Journal Jul 18 —1841 — Sunday — Felt very melancholly — went a walk on the forest in the afternoon — fell in with some gipseys one of whom offered to assist in my escape from the mad house by hideing me in his camp to which I almost agreed but told him I had no money to start with but if he would do so I would promise him fifty pounds and he agreed to do so before saturday on friday I went again but he did not seem so willing so I said little about it — On Sunday I went and they were all gone — an1 old wide awake hat and an old straw bonnet of the plumb pudding sort was left behind — and I put the hat in my pocket thinking it might be usefull for another oppertunity — as good luck would have it, it turned out to be so

July 19 Monday — Did nothing

July 20 Reconnitered the rout the Gipsey pointed out and found it a legible one to make a movement and having only honest courage and myself in my army I Led the way and my troops soon followed but being careless in mapping down the rout as the Gipsey told me I missed the lane to Enfield town and was going down Enfield highway till I passed The Labour in vain’ Public house2  where A person I knew comeing out of the door told me the way      I walked down the lane gently and was soon in in Enfield Town and bye and bye on the great York Road where it was all plain sailing and steering ahead meeting no enemy and fearing none I reached Stevenage where being Night I got over a gate crossed over the corner of a green paddock where seeing a pond or hollow in the corner I forced to stay off a respectable distance to keep from falling into it for my legs were nearly knocked up and began to stagger      I scaled some old rotten paleings into the yard and then had higher pailings to clamber over to get into the shed or hovel which I did with difficulty being rather weak and to my good luck I found some trusses of clover piled up about 6 or more feet square which I glady mounted and slept on      there was some trays in the hovel on which I could have reposed had I not found a better bed      I slept soundly but had a very uneasy dream      I thought my first wife3 lay on my left arm and somebody took her away from my side which made me wake up rather unhappy      I thought as I awoke somebody said ‘Mary’ but nobody was near — I lay down with my head towards the north to show my self the steering point in the morning

July 21 [— when I awoke]4      Daylight was looking in on every side and fearing my garrison might be taken by storm and myself be made prisoner I left my lodging by the way I got in and thanked God for his kindness in procureing it (for any thing in a famine is better then nothing and any place that giveth the weary rest is a blessing)      I gained the north road again and steered due north — on the left hand side the road under the bank like a cave I saw a Man and boy coiled up asleep which I hailed and they woke up to tell me the name of the next village5

Some where on the London side the ‘Plough’ Public house6 a Man passed me on horseback in a Slop frock and said ‘here’s another of the broken down haymakers’ and threw me a penny to

get a half pint of beer which I picked up and thanked him for and when I got to the plough I called for a half pint and drank it and got a rest and escaped a very heavy shower in the bargain by having a shelter till it was over — afterwards I would have begged a penny of two drovers who were very saucey so I begged no more of any body meet who I would

— I passed 3 or 4 good built houses on a hill and a public house on the road side in the hollow below them      I seemed to pass the Milestones very quick in the morning but towards night they seemed to be stretched further asunder      I got to a village further on and forgot the name      the road on the left hand was quite over shaded by some trees and quite dry so I sat down half an hour and made a good many wishes for breakfast but wishes was no hearty meal so I got up as hungry as I sat down — I forget here the names of the villages I passed through but reccolect at late evening going through Potton in Bedfordshire where I called in a house to light my pipe in which was a civil old woman and a young country wench makeing lace on a cushion as round as a globe and a young fellow all civil people — I asked them a few questions as to the way and where the clergyman and overseer lived but they scarcely heard me or gave me no answer*

I then went through Potton and happened with a kind talking country man who told me the Parson lived a good way from where I was or overseer I do’n’t know which so I went on hopping with a crippled foot for the gravel had got into my old shoes one of which had now nearly lost the sole Had I found the overseers house at hand or the Parsons I should have gave my name and begged for a shilling to carry me home but I was forced to brush on pennyless and be thankfull I had a leg to move on — I then asked him wether he could tell me of a farm yard any where on the road where I could find a shed and some dry straw and he said yes and if you will go with me I will show you the place — its a public house on the left hand side the road at the sign of the ‘Ram’7 but seeing a stone or flint heap I longed to rest as one of my feet was very painfull so I thanked him for his kindness and bid him go on — but the good natured fellow lingered awhile as if wishing to conduct me and then suddenly reccolecting that he had a hamper on his shoulder and a lock up bag in his hand cram full to meet the coach which he feared missing — he started hastily and was soon out of sight — I followed looking in vain for the country mans8 straw bed — and not being able to meet it I lay down by a shed side under some Elm trees between the wall and the trees being a thick row planted some 5 or 6 feet from the buildings      I lay there and tried to sleep but the wind came in between them so cold that I lay till I quaked like the ague and quitted the lodging for a better at the Ram which I could hardly hope to find — It now began to grow dark apace and the odd houses on the road began to light up and show the inside tennants lots very comfortable and my outside lot very uncomfortable and wretched — still I hobbled forward as well as I could and at last came to the Ram      the shutters were not closed and the lighted window looked very cheering but I had no money and did not like to go in      there was a sort of shed or gighouse at the end but I did not like to lie there as the people were up — so I still travelled on     the road was very lonely and dark in places being overshaded with trees      at length I came to a place where the road branched off into two turnpikes one to the right about and the other straight forward and on going bye my eye glanced on a mile stone standing under the hedge so I heedlessly turned back to read it to see where the other road led too and on doing so I found it led to London      I then suddenly forgot which was North or South and though I narrowly examined both ways I could see no tree or bush or stone heap that I could reccolect I had passed so I went on mile after mile almost convinced I was going the same way I came and these thoug[h]ts were so strong upon me that doubt and hopelessness made me turn so feeble that I was scarcely able to walk yet I could not sit down or give up but shuffled along till I saw a lamp shining as bright as the moon which on nearing I found was suspended over a Tollgate9      before I got through the man came out with a candle and eyed me narrowly but having no fear I stopt to ask him wether I was going northward and he said when you get through the gate you are; so I thanked him kindly and went through on the other side and gathered my old strength      as my doubts vanished I soon cheered up and hummed the air of highland Mary10 as I went on      I at length fell in with an odd house all alone near a wood but I could not see what the sign was though the sign seemed to stand oddly enough in a sort of trough or spout      there was a large porch over the door and being weary I crept in and glad enough I was to find I could lye with my legs straight      the inmates were all gone to roost for I could hear them turn over in bed as I lay at full length on the stones in the poach — I slept here till daylight and felt very much refreshed as I got up — I blest my two wives and both their familys when I lay down and when I got up and when I thought of some former difficultys on a like occasion I could not help blessing the Queen11 — Having passed a Lodge on the left hand within a mile and half or less of a town I think it might be St Ives but I forget the name12 I sat down to rest on a flint heap where I might rest half an hour or more and while sitting here I saw a tall Gipsey come out of the Lodge gate and make down the road towards where I was sitting      when she got up to me on seeing she was a young woman with an honest looking countenance rather handsome I spoke to her and asked her a few questions which she answered readily and with evident good humour so I got up and went on to the next town with her — she cautioned me on the way to put somthing in my hat to keep the crown up and said in a lower tone ‘you’ll be noticed’ but not knowing what she hinted — I took no notice and made no reply      at length she pointed to a small tower church which she called Shefford Church13 and advised me to go on a footway which would take me direct to it and I should shorten my journey fifteen miles by doing so      I would gladly have taken the young womans advice feeling that it was honest and a nigh guess towards the truth but fearing I might loose my way and not be able to find the north road again I thanked her and told her I should keep to the road when she bade me ‘good day’ and went into a house or shop on the left hand side the road      I have but a slight reccolection of my journey between here and Stilton for I was knocked up and noticed little or nothing — one night I lay in a dyke bottom from the wind and went sleep half an hour when I suddenly awoke and found one side wet through from the sock in the dyke bottom so I got out and went on — I remember going down a very dark road hung over with trees on both sides very thick which seemed to extend a mile or two      I then entered a town and some of the chamber windows had candle lights shineing in them — I felt so weak here that I forced to sit down on the ground to rest myself and while I sat here a14  Coach that seemed to be heavy laden came rattling up and stopt in the hollow below me and I cannot reccolect its ever passing by me      I then got up and pushed onward seeing little to notice for the road very often looked as stupid as myself and I was very often half asleep as I went      on the third day I satisfied my hunger by eating the grass by the road side which seemed to taste something like bread      I was hungry and eat heartily till I was satisfied and in fact the meal seemed to do me good      the next and last day I reccollected that I had some tobacco and my box of lucifers being exausted I could not light my pipe so I took to chewing Tobacco all day and eat the quids when I had done and I was never hungry afterwards — I remember passing through Buckden and going a length of road afterwards but I dont reccolect the name of any place untill I came to stilton where I was compleatly foot foundered and broken down      when I had got about half way through the town a gravel causeway invited me to rest myself so I lay down and nearly went sleep a      young woman (so I guessed by the voice) came out of a house and said ‘poor creature’ and another more elderly said ‘O he shams’ but when I got up the latter said ‘o no he don’t’ as I hobbled along very lame       I heard the voices but never looked back to see where they came from — when I got near the Inn at the end of the gravel walk I met two young women and I asked one of them wether the road branching to the right15 bye the end of the Inn did not lead to Peterborough and she said ‘Yes’ it did so      as soon as ever I was on it I felt myself in homes way and went on rather more cheerfull though I forced to rest oftener then usual      before I got to Peterborough a man and woman passed me in a cart and on hailing me as they passed I found they were neighbours from Helpstone where I used to live — I told them I was knocked up which they could easily see and that I had neither eat or drank any thing since I left Essex      when I told my story they clubbed together and threw me fivepence out of the cart I      picked it up and called at a small public house near the bridge were I had two half pints of ale and twopenn’oth of bread and cheese      when I had done I started quite refreshed only my feet was more crippled then ever and I could scarcely make a walk of it over the stones and being half ashamed to sit down in the street I forced to keep on the move and got through Peterborough better then I expected      when I got on the high road I rested on the stone heaps as I passed till I was able to go on afresh and bye and bye I passed Walton and soon reached Werrington and was making for the Beehive16 as fast as I could when a cart met me with a man and woman and a boy in it      when nearing me the woman jumped out and caught fast hold of my hands and wished me to get into the cart but I refused and thought her either drunk or mad but when I was told it was my second wife Patty I got in and was soon at Northborough but Mary was not there neither could I get any information about her further then the old story of her being dead six years ago which might be taken from a bran new old Newspaper printed a dozen years ago but I took no notice of the blarney having seen her myself about a twelvemonth ago alive and well and as young as ever — so here I am homeless at home and half gratified to feel that I can be happy any where

July 24th* 1841      Returned home out of Essex and found no Mary — her and her family are as nothing to me now though she herself was once the dearest of all — ‘and how can I forget

To Mary Clare – Glinton

Northborough July 27 1841        

My dear wife

I have written an account of my journey or rather escape from Essex for your amusement and hope it may divert your leisure hours — I would have told you before now that I got here to Northborough last friday night but not being able to see you or to hear where you was I soon began to feel homeless at home and shall bye and bye feel nearly hopeless but not so lonely as I did in Essex — for here I can see Glinton Church and feeling that Mary is safe if not happy and† I am gratified:)‡ though my home is no home to me my hopes are not entirely hopeless while even the memory of Mary lives so near me      God bless you My dear Mary      Give my love to your dear and beautifull family and to your Mother — and believe me as I ever have been and ever shall be

My dearest Mary

Your affectionate Husband         

John Clare

[N6, 1-4; N8, 22-6]         

Notes

1 an: Preceded by the deleted words: ‘I found’.

2 ‘The Labour in vain’ Public house: We have no knowledge of a public house at Enfield Highway called the Labour in Vain. Robson’s Directory (1839) lists no less then twelve public houses in Enfield Highway. Nine of these are mentioned by name, but the remaining three are listed under the name of the proprietor. The Labour in Vain may have been one of those three.

3 my first wife: Mary Joyce, Clare’s childhood sweetheart. When Clare went mad he believed that he had married Mary and had had children by her, but that he had subsequently married Martha (Patty) Turner, his real wife, and had had a family also by her. His imprisonment at High Beach (actually a voluntary committal) he saw as punishment for his bigamy.

4 [– when I awoke]: Supplied from N8, 22-6, a rough draft of part of the journey written en route.

5 the next village: Baldeck [i.e. Baldock] — Clare’s footnote.

6 the ‘Plough’: This public house has not yet been identified.

7 the ‘Ram’: Presently an old house, over a mile from Potton on the road to Gamlingay Great Heath. It was a public house within living memory and is still locally known as the Ram. First identified in The Journal, Essays, The Journey from Essex, ed. Anne Tibble (Carcanet Press, 1980).

8 country mans: The account in N8 ends here.

9 Tollgate: There was a turnpike gate at Tempsford.

10 highland Mary: See Clare’s Journal, 3 June 1825, where Clare says that he got the tune from a gypsy, Wisdom Smith. The words are by Burns but the air is much older and is called ‘Katherine Ogie’. It was widely published as a broadside in the nineteenth century and appears in many song books, e.g. The Garland of New Songs, Harding Collection, Bodleian Library, A31(9), A51(9) etc.

11 Clare has the following note: ‘The man whose daughter is the queen of England is now sitting on a stone heap on the high way to bugden without a farthing in his pocket and without tasting a bit of food ever since yesterday morning — when he was offerd a bit of Bread and cheese at Enfield — he has not had any since but If I put a little fresh speed on hope too may speed to morrow — O Mary mary If you knew how anxious I am to see you and dear Patty with the childern I think you would come and meet me’ [N8,25]. This was presumably written late on Wednesday, 21st. Bugden was an accepted variant of Buckden.

12 It was St. Neots [Clare’s note].

13 Shefford Church: See F.W. Martin’s The Life of John Clare, ed. by Eric Robinson and Geoffrey Summerfield (London, 1964), p.130: ‘Clare’s narrative, understandably, is not entirely consistent. For example, when he met the young gypsy woman about a mile and a half West of St Neots it would have been impossible for her to have pointed to Shefford Church, if by Shefford is intended the town mid-way between Bedford and Hitchin. The confusion may have been due to the fact that Shefford was the home of Thomas Inskip, Clare’s friend, and it is symptomatic of Clare’s sense of urgency that he did not make the short detour to Shefford where Inskip could have been counted on for help and shelter. Some of Clare’s landmarks, however, are tolerably clear and agree with those described in Cary’s New Itinerary, 1815 edition. His route corresponded for the most part to the recognized Coach Road and Waggon Way.’

14 The Coach did pass me as I sat under some trees by a high wall and the lumps lasshed in my face and wakened me up from a doze when I knocked the gravel out of my shoes and started [Clare’s note].

15 to the right: i.e. at Norman Cross, 5¾ miles to Peterborough.

16 the Beehive: Whellan’s Directory, 1849, mentions the Cock, the Blue Bell, the Wheat Sheaf, and the Three Horse Shoes. The nearest ‘Beehive’ in the area was at Stamford and Clare may have been remembering this one.

17 Byron: The quotation is from ‘Sonnet on Chillon’, ll.13-14:

… May none those marks efface!

For they appeal from tyranny to God.

*Note      On searching my pockets after the above was written I found part of a newspaper vide ‘Morning Chronicle’ on which the following fragments were pencilled soon after I got the information from labourers going to work or travellers journying along to better their condition as I was hopeing to do mine in fact I believed I saw home in every ones countenance which seemed so cheerfull in my own — ‘There is no place like home’ the following was written by the Road side — 1st Day — Tuesday — Started from Enfield and slept at Stevenage on some clover trusses — cold lodging

Wednesday — Jacks Hill is passed already consisting of a beer shop and some houses on the hill appearing newly built — the last Mile stone 35 Miles from London got through Baldeck and sat under a dry hedge and had a rest in lieu of breakfast [Clare has written: ‘This Note should be placed at the bottom of the page’]

*N8 has ‘July 23rd’.

† Followed by the deleted words: ‘I shall be the same’.

‡ Followed by the deleted words: ‘to believe so’.