Sometimes we look to others to convince us of what we want to believe. “I can do it, can’t I?” we ask.
Ironically, others base their true judgments, not just on what they think we can do, but on what they think we think we can do. In other words, the people around you will most likely mirror your feelings—showing you fear when you show fear and confidence when you demonstrate confidence.
You can’t rely on others to convince you because they will rely on you to convince them.
Paul Gonzales grew up in a poor Los Angeles neighborhood. He remembers the occasional career day when successful people would visit his school and tell the students a little about what they did. Paul says those visits did little for him because he could never see himself in their place.
As he grew up, he witnessed a barrage of violence, culminating in the murder of a cousin. Paul decided that he had to make a change, “That day, I made a promise to myself. I would never make sorrow for others. I would make joy for what I accomplished.”
As a fourteen-year-old, Paul turned away from the neighborhood gangs that were all around him and began training with the local police athletic league. “I knew I had to do something for myself,” Paul explained about a regime that began with 5:00 a.m. workouts. Ultimately he chose boxing as his sport and set his sights on the Olympics.
In 1984 Paul made the U.S. Olympic boxing team and went on to win a gold medal. He’s now a guest at career days in Los Angeles, and he tells students the most important thing they need to learn is: “You can do anything you want, but you have to believe in yourself first.”
People were five times more likely to be optimistic about another person’s goals if they thought the person was optimistic themselves. Less significant factors included the person’s personal experiences and the overall likelihood of the outcome.
Werneck De Almeida 1999