Open up a motivational book, listen to a tape, attend a lecture, and you will hear all about the wonderful powers you possess and the amazing feats you are capable of. It is true that you must believe in yourself to succeed. To that extent, such a message is useful to you.
But an exaggerated sense of your abilities is no more valuable to you in the long run than a stunted sense of your abilities.
You do not, you should not, try to convince yourself you are Superman or Superwoman. You do yourself a disservice by trying to claim too many strengths because such an effort will ultimately undermine your confidence in the areas in which you do excel. Failure will be your kryptonite, and all your self-confidence powers will fade.
The best self-confidence is based on a realistic assessment of all your abilities, and it highlights the path to all your dreams.
Bruce volunteers as a youth soccer coach on the weekends in Tampa, Florida. He enjoys coaching children, teaching them techniques of the game, fitness, and teamwork.
But what really amazes him is what happens on the sidelines. “These parents think they are Vince Lombardi, ‘Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.’ I’m focused on teaching the game, and hopefully sportsmanship, and the parents are running around like this is some cutthroat competition.”
Bruce laments, “They scream at the refs. They scream at each other. They scream at the children. They make the kids feel like they are absolute failures anytime anything goes wrong in the game.
“It is really a devastating thing to watch—the joy of a child transformed into dejection because a parent comes to the game with the idea that their kid should be Pele instead of a seven-year-old having fun and getting some healthy exercise.”
Confidence, in combination with a realistic self-appraisal, produces a 30 percent increase in life satisfaction.
Sedlacek 1999