If you could snap your fingers and change anything about yourself and your life, what would you change?
Did you ask for riches and fame? Or did you ask for industriousness, caring, and honesty?
The more you direct yourself toward a fantasy life, the less satisfied you will be with who you are and the more frustrated you will become as you fail to attain the fantasy. The more you direct yourself toward a better, more fulfilling life, the more you can actually lead a better, more fulfilling life.
Lisa works in communications and thinks of herself as the second Darren on the old television show Bewitched. Every day there is a different person doing her job, and no one seems to notice.
Lisa works every other day in a job-sharing plan, while her partner at the company takes the other days. Lisa asked for the arrangement to spend more time with her child, but she recognizes the challenge of the shared job. “It’s a relay race, while most of us are used to running by ourselves. It requires tremendous cooperation, organization, and mutual respect.”
Although thrilled when her boss approved the work-sharing plan, Lisa acknowledges, “Every fantasy has a reality. The choice comes down to time or money, and you have to make a decision which matters more.”
Cutting her salary has made things a little tight at home, and she is concerned her potential for advancement may be hurt when she returns to working full-time, but for her the decision was clearly the right thing to do. “I have a healthier perspective on life and a healthier family life, and nothing matters more to me than that.”
People who are focused on the “ideal” life they could lead are 34 percent more likely to be anxious and self-conscious about their lives, while people focused on the life they “ought” to lead are more caring about other people in their lives and actually 21 percent more oriented toward achieving in their career.
Bybee, Luthar, and Zigler 1997