In NLP the term ‘timeline’ is used to describe the way that we internally represent time and space to and within ourselves. We each represent the past, present and future differently. But our ability to determine whether an event has happened in the past, is happening in the present or is a future projection comes by matching the experience to our unique internal timeline.
Let me show you. Close your eyes if it’s safe to do so and point to your future. Notice exactly where you are pointing. Now, point to the past, which will usually be in exactly the opposite direction to the future, which kind of make sense, doesn’t it? Now look at the diagram below…
While, of course, it is possible for your timeline to be a virtual line through time and space in almost any direction, the most common versions are for the future to be out in front and the past to be behind. Or, perhaps, the future pointing slightly up or slightly down. In some cases, the future might go straight up and the past straight down or even across in front from left to right or right to left, but this is quite unusual.
However, the diagram on the previous page shows how we generally orient time against space with the past as being directly behind, the future directly in front and to either side, whilst there are varying degrees of the past moving into the future and the future back into the past. That said, everyone’s timeline is unique and, as with most things in NLP, it’s best to try it out and see in which direction your future lies, and your past too, for that matter. Use the diagram above to help you, but remember your past may not feel as though it’s exactly behind you and your future may not feel as though it’s exactly in front – as the diagram shows, they can be off to either side too, and to varying degrees; your timeline is completely personal to you.
To help you to understand this and embed things a bit more, here are some simple steps to identify your own timeline.
A word of caution: taking yourself or another person into their past using a timeline can cause the release of a tremendous amount of emotion. This is usually a good thing – however, it’s important to know what you’re doing and if in doubt enlist the help of an experienced NLPer when working with someone other than yourself.
To that end, you must already have built good, strong, robust rapport and, much more importantly, need to be coming from the right place in yourself and with positive intentions too. Of course, that goes for everything you do when working with someone else, but is definitely worth emphasizing here.
When it comes to the opposite, taking someone to explore and rehearse their future, the outcome is almost always beneficial. But it is still important that you always move the other person forwards in any challenges or issues, so that they are left in a positive state.
Sit comfortably, close your eyes and imagine seeing your timeline stretching out in front of you and a goal somewhere in your future. You’re just practising right now so make sure it’s something in the mid-to close distance. In other words something that is not too far off into the future. As you’re practising, nothing too major either, because you are just finding your feet, so no higher that a 7/10. Perhaps you could then identify two or three milestones between now and achieving that future goal.
Once you have formed a clear image and can see the goal with the two or three milestones just ahead of you, I want you to imagine floating up above your timeline so that you’re looking down on it. Then, in your mind, move to the first milestone in achieving that goal. When you get there float down into that first milestone and take a moment to experience it fully. What’s it like? What do you see and hear and think and feel when you reach that first point of note?
Tip: You can use the submodalities you learned earlier to help you fully associate with the milestone so that you can visualize it fully associated (seen through your own eyes): hear what you hear both on the outside and on the inside and then feel what you feel in your body.
Now, float back up above the timeline and move on to the next milestone. Again, I want you to drop down into it, fully associate with it and see, hear and feel everything that you experience there as fully as you possibly can.
Next it’s time to float back up above your timeline again and on to the third milestone in the same way and then finally on until the goal is reached. When you have gone to that place where you have already reached the goal, take a moment and in your mind’s eye just turn around and float slowly back to the present day, collecting up all the useful learning, feelings and experiences from your future projection and bringing it all back and integrating it into the present day.
Once you are back in the present day, you must remember to turn around (again in your mind’s eye) so that you are facing towards your future and ready to take the steps you need to get to where and what you really want.
Here we have worked with going forward from now into the future, but you can use your NLP timeline to rewrite your past just as effectively as you can to pre-write your future. The same timeline technique allows you to change meanings and associations of past bad experiences just as easily as installing empowering beliefs for your future.
To change your personal history, or at least the way you feel about it, all you need to do is perform the visualization of the past as described in the exercise above. But this time, when visualizing past experiences, imagine yourself floating out of your body and moving towards the direction of your past timeline. This is the past direction that you identified when you elicited your own timelines earlier and as we said is most likely somewhere behind you. But wherever it is, it’s yours. As you are moving in that direction, see and feel yourself moving back in time through your own past history and experiences.
Keep on moving in that direction until you feel that you have reached the exact point in time of that particular experience, the one you want to change now. So if you are going back to an experience that happened five years ago, keep moving towards your past direction until you feel that you are at the point of five years ago on your timeline. Give yourself plenty of room so that you don’t run out of time/space, and then drain all negative associations from the experience. Visualize washing away all anger, hurt and pain so all that’s left is the learning you took from it or, if there wasn’t any at the time, what is it now? What are the life lessons to take from it?
Note: When doing this, it is very important to position yourself above the experience in your mind’s eye so that you are looking down on it. If it’s particularly upsetting this dissociation helps reduce the intensity, pain and anger of the experience. And if you remember your submodalities, it gives you a very different perspective on the situation and puts you in a position of control over it so that you won’t get caught up in the negative feelings instead. From here, you are in pole position to make the changes you need to make and not get bogged down in the associated pain.
When all is done and you can drop down and revisit each of those memories but without any pain, it’s time to drift back up above your timeline and all the way back to the present from where you can look back at your past and line up all the past lessons in a row just like a runway. If you are visual, then represent each lesson with a glowing light that will serve you well.
Take it into the future; see/project yourself in the future (by looking towards the future timeline direction). Now push the runway of lessons right out there into the future. See the power, beliefs and abilities developed from the past go into the future you and become integrated with your time to come so that it all feels very new, but very natural. You can take those lessons and use them and live from that place where you have all the resources and resilience from the past right here in the present and future.
As you feel the power of that start to build, you can allow yourself to drift towards the future timeline. See yourself in the future achieving your desired outcomes and becoming the person you really want to be, all fully aligned with the abilities and experience from the past integrated into the future new you. See yourself being stronger than ever and achieving all goals and, of course, see through fully associated eyes so that you can see what you’ll see and hear what you’ll hear from that place of being fully associated too, so that you can really feel how it feels to live from that place, because this is where you are heading now…
Last, drift back to the present feeling calm and refreshed. Know that your past has given you many great experiences and that your future is looking better than ever. Open your eyes.
This technique effectively integrates both past and future timelines beautifully.
The swish pattern is one of the best known and most commonly used NLP techniques and you may have come across it before because it is used, and perhaps overused, for a great many purposes by successful people all over the world. You may also have heard it referred to as a ‘swoosh’ pattern but, however you pronounce it, it’s exactly the same thing and is particularly suitable for dealing with one-off situations where you need a confidence boost, or to feel differently about a situation you are about to face, although there are many other times when it may be useful too.
To use a swish successfully, you need to be in a comfortable place where you will not be disturbed. It’s better if you are feeling wide awake and alert to do this as it’s really quite a dynamic exercise and one that you need to do very quickly for best results. You will have your eyes closed, but you need to be alert and focused during this technique because it’s a little repetitive in nature.
Here we are going to take care of a negative or anxious event you have coming up in the near future. I choose the near future because not only will it be a little easier for you to make that picture, but you will also get the chance to experience the positive life-changing effects of the swish pattern sooner and I am all for that, as I’m sure you are too.
Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Take a moment to steady your breathing and relax your body as much as you can and do whatever you know to do to let go of the outside world and any stresses and strains of the day. This is some time just for you; do whatever you need to do, even play some favourite music if you find this helps.
Now, when you are ready, create in your mind’s eye an image of you just at the moment of having to deal with the anxiety-causing situation. You’ll not have to stay with the bad feeling for long so really go for it and make the image as vivid and sharp as you possibly can. Make it so that it’s filling your whole vision, the colours bright, vibrant and alive, with you looking just as uncomfortable as you can possibly imagine. Really go for it and make it seem like an enormous colour slide being displayed on the huge computer screen of your mind’s eye. Include anything that will make it more lifelike: other people around you, their expressions, the scenery, sounds, smells, and touch, everything you can think of to make it as real as possible. Like I said, you’ll not be there for long, so really go for it.
When you have that picture so vividly that it actually makes you squirm, you’ve got it about right. We will call that picture the ‘time to change’. Giving it a name makes it easy for you to recall later on, but for now, lay it to one side in your mind. In fact, minimize it just like you would on a computer screen; click that little icon and minimize it down to the bottom right-hand corner of the screen.
Now for something much more comfortable. This time, you are going to create an image of yourself just at the moment when you have successfully dealt with the problem, survived it and are feeling really good about it too.
Again, I want you to make it as vivid as is humanly possible and adjust it as before to add in as much detail as you can to make it truly lifelike. Turn the pictures up, make them big and bright and bold and see them through your own eyes. Add in some sound; it doesn’t have to be the real sound, just something that makes you feel good. What’s your favourite song? Play that and turn the volume all the way up to a level that makes you feel really good. Now take those good feelings and double them in size… then double them in size again and again so that you feel like you are going to burst with good feelings. Make sure that on a scale of one to ten, you are at least above a seven, but the higher the better. We will call this picture the ‘preferred reality’. In it, you should be looking absolutely as if you truly have just been incredibly successful with the specific circumstance. When you get it right, when it makes you feel good, allow yourself to enjoy it for a moment, really take it all in… minimize it again just as you did the first one.
Now…
Maximize the ‘time to change’ picture again, and make sure it fills your entire vision, just as sharp, just as lifelike, just as squirm-inducing as it was before, but with an important addition. The small, black-and-white ‘preferred reality’ picture is tucked into the bottom right-hand corner. Make sure you can see that before we start.
When you have that image clearly in your mind, just say to yourself, ‘S-W-I-S-H’ (or swoosh), at the same time changing the pictures over in your mind as quickly as you possibly can so that the ‘preferred reality’ zooms up to become the large colour picture and the ‘time to change’ shrinks to the size of a postage stamp tucked into the bottom right-hand corner, becoming black and white as it does so.
Enjoy the good picture and all the good feelings that go with it again for just a few moments.
Next, let your mind drift to some neutral place. This can be anywhere you like – a room in your home, the park, a deserted beach, anywhere as long as it’s a place where you are comfortable and at ease. It’s very important that you perform this transition to a neutral place each time, so think of somewhere calm and neutral that you can return to, somewhere with no real associations one way or another, a blank canvas if you like.
Now start again at step 1 and continue to repeat the sequence.
After a while, you will find that the pictures change over so easily and so rapidly that you scarcely have any time to see the ‘moment of anxiety’ before it is replaced with the ‘preferred reality’. This can take as few as three or four repetitions and should be repeated over and over until the pictures change instantly right from the start or you find that you simply cannot produce the ‘time to change’ picture at all.
Remember… real change happens really quickly and so you need use this swish pattern quickly and like you mean it. This is a dynamic change process so it’s best to be prepared for it before you start. When you get to the point where change happens automatically, you have successfully programmed yourself for success.
You will find that when you actually get to the event you have been working on, you will feel confident and easy, and able to give of your best as a result. I know it might all sound rather complicated at first, but you soon get used to it and it is worth persevering with; when you take it step by step, you will find that it’s actually remarkably simple. It is one of the most powerful ‘quick-fix’ methods in existence so use it wisely, but as often as you like.
How many times have you wanted to break a habit yet found yourself doing it on autopilot anyway? How many times have you wanted to make an important decision but found that you just go along with what you have always done anyway, even though part of you knows it’s really not right for you?
How many times has part of you known exactly what to do and then another part has gone and done exactly the opposite? This happens a lot in churches: part of you is saying ‘I do’ while another part is screaming ‘but I don’t want to’; of course you go along with it anyway because the catering is booked and your mother has a nice new hat. Hardly the stuff that good life choices are made of, but so many people do that all the time and not just with weddings.
Part of you wants to leave your job… but the other part of you is scared; part of you wants to lose weight and be slim, fit and healthy… but another part of you really wants cheesecake, now!
In NLP, you know to listen to language literally, and so for the purposes of the next exercise I want you to literally think of it as a part of you that does, and a different part of you that doesn’t, and that this inner conflict between those ‘parts’ creates that inner conflict in you.
Whether it was a bad habit or an important decision, it’s the inner conflict you are experiencing that prevented you from acting the right or, to be completely clear, the authentic way for you. We are all multifaceted and obviously all have free will and choice, but the programming we are running does tend to keep us within certain habitual behaviour parameters. So while one part might well be tugging us in one direction, the other part is keeping us stuck to maintain the status quo.
Now before we get right into it, I want to make something clear. All behaviour at some level has a positive intention and is in fact our brain’s solution to another perceived problem. Just think about that… We come into the world hard-wired to be afraid of only two things, falling and sudden loud noises. Everything else is learned either from personal experience or through transference from someone else. But the positive intention is usually to keep us safe.
Think about weight loss for a second… Part of you wants to be slim, but that other part of you still really wants cheesecake. Or what about phobias?
I have treated people for all manner of phobias, from the relatively common, such as spiders and snakes, to the downright weird like bananas, baked beans and, on one occasion, even a phobia of women. Actually, I refused to treat that guy. I told him he’d have more money, be happier and probably live longer if we just left it alone! Obviously, I’m joking… there’s no way he’d have more money if he couldn’t leave the house lest he bump into a member of the fairer sex. He’s fine now, but can you imagine how debilitating that was for him? Of course, part of him knew it was silly, just as part of Dan was curious about what different foods tasted like, but another part of him was terrified to try.
You see how common this is? So common, in fact, that one in ten of the population of almost any country you care to choose has a phobia so severe that it affects their daily lives. Far more therefore have less frequent phobias and even more experience the kind of inner conflict we were talking about earlier. So this is a huge problem… but with a very simple solution. Of course, this is where you are supposed to use a ‘strong mind’ or ‘willpower’ to break the habit or take the right action, but as you know, very often, you may not be able to break a habit just because a part of you wants it. If only it were that simple, eh?
Habits and patterns like this are not at all easy to break with willpower alone for one very simple reason. Your brain thinks that it’s actually helping and in fact the problem is really your brain’s solution to a different problem altogether.
Think of it like this. The presenting problem is a fear of spiders; you get scared just looking at a picture of a spider. What do you think the positive intention of the fear is? It’s to keep you safe from the perceived danger, which makes absolute sense, right? Well, it would if there was any danger there in the first place. Clearly, a picture of a spider is not going to hurt you, but your brain struggles to process that and so instead goes to its primary driver of keeping you safe and acts accordingly. Your brain solves the problem of there being perceived danger by creating a powerful feeling in your body to get you away from the threat and keep you safe. It does make sense when you think about it… only there is absolutely no need for it in the first place because things have got distorted out of all proportion, but we’re good at that; we do it all the time.
So by trying to go against the fear with willpower, all we effectively do is create even more inner conflict, which the brain will try to resolve with even more of the same response. You see how that works now?
The more you try to break it, the more this part will hold onto it and so the result will be returning back to the habit, often without you even knowing why. But the more you diet, the more you really want cheesecake, right?
Even if you managed to ignore the needs of one of your parts for a while, you will still suffer from the lack of inner integration and will most certainly feel that and a sense of unease in your body. You will most likely feel like you are carrying a lot of unfulfilled emotions and unmet desires. I say unmet, but of course, you will be driven to meet them in one way or another, maybe just not quite in the way you would choose – well, not the conscious part of you anyway.
The solution to this inner turmoil is getting more understanding of those conflicting parts then working on uniting or integrating them together with a common goal, which, of course, is your wellbeing. I’m not sure whether this was possible before NLP came into existence, but now integrating those two parts is not just possible, it’s actually very easy.
You might have already seen me use what’s called in NLP, ‘parts integration’ technique on television with the model Katie Price in the UK. Katie had suffered a fear of being out of her depth in water since she had a panic attack in a pool when she was a teenager. Seventeen years on and it took just as many minutes to have Katie in the very same swimming pool swimming completely without fear and enjoying being back in the water again. The footage it available online if you’d like to search for it. Despite being a very ‘visual’ person in the rest of her life, Katie was ‘auditory’ and ‘kinaesthetic’ in her mind and so we used some submodality work and then a parts integration to resolve the inner conflict between the part that wanted to keep her safe and the part that wanted to go swimming.
Here’s a very simple but quite precise guide for you to follow to integrate those conflicting parts in yourself and others.
The following are the exact steps you should follow in order to unite your conflicting parts under the single common goal of your wellbeing being fulfilled in the best possible way.
Sometimes you will find this technique is also referred to as a ‘visual squash’ but there are slight differences, so let’s get to grips with the original version. Make sure you read all the steps before applying the technique because it’s very hard to put things back the way they were once you’ve done it. Some NLP techniques are reversible; this is not one of them.
Please note that you aren’t going to resolve the inner conflict on a conscious level but instead you are going to do it at a much deeper unconscious level. That’s why the steps below might require a little bit of imagination.
It’s best to do this sitting down somewhere you can safely and comfortably close your eyes and hold both of your hands in front of you so that your palms face the ceiling. Best bet is to familiarize yourself with this then close your eyes and do it; it’s quite a trick to read with your eyes closed, even with NLP.
So, palms up with your hands free to move and with your eyes closed, go inside and ask the part that is causing the problem to make itself known to you and to give you a sense of it. Now imagine that part moving out into the palm of your left hand so that you are holding that first part there. Perhaps you’d like to imagine it has a shape and a colour and even a texture.
Some people see it as a glowing ball; some see it as one of their parents and others see much more random things, so just visualize the shape that makes you most comfortable. But if you’re not too visual, you may very well get a sense of a feeling in the palm of your hand or a sense that the part has a little weight to it or maybe that it has a sound. Whatever it is like for you, that is absolutely fine and exactly as it should be.
Ask it for a sense of its positive intention, ‘Why do you want to eat that chocolate?’ (or whatever it is that you want to change) and notice what comes up for you. The answers will unpack gradually and at first might be something like ‘because I want you to enjoy the taste of chocolate’. So then ask it again, ‘Why do you want me to enjoy the taste of chocolate?’ Perhaps this time the answer will be something like ‘because I want you to be happy’. As you ask more questions, you move towards determining the highest positive intention of the part and that is the ‘real’ reason why you eat chocolate and, of course, the part and the positive intention that we are going to work with and resolve. Keep going until you get to the ‘root’ of the matter. Don’t worry, you’ll know on the inside when you’ve got there.
Now, we are going to find another part to integrate with the first, or to work with the first in order to fulfil that same positive intention, but only in a way that does not involve sabotaging yourself by eating chocolate.
Now repeat the following as closely as you can remember when you close your eyes: ‘I’m talking to the creative, problem-solving part of my own subconscious mind – the part that helps me make decisions every day without my even having to think about it – and asking that part for one new and healthy way to fulfil that same positive intention but without the need for chocolate. I do not need to know what that new way is now going to be, just have a sense of that and when I have a sense of it my subconscious mind can put that part in the palm of my right hand.
You will have a real sense of when that has happened and again, that part may very well be represented by some kind of symbol or image. We are using symbols here because your subconscious mind thinks using symbols, but you may also get some sound or a feeling in the palm of your hand.
Talk to both parts and tell them that they both have the same intention for you and that there is no need for any conflict. If you were doing it right from the beginning, you will probably already notice that your hands have already started coming closer together all by themselves. They will continue to do so, guided by your subconscious mind, until they touch; all you have to do is sit there and stay out of the way while your subconscious mind sorts things out for you. Once your hands have touched each other, hold them together firmly and meaningfully and this will send a clear message to your subconscious mind that the conflict is resolved.
If you have performed the technique correctly, of course, you may still eat and enjoy chocolate if you want to, but the subconscious drive to ‘self-medicate’ with it to change your state will be gone.
In this chapter you have learned three really big techniques. These three patterns, in my experience, can be adapted to work with the vast majority of things that you might want to change in yourself, and maybe others. Just as with anything you’d like to master, the key is in getting them down smoothly so that you don’t need to refer back here.
Take some time and go over these techniques again and again. For added effect, start to use what you have already learned about yourself to help you to learn them. If you are predominantly visual, how can you map them out so you learn them in a visual sense? What about if you’re auditory? How can you reinforce what I have said so that you get it in sound? And for the kinaesthetic, how can you really get to grips with them and get a feel for what’s going on? Go play and have some fun as you learn best.