Crowds at The National Mall view the inaugurations of presidents
Barack Obama, 2009 (left) and Donald J. Trump, 2017 (right).
I have been watching with growing fascination the game our chief executive is playing with the press, which, as he implies, is the most dishonest, corrupt media since the invention of movable type by Johannes Gutenberg in 1439.
There is nothing new about the game. Blaming the media always seems to be the bedrock of Republican Party policy about serving the public.
In the insane asylum that is the new and improved America the Beautiful and the mentally and ethically challenged, watching the game is the second-favorite indoor sport for fans of good government, next to reading the commander in chief’s daily Twitter postings.
What is astonishing about this season is that the players seem to be on steroids.
The rules for the game change from election to election, like mah-jongg rules.
Here are the rules by which the game is now being played in this championship season:
Player #1 (known as “Individual 1” in the Mueller Report) says something like “I won the election by a landslide,” what HE means is losing by almost three million votes is a landslide.
Player #2, the dishonest crooked media, says, “Not so.” The corrupt media clings to the notion that “a landslide” was more like FDR’s victory over Alf Landon in 1936, with an electoral vote of 532–8.
Player #1 says the crowd attending his inaugural was the largest inaugural crowd in history. “Massive,” he says “A million or a million and a half.”
That was easy for him to say. But Player #2 disagrees. The crooked corrupt media displays pictures of crowds from previous inaugurals. It looks to the naked eye, or even a partly dressed one, that the crowd estimate by Player #1 is not exactly true.
Now the game gets even more exciting. According to the latest revised rules, the first player to lay down a lie is free to embellish.
Player #1 can then say his vote numbers may seems less than his crooked opponent’s by a few million, but millions of illegal immigrants (three to five million, to be exact) voted for Crooked Hillary, who should still be locked up, if there were any justice.
The dishonest crooked media (Player #2) says no evidence of claimed voter fraud has been found. Player #1 partisans say, you need new glasses!
Not quitting while they are ahead in their own minds, Player #1’s corner goes to work, changing the rules again. What they meant to say is Player #1 had the largest TV viewing audience in history.
The medal for massiveness is seconded by Player #1’s press secretary. And while he’s at it, his secretary of truth again sticks it to the dishonest media for being dishonest.
The controversial claim in the Battle of the Mall was then thirded by the leader of Player #1’s ministry of truth, who proclaimed the latest rule book change in this year’s most amazing contest in virtual veracity.
As Kellyanne Conway, administration senior counselor, explained to Chuck Todd on NBC’s Meet the Press, “Sean Spicer, our press secretary, gave alternative facts.”
Veteran Todd, who thinks he has heard it all, demurred. “Alternative facts are not facts. They’re falsehoods.”
Shaking his head, as Kellyanne continued extolling the “alternative facts” concept, Todd speculated about the New Math: “Two plus two equals five is an alternative fact? Alaska does not have snow? Deserts are not dry?”
“Don’t get so dramatic,” said Counselor Conway, a leading candidate for this year’s Joseph Goebbels prize in alternative journalism.4
The latest lie in the game will have long legs, judging by Player #1’s previous record in liesmanship. His alternative fact about Obama being born in Lapland or Agrabah, wherever, ran for eight years. Even after admitting he may have been wrong, the president was a legitimate citizen, he assured fellow birthers his people were still digging through records out there somewhere. As a bonus, he threw in the alternative fact that it was all Crooked Hillary’s fault in the first place.
I tell you, by the time the game is over, the current occupant or resident of the Oval Office will be able to look in the mirror as he combs out his hair and ask, “Who is the greatest liar of them all?” My bet is that he will be self-acclaimed as our all-time liar in chief.