Some people give up the moment an obstacle is placed in front of them. Some people doggedly continue to pursue a goal even after years of frustration and failure.
What is the main difference between these people? It’s not ability or even patience. It is actually their sense of control.
Those who feel they are not responsible for choosing their goals and pursuing them tend to believe that results are arbitrary. To them, it doesn’t matter how hard you try or how talented you are, being successful is like winning the lottery; it’s all a matter of luck. With this attitude, it hardly makes sense to work hard or be dedicated to a dream or goal.
Those who persevere, conversely, recognize that they are ultimately responsible, not just for pursuing their goals, but for setting them. When you are in control, what you do matters, and giving up will not seem very attractive.
Darnell Ellis, a blues guitar man, once played alongside musical legend B. B. King. Then alcohol addiction brought on a series of troubles in his life. When circulatory problems in his legs forced him to seek medical attention, he ran out of money and hope. Evicted from his apartment while in the hospital, he arrived home to discover all his possessions, including his guitar, had been sold by the landlord.
He lost his home, his friends, and his career, and he fell into depression.
Social workers who helped Darnell get off the streets had trouble lifting his spirits. His life had been in a downward spiral, and he had no interest in the future.
Then they realized how important it was to help Darnell get a guitar. “I had given up and lost the will, until I got the guitar,” Darnell explains. “When people play an instrument, they feel in control. The world is on a string, and it’s just the way you want it to be.”
With guitar in hand, Darnell has a purpose and a passion. With guitar in hand, even with all the troubles he’s endured, he has hope. “At the end of each tunnel, there’s a light. I kind of see the light now. And you know something? I may not walk so fast, but I’m walking. So I’m on my way.”
Research comparing students of similar ability finds that the distinguishing feature between those who maintain a strong work ethic in their studies and those who give up is a sense of control. Those who express a sense of control receive scores that are a full letter grade higher than those who do not.
Mendoza 1999