As you reach the end of this book, please know that you have actually only reached the end of the beginning for you. There is so much more to NLP than I have the scope or space to share here. Your mastery of NLP is going to take some practise, that’s for sure. But, the good news is that all you need in order to practice are people, and there are plenty of those around.
The best opportunities to practise are when people don’t know you’re doing it – at least when you’re building your observation and rapport skills, that is – as they’ll generally be less guarded and much more genuine in their responses. When you are starting to think about using NLP to create change, start with yourself and then move on to others only with their express permission.
When you get really good at using the meta model (go on, which pattern was that?), you will be able to quickly and easily uncover what Richard Bandler calls ‘the difference that makes the difference’. Most of the time, what we are looking for is not actually something new; it’s something we’ve just not noticed before and in simply doing so, you immediately have the choice to change in a way you didn’t even know was there.
Some of the other techniques you have learned in this book will help you to do that too but, in my experience, there is no substitute for hands-on proper training and experience working and learning with real people. While a book like this is a great place to start, trying to learn NLP without another human being present would be a bit like learning to cook using only a recipe book, but without ever chopping an onion or turning on an oven. No matter how brilliant the book, you simply need to get stuck in and get involved. It’s a hands-on set of skills that you will pick up very quickly, but you do need to do that. If you’d like to take your NLP knowledge further then I strongly recommend a training course, and a face-to-face, hands-on one at that. There are plenty to choose from and the resources section at the back of the book will point you to what I believe are the best options.
NLP is a fantastic set of tools, principles, methodologies and models for enhancing communication and changing behaviour quickly and easily. But remember that NLP is in effect reverse-engineered from what happens naturally and what some highly effective people do without ever calling it NLP. So if you would like to create an enhanced version of yourself and enjoy the success that you hope it will bring then NLP is definitely a good home for you.
As you develop and study, you will be able to apply some of the techniques and principles you have learned here, and others, to change almost any unwanted behaviour. I’ll resist the temptation to give you a big long list of all the issues, behaviours and applications where NLP can be very effective. I am resisting because I would like you to think about it in a much less prescriptive way and much more like a set of tools. A set of tools that with skill and practice you can use to change and build almost anything you want to. What you will be changing and building, of course, are states. As you know, all behaviour is a product of the state of mind you are in at the time: different state, different choices, different outcome, different life. It’s as simple as that.
The one piece of guidance I would like to leave you with is this. While the change techniques here get all the plaudits, they are in fact only part of it. Finding and knowing what to change is the part that most people pay too little attention to and the best part is that if you pay enough attention the other person will often tell you what they already know they need to change. All change happens at a submodality level. Submodalities are after all the building blocks of any state and so the techniques are effectively ways to change large groups of submodalities all at once; you have to pay attention to know what to do, but that is all you have to do.
Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed? The ship’s owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure out how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship’s owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for $10,000. ‘What?’ the owners exclaimed. ‘He hardly did anything!’ So they wrote the old man a note saying, ‘Please send us an itemized bill.’
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer……….. $2.00
Knowing where to tap…………. $9998.00
The technique is important, but knowing where to make a change makes all the difference.
If you are working to help someone else then my advice is very simple. Pay close attention to the person in front of you and bring your own clean, clear and positive intention to the interaction. Pay attention to everything: eyes, language, mannerisms, actions and stay out of your own way. Leave your own stories behind and work with what’s in front of you. If in doubt, ask. It’s all there for you if you know where to tap.