16 Chickens
Devilled Kidney and Wild Mushroom Tostada
Sue and Juliet, or the ‘Gin Twins’ as we call them, are not twins at all. In fact they are not similar in any way except that they share a love for gin and hilarity. Joe and I always looked forward to their visits and spent our time with them in fun, silly games and laughter.
Juliet is a vegetarian and animal lover. Her own children were always allowed pets and she believes that a house is not a home without a few guinea pigs, cats, or even a degus or two. (Yes, I had to Google that, too.) On the other hand, Sue declares she isn’t keen on animals. She has been known to pat a dog or acknowledge wildlife, but she remains firm: no pets allowed, ever.
When Joe and I first acquired chickens, we knew nothing about poultry-care. However, we quickly learned, and soon became charmed and fascinated by these endearing creatures. We were impatient to show them off to the Gin Twins. Juliet loved them immediately and was happy to pick them up or allow them to perch on her lap. Sue, although interested, kept her distance.
So we were greatly surprised and amused when we found out what Sue had received for Christmas. I looked at my Facebook page and stared, before hooting with laughter.
“Joe!”
“What?”
“You will never guess what Sue’s just written on my Facebook page!”
“Which Sue?” We knew many ‘Sues’ but I knew Joe wasn’t really listening.
“Gin Twin Sue. You have to hear this! Guess what her doting husband got her for Christmas?” I couldn’t believe what I was reading.
“Gin?”
“Well, of course gin, but what else?”
“I give up.”
“Well, come over here and have a look, then!”
Joe read Sue’s Facebook entry over my shoulder.
Gin Twin Sue
Vicky! OMG!!!! Mark got me CHICKENS for Christmas!!! Help! I don’t know anything about chickens!!!!
We both laughed out loud. Sue? Gin Twin Sue with animals? Chickens of her own? Surely not! We couldn’t quite believe it. And neither could any of our friends as they gradually came online and read Sue’s news.
Victoria Twead
Real chickens?????????????
Gin Twin Sue
Yes! I'm still in shock.......!
Eve A
Yes, Pete & I were there. Sue opened wot she thought was a fish tank first, then...a chicken cuddly toy from Ruth.....then a book about chickens.... then a chicken coop...bless...haha!
Victoria Twead
hahahahaahahaha!!!!!!!! Funniest thing I’ve heard for ages!!! Anti-Pet Gin Twin Sue with pets?!!!
Gin Twin Sue
I have now calmed down a bit- Mark gave me a hutch, the actual chickens are coming later...
Eileen G
Hahahaha really?? Mark got you a chicken hutch? That is so funny LOL x 1000000000000000000 xxx
Rosemary S
What???????
Eileen G
I just can't imagine her with them, I can't stop chuckling!
Eve A
chuckling or clucking ha ha ha
Gin Twin Juliet
OMG!! Just seen this!
Gin Twin Sue
Haven't got the livestock yet - you are going to have to help me, seriously!
Gin Twin Juliet
I will help you!! Are you thinking of names yet. Wot about Curry and Kiev.... how many you getting!!!
Gin Twin Sue
Tikka Masala and Why Did You Cross the Road?!
Debbie C
Ha,Ha Congratulations Sue, thats soooooo funny!xx
Mark H
Sue is already getting paranoid about foxes and we haven’t got the chickens yet!
Eileen G
Is that her get out excuse ? Just imagine the fresh eggs!! Yummy!!
Eve A
No apparently they dont like human hair or the smell from empty wine bottles, well there's hundreds of them in her garden already lol and perphaps she could shave her head and lay her hair down to save her chickens lol, wot u say Sue? ha ha ha ha
Eileen G
Foxes are put off by the smell of male pee! Keep drinking those pints Mark!!
And so on and so forth. I’m sure you’ve got the drift... Sue’s husband Mark and daughter Ruth had accomplished the impossible: introducing pets into Gin Twin Sue’s life, whether she wanted them or not.
Later, Ruth wrote me an email that further verified events and brought that Christmas day incident to life:
Hi Vicky and Joe,
...In answer to your question - Dad was the one who thought to get mum the chickens - you know she's never liked pets but ever since she saw your chooks, she has had a bit of a thing about the feathery ones!
Part of giving her the present had to involve winding her up somehow - something we like to do every year :) We weren't going to be able to 'hide' the chickens before Christmas so decided to delay getting them and get her the coop and random bits like the feeder and water tray. So Christmas day she unwraps the feeder first...having had a glass of wine (or 3) she is a bit confused by this large piece of plastic. Still none the wiser when she unwraps the cuddly embroidered chicken I bought her. Dad and brother Joe and Eve’s husband Pete then say they have something for her outside...In they come with the coop (in bits) - and we ask her what might go in a coop and need a feeder...et voila she realises she is going to be a mummy to chooks! Cue much squealing and running around!...
Next thing is sorting out collecting the ex-batts from the Hen Welfare Trust when the weather gets better...
Ruth
P.S. My Nan (Dad’s mother) has knitted a chicken jumper in case one gets chilly! And in the Blue, Black and White colours of Bath rugby team! How cool is that?
Rescuing ex-battery hens is a subject dear to my heart, so I was delighted to hear that they’d contacted the British Hen Welfare Trust. This excellent organisation describes itself thus:
‘The British Hen Welfare Trust is a small, national charity that re-homes commercial laying hens, educates the public about how they can make a difference to hen welfare, and encourages support for the British egg industry.’
Now it was just a case of completing the paperwork before Gin Twin Sue could collect the new members of her family. The rescue mission, already code-named ‘Operation Sage & Onion’ was under way. Joe and I waited with bated breath to hear the next instalment, the arrival of the chickens, next summer.
For the rest of December, it continued to pour with rain. Every day the chores were the same:
Mop up the lake in the dining-room
Empty the pots, pans, bowls and buckets of water
Lay down fresh straw in the chicken run so that the girls don’t wade in mud
Check for new roof leaks
Fiddle with the TV in the vain hope of getting a picture
The whole of Andalucía was being battered by the nonstop rain, so the 28th December, the Day of the Holy Innocents, came as a welcome break to lighten the general mood.
The origins of the Día de los Santos Inocentes are somewhat macabre. It is the day commemorating the slaughter of babies, at the time of Jesus’s birth, by order of King Herod.
However, in Spain, far from being a depressing time, this day is much like our April Fools day, a day for pranks and tricks. Even the TV and radio stations get in on the act, rather like in Britain. Few people of our age will ever forget the TV documentary, years ago, that fooled the British viewing public into believing that spaghetti grew on trees.
Children and adults alike delight in tricking each other and some Spanish bakeries do a roaring trade selling cakes made with salt instead of sugar. When the prankster is ready to reveal his joke, he chants, “¡Inocente, inocente!” much like we call “April Fool!” when the prank is over.
Carmen-Bethina popped round to give us a bag of tomatoes from her son Diego’s greenhouse empire. From her we heard that the Ufarte children had enjoyed themselves that day. They substituted salt for sugar in the sugar bowl. They removed Papa Ufarte’s guitar from its case and replaced it with Scrap’s Jack-in-the-box. Jorge Ufarte hung a ‘No Parking’ sign above Granny Ufarte’s chair by the fire and hid his little brother’s Tom and Jerry DVD.
Joe and I thought nobody had played a prank on us until Joe went down the garden to feed the chickens.