The Five Elements and Intimate Relationships
We will begin this chapter by introducing you to Rosalie and her patchwork family. Working through Rosalie’s family dynamic was a challenge for us because it involved releasing blockages, projections, and attachments that had poisoned family relationships for at least three generations.
By the time we were finished, we’d worked with Rosalie; her first husband, Cory; their daughter, Sarah, who was six; Rosalie’s second husband, Stephen; his ex-wife, Miriam; and their two adolescent daughters, Violet and Amanda, who were eleven and thirteen respectively. Violet and Amanda lived with their mother but spent most weekends and holidays with their grandparents Sam and Bettina, who resented Rosalie and whose resentment and general hostility influenced the family dynamic.
We’ll continue by giving you a little additional background. Rosalie married Cory when she was twenty. Within two years, Rosalie gave birth to her first daughter, Sarah. This marriage didn’t last because Cory became psychologically violent and he seemed unable to relate in any meaningful way with his daughter. After three tumultuous years, they separated and a year later they divorced.
Cory continued to have contact with Sarah, but after each succeeding visit, Sarah would become increasingly introverted. She wouldn’t tell her mother what was wrong. But Rosalie knew something had changed because her daughter lost interest in the things she loved most, including gymnastics and theater.
As a result, Rosalie tried to keep Sarah away from Cory. This was less difficult than she originally imagined since Cory was a workaholic and resented the fact that he had to “entertain Sarah” every other weekend.
When Sarah was five years old, Rosalie met Stephen, a divorced father with two daughters who lived with their mother, Miriam. They married a year later, but Stephen’s daughters, Violet and Amanda, never accepted her. In fact, according to Rosalie, “they hated her from the get-go.”
To make matters worse, Miriam wanted her ex back, and because of that, she projected her jealousy and resentment into Rosalie’s field. She did this intentionally, which made the projections even more disturbing. In her first session with us, we taught Rosalie to stabilize her field by centering herself in her personal healing space (see page 3). Then we taught her to perform the Golden Light Technique (see page 16).
She performed both exercises every day until her following session. In that session, she explained that she had kidney problems and that her bones ached, especially at night. She also told us that she couldn’t sense herself and she didn’t have the emotional flexibility to participate spontaneously in interactions with other people. These symptoms, as well as her need to control her environment, indicated that she had weak water element and that the dynamics of her patchwork family needed to be addressed in order to heal her.
She went on to explain that she was also concerned that Sarah was often sick and that she was exhibiting behavioral problems in kindergarten. We also learned that Sarah had become excessively dependent on her mother, especially since the divorce. After checking the condition of Sarah’s subtle field, we realized that her wood element was weak and needed to be strengthened as well.
We learned much more about Rosalie’s patchwork family during the session, but we decided that it was expedient to begin working on the elemental problems first.
Later, we dealt with Stephen’s problem with his daughters, Violet and Amanda. He had difficulty sharing his feelings with them and being a trusted ally. In Chapter Thirteen, you will learn how Stephen used the techniques of deep family healing to communicate more honestly with his daughters and become a trusted ally whom they could depend on.
The Five Elements
According to the Taoists, the five elements—earth, wood, metal, water, and fire—combine to create the physical and subtle worlds. Like a person’s soul vibration and core values, the elements have a significant effect on what a person values, how they interact with family members, and how they feel about themselves.
Sarah seemed to be most disturbed by the family dynamic. In addition to the other symptoms we knew about, including recurrent bladder infections, we observed that she had dark rings around the eyes, clear signs that her water element was weak.
The water element is particularly important to children for two reasons. It influences the development of the subtle field and physical-material body, from birth through puberty. And because it influences the development of a child’s personality, it plays a significant part in a child’s social interactions with people both inside and outside the home. For these reasons and because of her parents’ concern, we began by strengthening Sarah’s water element.
If any of the children in your family exhibit the same symptoms as Sarah, we recommend that, like Rosalie, you perform the following exercise every day with your child for at least a month—or until your child has shown significant improvement in these areas.
Exercise: Strengthening the Water Element
In order to strengthen Sarah’s water element, we taught Rosalie to fill the associated organs in her daughter’s body with blue prana and to chant the sound fff during the exercise. The organs associated with the water element include the ears, teeth, kidneys, bladder, and bones—especially the spine.
After you’ve filled these organs with blue prana, you will keep your attention focused on them while you chant fff for ten minutes.
To begin the exercise, find a comfortable position with your back straight close to your child. Close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Then count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to go to my personal healing space.” Then bring your awareness to your body, soul, and spirit. Enjoy your healing space for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to fill … (child’s name)’s ears, bones, spine, teeth, kidneys, and bladder with blue prana.” Enjoy the process for another five minutes. Then chant fff with your child for ten minutes more while you stay focused on the same organs. After you finished chanting with your child, count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the exercise. Repeat the exercise regularly until the organs associated with the element are once again functioning healthfully.
Once Rosalie began to see tangible improvements in Sarah’s condition, she began working on her water element, which also needed to be strengthened. And within weeks she achieved the same positive results as Sarah.
Determining Which Elements are Weak
Like Rosalie and Sarah, most people have at least one weak element that interferes with their well-being and their family relationships.
Taoist adepts have provided us with a number of markers that indicate whether one or more of your elements have been weakened over time. In the following text, we’ve listed the most common markers. By checking them against your present condition, you will be able to determine if one of your elements is weak and needs to be strengthened.
In most cases, two or more markers will indicate that you have a weak element. Like Rosalie and Sarah, once you’ve determined which of your elements are weak, you can strengthen them by practicing the same exercise they did or one of the variations listed below. The first element we will look at is metal.
Weak Metal: On the physical-material level, respiratory ailments and colon problems are signs of a weak metal element. Thyroid problems and all problems affecting the breath also serve as markers. Dry skin and excessive sweating as well diarrhea and weight problems have been commonly associated with a weak metal element.
On the non-physical level, a weak metal element will disrupt self-esteem, mental stability, and deductive and inductive reasoning. It will disrupt self-confidence as well as the ability to make life-affirming decisions. Sadness and pain are the emotions associated with a weak metal element, as is excessive crying.
If your metal element is weak, you will have difficulty with interpersonal issues that involve attachment, space, and distance. Excessive sensitivity and dependence as well as a lack of discipline are all associated with weak metal. So are depression and a lack of motivation. Another marker which is closely related to a weak metal element is attachment to the past—and the yearning for a relationship that is no longer possible.
Weak Water: On the physical-material level, a weak water element can create kidney problems, recurrent bladder infections, hearing problems and tinnitus. Weak and painful joints and bones, knee problems, and lower back pain can indicate a weak water element. Premature hair loss and dental problems are also associated with weak water—so are persistent dark rings around the eyes.
On the non-physical level, a weak water element can create fear and anxiety as well as panic attacks, instability, and a lack of stick-to-it-iveness. People with a weak water element are also prone to addiction. A lack of courage and perseverance, and an inability to let go of attachments, are signs of a weak water element. So is the tendency to give away personal responsibility and become dependent on others.
Weak Fire: On the physical-material level, a weak fire element can cause high blood pressure and mechanical problems associated with the heart. Blood problems, anemia, diarrhea, and inflammation of the small intestine as well as other organs and tissues of the digestive tract are also markers. So is burnout.
People with a weak fire element have a need to be accepted. They have difficulty giving or receiving love and/or experiencing sexual joy. Superficial relationships devoid of real intimacy are therefore markers of a weak fire element. So are lethargy and a lack of perseverance. Persistent annoyance and irritation as well as problems completing projects or finishing projects on time also indicate a weak fire element.
Weak Earth: Problems with the mouth, lips, spleen, pancreas, thymus gland, stomach, lymphatic system, and the joints, especially the hip joints, indicate a weak earth element. Feelings of heaviness in the arms and legs as well as swelling and cellulite also serve as markers. Metabolic problems, abdominal bloating, pain, and hormonal imbalances as well as varicose veins can also indicate a weak earth element.
Excessive worry, depression, and information overload are also markers—so is an obsession with money and security. People whose earth element is weak can become dependent and needy. They can binge on alcohol, drugs, and food. Some may eat sweets to excess and, as a result, experience excessive weight gain. In extreme cases, a person with a weak earth element can feel that they have a hole inside themselves that can’t be filled.
Weak Wood is associated with liver and gall bladder ailments. Problems with the shoulders, eyes, ligaments, and the muscles of the body as well as dizziness and headaches are all associated with a weak wood element. Excessive menstrual pain in women can also serve as a marker.
The emotions associated with weak wood are anger and rage. If neither of these emotions can be released in a healthy way, then a person can become rigid and closed to new ideas. Creativity can be disrupted when the wood element is weak. Self-destructive feelings and guilt are clear signs that the wood element has been weakened. So is the inability to set clear goals and achieve them.
Strengthening Weak Elements
Like Rosalie and Sarah, you can strengthen a weak element by filling the organs associated with it with prana in the appropriate color—and by chanting the appropriate sound during the exercise. This makes strengthening a weak element easy because every element is associated with both a specific color and sound that matches its mean frequency. The organs, colors, and tones associated with the elements are included in the list below.
Metal: The organs associated with metal include the nose, sinuses, bronchial system, lungs, diaphragm, colon, and skin. The color associated with metal is white, the sound sss.
Water: The organs associated with the water element include the kidneys, bones, bladder, marrow, teeth, hair, and ears. The color associated with water is dark blue, the sound fff.
Fire: The organs associated with fire include the heart, blood, small intestine, and the other organs and tissues of the digestive tract. The color associated with fire is red, the sound hhaa.
Earth: The organs associated with earth include the stomach, spleen, and pancreas. The color associated with earth is yellow, the sound hyyu.
Wood: The organs associated with wood include the liver, gall bladder, shoulders, eyes, ligaments, and the muscles of the body. The color associated with wood is green, the sound schh.
If you’ve determined that one of your elements or one of the elements of a family member is weak after studying the markers, then, like Rosalie and Sarah, you can use the last exercise and/or one of its variations to strengthen it.
Kidney Jing
After Rosalie finished strengthening the appropriate elements for both herself and her daughter, we taught her to strengthen their kidney jing. Kidney jing, the essence of chi, is closely related to kidney chi.
We also taught a young couple from New York, Hanna and Barry, to strengthen their kidney jing. Hanna consulted us in the winter of 2014 when she was twenty-nine years old. In her first session with us, she complained that her two-year-old daughter, Amy, was constantly sick and her husband, Barry, who was thirty-four, refused to have sex with her because he felt exhausted afterward. To make matters worse, Barry had developed an erectile dysfunction—and he blamed her for the problem. Although blame only served to complicate the issues involved, we quickly discerned that the problem was rooted in Hanna’s and Barry’s lack of kidney jing.
Hanna’s kidney jing was being disrupted by Monica, a disgruntled colleague, who had been stealing from her company and who blamed Hanna for her dismissal. Without enough kidney jing to support her sexual relationship with her husband, Hanna had inadvertently begun to draw energy from Barry’s and Amy’s energy fields. This had dire effects on both their personal well-being and their ability to participate in healthy family relationships, because the kidneys are resevoirs of jing. It also interfered with the couple’s goal of having a second child.
Before you learn to strengthen your kidney jing, like Hanna and Barry did, you need to know more about how jing influences your well-being and family relationships. Jing is essence. Like the life force, it connects everything that lives and breathes. Although it pervades the internal and external environment of all living things—and the universe as a whole—for the sake of convenience, we can say that it has three locations that interact with one another. There is eternal jing, which permeates the universe and interacts with your subtle field on both the macrocosmic and microcosmic levels; there is external jing, which surrounds you and radiates through your field, and there is internal jing, which is a field of jing located by your perineum. The internal field is connected to the kidneys and the eight exceptional meridians—including the two most important meridians, the governor and conceptual.
The Importance of the Kidneys
There are two types of jing, ancestral jing and acquired jing. Both are stored in the kidneys as well as the exceptional meridians. There are eight exceptional meridians including the conceptual, governor, and thorax meridians, which distribute jing throughout the subtle field and physical-material body.
The function of jing is to promote growth, development, and reproduction. Ancestral jing comes from one’s parents and determines basic constitution; it cannot be altered, but it can be positively influenced by acquired jing. The sources of acquired jing include the eternal field of jing and foods such as seeds, nuts (particularly walnuts), beans and peas, mussels, oatmeal, dried fruit, hot soups, and cooked root vegetables.
Life-affirming relationships and environments are also important sources of acquired jing. The interaction of ancestral jing and acquired jing produces kidney jing.
When kidney jing has been disrupted on either the energetic or physical-material level, you can experience a lack of vitality and a disruption of your sexuality. An inability to feel and/or express your natural feelings and sensations is another common symptom. You can also suffer from problems with your bones, teeth, joints, ears, and urinary tract.
When you lack kidney jing, pervasive fear and/or anxiety can begin to interfere with your relationships. Your ability to resist negative influences can also be weakened, which can make you more susceptible to energetic and physical traumas.
Additional symptoms that indicate weak kidney jing include cold extremities, heat waves or flashes, disk problems, bone loss, back pain, recurrent bladder infections, and prostate problems. Hair loss, gum inflammation, tinnitus, hearing issues, and menstrual problems are also associated with weak kidney jing.
In children, a lack of kidney jing can cause developmental problems on both the physical and mental levels. Because of its proximity to the lower dantian and because it’s so closely associated to the life force, the Chinese refer to the kidneys as the “Origin of Life.”
It’s possible to strengthen acquired jing by eating the foods we mentioned above—and by spending time in harmonious environments with people whose outlook is life-affirming. You can also strengthen kidney jing by strengthening your relationship to the three fields of jing.
If you’ve determined that your kidney jing is weak from what you’ve just learned, we recommend that you perform the Jing Recognition Technique. This exercise will provide you a direct experience of jing in its three forms: eternal jing, which is the source of all jing in the universe and can be compared to the life force; external jing, which surrounds you and creates a stable environment for all energetic interactions in your subtle field and physical-material body; and internal jing, which is located by the perineum. It supplies the kidneys with jing and governs the general distribution of universal energy throughout your body and soul.
All three fields of jing can be disrupted by distorted fields of energy. In the following exercise, you will use your intent to experience jing in all three forms.
We recommend that you perform this exercise in a natural setting without the interference of other people and electronic devices. By doing that, it’s possible to experience a sense of oneness with the ecology of life on the physical-material and subtle levels.
Exercise: The Jing Recognition Technique
To begin the exercise, find a comfortable position with your back straight. Close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Then count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to go to my personal healing space.” Then bring your awareness to your body, soul, and spirit. Enjoy your healing space for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to experience the eternal field of jing.” Take five minutes to enjoy the experience. Then assert, “It’s my intent to experience my external field of jing.” Continue to enjoy it for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to experience my internal field of jing.” After you’ve experienced your internal field of jing for five minutes, count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the meditation.
It’s not unusual to experience a pervasive buzz in your body after you’ve performed the exercise. This indicates that you’ve begun to enhance your level of vitality.
The next exercise is the Jing Enhancement Technique. By performing it after you’ve experienced your three fields of jing, you will enhance the amount of acquired jing you have in your kidneys.
Exercise: The Jing Enhancement Technique
To begin the exercise, find a comfortable position with your back straight. Close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Then count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to go to my personal healing space.” Then bring your awareness to your body, soul, and spirit. Enjoy your healing space for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to experience my eternal, external, and internal fields of jing.” Take five minutes to enjoy the shift. Then assert, “It’s my intent to enhance the flow of jing from the eternal field of jing into my external field of jing.” Take five minutes to enjoy the process. Then assert, “It’s my intent to enhance the flow of jing from my external field of jing into my internal field of jing and from there into my kidneys.” Take another ten minutes to enjoy the process. Then bring yourself out of the exercise by counting from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes. You will feel wide awake, perfectly relaxed, and better than you did before.
The next issue we dealt with was the influence of Miriam’s jealousy, which she had been projecting at Rosalie and Stephen in the form of distorted fields of energy.
We contacted Miriam, but she was intransigent and refused to have anything to do with the healing process. In order to protect Rosalie and Stephen from the constant intrusion of Miriam’s projections, we taught them to strengthen their Wei chi (Guardian Chi). We did that by teaching them to perform the Jing Restoration Technique, which you will find in the following text.
But first, a few words of explanation. There are several meridians within the subtle field that are tasked with protecting the subtle field from intrusions of distorted energy. They do this by absorbing chi from nearby meridians and jing from the kidneys. Then they use the energy and its essence to create a shield that blocks the intrusion of distorted energy (“evil chi”). They are known as exceptional meridians and they include:
1. The Governor meridian (Du Mai). It originates at the perineum and ascends through the spine into the crown of the head where it terminates.
2. The Conceptual meridian (Ren Mai). It originates at the front of the seventh chakra gate and descends down the front of the body to the first chakra at the perineum.
3. The Thrusting Vessel (Chong Mai). It originates at the perineum and moves up to the pubic bone. It continues through the abdomen into the chest and from there into the face.
4. Girdle Meridian (Dai Mai). Its course takes it around the waist in the region of the lower dantian.
5. Yang Heel Vessel (Yangchiao Mai). It originates at the heel of the left foot and moves upward along the left side of the body to the eye. From there it traverses the head terminating on the right side of the back of the head.
6. Yin Heel Vessel (Yinchiao Mai). It originates at the heel of the right foot and moves upward along the right side of the body to the eye. From there it traverses the head terminating at the left side of the back of the head.
7. Yang Linking Vessel (Yangwei Mai). It originates at the heel of the left foot. It continues up the inside of the left leg through the trunk until it reaches the throat. From there it moves up the center of the neck to the top of the head. It completes its journey at the point where the back of the neck meets the skull.
8. Yin Linking Vessel (Yinwei Mai). It originates at the heel of the right foot. It continues up the inside of the right leg through the trunk until it reaches the throat. From there it moves up the center of the neck to the top of the head. It completes its journey at the point where the back of the neck meets the skull (see Figure 14: The Eight Exceptional Meridians).
By strengthening the exceptional meridians and the flow of kidney chi (jing) through them, it’s possible to protect the most vulnerable parts of the subtle field—the abdomen, thorax, and back—from projections of distorted energy. In Rosalie’s case, this was essential since Miriam’s projections interfered with the functions of both her third chakra and the movement of jing through her microcosmic circuit.
Exercise: The Jing Restoration Technique
To begin the exercise, find a comfortable position with your back straight. Close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose for two to three minutes. Then count backward from five to one and from ten to one. Continue by asserting, “It’s my intent to go to my personal healing space.” Then bring your awareness to your body, soul, and spirit. Enjoy your healing space for five minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent to center myself in my field of eternal jing.” Enjoy it for two to three minutes. Then assert, “It’s my intent that jing from my eternal field of jing flows into my external field of jing and fills it.” Take another five minutes to enjoy the process. Then assert, “It’s my intent that that jing from my external field of jing flows into my internal field of jing and from there into my kidneys and exceptional meridians.” Take another ten minutes to experience the changes the extra jing brings to your body, soul, and spirit. Then count from one to five. When you reach the number five, open your eyes and bring yourself out of the exercise.
Figure 14A: The Eight Exceptional Meridians (continued)
Figure 14B: The Eight Exceptional Meridians (continued)
Figure 14C: The Eight Exceptional Meridians (continued)
Hanna and Barry performed the exercises for several months. Although they experienced a gradual improvement, the exercises did not heal the family dynamic completely. To complete the process, we taught them to perform the Boundary Safety Net because Monica, whom Hanna testified against, continued to project at her.