35 minutes (5 minutes for briefing; 15 minutes for activity; 15 minutes for debriefing)
General M P, D, M
1. To provide experience with different verbal and nonverbal styles of communication
2. To practice describing communication behaviors objectively
3. To discuss subjective responses to a range of communication behaviors that may be different from one’s own
4. To begin to identify how communication styles support values
• 3 × 5 cards with one rule of behavior from the Etiquette Sheet on each card
• A room where participants can move about freely during the activity
1. Using the “Etiquette Sheet” on page 94, type or write each behavior listed on a separate 3x5 card. (You may also add etiquette behaviors from your experience or from a specific culture being explored in the workshop.)
2. Supply each participant with one of the 3x5 cards. Ask participants not to show their cards to each other.
3. Have participants organize themselves into groups of 4–6 and ask them to begin a five-minute conversation on how they hope to use what they will learn today—or any other topic relevant to the session being conducted. Tell the group that each person is to follow the rule from his or her etiquette card.
Note: Having participants form their own groups allows for discussion about how they made group choices. An optional method, which will take less time, is for you to create the first groups.
4. After five minutes ask people to move to a new group and begin a second conversation (same topic). After another five minutes, ask people to move to a third group and begin another new conversation (again, same topic). After five minutes stop the conversations and ask participants to return to their seats. Begin the debriefing.
1. What happened during the formation of the original groups? During the first conversation? During the second conversation? During the third conversation? Watch for descriptions of behaviors, not interpretations of those behaviors.
Note: When interpretations occur, provide an example of a description for that interpretation, then ask participants to limit themselves to descriptions.
2. How did you feel about what you experienced during the group formations? Were you able to identify most of the etiquette rules from members’ behavior? How did you feel about any specific etiquette rule you encountered during the conversations? What was the most difficult etiquette rule for you? How did you feel when the activity ended? Why do you think you felt that way?
3. What values might be demonstrated by the different etiquette-related behaviors you exhibited or observed? Which different behaviors may support the same value (e.g., both direct eye contact and avoided eye contact can be intended to demonstrate respect)?
4. What have you learned during this experience?
5. How can you apply information from this experience to your everyday life?
1. We usually seek out people with whom we have some history or perceived similarities.
2. It is easier to interpret behavior from our own perspective than to objectively describe it.
3. The same values can be demonstrated with a range of different behaviors.
4. Interpreting others’ behaviors from our own perspective may lead to the wrong conclusion.
5. In the workplace, wrong conclusions may lead to misinterpretations, ineffective behaviors, or conflict.
1. What happened?
• Were there differences between your conversation in the first group and in the second group? Why do you think those differences occurred?
Note: Participants may have gravitated to people they were comfortable with during the first group formation and may have had less choice thereafter.
• Were you tempted to reveal the contents of your etiquette card? Did you want to ask others about the content of theirs?
• Did you mistake someone’s behavior as his or her natural behavior when it was actually what he or she had been instructed to do?
2. How did you feel?
• What made you feel most embarrassed during the conversations? Why?
• Which behavior did you consider to be the rudest or most offensive? Why?
3. What have you learned?
• There is more to a conversation than just words and sentences. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Why?
• Sometimes you may feel negative about another person without being aware of it. This is probably because you are disturbed by his or her conversational style. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Why?
• Other than the content of the conversation, what factors attracted your attention or made it hard for you to pay attention?
4. How does this relate to the real world?
• What real-world object or processes do the etiquette rules represent?
• Have you ever met a person whose conversational style distracted you from paying attention to what he or she was saying? What did you do?
• Can you think of any of your conversational behaviors that your colleagues could find distracting or strange? Can you think of any of your conversational behaviors that people from other countries (or cultures) might find distracting or strange?
5. What if?
• What would have happened if the conversations had lasted for 45 minutes (instead of 5 minutes)?
• What would happen if you were asked to conduct a business meeting with other members of the large group?
Adapted from an activity presented by Sivasailam Thiagarajan at The Summer Institute for Intercultural Communication, 2000.
It is impolite to be blunt and tactless. It is preferable to talk in abstractions and to approach subjects in an indirect fashion.
It is impolite to speak impulsively. Whenever somebody asks you a question, silently count to seven before you give the answer.
It is impolite to be aloof, so stand close to others until you nearly touch them. If someone backs away, keep moving closer.
It is impolite to crowd people, so maintain your distance—allow at least an arm’s length between you and the nearest person. If anyone gets too close to you, back away until you have achieved the required distance.
It is impolite to shout, so talk softly, even whisper. Even if people cannot hear you, do not raise your voice.
It is impolite to talk to more than one person at the same time. Always talk to a single individual standing near to you so that you can have a private conversation. Do not address your remarks to the group as a whole.
It is impolite to stare at people, so avoid eye contact. Look at the floor or the speaker’s shoes, not at his or her face.
It is important to get people’s attention before you speak. Hold your hand above your head and snap your fingers. Do this every time prior to making a statement or asking a question. That is the polite way to get everyone’s attention.
Be yourself! Behave as you would normally behave at an informal party.
It is considered friendly to share your thoughts and feelings without any inhibition. Be sure to make several self-disclosing statements, describing your intimate feelings about different subjects. Ask personal questions of other members of the group.
It is polite and reassuring to reach out and touch someone you are having a conversation with. Touch people on the arm or the shoulder when you speak to them.
It is important to show your enthusiasm. Jump in before other speakers have finished their sentences and add your ideas. Remember, it is rude to hold back your thoughts.
Adapted from an activity presented by Sivasailam Thiagarajan at The Summer Institute for Intercultural Communication, 2000.