Chapter 7

The Third Step: How to Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind

Mr. and Mrs. Cruz were having trouble in their marriage. The vibrant love that had been there in the beginning had, over the decades, faded into a worn-out, pastel gray. They lived in a beautiful town with low crime and great schools. Their two children had graduated and gone off to college with scholarships for both academics and athletics. On the surface, it all looked so good.

Although they were proud of how they had raised their children, they didn’t know what to do with each other once the kids left. Without the endless homework, practices, and friendship dramas, it was as if a microscope had been placed over their daily habits. Every little thing each did seemed to the other like nails scratching down a blackboard.

Mr. Cruz hated how Mrs. Cruz never turned off the computer and refused to learn how to use antispyware software. He couldn’t stand how her drawers always overflowed with bulky sweaters he felt should have been hung up, how she chewed gum loudly during movies, and how she always wanted to know how their investment portfolio was doing, even though she knew full well it had never fully recovered after the recession.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Cruz hated how Mr. Cruz would talk with food in his mouth, how he folded his socks, how he always moved her toothbrush from the shower to the cup labeled “toothbrush” even though she only brushed her teeth in the shower, and how he never seemed to hear her or care enough to truly listen.

However, they did have a few things in common. They each resented that the other didn’t make more money, each disliked the other’s friends, and were bored to tears by the other’s hobbies (chess for Mr. Cruz and paddle boarding for Mrs. Cruz).

They were at a loss. They worried there was nothing left to fight for but always so much to fight about. The thought of divorcing at their age was terrifying, but so was growing old with someone who made them feel perpetually angry. Neither of them had done anything that was an outright betrayal of their marriage—no cheating, lying, stealing, or abuse. They felt ashamed that they couldn’t even pinpoint why they were so miserable, but that didn’t change the fact that they were.

They went to couples therapy, but Mr. Cruz felt like the therapist sided with Mrs. Cruz because she suggested they read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. So, they went to a male therapist, where Mrs. Cruz felt like he was siding with Mr. Cruz when he gave a knowing glance and said his wife also used gum as a way to de-stress.

The next Thanksgiving morning when the kids were home, Linda, their eldest daughter, mentioned that a girl she knew in high school had become a hypnotherapist. “Katie became a hypnotherapist?!” exclaimed Mrs. Cruz. “How weird! I always thought she’d end up on Off-Broadway or something.”

Linda rolled her eyes, “Just because she was in the school play a few times doesn’t mean she was going to end up on Off-Broadway, Mom. Anyway, we were all at the diner last night for a little reunion, and it sounds cool and like she’s really helping her clients. Katie couldn’t make it to the reunion, but a bunch of people from town have gone to her and told us about it. Sam got injured last season, and he said his pain level went from an eight to a four after working with Katie. If he focuses on what she taught him, he says he can make it a two. Laura told me she stopped smoking and lost twenty pounds after a few sessions, and Mary said their hypnotherapy saved her parents’ marriage. Cool, right?”

Mr. and Mrs. Cruz shot each other a quick glance and both said, “Cool.” Then, Linda opened the fridge, and the subject quickly changed to how someone had eaten all of the cranberry sauce before dinner. Mr. and Mrs. Cruz smiled, and their thoughts started to wander.

Two weeks later, after a lot of research online about hypnotherapy and a final “What do we have to lose?” Mr. and Mrs. Cruz found themselves sitting in the waiting room of Katie’s office, feeling extremely uncomfortable. How could someone they had over for kiddie birthday parties help them? They didn’t want to open up to someone they knew from such a small town, but they also didn’t know where else to turn. The only other hypnotherapist was over an hour away.

Katie opened the door to her office with a big smile and said, “Mr. and Mrs. Cruz, I’m so happy you’re here! It’s wonderful to see you! Come on in.” They all smiled, and Katie gestured to two chairs where the couple could sit. “Before we get started, I just want you to know that all sessions are a hundred percent confidential. Unless there’s something criminal or dangerous I legally need to alert the authorities about, nothing leaves this office. There are so many wonderful families from town coming here that it’s important for me to share that with you. If you’ve heard any success stories about our practice, it’s because our clients shared them, which you’re welcome to do or not do. But my confidentiality clause is simple—the hypnotherapist never discusses the session with anyone from outside of the session, ever. This means if you decide to have individual sessions at any point, what happens during those will never be discussed during our group sessions unless you want to bring something up.”

Mr. and Mrs. Cruz let out an audible sigh of relief and said, “Thank you.”

Katie smiled and said, “Now, what can I help you with?”

Mr. and Mrs. Cruz were amazed at how quickly they felt safe and comfortable during their sessions. Outside of a few neighborhood birthday parties, they hadn’t known Katie all that well while she was growing up, and it was clear she knew what she was doing. But more than that, there was zero judgement in the air. After the first session, they felt so much lighter that they decided to add individual sessions. Over time, they found out that the things that drove them crazy about each other were due to years of built-up agitation as a result of completely unrelated events.

When Mrs. Cruz’s conscious mind saw her husband chewing with his mouth open, her subconscious mind dug up every instance over the years when he hadn’t loved, cared, or respected her and linked all of those to the chewing. The pair realized that a massive communication breakdown had taken place over time and that their marriage had taken a backseat to their kids and careers. They hadn’t spent any time or energy on improving their relationship, but they’d spent a tremendous amount of time and energy complaining about it.

After some time and effort focused on healing their misunderstandings and painful memories, they laughed when Katie pointed out that one of their mutual dislikes was about how the other chewed, whether food or gum. They chuckled when they realized that the tension in their marriage wasn’t about folding sweaters and socks, but about years of negative programming.

A few short weeks into their sessions, Mr. Cruz turned to Mrs. Cruz and said, “When you told me I wasn’t listening or that I didn’t hear you, you were right. I had actually developed a subconscious habit of turning down the volume, and I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been.”

Mrs. Cruz hugged him and said, “I didn’t fully realize that by asking you about our finances multiple times per day every day that I was causing you pain. I realize now I had a subconscious belief that it was your fault we lost that money. Now, I understand there were so many factors, including the market, which was out of our control. I’m so sorry.”

These kinds of breakthroughs continued as Mr. and Mrs. Cruz began to view their actions toward each other as habits that were programmed inside their subconscious mind, as stories that they strengthened every time they told themselves those stories. With Katie guiding them, they were able to write another story in which chewing, folding, and hobbies caused laughter instead of anger, and where deep appreciation could be felt deeply and expressed safely.

The Third Step to Mental Freedom

As you now know, mental freedom begins in the mind—the subconscious mind. We’ve worked our way backward from the most obvious and outward manifestation of our subconscious programming—our actions—to the more subtle representation of our subconscious programming—our thoughts. Now, we’ve reached the source—the beliefs, habits, and emotions themselves. I hope that by this point, knowing that you have the power and ability to shift, form, and influence your subconscious mind brings a smile to your face. You are infinitely powerful.

Since you’ve been following along with the recordings as you read, I know you’ve already begun to experience profound and positive shifts in your life. This chapter will take all of that to the next level.

We learned in step one that taking responsibility for your actions gives you the power to make lasting change. You must have the desire to create change before any change will ever occur. Step two is to take responsibility for your negative thoughts so that you can immediately replace them with positive thoughts. Now we’ve reached step three, where you’ll learn to recondition your subconscious beliefs so that they match your positive thinking. This is when lasting changes happen, and this is what makes hypnosis one of the most, if not the most, powerful tool available to us for personal change.

All of our conditioned behaviors are stored in the subconscious, yet very few people know how to access and change the subconscious. The truth is that your conscious and subconscious thoughts have to be aligned to create the life of your dreams. Once this happens, real, lasting change is possible.

How do you know if your subconscious thoughts are in alignment with what you want consciously? It’s simple: If you don’t have what you want, your subconscious thoughts aren’t in alignment with what you want. They’re in alignment with what you were conditioned to think.

Once our subconscious beliefs match our new and improved conscious thoughts, we feel a great deal of peace. Unrest, doubt, and nervousness can melt away because the false thoughts that produced them have been replaced by the truth. Of course, this doesn’t mean it will never rain again, or that a person with horrible subconscious programming won’t run for political office, or that someone we love won’t face a tremendous challenge. The outside world continues to operate exactly as it always has, but you’re far better equipped to handle it all when your conscious and subconscious minds are congruent and clear on what they want. When the vision is unified, there’s a great deal of clarity about what to do.

Before you learn to reprogram your subconscious mind, you might have an idea of what it would be like to live the amazing life you desire. But inside, you just continue to hope that it will happen someday without actually knowing how to make it happen. Most people don’t see the gap that needs to be filled between where they are and where they want to be. I’d like to suggest that you forget hoping, which might sound counterintuitive, and instead, align your conscious desires with your subconscious beliefs. Then, you can start doing. Even better, you can start being that congruent, balanced, peaceful, clear person.

Why Positive Thinking Alone Doesn’t Work

The number one reason why personal transformation often doesn’t last is that nearly everyone is trying to make subconscious change from conscious efforts. As I’ve said, it simply can’t happen. Plenty of people on a conscious level have bought into the idea of the Law of Attraction, believing that our thoughts attract whatever we’re thinking about. Plenty of people are careful not to complain out loud or to indulge in negative thinking, yet they’re still exhibiting conditioned behaviors that don’t contribute to living the life they desire.

This is my favorite analogy about the difference between the conscious and subconscious mind, so I’ve referenced it more than once. Imagine the conscious mind as a bouncer, and the subconscious mind as the people inside an exclusive club. The conscious mind’s only job is to not let any new thoughts, habits, or beliefs into the subconscious that don’t match what’s already in there. If there are negative thoughts, more negative thoughts can get through, but positive thoughts won’t be allowed in. It isn’t the bouncer’s job to determine whether these thoughts are helpful or will improve the joint, but only whether they match or not.

Affirmations alone, which act only on the conscious mind, are like taking a battering ram to the door of the club, and after thousands of repetitions, finally making a breakthrough and settling down at the bar. Hypnosis is like slipping the bouncer a hundred dollars so that the new thoughts can easily and effortlessly slip through the door and make themselves comfortable.

Neuroscience and Thoughts

Sigmund Freud made the discussion of the subconscious and the unconscious mind mainstream in modern psychology. He used the analogy of an iceberg. The tiny part we see above the water is the conscious mind, and that massive structure underneath the water is the unconscious—the structure upon which the tiny consciousness sits. Every single belief we have is running constantly below the surface in the subconscious.

Every time we have a negative thought, it makes the neural pathway stronger, thicker, and deeper. Eventually, the thought can go from being a dirt path to becoming like a sixteen-lane highway that’s deeply embedded in the neural network of the brain. For example, when you learn to drive a car, it’s a very conscious effort at first. But after a few months, the pattern becomes so embedded in the brain that driving becomes subconscious. In other words, it becomes automatic. It’s something that runs in the background while we talk to people in the car with us, daydream, or sing along with the radio.

When negative thoughts become subconscious or operate as an automatic program that runs in the background while we live our life, they impact our perceptions, interpretations, language, actions, and emotions. Unless we identify and weed out the subconscious, negative programming, we find ourself constantly struggling with negative conditions. The difficulty is that because subconscious programming is happening silently in the background, we can’t see it taking place. More often than not, we accept these programs as truth and make them a part of our identity.

Now, remember, in the beginning, every single subconscious program was once nothing more than a seed of an idea cast in our direction. Eventually, these seeds grow into big, beautiful flowers or trees if they’re congruent with the life we desire, or they grow into thick, ugly, thorny weeds if they keep us from aligning with our highest self.

While we aren’t consciously aware of these programs, the subconscious and all of its programs can be observed when we deepen our awareness. As we discussed in the chapter on the science behind hypnosis, brain waves are produced by synchronized electrical pulses from masses of neurons communicating with one another. Brain waves are detected using sensors placed on the scalp; they’re categorized into bandwidths so as to describe their functions and they’re measured in hertz (cycles per second).

For a quick review, beta brain waves occur when we’re awake, alert, and at our normal waking state of consciousness. They run the spectrum of 15 to 30 hertz.

Next come alpha brain waves, when we’re relaxed, calm, creative, and perhaps doing some visualization work. They run the spectrum of 9 to 14 hertz.

Theta brain waves are deep relaxation, when we’re in meditation, a wonderful state for problem-solving. They run the spectrum of 4 to 8 hertz.

Delta, the deepest brain waves, when deep, dreamless sleep takes place, run from 1 to 3 hertz.

The subconscious can be accessed and observed when we deepen our awareness of the mind to low alpha, any range of theta, and high delta brain waves—anywhere from 8 to 3 hertz. Once you deepen your mental awareness to these levels, you can observe how these core programs running beneath the surface dictate your perceptions, interpretations, actions, and everyday living.

As we’ve discussed, below the age of seven, human beings are pure subconscious. We’re all little subconscious sponges in full-time alpha or theta brain wave mode, running around, picking up these seeds of beliefs from everyone and everything around us. But we don’t just pick up words. We pick up opinions, behaviors, energies, color interpretations, feelings, gestures, beliefs—everything. We also interpret what we observe based on seven-year-old-or-less understanding, which is, of course, limited.

For example, if a five-year-old hears her parents arguing, her subconscious absorbs the following information: “The people who take care of me argue and fight.” No matter how many times they tell her verbally that they are sorry she had to see them yell and that it isn’t nice to yell, arguing and fighting still becomes conditioned in her little mind as a family behavior. The belief may look something like this: “As an adult, how you get your way is by yelling”; “As an adult, if you love someone, you yell at them.” In terms of mimicking, children often pay much more attention to what adults do, not what they say. It’s why the actual fighting between the parents holds more weight in terms of developing a subconscious habit or belief than their discussing how it’s not nice to do that. Children are watching adults for lessons in “how to be a human being” and “how to survive in the world”; spontaneous repeated actions will always carry more weight than words said during a one-off carefully constructed conversation.

Reprogramming in Action

Despite the fact that your subconscious mind may play a negative role in your life, it would never do anything to hurt you. In fact, your subconscious always believes it’s helping you. In my first hypnotherapy session as a client myself, I found out that my subconscious mind truly believed that it was keeping me safe by making sure I stayed addicted to cigarettes. Somehow, I had absorbed the belief that when I smoked on the streets in New York City, I would come across as tough, cool, and unapproachable. Therefore, I would be bothered less by strangers.

My subconscious belief that smoke was like a cool, tough, protective blanket around me, keeping people away, became clear in that first session with a hypnotherapist. I was completely unaware of that belief until that day. Isn’t that amazing? Let’s face it: It’s also a little scary and delusional, but the subconscious mind’s job is not to make rational sense. It just wants to keep you safe and typically does that by continuing to do what it has always done.

Maybe my subconscious picked up that belief from a James Dean advertisement at some point. Essentially, my subconscious believed it was protecting me by keeping me a smoker when, in fact, it was endangering my health. I had to weed out that belief and replace it with a new, healthy one of my choosing. There’s no way I would have found out or would have been able to deal with something like that from a conscious level.

How to Create Your Hypno-Affirmation

In this next self-hypnosis process, you are asked to write your own hypno-affirmations by filling in the blanks. The more succinct and positive you can keep these, the better. Rather than using “I am free from thinking I am worthless” you can use “I am free from negative thoughts. I choose to believe in myself instead.” Remember, whatever we repeat we strengthen so we don’t want to repeat the words “I am worthless” over and over again, even if “I am free from” comes before it. We want to strengthen “I believe in myself.” I want to make sure this is an easy step for you, so here are a few examples:

• I am free from overeating. I choose healthy portion sizes instead. I am finally free.

• I am free from smoking. I choose sipping water instead. I am finally free.

• I am free from fear. I choose flying calmly instead. I am finally free.

• I am free from fear. I choose speaking in public confidently instead. I am finally free.

If you have questions about how to make your hypno-affirmation the best it can be, just send me a message on social media @Grace SmithTV, using the hashtag #CloseYourEyesGetFree and I’ll do my best to respond! You’ll also get to see the hypno-affirmations other readers have written and you might find that they’re just what you need. Ultimately though, as long as you fill in the first blank of what you want to be free from and fill in the second blank with something positive that will move you in the direction of the life of your dreams, you can’t go wrong—have fun with this!

Self-Hypnosis Process: Releasing Bad Habits

For this chapter’s self-hypnosis process, I’ll ask that you decide in advance one area of your life that you would like to improve; that will be the topic for this process. I recommend starting with just one topic in mind, be it smoking, overeating, nail-biting, fear of flying, and so on, and sticking with that one topic for twenty-one days or until you’re seeing the results you are looking for. It’s better to give your focus, awareness, and attention to creating one strong new network of neural connections about a particular topic, rather than creating a bunch of weaker, unrelated connections by trying to focus on too many topics at once. Once you see the results you’re looking for, by all means move on to the next topic.

I suggest reading through the following directions two or three times before beginning so that you will be able to follow along easily. Remember, there are video tutorials and audio recordings available to you at www.CloseYourEyesGetFree.com that will help you to become a self-hypnosis pro in no time at all.

• Begin by making note of your starting stress level. 10 = a full-blown panic attack and 0 = zero stress, no stress at all, the most relaxed a person can possibly be. Remember this number.

• Sit in a comfortable chair and place your feet flat on the ground, rest your hands gently in your lap.

• With your spine straight but comfortable, take 4 deep, slow breaths, inhaling through the nose for 4 counts and exhaling out the nose for 8 counts.

• Close your eyes and imagine gentle roots growing from the bottom of your feet down into the center of the Earth, grounding you.

• Imagine a color you love flowing in through the top of your head, all the way through your body, out the bottoms of your feet, and down those roots into the center of the Earth.

• Bring all of your focus and awareness and attention to the palms of your hands. Perhaps you can feel your palms tingling, perhaps you can feel your heartbeat in your hands, perhaps you notice a sensation of expansion in your hands. Just notice and breathe for a few moments (you can choose whatever length of time feels best, about 30 seconds is my personal favorite).

• With your eyes closed, count down from 10 to 1, saying “I am going deeper and deeper” after each number: Ten, I am going deeper and deeper. Nine, I am going deeper and deeper. Eight, I am going deeper and deeper. Seven, I am going deeper and deeper. Six, I am going deeper and deeper. Five, I am going deeper and deeper. Four, I am going deeper and deeper. Three, I am going deeper and deeper. Two, I am going deeper and deeper. One, I am going deeper and deeper…

• With your eyes closed, repeat the following hypno-affirmations silently in your mind or out loud, 10 times: I am free from [insert the bad habit]. I choose [the opposite of the bad habit] instead. I am finally free.

• Take another nice, deep, letting-go breath and with your eyes closed imagine being completely free from that old bad habit and replacing it with a wonderful new habit, for the rest of your day until you curl up into bed tonight.

• Once you’ve spent 1–2 minutes imagining the rest of your day filled with this wonderful new habit, imagine the same color as before flowing in through the top of your head, all the way through your body, out the bottoms of your feet, and down those roots into the center of the Earth.

• Put a gentle smile on your lips, open your eyes, stretch your arms over the top of your head, and say, “Yes!”

• Notice your new number on the scale (remember 0 = zero stress, the most relaxed you can be) and congratulate yourself on how quickly you improved your state!

Here is a simple summary of the process in case you need to peek your eyes open at any point for a quick reminder:

• Notice starting stress level from 0 to 10.

• Take 4 deep breaths.

• Grow roots.

• Color.

• Notice your palms.

• Count down from 10 to 1 saying, “I am going deeper and deeper” after each number.

• Repeat the hypno-affirmations “I am free from [insert the bad habit]. I choose [the opposite of the bad habit] instead. I am finally free free.” 10 times.

• With your eyes closed, imagine that old bad habit is gone and has been replaced by a wonderful new habit.

• Color.

• Smile while opening your eyes and say, “Yes!”

• Notice new number on the scale of 0 to 10.

• Congratulate yourself for improving your state so quickly!

Next Steps

Excellent! You have completed your seventh self-hypnosis process!

• Now, go ahead and visit www.CloseYourEyesGetFree .com to access this chapter’s hypnosis recording. Pop in your headphones, sit back, relax, and Close Your Eyes, Get Free.

• After you listen to the recording, please let me know how it went! Using the hashtag #CloseYourEyesGetFree on Instagram or Twitter, message me @GraceSmithTV your starting and ending numbers on the stress scale. Please also share with me what habit you’re letting go of and what wonderful new habit you’re replacing it with. By using the hashtag, you’ll get to see how other readers are improving right alongside you, plus I will have an opportunity to cheer you on!

• Move on to Chapter 8 and keep a lookout for all of the wonderful benefits you’re no doubt experiencing as a result of learning the power of hypnosis.