tension pain.We have established by now how important it is to feel relaxed when it comes to birth. In a nutshell: the more relaxed you are, the more oxytocin you will produce. Not only does this hormone speed up labour and make for an easier birth, it also reduces blood loss after birth, helps establish breastfeeding, aids bonding and reduces the risk of postnatal depression. Being relaxed also feels good (bonus) and by being relaxed in your body on a muscular level, you’re allowing everything to soften, open and release, as intended.
As we’ve discussed, the opposite happens if you are feeling anxious and scared: you produce adrenaline and your body enters fight or flight mode, which means your blood (carrying all that lovely and much-needed oxygen) is redirected to your arms and legs and away from the uterus muscles. This causes the uterus muscles to become less efficient and more painful, and progress slows – and can even stall (not so good). With blood and oxygen to the uterus reduced, baby is more likely to experience distress, which of course causes a mum-to-be to panic even more; thus more adrenaline is produced and she enters the horrible cycle of fear tension pain.
So, we can all agree that the aim of the labour game is to remain as relaxed as possible throughout. We’ve talked about how relaxation exercises can help, but another simple thing you can do is address the environment you find yourself in.
Being at home is ideal if it is the right choice for you: it’s already a (hopefully) relaxing and familiar environment. However, for a whole host of reasons, home might not be an option or, indeed, where you feel safe or most relaxed. But all is not lost – far from it! The good news is that wherever you plan to give birth (theatre included) there is a lot you can do to create a space that feels calm, safe and familiar.
I use this word ‘safe’ a lot. The reason being that if we feel safe, we tend to relax. Whereas if we feel threatened it’s unlikely that we’ll be able to relax. Therefore, choosing a place to give birth and creating a space in which you feel safe is key.
Feeling uninhibited is also important when it comes to giving birth because it enables you to fully relax and go with the flow. Therefore consider how the environment (and the people in it) will affect how you feel: usually if you’re aware you are being observed (by strangers especially) and feel under scrutiny or pressure, or are in a brightly lit space, you will feel more self-conscious and inhibited. This is why it’s very important to give careful thought to how you want your birthing space to be, and who you want in it!
So, what can you do to make even the most clinical of spaces feel safe, calm and familiar?
It all comes down to our senses! We ‘read’ our environment, the space around us, through our five senses: sight, smell, sound, taste and touch. We often absorb all this information without being consciously aware of it, yet it informs how we feel in any given space, at any time.
In order to transform a space into an oasis of calm and tranquility, we simply need to ensure each of our five senses is met with something that brings us comfort and helps us to relax.
In labour our senses are often heightened, which means everything you do to bring relaxation and comfort will be even more powerful.
Using the five senses as a simple checklist, I want you to take a moment to consider what you would like to see, hear, smell, taste and touch that would help you feel calm, safe and relaxed.
What would you like the space to look like? What would you like to see to help you feel more relaxed? The majority of people will prefer to have low lighting. It is well known that you will feel more relaxed and less inhibited or self-conscious with the lights turned down. The good news is that most birth centres (and even some labour wards) offer dimmable lighting. But, in any case, I recommend getting yourself a small box of battery-operated tea lights just to make sure you have a way of controlling the lighting. Once switched on in a dark room they look pretty realistic (despite being plastic). The reason I recommend battery-operated ones over real ones is that you can’t have an open flame in a hospital or birth centre. And even if you’re planning a home birth, it’s good to have them as a back-up, just in case you do transfer in or your candles burn out.
Fairy lights are another alternative, but the great thing about battery-operated tea lights is that you don’t need access to an electrical socket for them to work, and most people will associate candlelight with romantic, intimate occasions – where, generally, they will have been relaxed and producing oxytocin!
Other things you might like to see are familiar items, perhaps photos of your older children if you have them, or some positive affirmation cards which you might like to place around the room.
Whatever it is, as long as it helps you feel relaxed and calm, then it’s a good choice.
Smell is hugely evocative and the slightest hint of a fragrance can conjure up long-forgotten memories. It’s powerful stuff.
When it comes to birth, we want to harness this power and use it, as we’ve said many times now, to bring relaxation and comfort. You certainly don’t want to be smelling the distinctive smell of a hospital or cleaning products – or anything else less savoury for that matter!
Essential oils are great, especially ones such as lavender and camomile, which are well known to aid relaxation. (Be careful, though: some essential oils are not recommended for use during pregnancy, so be sure to check this out before using them.)
You can always buy yourself a room spray with essential oils in it or put them in a diffuser or oil burner if at home. Or you may already have a favourite scented candle which you light to help you relax. Room sprays are great because they are very portable, as are rollerballs, which you can use to safely apply essential oils to your pulse points, like a perfume.
Many room sprays that use essential oils can smell like a luxury spa. Most people will associate that spa-like smell with relaxation and positive, happy thoughts (even if they’ve not had many spa breaks!), so something like this would be perfect.
Whatever you choose to do, make sure you have a way of making the space smell nice with a scent that conjures up happy memories of relaxed times. Giving a room a quick spritz is a very easy and quick way to transform the feeling of a space. When you have your eyes closed and you’re breathing deeply it will work wonders.
What do you want to hear when you’re in labour? Do you want to hear people talking about their weekend plans or what they’re doing after work? Do you want to be aware of the hustle and bustle going on around you? Conversations between other women and medical professionals? Probably not . . . Remember, what will help you deepen your relaxation?
For a lot of people, it will be music, so a good idea would be to prepare a playlist with a mix of upbeat, happy tunes and calmer, relaxing music. Favourite songs will often conjure up happy memories so be sure to include these. Music, like a scent, can be very powerful and transport you to another place and time. Make sure it’s a good a place and time!
Other people will enjoy listening to guided relaxations or positive affirmations, especially if they have listened to these tracks during their pregnancy. The audio will be very familiar and hearing it in labour will be comforting.
Others might choose to use generic background music, for example spa music. With your eyes closed and the combination of gentle pan-pipe music playing and the smell of essential oils filling the room, you could almost believe you were on a spa break! All these things might seem little on their own, but collectively they can make a big difference to how relaxed you feel.
Of course, you might listen to all of the above when in labour – alternating between your favourite songs, positive affirmations, guided relaxations and spa music. Just make sure you have the tracks loaded onto your phone or other device ready to play, and pack in your birth bag either a small portable speaker or a set of headphones (or both) so you can listen on the big day.
What can you eat to bring you comfort and make you feel happy? What might you look forward to opening when it comes to the big day? Remember, labour is a lot like a workout – those uterus muscles will be working hard for quite some time – so it’s important to fuel up and ensure you’re well hydrated throughout. You wouldn’t run a marathon on empty, would you?
So, pack lots of drinks – water, coconut water, maybe a can of something fizzy – and also non-perishable foods that you might like to snack on when in labour. Make sure you pack yourself a treat – if there was ever a time for a little reward, it is most definitely now!
TOP TIP Whilst we’re on the topic of food and drink, make sure your birth partner has supplies packed for himself/herself as well. Nothing worse than a hangry birth partner!
What can you wear that you will feel comfortable in? Think about fabrics that are cool or cosy, depending on the time of the year. Think about the clothes you usually wear when you want to feel relaxed. Consider what you might want to wear if you use a birth pool – a bikini top perhaps?
Remember the most important thing is that you feel comfortable, relaxed, unrestricted and ideally not self-conscious. Avoid wearing a hospital gown if you can, as this will send the message to your own mind that you are a patient and that something is wrong, because generally those are the associations we have with hospital gowns and they are deeply embedded within our subconscious. One might be offered to you if you are admitted to hospital, but you can always choose to wear your own clothes.
You might like to wear a dressing gown and slippers, a simple oversized cotton T-shirt, some baggy tracksuit bottoms, your PJs or even a summer dress. The choice is entirely yours.
You might also like to consider packing your own pillow or perhaps a blanket – anything that helps you feel more relaxed and comfortable. Familiar items are especially good as you have so many positive associations already established with them.
Don’t forget massage oil. This would fall under touch. Many massage oils contain essential oils that are safe for pregnancy and can aid relaxation. You might opt for one of those or you might prefer to use a tub of pure coconut oil. Coconut oil is great for massage and also super moisturising for the skin – as well as carrying associations with piña coladas, thanks to the coconutty smell! Anything that reminds us of cocktails (or mocktails) on sunny summer holidays is probably a good thing.
So there we have it. Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste and Touch: the five senses and an easy checklist for you to use to ensure you are a creating a space that is conducive for birth, a space that feels calm and safe and enables you to fully let go and relax.
The great thing about this checklist is that it makes it so easy to transform a space. And best of all, it can be used wherever you are: be that at home, in a birth centre or on a labour ward. Wherever you find yourself, as long as you have the bits and pieces with you in a birth bag, you can, in a matter of minutes, change the entire mood of a room. Flip the light switch, lay your candles out, spritz your room spray, get the playlist going, wear your comfies and soak it all up whilst sipping on coconut water and munching on jelly babies! Even the most clinical of spaces can be transformed into an intimate and romantic spa-like space.
Even if you birth your baby in theatre, possibly the most clinical space there is, you still have the power to change the space so that you can meet your baby feeling calm, safe and relaxed. Always go back to the five senses and think what you would like to see, smell, hear, taste and touch. In theatre you can ask for the lights to be turned off and the surgeon to use a spotlight to illuminate the area where they will be working. This means that once baby is born, he or she can be lifted up on to your chest and be immediately in a darker environment, which will be far less alarming. You might even be able to place some of your battery-operated tea lights around your head, so you feel as if you’re in a candle-lit space. You can also choose to have your music playing in theatre, or positive affirmations or any other MP3s. Again, this can help you to feel more relaxed. You might like to use a roller-ball with essential oils that aid relaxation on your pulse points. You might bring in your own pillow or blanket. You wouldn’t be able to eat or drink in theatre and you probably wouldn’t be wearing your comfies, but there is still lots you can do to change the external environment – and that will have a significant and positive impact on how you feel in the space.
Do make sure you give some due thought to the above and how you will create the perfect space for your birth. Collect all the items needed and pack them in a birth bag ahead of time, whether you’re planning a home birth or not, so that everything you need on the big day is easily accessible together in one place. It will make life a LOT easier. Finally, make sure your birth partner knows what he or she is to do, as it’s likely to fall on them to set the scene. You’ll find a birth-bag packing list at the back of this book, which might prove useful here.
Remember: set the scene for the birth you want!
If you’re someone who feels particularly anxious about birth and you still feel sceptical as to whether the tools you have learnt will really help you on the big day, Gemma’s experience will hopefully reassure you.
I had always feared childbirth from a young age, due to being so scared of needles. I faint at the sight of blood and hospitals just make me anxious. But I knew I needed to overcome all this if I was going to fulfil my dream of becoming a mum – the only title in the world that I’ve always wanted. I thought I would try hypnobirthing as an option to keep me as calm as possible. I practised my breathing and spent evenings going over the affirmations.
I went eleven days over my ‘estimated due date’ and tried many of the suggested things to kick-start labour – curries, lavender oil, walking, lots of stairs. My mum, whom I wanted to be my birthing partner alongside my husband, finally came to stay and on the Sunday evening we had a lovely bbq in my back garden, which must have got that oxytocin flowing!
By 9pm I had dull period pains on the sofa, which continued throughout the night, although completely bearable, making me question if this was really it or not. I managed to sleep through a lot of them.
I went for a walk in the morning with my husband and by 11am the surges were getting a little more intense. I had my exercise ball, and my breathing techniques and used both of these until 4pm when the surges were getting three to four minutes apart. We called the birthing unit and they said to come in for a check. Mum, my husband and I could not believe it when I got to the midwife-led birthing unit and they confirmed I was 5cm dilated and would be staying in. The midwives also couldn’t believe how calm I was. I used my breathing techniques and got in the zone. My mum made the room look lovely, sprayed lavender spray, and I had my favourite drinks and food on hand. The midwives even gave me an aromatherapy hand massage. It was like being in a spa – exactly the atmosphere I wanted! I now needed a little gas and air to help me along, though, as the surges were getting quite intense, but not painful. I thought of every single one as a step closer to meeting my baby boy.
When the surges got more intense and I was 8cm dilated, I asked to go in the water. Wow. It felt amazing. I knew instantly that this was where I wanted to have the baby, although I had been unsure on the run-up. I could not believe I was about to give birth. I felt calm, relaxed and in control – not what I was expecting all those years leading up to it! Then my body told me it was time. I was quite tired by this point, but my birthing partners kept me focused. It was time to change to down breathing, and within around ten pushes he was there in the water. I grabbed him and brought him to my chest – my precious baby boy! Everyone in the room was crying with tears of joy.
Who would have thought that the girl who couldn’t handle a blood test in October could birth such a chunky baby on gas and air, water and breathing techniques? I still can’t quite believe it.