or more faces of anger and make it hard to communicate).
Strauss, C. J. (2004). Talking to depression: Simple ways to connect when someone in your life is depressed. New York: NAL Trade.
For information on the role of anger in health or any other question related to mental health, go to:
Mental Health Net-Self-Help Resources
mentalhelp.net/selfhelp.htm
Depression support
www.onelist.com/community/rosesandthorns or www.onelist.com/community/melancholy
If you or someone you care about is experiencing a mood disorder that affects anger and relationships, either of these websites is excellent.
Psych Central
psychcentral.com
It is imperative to manage daily anxiety and stress that lowers your resilience, making you vulnerable when the next difficult situation comes along. These resources can help you set some new goals for managing your day.
Charlesworth, E., & Nathan, R. G. (2004). Stress management: A comprehensive guide to wellness. New York: Ballantine Books.
Bourne, E. (2005). The anxiety and phobia workbook (4th ed.). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.—An outstanding treatment manual offering numerous ideas for managing all forms of anxiety—all of which can make you more susceptible to an anger episode.
Davis, M., Eschelman, E., McKay, M., & Fanning, P. (2008). The relaxation and stress reduction workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.—An award-winning presentation of all the common techniques used for relaxation and stress management. Written in clear language and easy to read. Highly recommended.
American Institute of Stress
www.stress.org
Provides comprehensive information and resources for identifying and managing stress at home and at work.
Sleep deprivation often fuels irritability and lowers mood. If you or your partner find it difficult to get required levels of sleep, these books may help you assess whether you have a sleep problem that can be helped by medical treatment. Regardless, numerous well-researched ideas for changing your sleep schedule are offered.
Epstein, L., & Marden, S. (2006). The Harvard Medical School guide to a good night’s sleep. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Dement, W. C. (2000). The promise of sleep: A pioneer in sleep medicine explores the vital connection between health, happiness, and a good night’s sleep. New York: Dell Books.—A well-regarded sleep researcher describes the kinds of sleep problems you may be experiencing, teaches you to assess your own sleep habits, and then offers a “sleep-smart” lifestyle and tips for getting a good night’s sleep.
If your child’s sleep problems are affecting your own night’s sleep, this book offers ideas from pediatricians for getting your child to settle down and sleep.
Cohen, G. J. (Ed.). (2002). American Academy of Pediatrics guide to your child’s sleep. New York: Villard Books.
Both of these websites provide an extraordinary amount of information about fostering good sleep and assessing and treating sleep disorders.
Sleepnet
www.sleepnet.com
American Academy of Sleep Medicine
www.aasmnet.org
This site offers sleep information for both professional and public consumers.
Overuse or addiction to alcohol or substances greatly increases the likelihood of losing control of your anger. Each of these references may be helpful to your partner or you in assessing and altering the use of substances or give you ideas to encourage someone you care about to seek help.
Cornett, D. J. (2005). Seven weeks to safe social drinking: How to effectively moderate your alcohol intake. New York: People Friendly Books.—If your partner objects to abstaining completely from alcohol, this program will help him or her reduce alcohol intake that can fuel anger intensity. If your partner cannot effectively moderate drinking, then abstinence and a wonderful program like Alcoholics Anonymous is the answer.
Ketcham, K., & Asbury, W. F. (2000). Beyond the influence: Understanding and defeating alcoholism. New York: Bantam Doubleday.—Updating the seminal book Under the Influence, chapters review the impact of alcohol use on health, stages of an alcohol problem, and ideas for sustaining abstinence. A good book to read if you wonder if you have a problem.
Santoro, J., Bergman, A., & Deletis, R. (2001). Kill the craving: How to control the impulse to use drugs and alcohol. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.—Details specific strategies for using exposure and response therapy to manage urges to use substances. Clearly written workbook format.
Join Together
www.jointogether.org
A thorough listing of alcohol and substance abuse information.
PrevLine: National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information www.health.org
A wealth of fact sheets, the latest in research, and many online resources are provided, along with a great search engine to satisfy your specific questions.
Gottman, J. (1995). Why marriages succeed and fail: And how you can make yours last. New York: Simon & Schuster.
McKay, M., & Fanning, P. (2006). Couples skills: Making your relationship work. San Francisco: New Harbinger.
Tannen, D. (2001). You just don’t understand: Women and men in conversation. New York: Quill.—A noted linguist reviews research on how men and women communicate very differently and how to improve effective communication with your partner.
Stone, D., Patton, B., Heen, S., & Fisher, R. (2000). Difficult conversations: How to discuss what matters most. New York: Penguin Books.—Based on the Harvard Negotiation Project, the authors help you prepare yourself for communicating with difficult people on difficult subjects, while defusing conflict and achieving resolution.
Couples’ Communication Program
www.couplecommunication.com
Since 1972 Dr. Sherrod Miller and colleagues have offered a wonderful program, first developed at the University of Minnesota, to reduce conflict and improve communication in relationships.
Smart Marriages
www.smartmarriages.com
This organization holds a well-attended conference each year to present the latest in treatment and assessment of marriages. Its website offers articles, recommended programs, and the latest research for the lay public.
In addition to the organizations and websites already mentioned, each of these provides useful information, readings, treatment recommendations, and other valuable data. Each has a search engine for locating specific topics (e.g., anger management, stress disorders). Websites to get you quickly to the public information they offer are listed for each.
American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy
112 South Alfred Street
Alexandria, VA 22314-3061
www.aamft.org
American Psychiatric Association—Public Information
1000 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 1825
Arlington, VA 22209-3901
www.psych.org/public_info
American Psychological Association
750 First Street, NE
Washington, DC 20002-4242
www.apa.org
American Psychological Association Help Center
www.helping.apa.org
Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples
5310 Belt Road, NW
Washington, DC 20015-1961
www.smartmarriages.com
National Alliance on Mental Illness
Colonial Place Three
2107 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 300
Arlington, VA 22201
www.nami.org
National Institute of Mental Health
6001 Executive Boulevard, Room 8184
Bethesda, MD 20892-9663
www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications
National Mental Health Association
2001 North Beauregard Street, 12th Floor
Alexandria, VA 22311
www.nmha.org