Emily Post’s The Etiquette Advantage in Business, Third Edition

While your basic knowledge of table manners (see Chapter 16) is critical to your success at a business meal, knowing how to decode the intricacies of the table setting will help you be a more confident and comfortable dining participant. Instead of worrying about which fork to use or why you have two knives at your place setting, you can be engaging in conversation with the other participants. The confidence you show allows other people to focus on what you have to say rather than what you are doing—increasing the likelihood that they’ll feel comfortable doing business with you.

Place settings vary greatly depending on the formality of the event or the locale. Settings can also be traditional or inspired by a local custom. Traditionally, utensils are positioned with forks on the left side of the plate and knives and spoons on the right. Sometimes the waitperson may bring your utensils wrapped in a napkin, however, leaving you to position them yourself.

Regardless of the formality of the event or the place where it’s being held, most likely the table will be set with any number of utensils, glasses of different shapes, and an assortment of other items. The easiest way to become comfortable approaching a table setting is to learn the function of all the different items—and then to learn how those items have been arranged quite thoughtfully for your use. (See also Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th edition, and www.emilypost.com for more information, illustrations, and videos on table settings, holding utensils, resting and finishing positions of utensils, holding glasses, and pouring wine.)

Large business events or high-end restaurants are the most likely places to encounter formal table settings, complete with a full array of drinking glasses and flatware. Even for the table-savvy, a refresher briefing on table settings can be extremely helpful.

At formal occasions, you’ll often have several plates at your place from the very beginning: a service plate, the large plate at the center of the place setting (also known as a charger or a place plate); and a bread plate (just above the forks and slightly to the left). Small first-course and salad plates will be brought out by the server as needed and then set on the service plate. Your dinner plate will replace the service plate when the main course is served.

The most common glasses you’re likely to see are the water glass (placed just above the knife) and one or two wineglasses (placed just to the right of the water glass)—the larger one for red wine, the smaller for white. At more formal table settings, there may be additional glasses: the cylindrical champagne flute, which is better at keeping the wine bubbly than the saucer-shaped champagne glass of old and, occasionally, a sherry glass, a small, V-shaped glass.

The napkin, either folded or rolled and inserted into a napkin ring, will be to the left of the forks or in the center of the service plate. Napkins that have been decoratively folded (such as in a fan shape) are sometimes set inside the water glass.

The traditional place setting is managed from the “outside in,” meaning you use the utensils at the outside of the setting for the course you are currently eating. Note: If you do not eat a course, when the server removes plates for that course, she will remove your unused utensils. That way you have the utensils for the next course at the outside of the setting.

Let’s take a closer look at a full formal place setting, starting at the outside and working in. On the left of your place setting, you’ll find the following:

FISH FORK. This fork appears in a place setting when a first course of fish is served. It is at the outside left of the place setting, since it is the first fork used.

SALAD FORK. This smaller fork is likely to be set to the left of the dinner fork, meaning that the salad will be served before the entrée. It will be set to the right of the dinner fork, next to the plate, if salad is served after the first course.

DINNER (ENTRÉE, OR PLACE) FORK. This largest of the forks in a place setting is used to eat the entrée and accompanying side dishes.

OYSTER (SHELLFISH) FORK. This small utensil is used for oysters, shrimp, clams, and similar first-course shellfish. It is the only fork placed on the right side of the place setting, to the right of the spoon(s) and sometimes resting in the bowl of the soupspoon.

SOUPSPOON OR FRUIT SPOON. If soup or fruit is being served as a first course, this spoon is the outside utensil on the right side of the plate.

FISH KNIFE/SALAD KNIFE. This smaller knife is positioned to the left of the soupspoon/fruit spoon and to the right of the dinner knife. The fish knife has a curved blade; the salad knife a straight blade.

DINNER KNIFE. This large knife is used for the entrée and is placed just to the right of the plate.

STEAK KNIFE. If you have ordered beef or game, this knife might be brought out by the waiter as a replacement for the dinner knife.

BUTTER KNIFE. This small knife is placed across the edge of the bread plate. It is replaced there after each buttering.

DESSERTSPOON AND DESSERT FORK. At most formal meals, the dessertspoon and dessert fork are brought in just before dessert is served. Sometimes, at a meal hosted at home, they are paired and placed above the dinner plate from the beginning of the meal. The handle of the fork points left and the handle of the spoon points right. The spoon is usually placed above the fork.

A CHALLENGE TO YOUR DINNER PARTNER

Tradition has it that the sharp edge of the knife should always point toward you and not away from you. In times past, knives doubled as weapons and cutlery. Pointing the sharp edge or the sharp tip of the knife at another diner was perceived as a threatening gesture. So, at the table, always have the sharp edge of the blade point in or toward yourself in respect of that tradition.

TEA OR COFFEE SPOON. This small spoon is presented to the diner at the end of the meal, when coffee and tea are served.

DEMITASSE SPOON. This very small spoon is served on the saucer with demitasse coffee or espresso.

There’s no mystery to setting a proper table—especially an informal one, which calls for fewer utensils. The basic rule: Utensils are placed in the order of use, from the outside in toward the plate. A second rule, although with a few exceptions: Forks go to the left of the plate, and knives and spoons go to the right.

The typical place setting for an informal three-course dinner includes these utensils and dishes:

TWO FORKS. A large one (the dinner fork) for the main course and a smaller one for a salad or appetizer. If the salad is to be served as the first course, the small fork goes to the left of the dinner fork; if the salad is served after the main course, then the smaller (salad) fork is placed to the right of the dinner fork.

DINNER PLATE. Usually there are no dinner plates on the informal table when diners sit down.

ONE KNIFE. The dinner knife is set immediately to the right of the plate, its cutting edge facing inward; it may be a steak knife depending on the main course. If the appetizer or salad requires a knife, a smaller knife should be set either to the left or right of the dinner knife, depending on when the course is served.

SPOON(S). Typically, just one spoon for soup or dessert is set in an informal place setting. It goes to the right of the knife.

GLASSES. A water glass and one wineglass (or two, if two wines are being served) are placed at the top right of the dinner plate. If wine is not a part of the meal, the goblet can be used for water or iced tea or not set at all.

NAPKIN. A folded napkin is placed in the center of the place setting or to the left of the forks. Alternatively, the napkin can be placed under the forks.

Other dishes and utensils are optional, depending on the menu or the style of service, and may include the following:

THE SALTCELLAR

If you encounter a saltcellar (a small open dish) rather than a traditional shaker, use the accompanying small spoon to salt your food. If no spoon comes with the cellar and you are sharing the cellar with others, dip the tip of your unused knife, which has a stainless-steel blade and will not be corroded by the salt, into the salt and deposit a little mound of it on the edge of your dinner plate. Then you can take a pinch of salt between your thumb and forefinger to sprinkle on the food. If you have your own personal cellar at your place setting, taking a pinch of salt with your fingers shouldn’t raise any eyebrows.

BREAD PLATE WITH BUTTER KNIFE. The bread plate is placed above the forks, with the butter knife resting across the upper edge.

DESSERTSPOON AND DESSERT FORK. These can be placed either horizontally above the dinner plate (the spoon at the top and its handle to the right; the fork below and its handle to the left) or beside the plate. If beside the plate, the fork goes on the left-hand side, closest to the plate; the spoon goes on the right-hand side of the plate, to the left of the soupspoon.

COFFEE CUP AND SAUCER. If coffee is served during the meal, the cup and saucer go to the right of the knife and spoons. If it is served after dinner, the cups and saucers are brought to the table at that time.

Aside from the water goblets and wineglasses on the table, cocktail, liqueur, or punch glasses may be used at various times during the meal, with a server bringing them out as necessary. The following is a guide:

WATER GLASS. It may be a bowl-shaped glass with a stem or a highball glass. The usual capacity is 10 ounces or slightly more.

ALL-PURPOSE WINEGLASS. A straight-sided glass with a capacity of 6 to 9 ounces may be used for both white and red wine. It is filled three-quarters full or less.

RED WINE GLASS. The classic bowl has a slight tulip shape. Although the total capacity is 8 to 10 ounces, the glass should be filled only to the widest point of the bowl.

WHITE WINE GLASS. This differs from the red wine glass by having straight sides and a smaller capacity— 5 to 8 ounces. It is filled three-quarters full or less.

CHAMPAGNE GLASS. Called a flute, this cylindrical glass has replaced the traditional saucer-shaped coupe because it keeps the champagne bubblier. It holds 5 to 7 ounces.

You should expect to see place cards at formal dining affairs. If there is a place card for you at your table, do not change the location of your seat so you can have a “better” seat or sit with a friend. In fact, there is a standard protocol regarding who sits where. As with introductions, “importance” comes into play, regardless of gender. Tradition says that a guest of honor (not necessarily someone for whom the party is given but sometimes a person of rank instead) is always seated to the host’s right, with those lower in the business hierarchy seated progressively farther down the table.

If this arrangement seems shockingly undemocratic, keep in mind that top executives and foreign visitors often adhere to protocol and expect the same of everyone else. In any event, that some seats at the table are better than others is rarely apparent to other guests.

When there are no place cards, be wary, especially if you are a junior member of the team, of taking the best seat in the house (the ones with the seat back to the wall or next to the host). Wait for the host to indicate where you should sit. If it is truly open seating, try choosing a place next to people you don’t know. Make an effort to get to know them rather than safely sitting with a friend. The business meal is an opportunity to broaden your horizons and make new contacts.

DECODING THE TABLE SETTING