CHAPTER TWELVE
RECALLING YOUR DREAMS
As we know, dreams are mysterious and magical, inspiring and informative. They can provide us with answers to questions alluding us, give us awareness that may bolster our well-being, awe us with their imaginal wonder, and offer us access to a deep well of wisdom — that is, if we can remember them. Whether we want to undertake a concentrated dreamwork practice or we’re just curious as to what was included in our nighttime musings, we need to remember our oneiric visions, bringing them to the awareness of our conscious mind. As much as there may be disagreement as to what dreams signify, there is definitely one thing that most everyone agrees upon: it’s challenging to remember your dreams and not have them slip away.
One of the most frustrating things is waking up in the morning, being able to sense that you had a dream, and yet be unable to recall it. The dream feels at once so close, yet so far away. You know it’s there, just right around some proverbial corner in your mind, and yet, you can’t access it. Similarly frustrating — or for some, perhaps more so — is waking up with memory of a dream fragment, only to have it vaporize from your mind just moments later. To think that epics of reverie have occurred, to which you were present in a very special way, but which you can’t bring to conscious memory, can be baffling, let alone disheartening. It feels like a tease, a cruel trick that someone is playing on us. Still, thankfully, there are tips and tricks that can help us more readily recall our dreams. Before we explore these, let’s try to understand why it often seems like such a formidable task to remember our dreams.
Why Are Dreams So Hard to Remember?
Greek mythology offers us one vantage point, an archetypal lens through which to perceive this oneiric enigma. It turns out that the Greek god of sleep, Hypnos, lived in a cave by the River Lethe, a waterway famous for being a stream that inspired oblivion, as anyone who drank from it would soon forget their past. Reflecting this, it’s as if when we sleep, we enter into a cavern in which forgetting seems to be the status quo and a natural part of the terrain we traverse. Mythology aside, let’s look at some modern-day reflections that may help us understand why remembering our dreams can be so challenging.
IT’S A MATTER OF TIME
Part of the reason that we forget our dreams may come down to a numbers game. It’s been noted that our dreams disappear rather quickly when we transition from sleeping to waking. On average, within 5 minutes, we forget 50 percent of what we dream; within 10 minutes, only 10 percent may remain. Given this, if we don’t set about to capture them soon after we awaken, they may drift away and be exceptionally difficult to reclaim.
DREAMS DEFY THE ORDINARY
We spend much of our waking days using left-brain thinking, addressing and processing ideas in a rational, analytical, and linear fashion. But dreams are different, bastions of the fantastical that often defy daytime-consensus reality. As such, it may take effort for us to get our head around what we just perceived, not necessarily readily having the words to describe the seemingly illogical events that we just witnessed. Plus, while some dreams may feature conversations, our oneiric adventures are heavily visual. For many people, trying to quickly translate these visual images — which may seem nonsensical, and therefore, hard to define into words — may be a difficult experience. We struggle to do so, and as time ticks away, our ability to remember them slips away.
THE BARRIER OF OUR BRAIN CHEMISTRY
The work of sleep scientists may help us to further understand just why it’s so difficult to remember our dreams. There are certain neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) necessary to transform short-term memories into long-term ones; some of these — including norepinephrine — are at a very low level while we’re dreaming, therefore creating an innate blockade to having our nighttime visions etched into our mind. The shift of brain chemistry, and the concurrent fluctuations in the activity of different brain regions that occurs as we move between waking, sleeping, and dreaming, may provide us with clues about why our physiology inherently restricts us from readily remembering our dreams.
THE COST OF COMPROMISED SLEEP
The dreams that arrive in the early morning hours are thought to be more vivid and complex, given that at this point, the REM sleep stage — known for producing more highly activated and visual dreams — lasts longer. Therefore, those who are short sleepers, including those who have sleep-maintenance insomnia and wake up early and can’t fall back to sleep, may miss out on these dreams. And since their heightened vividness and emotional saliency make them so stirring and memorable, it may be that we’re not remembering our dreams because we’re not having these highly impressionable ones.
THE STRENGTH OF AVOIDANCE
Some posit that dreams are repositories for the thoughts and feelings that we brush aside during the day, those that we avoid facing. If our dreams contain unacknowledged aspects of ourselves that we tried to initially avoid, it would make sense that we may have built-in defenses that would work hard to keep them at bay from our conscious mind. It then follows that if we want to keep the premise of “out of sight, out of mind” alive, we could create resistance to remembering our dreams. Relatedly, if we had nightmares as a child, or other experiences that had us associating dreams with negative experiences, we may do whatever we can to try to push away our oneiric memories so that we don’t have to encounter them.
Who’s More Apt to Remember Their Dreams?
Some people can regularly recall the finest details of their dreams, while others awaken with no memory at all, even questioning whether they’ve had a dream. What determines whether someone can remember their dreams is something that medical researchers have been interested in for quite some time, with their work unearthing numerous significant and interesting discoveries. Understanding what may differentiate those who are high- versus low-recallers can be of great guidance if we want to further forge our oneiric recollection skills and take our recall game to the next level. Characteristics of those who more regularly recall their dreams include the following.
THEY ACKNOWLEDGE THE VALUE OF THEIR DREAMS
Not surprisingly, those who revere their dreams and accept them as an integral part of their life remember them more often. Those in cultures around the world, and throughout history, that value dreams as an important periscope into knowledge display a greater ability to bring them forth into the waking world. And those who regularly share their dreams with others — whether it be their partner, friends, relatives, or community members — have been found to have greater access to their dreams. Similarly, research suggests that those who have more confidence that they can remember them actually do.
THEY ARE MORE SENSITIVE AND OPEN TO NEW EXPERIENCES
High dream recallers may also be more likely to have certain personality traits. The characteristic known as openness — in which someone is more motivated and capable of adapting to new experiences — has been linked to better dream recall. Those who are sensitive and have thinner personal boundaries have also been found to remember their dreams more often. Not surprisingly, those who struggle to find words to describe their feelings seem to recall their dreams less frequently.
THEY ARE IMAGINATIVE
Those who are creative and imaginative also tend to remember their dreams more often. Since they contain a concentrated pictorial element, it’s not surprising that visual learners, creatives, and those more sensitive to aesthetics have been found to have better recall.
THEY ARE INTROSPECTIVE
Dreamers who regularly tune in to their inner world have been found to have better recall. These include people who have meditation and contemplative practices, as well as those who are in therapy. People who are highly oriented to their imaginal life — whether through daydreaming or letting their imaginations soar — are also more apt to remember their dreams.
THEY GET ADEQUATE SLEEP
It would also make sense that those who get more sleep are more apt to remember their dreams for the sheer reason that there are more of them to possibly recall. Plus, as we’ve seen, early morning REM periods are longer and provide us with an extended opportunity to have vivid dreams. Given that such dreams may be more intricate, they may also be more memorable.
THEY TEND TO BE YOUNGER AND FEMALE
Research has found that dream recall peaks in early adulthood and declines from there on, notably lower in older age. Whether this is biologically based or a reflection of a decreasing interest in dreams and their introspective nature is not clear. Women seem to remember their dreams more than men do; the reason for this is uncertain, although it could relate to the fact that women, generally speaking, tend to be more emotionally focused than men and seek to understand their feelings (something that dreams can offer).
General Recall Strategies
Based upon these research findings, we can create strategies that may help our dream recall.
BELIEVE IN THE VALUE OF YOUR DREAMS
The fact that you’re reading this book already puts you at an advantage, since it reflects your interest — or at least a concentrated curiosity — to more deeply connect with your dreams and all that they may offer you. Continuing to advocate for their role in your life and well-being may help you to remember them more often. Additionally, being grateful for what they reveal — whether something practical or just fascinating — is a sign of reverence, which we have seen is a factor that helps to amplify recall. Similarly, following breakthrough solutions that a dream contains lets it know that you honor it.
HAVE CONFIDENCE YOU’LL REMEMBER THE DREAM
When you go to sleep at night, tell yourself you will remember your oneiric visions. Think of yourself as someone who not only has dreams — we all do — but someone who can bring memories of them forward into the waking world. Even on days that you don’t remember anything or even very little, remind yourself that that’s OK and doesn’t mean that you won’t access more tomorrow. On those days, still continue to make an entry into your dream journal, noting, “I had dreams, although I don’t remember them right now.”
GET GOOD SLEEP
You can add remembering your dreams to the list of the many benefits that having adequate sleep yields (see here for a survey of others). Those who have sufficient sleep invariably have more REM sleep, and a greater concentration of the more vivid and memorable dreams that occur in this slumber stage. Make a concerted effort to aim for your target sleep goals; for most adults, that’s 7-plus hours each night.
CURATE YOUR CREATIVITY
Exposing yourself to more visual images during the day will help exercise the associated part of your brain, enhancing your facility to experience the world this way. Appreciate the image itself, perceiving all of its nuances. Allocate time to writing about some images you see, describing them as clearly as you can; this will allow you to further develop a link between what you see and the words that can describe it, a skill inherently important for capturing your dreams. Also, inspire your right brain by reading poetry. This type of prose is usually nonlinear in its wayfinding. As such, it’s similar to dreams and may allow your mind to start thinking more in this manner.
CONNECT TO YOUR FEELINGS
Being more connected to our feelings has many benefits, not the least being that it may help us to remember our dreams. If we’re open to the emotions that may arise, knowing we have the capacity to deal with what may come, it helps us better remember what was carried forth in our oneiric visions.
Similarly, spending more time being introspective may also be of benefit. Take a quiet walk, relax in a bath while listening to music, let yourself daydream. If you don’t have a meditation practice, start one.
BE MORE OPEN-MINDED
Being more adaptable, curious, and open to adventure is a way of orienting that has many benefits, including greater oneiric recall. Try to be more amenable to surprises and detours (something with which dreams are filled), knowing that they sometimes put you on a path that yields unexpected, and beneficial, experiences and insights.
TALK ABOUT YOUR DREAMS
Find friends, family, or colleagues to talk to about your dreams. See if your partner or your child is interested in a morning check-in, with each person asking the other how their dreams were. Explore dream groups in your area, or start one (see chapter 15 for more information on this subject). Having an encouraging social context will help you to remember them more often.
Tips for Enhanced Dream Recall
Try the tips below if you are having trouble remembering your dreams.
▪ Don’t judge any images that come forth. Just allow them to arise. Resist resisting what may surface. In general, at this point, you don’t want to play editor; rather, you want to assume the role of an inviting audience, witnessing all that is occurring.
▪ Remember that you may recall a story line or perhaps one or several images, or both. One is not better than the other: be open to what comes through. If you remember even one detail, don’t discount its value. Stay with it. Let it marinate.
▪ Tune in to how you feel when you awaken. Even if you can’t access images, knowing the feeling state that the dream inspired is of great value. Tune in to how the dream felt.
▪ If you’re not readily able to access dream images or a story line, scan through the faces of people to whom you’re emotionally connected. They may have been represented in your dream, and this may trigger a memory. Additionally, since many dreams are strongly influenced by our recent waking experiences, survey your previous day and see if any event that occurred sparks a dream memory.
▪ Once images and/or a story line appear, go back over them again and again in your mind, to assist in etching them into your memory. Remember that while the first set of impressions you receive are, in and of themselves, exceptionally valuable, they will likely lead to your ability to mine for others that are connected to them.
▪ No matter how much you remember, document it. If you don’t remember anything, just note that. By doing so, you’ll emphasize your belief that, in fact, you do have dreams. This will allow for the unbroken continuation of your dream-capturing routine.
▪ Create a set of small note cards that contain the name of the images, symbols, places, or words that occur frequently in your dreams. After you’ve spent your first several minutes awake being quiet with your eyes closed, you can then look at the cards and see if they trigger a memory of anything that occurred in your dream.